Sequel: Nothings Gunna Change My World ›
Cute Is What the Gods Aim For
Ten
Raven's Point Of View
I was running, I loved running more then I loved skipping and I do love skipping. Running takes you somewhere. Away from where you were and onto a new adventure. I like looking at life that way...Joshua says I'm stupid because life isn't adventures it's hell. I think he's wrong. I was running to the place where Kevin first told me he was gay. I go there to think a lot now. I love Kevin. Not like how I had loved Jason and not like how I love Joshua but how a little kid loves their teddy bear. So much that you take them everywhere and you have to show it everything. You always wanna be hugging it and you can never forget about it's feelings.
I sat on a rock and looked at the small pond in front of me. My mom used to say that where my uncle lived everyone was perfect and you would always look at them and think 'gee I wish I was like that.' She was wrong. I hate these people. They don't accept anyone or anything. I opened my bag, all my candy was gone. That stupid little fuck wasn't lying when he said he ate it all. Ugh, sometimes I hate Joshua. Like when he's mean to Kevin.
With everyone hating him you would think Kevin being so open to change and Joshua being the only openly gay kid within the city limits that they would have at least become friends by now. "RAVEN!" It was Joshua, I had been hoping it was Kevin. I don't know what changed so suddenly to make him not like me again. I don't want to leave him alone anymore because every time I do he comes back to me and suddenly I'm like a virus that he doesn't want to catch. I just want to be his friend. I don't want to change him. I just want to love him. Joshua sat down across from me, staring at me.
"I talked to Kevin." He said loudly as if he thought I was deaf or something. "Oh no." I whispered hoping that maybe there was a God and maybe that God didn't let too mean of things come out of Joshua's mouth. "He...something's up with him." Joshua said and I looked up from the water and into his face. "What do you mean?" I asked and Joshua shrugged. He's so stupid you can't say something like that and then shrug at me. "Josh...?" I asked, scooting to the edge of the rock I was sitting on so I could be close to him,"I don't know what it is I just have this feeling." He said and I screamed in defeat.
Boys are idiots,"Why didn't you ask him?" I looked and Joshua like he was the world's biggest moron [which, granted-he is] and he looked down at the water,"He doesn't like me Raven, so why would he talk to me?" I bit my lip, if only he knew how much Kevin really did like him. I studied my cousin, it's weird and you're going to think I'm crazy but sometimes I see things about people if I study them, or touch them. Not most people believe me and the ones who do think I'm a freak but it's true.
"Stop trying to get into my thoughts." Joshua said without looking up and I giggled. He knew me too well. "My candy is gone." I said sadly and Joshua stood up, I think I was still kind of in shock about Kevin because well I just think I am. It all happened as if he just suddenly decided to stop caring...all in the half hour I left him alone. I don't know what to think. "Come on, let's go to the shack." Joshua said taking my hand and running. And I was running again. Oh how I love to run.
We got our shack soon after Joshua had grabbed my hand. We worked hard on this place, it used to be owned b an old woman who was a hermit, we met her when we were young and I used to visit. She said as long as we promised to take care of it after she passed away that she would sign over all of her money to us when she passed away so we could pay the bills. It had two little bedrooms, a little kitchen, and a little living room, and one little bathroom. I loved being there. It made me feel so much like a like a little kid playing house but it was for real. and you knew it was for real because of the way it made you actually step back and think about your life.
I went into the kitchen and grabbed some candy, this is where I kept my entire stash of candy because I wouldn't carry all of it with me and my uncle doesn't think candy is good for me. Well fuck him because I like candy. I walked into the small bedroom where I slept sometimes when I needed to get away from that house, the house of evil. On the nights where I knew Uncle Davis was going to want me, on the nights where he drank from the stash of liquor he had. I don't understand how he gets away with what he does.
I guess no one thinks he would do that, or maybe everyone knows and thinks that what he's doing is the right thing to do. Who knows? This town is pretty fucked up. I lie down on my bed and looked up at the ceiling while absentmindedly eating my candy. Then the tears came. How come I was never good enough for anyone? I screamed and threw my bag at the wall.
