my diary 03-04-13

friday 05-04-13
dear diary,
today my mom didn't do anything :) i guess she wasn't even home, not that i care!
in the morning she braught me some food&water and said that it was for the whole day, it wasn't much but i don't care bcs i don't eat at all. then she walked downstairs and like 5 minutes later i heard a car riding away, so i guess it was my mom. i'm still very ill and i cutted today...
I spent the whole day in bed! i was thinking really much thinking. and i always draw what i think bcs then i can see my own thoughts. and they are obviously not about homework/friends or anything like that (i don't even go to school). the things i think about are making me happy most of the time, bcs they are about Amanda. and sometimes they don't make me happy at all bcs then they are like things like: suicide or friends i don't have. i also think things like: 'i just want a hugg can i please get one?' or 'can someone just love me like Amanda did?' or 'can i just have a gf who loves me for who i am' or 'can i go outside for once just for once please?' but i don't dare to ask them bcs my mom wil go mad... but i like someone i really likelike my neighbour! she's 16 and her name is melanie and she is veryveryvery beautiful! she knows i exist but she thinks i'm at a foster family in the netherlands (yes my 2 foster familys where at the netherlands) but i'm really tired and dizzy so i guess it's better when i go and get some sleep right now
bye guys xo Alexander