Sequel: Nothings Gunna Change My World ›
Cute Is What the Gods Aim For
Fouteen
"Kevin phone!" My mom yelled down the hallway. I picked it up. "Hello?" I asked and I heard a girl's giggling voice on the other end. "Kevie!" She exclaimed and my heart flew. "Miley!" I yelled in glee. My cousin, Miley, was the only person in my family I could stand.
"Guess what babe." She said and I couldn't control my smile, or the high-pitched happiness in my voice,"What?" I asked and she giggled,"I'm coming to see you next week!" She yelled and I jumped up. "Really?" I asked thinking about everything we could do if she came. "Yeah baby, and I'm staying for the rest of the school year...uh...grandpa passed away." Her voice became quiet. She lived with our grandfather who lived in the country all alone.
"Oh..." I said trying not to sound too happy. I hadn't seen her since we were 12 and she wore butterfly clips in her hair.
"So anyways, Auntie Marge said I have to share your room and I should ask...can we bunk together?" She asked and I nodded for a minute before realizing she couldn't see me. "Yeah! I'll get everything ready for you." I said. We talked for a while. I told her about the attacks on Raven, I told her about the church, I told her about the new people, I told her about the candy loving girl I had come to know, and I told her about my heart breaks, and so called relationships. She told me about grandpa's death, her friends, that she still wore butterfly clips in her hair, and that I was still her favorite cousin. I didn't feel like pointing out that I was her only cousin. We said our goodbyes and I fell asleep with a smile on for the first time in a long time.
~*~
I heard the sound of tinkling, like metal hitting metal before I actually saw her. She ran over to me and jumped on me. I soaked her appearance up. My little cousin had changed a lot since we were 12. Yeah little cousin, I don't care if we're the same age.
She was wearing so many bracelets on each hand it looked like if she took them off she would be about 15 pounds lighter. Her hair was a fading firetruck red with messy curls poking out of the the sloppy bun she had thrown it in. Her make up was simple enough, nothing like Raven's and yet completely the same. He clothes were unique to her and yet the same as anybody else. Her smile was big enough to light up an entire city and I didn't realize how much I missed her until I started crying.
"You're a big baby." She giggled and kissed my cheeks, getting off of me. She was so small for a 17-year old. The stripes and rips on her stockings made it seem like she had been through a lot but at the same time it made them look better then I could have imagined them new. Everything about her was old and worn and I couldn't help but stare it wonder. "Kevin...KEVIN!" She clapped her hands in front of my face, bringing me out of my trance. I jumped and shook my head,"Can we go home now?" She swung her backpack around her back and I nodded, leading the way to my mom's car. I can drive I just usually choose not to.
~*~
"I can not believe your parents are letting me do this to you." Miley said, running her hands through my hair. I closed my eyes tight and waited for her to put the black dye in it. The dull brown was going to go and jet black was going to replace it.
She squeezed it out and used the comb to smooth it out. It was cold. I shuddered and tried not to look in the mirror.
"Okay...I'm done." She after washing my hair for what seemed like the millionth time. I looked in the mirror. The black made my grey eyes seem to shine, or maybe it was the smile I hadn't been able to remove since Miley had gotten here. "You look hot." MIley said and I snorted and looked at her, biting my lip slowly. "Joshua will be all over you." She whispered my eyes grew. She wasn't supposed to say anything out loud!
Plus Joshua wouldn't be all over me, because Joshua now knew what I was. Joshua would never look at me ever again.
I didn't want him to either; he shouldn't have to look at a pushover like me. "Okay...you wanna do me?" Miley looked pained as she held up the bottle of bleach out to me. Mom and dad said she could dye my hair a normal color of she would dye hers back a normal color. "Are you sure? I'm done now, they can't take it back now." I said and she shook her head,"A promise is a promise." She said and I nodded, reading how to do it on the back of the box. I opened it slowly and put the latex gloves on before putting the stuff in her hair.
