Sequel: Nothings Gunna Change My World ›
Cute Is What the Gods Aim For
One
I knew they were looking at me. All the uptight woman and men of my town stared at me with parted lips. My mother blushed and scowled at me. My father shook his head slightly at me. I sighed and did the one button which was undone up. The obvious tension immediately fled the room and everyone was once again laughing and talking in low voices to one another. I smoothed my white shirt down on my broad chest and smiled a winning smile.
My mother beamed up at me and my father clapped me on the shoulder. I was my parents pride and joy; a son, straight [or so they thought], sought after by the girls, tall, handsome and catholic; just like them. I was the ideal son. Other parents from our town stared at our family of three with envy. Parents prayed to the Holy Father at night so that their sons may turn out to be like me. Frankly, I hated all the attention. It meant I had to put on a good face every waking minute of my life. Never could I be truly who I was. And, I know that sounds completely cliche, but come on, I am gay.
That is right, the model son is gay. Nothing is perfect. Not even me. Coming from a completely catholic town, hell, they don't even sell contraceptives, teaches you a great deal of things. Catholics have basically zero tolerance for other people, they like themselves and people who think like them. I mean, that's why the full blown Catholics moved to this high strung town made for Catholics. Just so their neighbors had the same ideas as them, so their houses would look the same, so their lawns would look identical, so no one was a sinner, so everything was perfect. Even some news channels are blocked on TV because they're not correct religiously. Talk about uptight.
There was one person in this whole entire town that wasn't like anyone else was Him. The boy I secretly wanted to be, the boy I secretly wanted. He was hot, he was distant, he was cute, he was an outcast; he was different. Currently I was at an annual function, the whole entire town was invited, and everyone was here. He was here. His parents were the priest and his wife. Yes, the priests son. I was nudged in the ribs by my mother.
"Sweetheart stop gawking at the priests son, it really is rude."
I turned pink and looked somewhere else. I smiled when I found my group of friends. I strode over to them and clapped my best friend Phillip on the back. He smiled and handed me a glass of juice. I sipped from it and listened absently to the conversation going on in front of me.
"Footballs going great.."
"No, its going horrible; did you see how the other team looked at us the last game?"
"Yeah, they thought we were pansies."
"Well, we are, we lost."
"We have not lost. The lord is on our side, how could we lose?"
"Why doesn't the lord come and help us?"
"Don't ever talk about the lord in such manners!"
I zoned out and my eyes wandered over to him. He was wearing tighter than necessary black pants, his belt had tiny studs, his white button down shirt was un-tucked and his tie was hanging sloppily off his neck. His dark hair hung over those beautiful green eyes. I nearly sighed. He was so pretty. I watched as the ladies and men clucked their tongues and turned their heads in his direction. I felt my heart twinge. His mothers cheeks turned red from embarrassment. He walked over to his mother dejected, she frowned and pushed him away. I felt my throat tighten as he shook his hair over his eyes. His father shook his head at him. I bit my lip as he shuffled away in the direction of the bathroom. I was shaken out of my daze when my girlfriend Susan clasped my hand.
"Hey Kevin."
I smiled down at her. She was a sweetheart, but she was a girl. My parents pressured me into dating her so to speak. I lightly pecked her cheek. She was a catch apparently. Pretty, nice, funny, cute etc. The only good thing about her was; she didn't expect any kind of sexual favors. I hardly kissed her and she didn't complain. The night continued pretty much the same; I was with my friends and Susan, while looking for him out of the corner of my eye. He sat in a corner with headphones tightly attached to his head. He looked so broken. I knew that he never cried in public or anything like that, he had a completely hard shell.
As the clock struck ten we all departed from the newly built church. My father, mother and I made our way to our silver Toyota. We got inside the car and sat in silence for a moment. As we passed the street lights my mother turned her head towards me.
"What was wrong with you tonight darling?"
Confusion passed my face. I had thought I was hiding my interest in him. "What?"
