Sequel: Nothings Gunna Change My World ›
Cute Is What the Gods Aim For
Sixteen
Back To Kevin's Point Of View
I was walking away. I knew people were calling out to me but I couldn't hear them. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears as Miley pulled me away from the bleeding, hurt Joshua. "It's rude to stare." Raven looked directly at me and I gave into the demands of Miley who looked as pale as a ghost.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked as we walked out of the building. "I don't do blood." She whispered, falling to the ground and clutching her head in between her legs. I raised my eyebrows,"Since when does blood make you sick?" She shook her head and took deep breaths.
Susan was standing awkwardly behind me. I turned and took her hand. I was more affectionate to her now that we were broken up and I knew about her secret.
Ten minutes later I saw Massie and Jason walk out of the building. She walked over to me [more like skipped-I can see where Raven gets it from] "Joshua says to tell you...something, something, something else, he needs to tell you something...Joshua...Jason-I can't remember what he said!" She exclaimed. Jason laughed and looked at me,"Well he said don't listen to anything Raven says because she doesn't know anything about anything and that he'll talk to you soon." And before I could think about his words and tell him my response of how I doubted Raven would talk to me at all and how I didn't want to talk to Joshua, they were both gone-out of the parking lot and racing around the corner.
"Come on." I helped Miley up and made her start walking to our house. Susan was still standing awkwardly where she had been the entire time. As if she wasn't sure if she was supposed to be there. "Are you coming?" I asked. She smiled and sighed in relief and ran to catch up. We walked slowly to our home because Miley was feeling dizzy and sick still from the sight of Joshua's blood.
It was when I opened the door and let Susan help Miley in that I saw her. "Kevin! I need to talk to you." Raven said, standing at the end of my yard as if she was afraid to take a step further onto my actual property. "You wanna come in? We have...tea I think..." I said trying to think of the things I would be able to offer if she did come in. Not much, not anything she would want.
"I think it would be much better if you just...came over here." She looked mad. I hadn't done anything to her. I hadn't talked to any of her friends in the sense of us having an actual conversation. I wasn't corrupting her poor Joshua or anything.
I walked to the end of the small pathway that led to where she was standing and as soon as I was close enough she slapped me. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" She screamed at me as if I was across town. I looked at her. What was I thinking...when? "HE COULD HAVE KILLED HIMSELF!" She said and I cocked an eyebrow. Who were we talking about? Surely not Joshua. He just hurt his hand. I bet her fell or...something. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?! I'M BLAMING YOU FOR WHATEVER IS WRONG WITH HIM!!" She informed me. Wrong with...Joshua?! I didn't do anything to Joshua. I myself, personally-would love to have nothing to do with him because it was too hard. Another slap came. I grasped my cheek; there would be bruises tomorrow. "YOU-YOU-I HATE YOU KEVIN!" She screamed and then looked at me with wide eyes. I stared in disbelief.
"You hate me?" I asked indifferently. My lack of reaction seemed to make her madder then before. Like her feelings of dislike towards me should be something that completely halted the going-ons in my world. I actually thought they should too but nothing happened.
I felt oddly empty.
"You really shouldn't say hate Michelle, it's a strong word." I said and then turned around. She grabbed my arm and threw me around so I was looking at her. "WHY DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ANYTHING?! ABOUT ANYONE?? HUH KEVIN ANSWER THIS FOR ME: HOW CAN YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING HOW MUCH YOU HURT PEOPLE?!" She hit a nerve. The emptiness overfilled and suddenly it was filled with rage. Now it was me hurting other people?! I wasn't aware that being raped for having friends hurt other people.
Thinking about that made me think about Joshua and thinking about Joshua made the anger go away again. The complete empty shell came back and I was grateful. Empty was a lot easier.
"ANSWER ME!" She started pounding her fists into my chest. I barely felt it. It was like I floating out of my body. Leaving it there just so I wouldn't have to deal with this and the rest of me was going far, far away. I finally figured out how to turn myself onto auto-Pilate and I liked it.