"Oh my god Kevin don't lie to me, I can't look at it." She said with an absolutely terrified look on her face. I looked her and her now blonde hair. "It looks good!" I promised. It did look good, just didn't really look like it would be her thing.
She turned around and screamed. My hands flew to my ears and my mom ran through the door and looked from Miley to me and then back. Miley fell to the flood and looked up at my mom,"Oh my gosh." She said. My mom sat on the floor next to her and hugged her. "It's okay honey...do you have any black left?" She asked me and I nodded, there was a little left. My mom kicked me out of the bathroom. I'd never seen her look so concerned about anything in my life. She always seemed to grin and bear things-not take charge and fix things. Especially things like hair.
Two hours later Miley came out of the bathroom with horizontal stripes of black going through her hair in different places, she looked like she had been crying and my mom was smiling. She actually kind of looked like a raccoon. But I liked it, it was pretty, and it was a lot better then when it had been just blonde. "Thank you Auntie Marge." Miley said and my mom smiled at her and walked out of the room. "She really knows what she's doing." Miley said as we both walked back into my room.
~*~
"HEY YOU!" Someone yelled as we stepped out of my mom's car. She had dropped us off today. If Miley didn't have jingling jewelry and stripes in her hair she would look like everyone else did, she was already perfect like them.
"CHICK WITH THE STRIPES!" The same voice yelled. Miley looked at the source. I didn't need to. I stood there awkwardly as Raven and Jason walked up to us. "Who did your stripes?" Raven asked Miley who looked confused. The look passed and she looked at Raven. "A friend..." She said glancing back at me. "Why are you hanging out with him? You do know because you're not just like him he'll ditch you when you need a friend? And you do know he's a complete fake asshole? And you are aware that he thinks this place is perfection?" Miley's eyebrows raised and she looked at Raven,"Are you aware he's my cousin?" She asked, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from them.
"Was that her?" Miley asked me when we got under a tree where no one else was. "Was that him?" She asked and I nodded. "Well I think if he's going out with is cousin like that well that's gross." She said and I laughed realizing that she had asked about Joshua; not Jason. I don't know where Joshua was. "No that's her boyfriend, Jason." I said.
"Lucky man-whore." Someone said from behind me. I turned around to face my 'girlfriend' who was wearing no make up and her hair was hanging loosely from a pony tail.
"Awe baby." I said hugging her close to me. Miley stared at us with a far-away look on her face. She dazed out a lot. I think it's from living up there with grandpa for so long and not having much else to do. "Miley Joanson?" Susan asked when she pulled away from me. Miley looked at her and nodded. Susan smiled shyly and then walked away. "Hold on Miles." I said running after my girlfriend. "What's wrong baby?" I asked, Miley's use of pet names was rubbing off of me. "Miley was the first person I ever...liked." Susan whispered. I almost didn't hear her. "What?!" I asked and she nodded. "So...I'll just...I think-I don't feel good." She stuttered and pulled away from me.
I watched her walk away and walked back over to Miley. How come everyone in this town had all these weird ideas and secrets and things they didn't tell anyone else? How come everyone had this deep urge to be this morphed reality of what we've been told perfection is. How is it in the real world? Surely not like this. Surely in a place where everyone is so un-accepting...surely out there people are accepting? I mean you would think there would be an in between somewhere.
But as someone much smarter then me had once stated: the world is full of evil people.
But what about the evil people? In their own minds don't they believe that they're doing the right thing? I mean everyone tells themselves something so much that they start to believe it-true or not. Like people who are in cults and suicide bombers. People like that truly believe that what they're doing is the right thing to them we're the bad guys and I guess it goes in a circle of people who think they're doing the right thing. I guess you have to go back to what you think is right and wrong. Your moral values. Your view of ethics. I sighed and walked to my first class. Miley only had science with me, which I was sad about because I was hoping that we would have more classes together.
I sat down and turned my computer on. Joshua sat down next to me, instead of two seats over.
