Cute Is What the Gods Aim For

"What are we going to do when we get home?" I asked Joshua as we sat at the bus stop waiting for the actual bus that would come and take us home.

"I dunno...my dads back..." Joshua said slowly and then wrapped his fingers around mine. I smiled and held on, we could only do this for a little while before we would be home.

Joshua pulled out his ipod and handed me a headphone while turning it on. I'd never really listened to music before. I'd heard it, we sang in church-but if you asked me to name off my favorite song I wouldn't be able to because I didn't have one.

A small, steady...nice guitar solo filled my ear before hearing a guy start singing. Joshua smiled and I listened to the words, it was a sweet song. The chorus is what got my attention. "Your slow, shaking finger tips show that you're scared like me so let's pretend that we're alone. And I know you may be scared and I know we're unprepared-but I don't care. Tell me, tell me what makes you think that you're invincible? I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure. Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable...impossible." The next nine words Joshua said out loud and to me, "I was born to tell you I love you. Isn't that a song already? I get a B in originality. And it's true I can't go on without you. Your smile makes me see clearer, if you could only see in the mirror...what I see."

I blushed and bit my lip to keep the smile that was threatening to take over my entire face.

Joshua put his fingers to my lips and pulled my teeth away from them and the smile came out. Joshua smiled when my face lit up and his lips inched closer and closer to my own. He kissed me gently and wrapped his arms around my neck before pulling away when we heard some woman gasp at us.

The bus pulled up and we stumbled on without disconnecting our ears. Again there was no one else on it except for an old lady in the very front already standing up, waiting to get off. We moved all the way to the back. Joshua hugged me close and whispered the words to the songs we were listening to into my ear.

"Are you hungry?" He asked as the bus pulled up in a town with a few stores and people walking up and down the streets to get gas and pick up more passengers. The bus driver said we had 15 minutes. "Not really..." Joshua pouted, "Please will you eat something?" He asked and I shrugged and followed him off of the bus.

We walked into a small fifties type diner and Joshua ordered two slices of pizza to go.

We took it and ate it while waiting for the bus driver to be done with whatever he was doing. I could only eat half of mine before feeling completely ill and throwing it away, Joshua ate all of his. I put a stick of gum in my mouth and chewed it thoughtfully while listening to some upbeat some that kind of made me think of Raven.

"She's worried...about you..."

Was she really? There was no way I could be sure of her feelings towards me. She hated me, or so I thought. I decided not to think about it, it's not like I could really be friends with her anyways because she didn't understand. No one understood.

"Come on." Joshua pulled me back onto the bus, the only other occupant still being the old man who was slightly overweight, driving the bus. We walked to our old seat and sat down. "Are you okay?" Joshua pushed some of my hair out of my face while I just nodded.

"I won't let them get you, I won't let him get you, you know why?" Joshua asked me, I looked up at him. Could he really mean the things he said? "Why?" I finally spit out. His smile grew, he wrapped his arms around me, "Because you're all mine." Then he planted his lips on mine and nothing mattered anymore. It was me, it was him and it was love. I loved this boy more then it might be physically good for me to.

We rode the rest of the way home not talking but at peace and always touching. We got off the bus and my mom hugged me, followed by Miley, Massie, and Raven who attacked me. "Are you okay!? Did you get sick?!! Why are you so pale??? Did you do something to him?! Did he do something to you????" She threw questions around while hugging me close to her. My mom laughed, she was smiling so big...she was crying. "I'm fine Raven." I finally said and she let go a little so I could breathe. "Good." She said and jumped up to kiss my cheek. I walked over to my mom,"Mom?" I asked she looked up at me. "I already knew baby." She said and kissed my cheek. I watched dumbfounded as she walked to her car. She knew I was gay?

"Yeah I'm really sorry about that whole worrying thing Kevie." Massie said and hugged me again. I hugged her back without really noticing what I was doing because I mean....She knew?!

"How...how does she know?!" I looked around to the people who had been around her. "She's known since you started hanging out with me I guess..." Raven said and I stared at my shoes.

My mother knows I'm gay.

I walked into the house, holding Joshua's hand and we walked into the living room. "What about dad?" I asked, finally being able to form a sentence after the entire duration of the ride home.

"Oh goodness no, your father is way too concerned with work then anything else. As a matter of fact he's left on a business trip for a while." My mom said 'work' with such intensity that I knew what I had been thinking about my dad was true...he was an evil lion tamer who liked animals more then his own family.

What? No. Where did that come from? He's a worthless man who enjoys being an adulator.

"You kids just be happy, it does my heart good to see Kevin finally have real friends." My mom said and went into the kitchen. I would never thing I would experience the feeling I'm feeling right now toward my mom, but I was...I love her. I always thought she wanted perfection. I always thought I wasn't good enough for her. I always thought if she found out she would kill me and then bleach the house and act like nothing had happened. Turns out she just wanted me happy? I am happy...now.

"I told you." Joshua whispered, he pulled me closer to him and started singing into my ear, "Love of mine, someday you will die but I'll be close behind and follow you into the dark. No blinding light, or tunnels to gates of white-just our hands clasped so tight...waiting for the hint of a spark. If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied and illuminate the 'No's on their vacancy signs: If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks-then I'll follow you into the dark." I giggled and kissed him. "I love you." I said and Joshua nodded,"I love you more." He said before a pillow was thrown at us.

"PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION!" Raven screamed and jumped on top of us.

"NO! You'll break him!" Joshua shoved her off of me. She put a pouty face on and I had to get up and hug her. "I love you Raven." I whispered and she giggled,"Why I love you more Kev-Kev." Then she skipped into the kitchen where my mom was.

I walked over to Joshua. I wasn't so scared anymore...I had my friends and I'm pretty sure I had a boyfriend and he was the most perfect boy on the face of the planet.