Sometime later was when I finally regained 'consciousness' if that's what you want to call it. It was like I had been asleep because I couldn't remember anything I had done but I had been awake because when it happened i was in the middle of have Miley shake her hand in front of my face. "Have a nice little day dream Kevin?" She asked. I smiled, she looked a lot better then she had this afternoon. "I dunno..." I said not being able to remember what I was thinking about and how long I was thinking about it. "Oh well Raven was hitting you so I went out there and made her stop. She seemed really mad when she ran way screaming in frustration. I tried to remember the seventeen year old girl I had once called my best friend for a short time running away...screaming in frustration. I concentrated on remembering and I found if I focused on the details Miley had given me that I could remember.
"What is up with you anyways?" Miley sat down on the floor, legs crossed, looking up at me. I shrugged and looked at my pants. "Kids?" My mom's voice filtered through the walls into the living room where me and Miley were sitting. I got up and looked down the hallway where she was standing,"We're in here." I said and she smiled. I kind of always assumed my mom with this horrible person who didn't care about me and now I just see her as someone who has a heart but it's blinded but a false sense of perfection and mutilated version of religion.
"Well I was wondering if you guys would mind fending for yourselves tonight...for dinner?" She asked, looking hopeful. "Why?" I asked, not even thinking about the re-precautions I should take. I'd never in my life had an entire conversation with my mother. "Well I'm tired and the house is a mess and your father has to work late, I thought I would clean up and make him something before he got home. You know so he won't have to re-heat anything?" She was telling me, but her eyes held a pleading expression. As if she needed for me to understand what she was telling me and why. All I could see was that she needed some time off. "We'll clean the house Auntie Marge." Miley spoke up before I could.
She looked from Miley's face and then to mine. "Would you?" She begged and we both nodded. I'm not an expert at cleaning anything but it didn't seem to be too hard. "Thank you so much!" I my mom latched her arms around me awkwardly and then moved away slowly. I'm pretty sure that was one of the first ever times my mother has ever hugged me. Of course it wasn't the first but for me it was the first that I could remember.
Three hours later I collapsed on the bed. Miley had to show me how to do all the cleaning and she had made me do everything about a million times because, apparently, I'm not very good at it. I wasn't even hungry anymore. I mean I don't eat much anyways but sometimes before I see the food I get a hunger inside of me and I make myself something. Then when it's done I have to see it, and I have to smell it and suddenly I'm not hungry anymore. Cleaning seemed to have the same effect. Or maybe my body was so tired from doing everything with little sleep and nothing to eat. It's not my fault I couldn't sleep, every time I drifted into a real slumber he was waiting for me, in all the dark corners of every dream. He was always there and he was always saying the same thing 'You must be perfect Kevin.
Miley sighed and sat down on her small, temporary bed. We were planning on getting her a real one soon. "You know, there's something wrong with your mom." She said and I nodded. I complexly agreed. My mom usually did everything she could to hide her emotions from me. It wasn't like her to 'break down' like that. Which for my mom, what she had done-that was like a complete break down in my eyes.
"Yeah..." I said, trying to avoid her eyes. Because I think she had an idea why. I did too but it was so stupid. My dad was a christian. He wouldn't go against the ten commandments.
"Kevin...do you think that he-" I interrupted her. "Shut up." I said, laying down and rolling over to face my wall.
"I love you Kevin." Miley said before kissing my cheek and turning off the light.
~*~
"Have a good day kids!" My mom called after me and Miley as we climbed out of her car. She insisted on her driving us to school today. "You too mom." I waved and slammed the back door shut. Miley grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the tree where Susan was sitting with a book in her lap. I sat down next to her and Miley sat down across from me. "How was your...night?" Susan asked. I shrugged and tangled my fingers into her own.
"Yours too?" She asked and I smiled. Leaning my head against the tree. Joshua and Raven walked right past us. Joshua stared at me until they were in the building.