"Hey Kevin." He smiled at me. I ignored him and watched the screen as it loaded up. "You're in my seat." I didn't need to turn to see that was Raven. "Sit over there." He pointed to my chair. "Get out of my fucking chair Joshua Weir." She said, I logged into my computer and tried to ignore them as they argued.
In the end the teacher told Raven to sit down and she was forced to sit in Joshua's chair. "You wanna eat lunch with me?" Joshua asked with another smile on his face. I continued ignoring him. "Kevinnnnn" He whispered, very close to me. So close I could feel his breath on the skin of my neck and it gave me the chills. "Yes?" I asked, just wanting him to get away from me. "Why won't you look at me?" He whispered, maybe even closer now. "Leave me a-a-alone." I stuttered just trying to control myself.
"But you're my new friend Kevin, please be my new friend." He whispered slowly, he kissed the bottom of my ear and then pulled away and started to do his work. As if he hadn't just kissed me.
I asked to be excused and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. I looked tired. I didn't look perfect, I looked broken. I had to fix that. I straightened my shirt and make sure my hair was neat and then smiled. "Perfect." I whispered and walked slowly out.
~*~
"Kevin...my dad wants to see you...now." Joshua smiled at me as I was walking to the cafeteria with Susan and Miley. "He does?" I asked and Joshua nodded slightly and then grabbed my arm and pulled me away. He pulled me out to the tree. "I thought you said that your dad..." I whispered slowly. Nervous that I was alone with him. "Oh no, I lied. You wanna punish me?" Joshua asked-sounding a little excited. I shook my head, confused and looked down at my shoes. "I wanted you to eat lunch with me." He said, sitting down and pulling on my arm. I pulled it away. How come he couldn't understand that I didn't want to be around him? That I wanted to get over him? How come he was doing all this to me??
"You can't just start being nice to me because you found out my life is pretty fucked up." I said and walked away. I turned around once to see him staring, dumb-struck at me as I walked away.
"Kevie!" Miley smiled as I sat across from her and next to Susan. "What did the reverend want?" Susan asked, looking scared. I shook my head. Not wanting to talk about Joshua. I loved him. I hated him. I wanted him to leave me alone. I wanted him to shove me against a wall and make out with me. I wanted him to go away and I never wanted him to leave me alone.
"Guess what babe." She said and I couldn't control my smile, or the high-pitched happiness in my voice,"What?" I asked and she giggled,"I'm coming to see you next week!" She yelled and I jumped up. "Really?" I asked thinking about everything we could do if she came. "Yeah baby, and I'm staying for the rest of the school year...uh...grandpa passed away." Her voice became quiet. She lived with our grandfather who lived in the country all alone.
"Oh..." I said trying not to sound too happy. I hadn't seen her since we were 12 and she wore butterfly clips in her hair.
"So anyways, Auntie Marge said I have to share your room and I should ask...can we bunk together?" She asked and I nodded for a minute before realizing she couldn't see me. "Yeah! I'll get everything ready for you." I said. We talked for a while. I told her about the attacks on Raven, I told her about the church, I told her about the new people, I told her about the candy loving girl I had come to know, and I told her about my heart breaks, and so called relationships. She told me about grandpa's death, her friends, that she still wore butterfly clips in her hair, and that I was still her favorite cousin. I didn't feel like pointing out that I was her only cousin. We said our goodbyes and I fell asleep with a smile on for the first time in a long time.
~*~
I heard the sound of tinkling, like metal hitting metal before I actually saw her. She ran over to me and jumped on me. I soaked her appearance up. My little cousin had changed a lot since we were 12. Yeah little cousin, I don't care if we're the same age.
She was wearing so many bracelets on each hand it looked like if she took them off she would be about 15 pounds lighter. Her hair was a fading firetruck red with messy curls poking out of the the sloppy bun she had thrown it in. Her make up was simple enough, nothing like Raven's and yet completely the same. He clothes were unique to her and yet the same as anybody else. Her smile was big enough to light up an entire city and I didn't realize how much I missed her until I started crying.