I went and stood in front of the mirror that was hanging on the wall. "IS IT MY HAIR?!" I screamed and my own reflection. I looked at my hot pink hair and started looking for scissors. "Raven stop!" Joshua came in and hugged me, not because I needed a hug, so I would stop looking for scissors. "NO! HE HATES ME BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT!" I screamed and tried to get away from him. "RAVEN YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE FOR THAT FUCKING GUY!" He screamed back at me and I elbowed his stomach. I grabbed the scissors and ran across the room. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed while I chopping chunks of my hair off.
"STOP!" Joshua screamed and jumped over my bed, taking the scissors out of my hand. I fell down on the floor next to the hair I had cut off and started crying more then I had been before. Joshua sat down next to me,"That actually doesn't look half bad." He said running his fingers through my hair. I sniffled and looked at my hair on the floor. "Shut up Josh, I want to be perfect." I said and Joshua slapped me. I guess that was kinda my fault I slapped him whenever he said something stupid. "You are perfect, listen to me!" He said making me look at him,"You are perfect." He said and I started crying again. Not perfect like Kevin.
"No, no I'm not. Look at me Joshua, I pulled off my hoodie and revealed the cuts all over them,"I am not perfect." I said and he slapped me again, he slaps like a girl. "SHUT UP! Just because some fucking guy says you're not what he thinks a friend should be and suddenly you change your out look on life?" He questioned me and I shook my head. "No Joshua, it's everything okay?! I hurt myself, I'm fat, I don't think the same way. I don't want to be broken anymore." I whispered the last part and waited for another slap. I would be ready, I would shank his ass if he slapped me again.
Instead I felt his arms around me. "You're perfect to me." He said and I pushed him away, he didn't count. "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" He screamed at me and stormed out of my room, slamming the door. I got up on my bed and looked at my clothes. They weren't perfect, they were old and torn and too bright and not like everyone else.
I walked out with a picture of Susan I had taken when no one was looking,"Josh..." I said, he was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, he looked really stressed out,"Yeah babe?" He asked looking up at me with a smile on his face, I held out the picture to him and whispered,"I want to be fixed now." He stood up and walked over to me, picking up the picture from my hands. "No." He simply said and I looked up at him, the tears still coming out of my eyes,"Why not?" I asked and he showed me the picture I had just given me,"She is a whore and she's not perfect." He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bathroom and made me face the mirror,"That girl right there, the pretty on with the pink hair-she's perfect." He whispered in my ear and I looked at that girl-the one with the pink hair. She looked weird. She looked different, she looked like she didn't belong, she looked like...she shouldn't be here, she looked like she wouldn't be anywhere.
"Whatever." I said, pushing him away from me and walking into my room. Joshua followed me, it was because I had cut myself earlier and he was scared that I would do it again. "Come here." He said sitting on me bed. I sat down next to him and the next thing I know we were laying down and I was crying all over his shirt. He rubbed my back and whispered things like,"It's okay." And,"I love you hun." And soon my crying slowed down and I fell asleep on him.
~*~
"Joshua why do we have to go?" I whined to him as I grabbed my candy and threw it into my bag. I hate school, I didn't mind it so much but I sit next to the world's perfectionist in almost all my classes. I sighed and followed Joshua out the door. I don't remember much of what happened yesterday. I forgot to write in my notebook, which I only do because I forget like entire time periods, and Joshua wouldn't tell me why some of my hair was on the floor. I think it has something to do with Kevin though because I do remember that. I block out bad things, but all memories of Kevin I don't forget at all.
I held Joshua's hand tighter as we got to the school, everyone stared at always. I felt so much more ashamed of myself. I fucked up my hair for this [although it still looks pretty effing hawt]. I'm retarded. I sighed and gripped Joshua's hand as he pulled me into the building. I was wearing black polka dotted leggings with a purple tutu that was pretty short but looked good. I didn't care about the stupid uniform anymore. My shirt had Chadam on it, because I bought a Chadam Lives shirt when I had gone into the city and of course my hoodie over that. My bright pink hair was spiked and teased in the places I had cut it short with a neon purple headband in it. I had on all my usual jewelry and my purple fingerless gloves. I smiled as big as I could when I saw Kevin outside our classroom all alone, you didn't see him all alone often.