She touched my arm lightly. "You seemed very spacey tonight."
I smiled tightly and turned to stare out the window.
My father cleared his throat. "Is there something with Susan?"
I shook my head. "No, nothings wrong with Susan. I'm fine, really."
My mother smiled and turned back to face forward. I felt my heart race. I had to keep myself more guarded. Things like this couldn't happen, my parents observed me too much; everyone observed me too much. I kept in my sigh and waited for the car to come to complete halt as we drove up the driveway. I trudged up the wooden stairs of our house. Once inside my room I let out the sighs I had been containing that night. I stared around my completely plain room. The walls were white, the bedding was white, my computer was white; everything was white. I bit my lip and slipped off my clothes and hung them up neatly in my closet. I slid into my crisp bed and tried to get comfortable. Everything seemed so rigid. I rolled around from side to side. I eventually got to sleep many hours later into a light and fitful sleep.
I awoke to the most delicious dream. His tongue was swirling its way up my leg. I moaned softly and he looked up into my eyes and smiled into his beautiful green eyes. I was shaken out of my dream by my alarm clock. I grumbled and got out of bed. I stared at my bed for a while. All my blankets were twisted into a knot and some were littered on the floor. I snapped out of it and wandered into my bathroom. I nearly laughed at the state of my hair. It was sticking up in all places. I chuckled and stepped into the shower. I had purposely set it to ice cold so that I could remind myself who I had to be today. I emerged from the shower shivering.
"Kevin darling, breakfast."
I changed into my school uniform and trotted downstairs. A plate of eggs and bacon lay in front of me. I nearly gagged. I hated to eat. I smiled at my mother as she left for work. Before she left the house she called back at me.
"You'll eat all the eggs and bacon."
I nodded and waited until I heard her car leave the house. I then shoved the eggs and bacon into the trash and grabbed my school bag. Next to it was a brown paper bag for lunch. I rolled my eyes and shoved it into my school bag. As I stepped out of the door, I smirked. The sun shone on my pale skin, the lord had cursed blessed me with my good looks and I had food on the table. I shook my head and looked down at the cement passing by my shiny school shoes; time for perfection.
My mother beamed up at me and my father clapped me on the shoulder. I was my parents pride and joy; a son, straight [or so they thought], sought after by the girls, tall, handsome and catholic; just like them. I was the ideal son. Other parents from our town stared at our family of three with envy. Parents prayed to the Holy Father at night so that their sons may turn out to be like me. Frankly, I hated all the attention. It meant I had to put on a good face every waking minute of my life. Never could I be truly who I was. And, I know that sounds completely cliche, but come on, I am gay.
That is right, the model son is gay. Nothing is perfect. Not even me. Coming from a completely catholic town, hell, they don't even sell contraceptives, teaches you a great deal of things. Catholics have basically zero tolerance for other people, they like themselves and people who think like them. I mean, that's why the full blown Catholics moved to this high strung town made for Catholics. Just so their neighbors had the same ideas as them, so their houses would look the same, so their lawns would look identical, so no one was a sinner, so everything was perfect. Even some news channels are blocked on TV because they're not correct religiously. Talk about uptight.
There was one person in this whole entire town that wasn't like anyone else was Him. The boy I secretly wanted to be, the boy I secretly wanted. He was hot, he was distant, he was cute, he was an outcast; he was different. Currently I was at an annual function, the whole entire town was invited, and everyone was here. He was here. His parents were the priest and his wife. Yes, the priests son. I was nudged in the ribs by my mother.
"Sweetheart stop gawking at the priests son, it really is rude."
I turned pink and looked somewhere else. I smiled when I found my group of friends. I strode over to them and clapped my best friend Phillip on the back. He smiled and handed me a glass of juice. I sipped from it and listened absently to the conversation going on in front of me.
"Footballs going great.."
"No, its going horrible; did you see how the other team looked at us the last game?"