"You're a big baby." She giggled and kissed my cheeks, getting off of me. She was so small for a 17-year old. The stripes and rips on her stockings made it seem like she had been through a lot but at the same time it made them look better then I could have imagined them new. Everything about her was old and worn and I couldn't help but stare it wonder. "Kevin...KEVIN!" She clapped her hands in front of my face, bringing me out of my trance. I jumped and shook my head,"Can we go home now?" She swung her backpack around her back and I nodded, leading the way to my mom's car. I can drive I just usually choose not to.
~*~
"I can not believe your parents are letting me do this to you." Miley said, running her hands through my hair. I closed my eyes tight and waited for her to put the black dye in it. The dull brown was going to go and jet black was going to replace it.
She squeezed it out and used the comb to smooth it out. It was cold. I shuddered and tried not to look in the mirror.
"Okay...I'm done." She after washing my hair for what seemed like the millionth time. I looked in the mirror. The black made my grey eyes seem to shine, or maybe it was the smile I hadn't been able to remove since Miley had gotten here. "You look hot." MIley said and I snorted and looked at her, biting my lip slowly. "Joshua will be all over you." She whispered my eyes grew. She wasn't supposed to say anything out loud!
Plus Joshua wouldn't be all over me, because Joshua now knew what I was. Joshua would never look at me ever again.
I didn't want him to either; he shouldn't have to look at a pushover like me. "Okay...you wanna do me?" Miley looked pained as she held up the bottle of bleach out to me. Mom and dad said she could dye my hair a normal color of she would dye hers back a normal color. "Are you sure? I'm done now, they can't take it back now." I said and she shook her head,"A promise is a promise." She said and I nodded, reading how to do it on the back of the box. I opened it slowly and put the latex gloves on before putting the stuff in her hair.
"Oh my god Kevin don't lie to me, I can't look at it." She said with an absolutely terrified look on her face. I looked her and her now blonde hair. "It looks good!" I promised. It did look good, just didn't really look like it would be her thing.
She turned around and screamed. My hands flew to my ears and my mom ran through the door and looked from Miley to me and then back. Miley fell to the flood and looked up at my mom,"Oh my gosh." She said. My mom sat on the floor next to her and hugged her. "It's okay honey...do you have any black left?" She asked me and I nodded, there was a little left. My mom kicked me out of the bathroom. I'd never seen her look so concerned about anything in my life. She always seemed to grin and bear things-not take charge and fix things. Especially things like hair.
Two hours later Miley came out of the bathroom with horizontal stripes of black going through her hair in different places, she looked like she had been crying and my mom was smiling. She actually kind of looked like a raccoon. But I liked it, it was pretty, and it was a lot better then when it had been just blonde. "Thank you Auntie Marge." Miley said and my mom smiled at her and walked out of the room. "She really knows what she's doing." Miley said as we both walked back into my room.
~*~
"HEY YOU!" Someone yelled as we stepped out of my mom's car. She had dropped us off today. If Miley didn't have jingling jewelry and stripes in her hair she would look like everyone else did, she was already perfect like them.
"CHICK WITH THE STRIPES!" The same voice yelled. Miley looked at the source. I didn't need to. I stood there awkwardly as Raven and Jason walked up to us. "Who did your stripes?" Raven asked Miley who looked confused. The look passed and she looked at Raven. "A friend..." She said glancing back at me. "Why are you hanging out with him? You do know because you're not just like him he'll ditch you when you need a friend? And you do know he's a complete fake asshole? And you are aware that he thinks this place is perfection?" Miley's eyebrows raised and she looked at Raven,"Are you aware he's my cousin?" She asked, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from them.
"Was that her?" Miley asked me when we got under a tree where no one else was. "Was that him?" She asked and I nodded. "Well I think if he's going out with is cousin like that well that's gross." She said and I laughed realizing that she had asked about Joshua; not Jason. I don't know where Joshua was. "No that's her boyfriend, Jason." I said.