I sat down on the floor and pulled out candy, I eat when I'm nervous. Joshua sat next to me and glared up at Kevin. I played with the material of my tutu, I knew he was looking at me. Just like I knew Susan was about to walk through the hallway door and act surprised to see me, like that skank she is.
"Kevin!" Look who was right, as always. He was still looking at me, so I decided to look at him too. I met his eyes and he stared at me, I couldn't really feel what he was thinking. With him sometimes I could and sometimes I couldn't; right now I couldn't. "Are you hanging out with her again?" Susan asked, looking at me as if someone had thrown up on the floor and I I was the throw up that had not been cleaned up. "No, I was trying to figure out why she wasn't wearing her uniform." Kevin said, smiling at his girlfriend.
I looked up at him,"Maybe you should have asked me." I said loudly, Joshua squeezed my hand as a warning. "Maybe I don't want to talk to the spawn of Satan." He whispered looking down at his shoes. Susan smiled at him and I stood up, pulling Joshua too because he was trying to hold me down and not make it obvious. I got right underneath Kevin's face and I looked at him,"Say it to my face." I whispered, hoping that I was right about this, that he wouldn't be able to. "Spawn...of...S-s-s-Satan." He stuttered and Susan giggled and jumped with joy. I slapped him and started running away. How could I be wrong? How could he say something like that to me? Am I really the spawn of Satan?
Maybe, just maybe I am. I tried to hold the tears back and I ran all the way home, no one would be there right now and I needed more clothes if I was going to stay at the shack again. I opened the door and walked into the big house slowly, I was sure no one was there but being inside the house made me jumpy whenever. I walked slowly up the old staircase that I remembered from my childhood and went into my room, where Uncle Davis was sitting on my bed, smelling my pillow. "Awe Michelle." He said and my eyes grew big, he was supposed to be working. "You don't think I would figure out how you got clean clothes?" He asked me, taking a step forward. I shook my head,"Just leave me alone." I begged him.
"Now why would I do that? What did you do to your hair?" He asked, taking another step and extending his arm out to touch my hair. "You whore, you got to Kevin. Kevin was perfect." He slapped me. I fell to the floor and all the tears I had been suppressing came falling down my face. "I'm not a whore." I told him, I'm not! "You are, say it you spawn of Satan." He demanded, grabbing my hair and making me look at him.
Spawn of Satan
Then it clicked. He did something to Kevin. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed and he smacked me again,"I didn't tell you to speak." He said before throwing me across the room. I hit the mirror in the room and it shattered, I felt pieces of it rip right through my hoodie, shirt and plant themselves into my skin. I screamed in pain and started crying harder. "You deserved that you little bitch." He said walking across the room and picked me up again and set me on the bed. He pulled my leggings off and I kicked my legs. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed again and he grabbed my ankles and pulled me down my bed, the glass pieces were still in my back and it hurt so much. "Stop fighting and it'll be over." He said, pulling my hoodie off. I screamed, someone had to hear, is everyone in this town retarded? Maybe it's easier to pretend not to hear anything.
"NO LEAVE ME ALONE!" I said kicking his face and trying to crawl away from him. He grabbed my ankle again and got blood on my tutu, because his nose was bleeding now. "I'M GLAD I TOLD KEVIN YOU WERE THE SPAWN OF SATAN YOU LITTLE WHORE!" He screamed, madder then before. "DON'T TALK ABOUT KEVIN!" I said kicking at him again. He picked up a lamp that was on my bedside table and hit me with it over my head. I gasped and fell limply to the floor, the room started spinning and I saw the blood dripping slowly from my forehead. "That's right you little whore be perfect, Kevin was." He said and I didn't want to close my eyes, I didn't want to forget this, because he did something to Kevin. He did something to my Kevin.
The world went black anyways, not caring about what I wanted.
