my diary 03-04-13

wednesday 03-04-13

dear diary
today my mom totally hit me up.... now my whole body is full with scratches and bruises, they are stil bleeding. and it hurts so much that i'm shaking! I'm glad I've begged her to stop... I would hate to think what else would have happened! she's still yelling every single time that she hates me and that i'm not good enough... it's making me SOO mad! i'm missing my foster parents so much, but most of all i miss amanda (she was my foster sister for almost 2 years). her parents didn't want me anymore... they said i had too much problems.... but i can't help it it's the way i am! i just really miss amanda she always knew how to make me feel good without doing a big thing.... just a smile or a little hugg just being there for me was enough to stay alive for a little longer.... just for a little while that i didn't think of suicide! but now, now she's gone and it's my own DAMN fault.... i'm just so fucking stupid i should had try harder..... i'm just crying and going insane right now about the fact that i wil never see amanda again :'(

i guess i will write later bye xo alexander