Cute Is What the Gods Aim For

I grinned when the lunch bell finally rang. Signaling that I could get away from Susan's hoe ass, stare at Raven, stare at Joshua, and there was only two more classes for the day. Meaning only two more hours, thank god.

I walked to my next class, which happened to be English, the only class where neither Raven or Joshua was in. I could now do a better job at being perfect.

I got to class and sat down in my usual spot. The back, of course. A boy was sitting in front of my seat. A boy who wasn't in uniform. He was wearing skinny, girl jeans, and a black shirt that said 'The Strip' which I kind of wanted to know what that was. His hair was long, not as long as Joshua's and styled different. Also it was a blue color, like blue green. He ears and lip was pierced and he smiled when he saw me.

"Kevin right?" He asked and I ignored me, pulling my book from under the desk and opening it to the correct page. Everyone in the room followed my example.

I wish they would think for themselves once in a while. "Oh yeah, sorry man I'm not supposed to talk to you." He said turning back around in his seat. Who the hell is he?!

Two hours later I was walking to the church for Bible Study. I was going today because I knew the Reverend was away in the city today and I needed some time alone. Which is why I was choosing to go to the church. I got into the sanctuary and saw something that made me turn my heel and start walking right back out. There was Raven, Joshua, that boy, and that girl all sitting on the stage steps. Joshua jumped up when he saw me and everyone stopped laughing at what they had been laughing at to look at me. I froze and stared back, not able to turn around like I had wanted.

"Hey Kevin." Raven said casually from her place on the new boy's lap. She is a whore. "This is Jason." She said, and I remembered from her journal. I guess she's not a whore..."And I'm Massie!" The girl giggled and looked at me. I nodded and walked out. "I told you he's an ass." I heard Joshua telling them. How come he couldn't like me at least like a person? If not a friend and not a lover, he could have at least liked me as a person. But no, he chose to hate me completely. And it broke my heart.

I walked all the way home and went right up to my bedroom where I sat. I couldn't remember what I did before Raven had come and messed up my life. I couldn't remember what I used to do during those hours of me being all alone. I couldn't remember anything except Raven and the hours I spent with her. I could only remember the words Joshua had said to me. I could only remember him, showing me how to be perfect.

I was thankful today was Friday, because that meant I had one day where I could hide in my room all by alone and be myself.

I lie on my bed and looked at the bumps on the ceiling and thought of what they could possibly be. I saw a completely white raven and I thought she looked much better in color. I saw the church. I saw Susan, I saw Joshua.
Joshua....
.

I heard the door open and close downstairs and I knew my mom was home. I closed my eyes and rolled over so I could pretend to be asleep. "Kevin?" She asked opening my door slowly. She saw I was alseep and backed out of the room. I sighed and opened my eyes again. I didn't even know who I was anymore. Finally I did really fall asleep.

~*~

I sat straight in the ew, the Bible in my lap, looking up at the stage. Church was over. Now it was time to walk around and greet all the people I don't really like at all.

Raven wasn't here, but Joshua was, and he looked like he was trying to leave. I wish I could just leave like that. Wouldn't it be great to go where ever and do whatever without everyone else in the room wanting to know what you're doing? I think it would be surreal. Something I couldn't want more.

"Kevin!" Susan walked over to me and grabbed my hand. I tried to smile down at her but it didn't work so well. "Are you going to the city next weekend with us?" She asked and I looked at her. She looked so eager. How could she just accept everything that happened in this town and not realize there's shit no one knows about going on? How can they all pretend? I pulled my hand away from her slowly. "Susan...we need to talk." I said walking out of the room, wanting her to follow me. She did.

I sat down against a tree and sighed as she sat down across from me. "Kevin, you don't have to say it." She said and I looked at her,"Know what?" I asked and she smiled kindly. "I won't tell anyone and if we break up it'll make it obvious." She whispered, leaning closer to me,"Make what obvious?" I asked and she shook her head and sighed. "When did we start going out?" She asked and I thought back to the first day of sixth grade when Mike had encouraged me to ask Susan out. "I've been your girlfriend for a while now Kevin, I see the way you look at him." She whispered and I opened my eyes. What the fuck is it with everyone knowing something I tried so hard to keep a secret?!

"But...no...I-I-NO!" I said and Susan jumped a little. "I won't tell anyone. You're not the only one he wants to perfect Kevin." She said and then walked away. I watched her walk away from me and for the first time since I had ever even known Susan I felt so strongly a love for her that I couldn't explain.

I started crying. She knew? How many other people knew? How come all these secrets were coming out now? How come no one tried to stop him? How come Susan and everyone else always looks so happy when he takes me to 'perfect'?

And I knew;

Because he's taking you and not them.

~*~

"Hey Kevin." Susan greeted from under a tree that was close to the entrance of the school. I walked over to her. I had done a lot of thinking since yesterday when I talked to her. Today it was me who grabbed her hand and she smiled. "Can I tell you something?" She whispered and I nodded. She looked around to make absolutely sure no one was around.

"I like Raven." She muttered in the smallest of voices and my eyes grew big. Susan was a...a...lesbian?! I-well...I never saw that coming. I stared at her face. She was biting her lip nervously. I bent down and kissed her cheek. It had been hard for her to tell me that. "Come on." I said quietly, leading her into the building. She seemed so sad. I had never seen her like this, and I had known her my entire life. I saw Raven's friend standing outside the girl's bathroom. I stopped. "Is Ra-Michelle in there?" I asked and she nodded boredly. Susan looked shocked and I shoved her into the bathroom and walked away.

I walked to the computer classroom and waiting patiently for the bell to ring. No one bothered me and I was grateful.

The bell rang and I took my usual seat. Raven came in a few minutes later looking tired and surprised. I watched her take her seat next to me and pull out paper from her bag. A few minutes later a piece of paper was shoved into my hand.

Your girlfriend isn't fucking funny Kevin.

I looked at the paper for a minute, I had to make sure that's what it really said. Then I looked up at Raven who was ignoring me. I took out my pen.

What do you mean?
What do I mean?! She thinks it's hilarious to come and tell me she likes me in the bathroom; and I felt bad for her until I remembered that you hate me and this was a mean joke.

I stared back up at Raven. She thought this was a joke?! She thought Susan would say something like that and not mean it?? Did she not realize the result of saying something like that, joking or not? I crumpled up the paper and threw it back at her. I wasn't going to write back. If she thought it was a joke then she needed to get over herself because she wasn't important enough to pull that kind of joke on.

She wasn't important at all....