~*~
I woke up to a hospital room and Joshua was sitting on the chair in front of me, asleep. I ran my fingers through his shaggy black hair and sighed. I could have gotten away from him if maybe I had tried harder. How many other people had he done that to? How many other people were scared of him? No one. They all admired him, they all thought he was perfect. I'm starting to really hate that word. A lot.
Joshua woke up and looked at me. "I brought you clothes." He whispered and stood up, I grabbed his arm and pulled him to me. I could have died, that fucking man could have killed me. "I love you." I said reaching my arms up to hug him. He leaned down and hugged me back,"Don't you ever fucking do that again." He said crying and kissed my forehead. I nodded and held him close to me. We fight, we scream at each other, sometimes we hate each other but without Joshua I wouldn't be who I am.
"She's awake?" I turned to see my best friend from New York standing in the doorway. "Massie?" I asked and she smiled and ran over. "Jason's here too...somewhere." She skipped over to me and hugged me. I felt the tears coming down my face, I had missed her so much. She still looked the same. Only reaching about five feet six inches her hair even more distracting them mine, black with it's many crimson red highlights that I love playing with. Her snakebites, we had gotten ours done together and her heartagram tattoo on her left wrist that one of my mom's many boyfriend's had done for free [not caring that she was underage]. She was wearing tight pants that looked good on her and a fitted Avenged Sevenfold shirt. Her studded belt looked old and faded and her black with a star pattern flats looked like they had done a lot of walking.
When Massie stopped squeezing the air out of me Justin was standing there. I started crying harder. I had been wishing and hoping and wanting and dreaming for him and now here he was. He walked over and sat down next to me. He pulled me into his lap and I melted. "Why are you crying baby?" He wiped a tears away and I looked at him with a smile on my face,"I missed you so much." I said and kissed him. He kissed me back and I heard Massie sigh, she had had to sit through us making out before. I pulled away and looked at Joshua, who was smiling. "Did I mention I love you?" I asked and he nodded.
Just for a little bit I would have the people I love with me, even if it was just today I didn't care anymore because they were here. They were who I wished for, they were who I needed.
I was running, I loved running more then I loved skipping and I do love skipping. Running takes you somewhere. Away from where you were and onto a new adventure. I like looking at life that way...Joshua says I'm stupid because life isn't adventures it's hell. I think he's wrong. I was running to the place where Kevin first told me he was gay. I go there to think a lot now. I love Kevin. Not like how I had loved Jason and not like how I love Joshua but how a little kid loves their teddy bear. So much that you take them everywhere and you have to show it everything. You always wanna be hugging it and you can never forget about it's feelings.
I sat on a rock and looked at the small pond in front of me. My mom used to say that where my uncle lived everyone was perfect and you would always look at them and think 'gee I wish I was like that.' She was wrong. I hate these people. They don't accept anyone or anything. I opened my bag, all my candy was gone. That stupid little fuck wasn't lying when he said he ate it all. Ugh, sometimes I hate Joshua. Like when he's mean to Kevin.
With everyone hating him you would think Kevin being so open to change and Joshua being the only openly gay kid within the city limits that they would have at least become friends by now. "RAVEN!" It was Joshua, I had been hoping it was Kevin. I don't know what changed so suddenly to make him not like me again. I don't want to leave him alone anymore because every time I do he comes back to me and suddenly I'm like a virus that he doesn't want to catch. I just want to be his friend. I don't want to change him. I just want to love him. Joshua sat down across from me, staring at me.
"I talked to Kevin." He said loudly as if he thought I was deaf or something. "Oh no." I whispered hoping that maybe there was a God and maybe that God didn't let too mean of things come out of Joshua's mouth. "He...something's up with him." Joshua said and I looked up from the water and into his face. "What do you mean?" I asked and Joshua shrugged. He's so stupid you can't say something like that and then shrug at me. "Josh...?" I asked, scooting to the edge of the rock I was sitting on so I could be close to him,"I don't know what it is I just have this feeling." He said and I screamed in defeat.