He seemed to be mad at me again. This is...a good thing right?
I was walking away. I knew people were calling out to me but I couldn't hear them. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears as Miley pulled me away from the bleeding, hurt Joshua. "It's rude to stare." Raven looked directly at me and I gave into the demands of Miley who looked as pale as a ghost.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked as we walked out of the building. "I don't do blood." She whispered, falling to the ground and clutching her head in between her legs. I raised my eyebrows,"Since when does blood make you sick?" She shook her head and took deep breaths.
Susan was standing awkwardly behind me. I turned and took her hand. I was more affectionate to her now that we were broken up and I knew about her secret.
Ten minutes later I saw Massie and Jason walk out of the building. She walked over to me [more like skipped-I can see where Raven gets it from] "Joshua says to tell you...something, something, something else, he needs to tell you something...Joshua...Jason-I can't remember what he said!" She exclaimed. Jason laughed and looked at me,"Well he said don't listen to anything Raven says because she doesn't know anything about anything and that he'll talk to you soon." And before I could think about his words and tell him my response of how I doubted Raven would talk to me at all and how I didn't want to talk to Joshua, they were both gone-out of the parking lot and racing around the corner.
"Come on." I helped Miley up and made her start walking to our house. Susan was still standing awkwardly where she had been the entire time. As if she wasn't sure if she was supposed to be there. "Are you coming?" I asked. She smiled and sighed in relief and ran to catch up. We walked slowly to our home because Miley was feeling dizzy and sick still from the sight of Joshua's blood.
It was when I opened the door and let Susan help Miley in that I saw her. "Kevin! I need to talk to you." Raven said, standing at the end of my yard as if she was afraid to take a step further onto my actual property. "You wanna come in? We have...tea I think..." I said trying to think of the things I would be able to offer if she did come in. Not much, not anything she would want.
"I think it would be much better if you just...came over here." She looked mad. I hadn't done anything to her. I hadn't talked to any of her friends in the sense of us having an actual conversation. I wasn't corrupting her poor Joshua or anything.
I walked to the end of the small pathway that led to where she was standing and as soon as I was close enough she slapped me. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" She screamed at me as if I was across town. I looked at her. What was I thinking...when? "HE COULD HAVE KILLED HIMSELF!" She said and I cocked an eyebrow. Who were we talking about? Surely not Joshua. He just hurt his hand. I bet her fell or...something. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?! I'M BLAMING YOU FOR WHATEVER IS WRONG WITH HIM!!" She informed me. Wrong with...Joshua?! I didn't do anything to Joshua. I myself, personally-would love to have nothing to do with him because it was too hard. Another slap came. I grasped my cheek; there would be bruises tomorrow. "YOU-YOU-I HATE YOU KEVIN!" She screamed and then looked at me with wide eyes. I stared in disbelief.
"You hate me?" I asked indifferently. My lack of reaction seemed to make her madder then before. Like her feelings of dislike towards me should be something that completely halted the going-ons in my world. I actually thought they should too but nothing happened.
I felt oddly empty.
"You really shouldn't say hate Michelle, it's a strong word." I said and then turned around. She grabbed my arm and threw me around so I was looking at her. "WHY DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ANYTHING?! ABOUT ANYONE?? HUH KEVIN ANSWER THIS FOR ME: HOW CAN YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING HOW MUCH YOU HURT PEOPLE?!" She hit a nerve. The emptiness overfilled and suddenly it was filled with rage. Now it was me hurting other people?! I wasn't aware that being raped for having friends hurt other people.
Thinking about that made me think about Joshua and thinking about Joshua made the anger go away again. The complete empty shell came back and I was grateful. Empty was a lot easier.
"ANSWER ME!" She started pounding her fists into my chest. I barely felt it. It was like I floating out of my body. Leaving it there just so I wouldn't have to deal with this and the rest of me was going far, far away. I finally figured out how to turn myself onto auto-Pilate and I liked it.