"Lucky man-whore." Someone said from behind me. I turned around to face my 'girlfriend' who was wearing no make up and her hair was hanging loosely from a pony tail.
"Awe baby." I said hugging her close to me. Miley stared at us with a far-away look on her face. She dazed out a lot. I think it's from living up there with grandpa for so long and not having much else to do. "Miley Joanson?" Susan asked when she pulled away from me. Miley looked at her and nodded. Susan smiled shyly and then walked away. "Hold on Miles." I said running after my girlfriend. "What's wrong baby?" I asked, Miley's use of pet names was rubbing off of me. "Miley was the first person I ever...liked." Susan whispered. I almost didn't hear her. "What?!" I asked and she nodded. "So...I'll just...I think-I don't feel good." She stuttered and pulled away from me.
I watched her walk away and walked back over to Miley. How come everyone in this town had all these weird ideas and secrets and things they didn't tell anyone else? How come everyone had this deep urge to be this morphed reality of what we've been told perfection is. How is it in the real world? Surely not like this. Surely in a place where everyone is so un-accepting...surely out there people are accepting? I mean you would think there would be an in between somewhere.
But as someone much smarter then me had once stated: the world is full of evil people.
But what about the evil people? In their own minds don't they believe that they're doing the right thing? I mean everyone tells themselves something so much that they start to believe it-true or not. Like people who are in cults and suicide bombers. People like that truly believe that what they're doing is the right thing to them we're the bad guys and I guess it goes in a circle of people who think they're doing the right thing. I guess you have to go back to what you think is right and wrong. Your moral values. Your view of ethics. I sighed and walked to my first class. Miley only had science with me, which I was sad about because I was hoping that we would have more classes together.
I sat down and turned my computer on. Joshua sat down next to me, instead of two seats over.
"Hey Kevin." He smiled at me. I ignored him and watched the screen as it loaded up. "You're in my seat." I didn't need to turn to see that was Raven. "Sit over there." He pointed to my chair. "Get out of my fucking chair Joshua Weir." She said, I logged into my computer and tried to ignore them as they argued.
In the end the teacher told Raven to sit down and she was forced to sit in Joshua's chair. "You wanna eat lunch with me?" Joshua asked with another smile on his face. I continued ignoring him. "Kevinnnnn" He whispered, very close to me. So close I could feel his breath on the skin of my neck and it gave me the chills. "Yes?" I asked, just wanting him to get away from me. "Why won't you look at me?" He whispered, maybe even closer now. "Leave me a-a-alone." I stuttered just trying to control myself.
"But you're my new friend Kevin, please be my new friend." He whispered slowly, he kissed the bottom of my ear and then pulled away and started to do his work. As if he hadn't just kissed me.
I asked to be excused and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. I looked tired. I didn't look perfect, I looked broken. I had to fix that. I straightened my shirt and make sure my hair was neat and then smiled. "Perfect." I whispered and walked slowly out.
~*~
"Kevin...my dad wants to see you...now." Joshua smiled at me as I was walking to the cafeteria with Susan and Miley. "He does?" I asked and Joshua nodded slightly and then grabbed my arm and pulled me away. He pulled me out to the tree. "I thought you said that your dad..." I whispered slowly. Nervous that I was alone with him. "Oh no, I lied. You wanna punish me?" Joshua asked-sounding a little excited. I shook my head, confused and looked down at my shoes. "I wanted you to eat lunch with me." He said, sitting down and pulling on my arm. I pulled it away. How come he couldn't understand that I didn't want to be around him? That I wanted to get over him? How come he was doing all this to me??
"You can't just start being nice to me because you found out my life is pretty fucked up." I said and walked away. I turned around once to see him staring, dumb-struck at me as I walked away.
"Kevie!" Miley smiled as I sat across from her and next to Susan. "What did the reverend want?" Susan asked, looking scared. I shook my head. Not wanting to talk about Joshua. I loved him. I hated him. I wanted him to leave me alone. I wanted him to shove me against a wall and make out with me. I wanted him to go away and I never wanted him to leave me alone.