Boys are idiots,"Why didn't you ask him?" I looked and Joshua like he was the world's biggest moron [which, granted-he is] and he looked down at the water,"He doesn't like me Raven, so why would he talk to me?" I bit my lip, if only he knew how much Kevin really did like him. I studied my cousin, it's weird and you're going to think I'm crazy but sometimes I see things about people if I study them, or touch them. Not most people believe me and the ones who do think I'm a freak but it's true.
"Stop trying to get into my thoughts." Joshua said without looking up and I giggled. He knew me too well. "My candy is gone." I said sadly and Joshua stood up, I think I was still kind of in shock about Kevin because well I just think I am. It all happened as if he just suddenly decided to stop caring...all in the half hour I left him alone. I don't know what to think. "Come on, let's go to the shack." Joshua said taking my hand and running. And I was running again. Oh how I love to run.
We got our shack soon after Joshua had grabbed my hand. We worked hard on this place, it used to be owned b an old woman who was a hermit, we met her when we were young and I used to visit. She said as long as we promised to take care of it after she passed away that she would sign over all of her money to us when she passed away so we could pay the bills. It had two little bedrooms, a little kitchen, and a little living room, and one little bathroom. I loved being there. It made me feel so much like a like a little kid playing house but it was for real. and you knew it was for real because of the way it made you actually step back and think about your life.
I went into the kitchen and grabbed some candy, this is where I kept my entire stash of candy because I wouldn't carry all of it with me and my uncle doesn't think candy is good for me. Well fuck him because I like candy. I walked into the small bedroom where I slept sometimes when I needed to get away from that house, the house of evil. On the nights where I knew Uncle Davis was going to want me, on the nights where he drank from the stash of liquor he had. I don't understand how he gets away with what he does.
I guess no one thinks he would do that, or maybe everyone knows and thinks that what he's doing is the right thing to do. Who knows? This town is pretty fucked up. I lie down on my bed and looked up at the ceiling while absentmindedly eating my candy. Then the tears came. How come I was never good enough for anyone? I screamed and threw my bag at the wall.
I went and stood in front of the mirror that was hanging on the wall. "IS IT MY HAIR?!" I screamed and my own reflection. I looked at my hot pink hair and started looking for scissors. "Raven stop!" Joshua came in and hugged me, not because I needed a hug, so I would stop looking for scissors. "NO! HE HATES ME BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT!" I screamed and tried to get away from him. "RAVEN YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE FOR THAT FUCKING GUY!" He screamed back at me and I elbowed his stomach. I grabbed the scissors and ran across the room. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed while I chopping chunks of my hair off.
"STOP!" Joshua screamed and jumped over my bed, taking the scissors out of my hand. I fell down on the floor next to the hair I had cut off and started crying more then I had been before. Joshua sat down next to me,"That actually doesn't look half bad." He said running his fingers through my hair. I sniffled and looked at my hair on the floor. "Shut up Josh, I want to be perfect." I said and Joshua slapped me. I guess that was kinda my fault I slapped him whenever he said something stupid. "You are perfect, listen to me!" He said making me look at him,"You are perfect." He said and I started crying again. Not perfect like Kevin.
"No, no I'm not. Look at me Joshua, I pulled off my hoodie and revealed the cuts all over them,"I am not perfect." I said and he slapped me again, he slaps like a girl. "SHUT UP! Just because some fucking guy says you're not what he thinks a friend should be and suddenly you change your out look on life?" He questioned me and I shook my head. "No Joshua, it's everything okay?! I hurt myself, I'm fat, I don't think the same way. I don't want to be broken anymore." I whispered the last part and waited for another slap. I would be ready, I would shank his ass if he slapped me again.
Instead I felt his arms around me. "You're perfect to me." He said and I pushed him away, he didn't count. "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" He screamed at me and stormed out of my room, slamming the door. I got up on my bed and looked at my clothes. They weren't perfect, they were old and torn and too bright and not like everyone else.