"Yeah, they thought we were pansies."
"Well, we are, we lost."
"We have not lost. The lord is on our side, how could we lose?"
"Why doesn't the lord come and help us?"
"Don't ever talk about the lord in such manners!"
I zoned out and my eyes wandered over to him. He was wearing tighter than necessary black pants, his belt had tiny studs, his white button down shirt was un-tucked and his tie was hanging sloppily off his neck. His dark hair hung over those beautiful green eyes. I nearly sighed. He was so pretty. I watched as the ladies and men clucked their tongues and turned their heads in his direction. I felt my heart twinge. His mothers cheeks turned red from embarrassment. He walked over to his mother dejected, she frowned and pushed him away. I felt my throat tighten as he shook his hair over his eyes. His father shook his head at him. I bit my lip as he shuffled away in the direction of the bathroom. I was shaken out of my daze when my girlfriend Susan clasped my hand.
"Hey Kevin."
I smiled down at her. She was a sweetheart, but she was a girl. My parents pressured me into dating her so to speak. I lightly pecked her cheek. She was a catch apparently. Pretty, nice, funny, cute etc. The only good thing about her was; she didn't expect any kind of sexual favors. I hardly kissed her and she didn't complain. The night continued pretty much the same; I was with my friends and Susan, while looking for him out of the corner of my eye. He sat in a corner with headphones tightly attached to his head. He looked so broken. I knew that he never cried in public or anything like that, he had a completely hard shell.
As the clock struck ten we all departed from the newly built church. My father, mother and I made our way to our silver Toyota. We got inside the car and sat in silence for a moment. As we passed the street lights my mother turned her head towards me.
"What was wrong with you tonight darling?"
Confusion passed my face. I had thought I was hiding my interest in him. "What?"
She touched my arm lightly. "You seemed very spacey tonight."
I smiled tightly and turned to stare out the window.
My father cleared his throat. "Is there something with Susan?"
I shook my head. "No, nothings wrong with Susan. I'm fine, really."
My mother smiled and turned back to face forward. I felt my heart race. I had to keep myself more guarded. Things like this couldn't happen, my parents observed me too much; everyone observed me too much. I kept in my sigh and waited for the car to come to complete halt as we drove up the driveway. I trudged up the wooden stairs of our house. Once inside my room I let out the sighs I had been containing that night. I stared around my completely plain room. The walls were white, the bedding was white, my computer was white; everything was white. I bit my lip and slipped off my clothes and hung them up neatly in my closet. I slid into my crisp bed and tried to get comfortable. Everything seemed so rigid. I rolled around from side to side. I eventually got to sleep many hours later into a light and fitful sleep.
I awoke to the most delicious dream. His tongue was swirling its way up my leg. I moaned softly and he looked up into my eyes and smiled into his beautiful green eyes. I was shaken out of my dream by my alarm clock. I grumbled and got out of bed. I stared at my bed for a while. All my blankets were twisted into a knot and some were littered on the floor. I snapped out of it and wandered into my bathroom. I nearly laughed at the state of my hair. It was sticking up in all places. I chuckled and stepped into the shower. I had purposely set it to ice cold so that I could remind myself who I had to be today. I emerged from the shower shivering.
"Kevin darling, breakfast."
I changed into my school uniform and trotted downstairs. A plate of eggs and bacon lay in front of me. I nearly gagged. I hated to eat. I smiled at my mother as she left for work. Before she left the house she called back at me.
"You'll eat all the eggs and bacon."
I nodded and waited until I heard her car leave the house. I then shoved the eggs and bacon into the trash and grabbed my school bag. Next to it was a brown paper bag for lunch. I rolled my eyes and shoved it into my school bag. As I stepped out of the door, I smirked. The sun shone on my pale skin, the lord had cursed blessed me with my good looks and I had food on the table. I shook my head and looked down at the cement passing by my shiny school shoes; time for perfection.