Sometime later was when I finally regained 'consciousness' if that's what you want to call it. It was like I had been asleep because I couldn't remember anything I had done but I had been awake because when it happened i was in the middle of have Miley shake her hand in front of my face. "Have a nice little day dream Kevin?" She asked. I smiled, she looked a lot better then she had this afternoon. "I dunno..." I said not being able to remember what I was thinking about and how long I was thinking about it. "Oh well Raven was hitting you so I went out there and made her stop. She seemed really mad when she ran way screaming in frustration. I tried to remember the seventeen year old girl I had once called my best friend for a short time running away...screaming in frustration. I concentrated on remembering and I found if I focused on the details Miley had given me that I could remember.
"What is up with you anyways?" Miley sat down on the floor, legs crossed, looking up at me. I shrugged and looked at my pants. "Kids?" My mom's voice filtered through the walls into the living room where me and Miley were sitting. I got up and looked down the hallway where she was standing,"We're in here." I said and she smiled. I kind of always assumed my mom with this horrible person who didn't care about me and now I just see her as someone who has a heart but it's blinded but a false sense of perfection and mutilated version of religion.
"Well I was wondering if you guys would mind fending for yourselves tonight...for dinner?" She asked, looking hopeful. "Why?" I asked, not even thinking about the re-precautions I should take. I'd never in my life had an entire conversation with my mother. "Well I'm tired and the house is a mess and your father has to work late, I thought I would clean up and make him something before he got home. You know so he won't have to re-heat anything?" She was telling me, but her eyes held a pleading expression. As if she needed for me to understand what she was telling me and why. All I could see was that she needed some time off. "We'll clean the house Auntie Marge." Miley spoke up before I could.
She looked from Miley's face and then to mine. "Would you?" She begged and we both nodded. I'm not an expert at cleaning anything but it didn't seem to be too hard. "Thank you so much!" I my mom latched her arms around me awkwardly and then moved away slowly. I'm pretty sure that was one of the first ever times my mother has ever hugged me. Of course it wasn't the first but for me it was the first that I could remember.
Three hours later I collapsed on the bed. Miley had to show me how to do all the cleaning and she had made me do everything about a million times because, apparently, I'm not very good at it. I wasn't even hungry anymore. I mean I don't eat much anyways but sometimes before I see the food I get a hunger inside of me and I make myself something. Then when it's done I have to see it, and I have to smell it and suddenly I'm not hungry anymore. Cleaning seemed to have the same effect. Or maybe my body was so tired from doing everything with little sleep and nothing to eat. It's not my fault I couldn't sleep, every time I drifted into a real slumber he was waiting for me, in all the dark corners of every dream. He was always there and he was always saying the same thing 'You must be perfect Kevin.
Miley sighed and sat down on her small, temporary bed. We were planning on getting her a real one soon. "You know, there's something wrong with your mom." She said and I nodded. I complexly agreed. My mom usually did everything she could to hide her emotions from me. It wasn't like her to 'break down' like that. Which for my mom, what she had done-that was like a complete break down in my eyes.
"Yeah..." I said, trying to avoid her eyes. Because I think she had an idea why. I did too but it was so stupid. My dad was a christian. He wouldn't go against the ten commandments.
"Kevin...do you think that he-" I interrupted her. "Shut up." I said, laying down and rolling over to face my wall.
"I love you Kevin." Miley said before kissing my cheek and turning off the light.
~*~
"Have a good day kids!" My mom called after me and Miley as we climbed out of her car. She insisted on her driving us to school today. "You too mom." I waved and slammed the back door shut. Miley grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the tree where Susan was sitting with a book in her lap. I sat down next to her and Miley sat down across from me. "How was your...night?" Susan asked. I shrugged and tangled my fingers into her own.
"Yours too?" She asked and I smiled. Leaning my head against the tree. Joshua and Raven walked right past us. Joshua stared at me until they were in the building.
He seemed to be mad at me again. This is...a good thing right?