I walked out with a picture of Susan I had taken when no one was looking,"Josh..." I said, he was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, he looked really stressed out,"Yeah babe?" He asked looking up at me with a smile on his face, I held out the picture to him and whispered,"I want to be fixed now." He stood up and walked over to me, picking up the picture from my hands. "No." He simply said and I looked up at him, the tears still coming out of my eyes,"Why not?" I asked and he showed me the picture I had just given me,"She is a whore and she's not perfect." He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bathroom and made me face the mirror,"That girl right there, the pretty on with the pink hair-she's perfect." He whispered in my ear and I looked at that girl-the one with the pink hair. She looked weird. She looked different, she looked like she didn't belong, she looked like...she shouldn't be here, she looked like she wouldn't be anywhere.
"Whatever." I said, pushing him away from me and walking into my room. Joshua followed me, it was because I had cut myself earlier and he was scared that I would do it again. "Come here." He said sitting on me bed. I sat down next to him and the next thing I know we were laying down and I was crying all over his shirt. He rubbed my back and whispered things like,"It's okay." And,"I love you hun." And soon my crying slowed down and I fell asleep on him.
~*~
"Joshua why do we have to go?" I whined to him as I grabbed my candy and threw it into my bag. I hate school, I didn't mind it so much but I sit next to the world's perfectionist in almost all my classes. I sighed and followed Joshua out the door. I don't remember much of what happened yesterday. I forgot to write in my notebook, which I only do because I forget like entire time periods, and Joshua wouldn't tell me why some of my hair was on the floor. I think it has something to do with Kevin though because I do remember that. I block out bad things, but all memories of Kevin I don't forget at all.
I held Joshua's hand tighter as we got to the school, everyone stared at always. I felt so much more ashamed of myself. I fucked up my hair for this [although it still looks pretty effing hawt]. I'm retarded. I sighed and gripped Joshua's hand as he pulled me into the building. I was wearing black polka dotted leggings with a purple tutu that was pretty short but looked good. I didn't care about the stupid uniform anymore. My shirt had Chadam on it, because I bought a Chadam Lives shirt when I had gone into the city and of course my hoodie over that. My bright pink hair was spiked and teased in the places I had cut it short with a neon purple headband in it. I had on all my usual jewelry and my purple fingerless gloves. I smiled as big as I could when I saw Kevin outside our classroom all alone, you didn't see him all alone often.
I sat down on the floor and pulled out candy, I eat when I'm nervous. Joshua sat next to me and glared up at Kevin. I played with the material of my tutu, I knew he was looking at me. Just like I knew Susan was about to walk through the hallway door and act surprised to see me, like that skank she is.
"Kevin!" Look who was right, as always. He was still looking at me, so I decided to look at him too. I met his eyes and he stared at me, I couldn't really feel what he was thinking. With him sometimes I could and sometimes I couldn't; right now I couldn't. "Are you hanging out with her again?" Susan asked, looking at me as if someone had thrown up on the floor and I I was the throw up that had not been cleaned up. "No, I was trying to figure out why she wasn't wearing her uniform." Kevin said, smiling at his girlfriend.
I looked up at him,"Maybe you should have asked me." I said loudly, Joshua squeezed my hand as a warning. "Maybe I don't want to talk to the spawn of Satan." He whispered looking down at his shoes. Susan smiled at him and I stood up, pulling Joshua too because he was trying to hold me down and not make it obvious. I got right underneath Kevin's face and I looked at him,"Say it to my face." I whispered, hoping that I was right about this, that he wouldn't be able to. "Spawn...of...S-s-s-Satan." He stuttered and Susan giggled and jumped with joy. I slapped him and started running away. How could I be wrong? How could he say something like that to me? Am I really the spawn of Satan?
Maybe, just maybe I am. I tried to hold the tears back and I ran all the way home, no one would be there right now and I needed more clothes if I was going to stay at the shack again. I opened the door and walked into the big house slowly, I was sure no one was there but being inside the house made me jumpy whenever. I walked slowly up the old staircase that I remembered from my childhood and went into my room, where Uncle Davis was sitting on my bed, smelling my pillow. "Awe Michelle." He said and my eyes grew big, he was supposed to be working. "You don't think I would figure out how you got clean clothes?" He asked me, taking a step forward. I shook my head,"Just leave me alone." I begged him.
