Cute Is What the Gods Aim For

"I wanna buy you something pretty." Joshua said as we entered a small store with loud music pounding from within. "Something pretty?" I asked and Joshua nodded and ran to the back of the store.

He ran back with a black shirt that had some band name on it. "Do you like it?" He asked. I looked at it closer. It said "Paramore" and had exploding hearts all over it. "Would you wear it?" He looked so excited the only thing I could say was yes. "YAY!!" He jumped up and down and ran over to the heavily pierced girl standing behind the counter. "Can I buy this Maria?" He asked and she smiled. "I dunno Joshua, can you?"

"Fuck you Maria, I like my grammar."

"Now Joshua? 'Cause ya know I like you." My eyes were huge, did she just offer to have sex with him?!

"I'm gay Maria."

"I'm a lesbian." She smiled and then they both started laughing. She rung the shirt up and then smiled at me while she handed the bag to Joshua. "See you later?" She asked and he nodded and then took my hand and suddenly we were gone; somewhere else entirely in just a second. This was the third time I had ever even been to the city. My mom always went without me and got what I needed. "Are you hungry baby?" We were standing outside a bright building and I was assuming it was some sort or restaurant.

He didn't bother with an answer he just led me in and sat me down. "What do you want to eat?" He asked and I felt sick. I couldn't eat in front of him. I couldn't let him see me stuff my face. I couldn't bring myself to let him see my imperfection. "I'm-not-hungry." I said as quickly as I could, half hoping he would understand the words and not say anything and the other half hoping he hadn't heard at all and would just think that I didn't hear him.

"You're not? You haven't eaten all day though." He told me [as if I didn't know]. "I know but...you eat!" I smiled happily and watched and he looked down at the menu in his hands.

"I'm getting you chicken strips." He informed me as he closed the menu. Chicken strips? "No! Because I won't eat them and it'll just waste your money." I pleaded with him. I really didn't want him wasting money on me.

"Wasting my money? Kevin-I'm spending money on you; That's the furthest thing from wasting it that I can think of." He took my hand which was resting on the table and rubbed his thumb over the back of it. "Please eat it...?" I looked at his face. How could he not see how much of a fatty freak I am? How can he not see that I'm completely wrong for anyone and that I'll never amount to anything?

"Are you ready?" The waitress eyed Joshua thoughtfully and then put a flirty smile on her face. "Yeah we'll have two Chicken Strip dinners...Kevin what do you want to drink?" I couldn't answer; if I even looked at him I would burst into tears,"And two cokes." She jotted it down and walked away. Joshua got up and walked across the table to me, squatting down and looking into my eyes. "What's wrong baby?" He asked quietly, in a soothing voice. "Joshua...I'm not close to being perfect enough to be here with you." And as I said it out loud the truth of my words rang clear in the air and the tears started falling relentlessly down my face.

"Kevin! No, baby, no." He scooted me over in the booth and sat down next to me, hugging me close. People were staring and he didn't seem to care. As soon as I was in his arms I didn't either. He whispered in my ear,"You're too perfect to be here with me."

"You're too amazing to be crying like this baby."

And finally the smallest of whispers,"I was so wrong about you."

I stopped crying and Joshua didn't budge, he still held me close and kissed me once in a while. On the cheek, on the neck, close to my ear; he whispered sweet things in my ear once in a while. It was my heaven.

It was my perfection.

The girl brought our drinks and then our food, each time looking at us with an endearing smile adorning her entire face. She seemed nice enough, even if 'creepy' came to mind with the looks she gave us. "Eat?" Joshia held out a chicken strip to me, I opened my mouth a little and he placed a piece inside-a smile so big on his face that it made me want to eat more just so he would keep smiling like that forever. I chewed. It was actually really good.

About an hour later we were both walking out of the restaurant. I kind of felt really sick. You can't not eat for almost a week and then eat a whole plate of food. "Are you okay Kev?" Joshua looked at me with concern written all over his body language.

"I'm fine." I tried to smile. All I really wanted to do was throw my guts up and lay in bed. "Too much food?" He asked and I nodded. "Come on let's get a hotel room so you can lie down." I stared at him. A hotel room? What if he was just like his father? What if he just wanted to use me like he had? What if this was all some sort of trap so that the reverend could get to me again? What if Joshua just pretended to like me because his father made him? A million questions ran through my head as I stood there staring at Joshua, I only asked one. "Why did you bring me here?"

Joshua looked down to the stoplight about a block away and then back at me,"Because I wanted you to not have to worry about the way you acted around me. I wanted you to see how amazing you are. I wanted you to like me too." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and shrugged his shoulders, looking down at his shoes.

He thought I didn't like him?! Oh my god, this poor guy. I was in love with him. "Joshua! I love you!" I told him and then stopped. Oops. Too soon to say that?

"Really?" He asked, his hair had covered his face a bit and it looked incredibly good. He took a timid step closer to me. "I love you too." He whispered before closing the rest of the distance between us and kissing my lips softly. He kissed him back slowly. I didn't really know what I was doing. Perfect Kevin who's always had a girlfriend didn't know how to kiss.

Joshua pulled away and giggled. It was like the best sound I had ever heard in my life.

"Come on Kevin! Let's go get ice cream!!" He grabbed my hand and started skipping, I had to run to keep from being dragged behind him. "Ice cream!?" I asked with alarm. I couldn't eat anything else. At all. Ever.

"Okay hotel room first?" He asked and I nodded. We walked to a Motel 6 and got a cheap room. We went there and washed up. I put my new shirt on and Joshua smiled,"I'm gunna buy you more band shirts, they look really good." He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me. I felt his tongue gently probing my lips. I let it in and felt gently push up against the roof of my own mouth and then slowly started wrapping itself around my tongue.

I moaned and Joshua's lips curved upward into a smile and the passion in the kiss increased. It was so much; How many times had I dreamed of this moment? How many more moments would I get to experience more perfect then this one? I held him closer to me. "Wait...can we do this after ice cream?" Joshua pulled away and smiled like a small child, a smile I recognized; Raven smiled like that when she was excited about something.

I let Joshua tangle his fingers with mine and pull me out of the hotel room down to a Dairy Queen where he got the biggest possible ice cream on the planet and downed it himself.

He was as giddy as a child who's parents sleep in on Saturday and he ends up having cake for breakfast.

I wanted him to be like that forever.