"Now why would I do that? What did you do to your hair?" He asked, taking another step and extending his arm out to touch my hair. "You whore, you got to Kevin. Kevin was perfect." He slapped me. I fell to the floor and all the tears I had been suppressing came falling down my face. "I'm not a whore." I told him, I'm not! "You are, say it you spawn of Satan." He demanded, grabbing my hair and making me look at him.
Spawn of Satan
Then it clicked. He did something to Kevin. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed and he smacked me again,"I didn't tell you to speak." He said before throwing me across the room. I hit the mirror in the room and it shattered, I felt pieces of it rip right through my hoodie, shirt and plant themselves into my skin. I screamed in pain and started crying harder. "You deserved that you little bitch." He said walking across the room and picked me up again and set me on the bed. He pulled my leggings off and I kicked my legs. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed again and he grabbed my ankles and pulled me down my bed, the glass pieces were still in my back and it hurt so much. "Stop fighting and it'll be over." He said, pulling my hoodie off. I screamed, someone had to hear, is everyone in this town retarded? Maybe it's easier to pretend not to hear anything.
"NO LEAVE ME ALONE!" I said kicking his face and trying to crawl away from him. He grabbed my ankle again and got blood on my tutu, because his nose was bleeding now. "I'M GLAD I TOLD KEVIN YOU WERE THE SPAWN OF SATAN YOU LITTLE WHORE!" He screamed, madder then before. "DON'T TALK ABOUT KEVIN!" I said kicking at him again. He picked up a lamp that was on my bedside table and hit me with it over my head. I gasped and fell limply to the floor, the room started spinning and I saw the blood dripping slowly from my forehead. "That's right you little whore be perfect, Kevin was." He said and I didn't want to close my eyes, I didn't want to forget this, because he did something to Kevin. He did something to my Kevin.
The world went black anyways, not caring about what I wanted.
~*~
I woke up to a hospital room and Joshua was sitting on the chair in front of me, asleep. I ran my fingers through his shaggy black hair and sighed. I could have gotten away from him if maybe I had tried harder. How many other people had he done that to? How many other people were scared of him? No one. They all admired him, they all thought he was perfect. I'm starting to really hate that word. A lot.
Joshua woke up and looked at me. "I brought you clothes." He whispered and stood up, I grabbed his arm and pulled him to me. I could have died, that fucking man could have killed me. "I love you." I said reaching my arms up to hug him. He leaned down and hugged me back,"Don't you ever fucking do that again." He said crying and kissed my forehead. I nodded and held him close to me. We fight, we scream at each other, sometimes we hate each other but without Joshua I wouldn't be who I am.
"She's awake?" I turned to see my best friend from New York standing in the doorway. "Massie?" I asked and she smiled and ran over. "Jason's here too...somewhere." She skipped over to me and hugged me. I felt the tears coming down my face, I had missed her so much. She still looked the same. Only reaching about five feet six inches her hair even more distracting them mine, black with it's many crimson red highlights that I love playing with. Her snakebites, we had gotten ours done together and her heartagram tattoo on her left wrist that one of my mom's many boyfriend's had done for free [not caring that she was underage]. She was wearing tight pants that looked good on her and a fitted Avenged Sevenfold shirt. Her studded belt looked old and faded and her black with a star pattern flats looked like they had done a lot of walking.
When Massie stopped squeezing the air out of me Justin was standing there. I started crying harder. I had been wishing and hoping and wanting and dreaming for him and now here he was. He walked over and sat down next to me. He pulled me into his lap and I melted. "Why are you crying baby?" He wiped a tears away and I looked at him with a smile on my face,"I missed you so much." I said and kissed him. He kissed me back and I heard Massie sigh, she had had to sit through us making out before. I pulled away and looked at Joshua, who was smiling. "Did I mention I love you?" I asked and he nodded.
Just for a little bit I would have the people I love with me, even if it was just today I didn't care anymore because they were here. They were who I wished for, they were who I needed.