2,000 Light Years Away

You know that feeling of nausea when you have all emotions mix inside you all at once? That feeling that makes you shiver and tremble with pain and anger.

I breathed out a nervous laugh. "That's not true."

"Oh, trust me, it's very true. Right Billie?" She smiled sarcastically at Billie.

I moved away from his contact and looked up at him. With hopes that she was lying. I waited for a minuet for him to reply. He looked down in shame before nodding.

Ouch, I can actually almost feel the bullet through my heart. The pain was so excruciating, I couldn't bare to look at them any longer. I was disgusted, hurt, angry, and betrayed. I shoved him away as I ran out of the cafeteria and out of the school. I ignored his calls for me to come back and I ignored his request to explain. Their was nothing he could explain, he lied to me. I wanted to cry and scream; hit and hurt everything in sight. I drove off to my house and ran inside my room, locking it. If I could, I would have also nailed in some wood to cover the doorway. Just like they do in the cartoons. I had the house to myself, I screamed and shouted cuss words repeatedly mostly towards myself. I stopped screaming when I heard the door slam downstairs and footsteps quickly running up the stairs. I was guessing it was Billie who attempted to open my door.

"B-Baby, please let me explain!" He pleaded.

I quickly unlocked the door and swung it open with so much force, the wind blew my hair around my face. Fear took over his sad features once I stepped closer to him as I glared.

"Explain?! Hah! Explain about what Billie Joe? That you lied to me! You promised me! You promised me that you had nothing to hide! No wonder you've been acting so weird everytime she's around!" I shoved his shoulders, causing him to stumble back a bit.

"Lyrics, calm down please... I-It was a mistake, it was only suppose to be one night... and I didn't tell you because I was afraid."

"Afraid of what Billie?! You had absolutely nothing to be afraid about! If you told me you knocked her up in the beginning I wouldn't have been this fucking angry!! But you lied!! Out of all people, you lied..." It was getting harder and harder to talk every time I spoke. The lump in my throat was making it hard to speak.

He stepped closer to me, reaching for my hand but I backed away slowly. "Don't touch me."

"Lyrics... I'm sorry. Please, I'm sorry." He begged.

"You promised not to hurt me..." I forced out the words in a whisper, "When we started dating, you promised me you wouldn't hurt me. Well, you did Billie. And," I paused, not knowing what else to say. "It's over... I can't do this anymore. I need to focus on myself now. I'm sorry" I fought back the tears that was threatening to pour out of my eyes as the words rolled off my tongue like venom"

"W-What? Lyrics, please! Please, baby I'm so sorry please don't do this to me I fucking love you!" He got down on his knees as tears began to roll from his green orbs. But I grabbed his hands and gave them a little squeeze before bending down and giving him one last passionate kiss.

"Just... go." And with that I turned around and went into my room; locking it.

I slid myself down on the floor in front of the door as I heard his quiet sobs. I wanted to cry, I wanted to just breakdown and cry with him. Somewhere in my heart knew that this was a mistake, I should have gave myself time to get my feelings and thoughts together before falling into a relationship. But I wasn't thinking that with Billie. I thought I had nothing to worry about. But I was wrong, he lied and that's enough to burn down my bridges. Him, out of all people. Everything was coming at me at full speed and I wasn't ready for it. I repeat; My mom, the marriage, Jermaine, Penelope, and now Billie.

Oh Billie. You fool.

I wanted to take it back, I wanted to tell him that I didn't mean it. I don't want to just throw away 7 months together. I loved him and I know he loved me. But when I opened the door slowly, he was no longer there. Scooter came by my side and began to lick my hand and whimpered because he sensed my emotions, this time he knew I wasn't just PMS'ing. I got up, got on my bed, and slept.

Just slept that entire day.

Hopefully, I won't have to wake up anymore.

**
Now I completely related to the romantic movies when the girl goes through a tough heartbreak and slowly dies inside. I can feel their pain and I can understand their thoughts. The days I've been sleeping felt like centuries. I barley got up to do anything besides take a shower and use the bathroom whenever I had to. I barely ate and I knew I looked like shit. My hair all over the place, stains all over my shirt, make-up around my eyes sloppily. I have been skipping school and everyone tried coming to my house to see if I was okay. But my door was locked so they couldn't see how I am. I stared out the window as memories flooded in my mind when Billie and I stayed up all night just playing around, making love, and sweet talk. I missed him so much, but he hurted me. I still had yet to comprehend why he lied to me. I didn't understand why he was so scared.

I was so lost in my depression; I didn't even hear my door click open slowly.

"Lyrics?" Heather's voice penetrated through the silence. It felt like it was the first time I have heard someones voice. I was still staring out of my window when I didn't respond. So, she walked over and layed herself next to me. When I felt her arm wrap around me, I wanted to bawl right then and there. I closed my eyes to hold back tears. "Baby, you can't live like this," She stated. "We're all worried about you..."

I was silent. The lump prevented me from speaking, but then again, everything kept me from speaking.

"Lyrics, please. You've been in this room for a week. You stopped coming to school and--" She sighed deeply, "You need to get it together hun, you both need to. Billie--"

"Don't mention his name, please." My voice cracked when I spoke.

"Come on, you need to get up, get ready, and get out. You look like shit and so does this room," She got up and pulled me up from my bed. I felt like a elderly patient from a nursery home who needed special treatment.

"I don't want to," I said.

"Well, staying here isn't a choice now, here. Put that on," She threw me a pair of jeans and a Operation Ivy T-shirt.

When I was ready, we both got in her car and I layed my head on her window with my sunglasses on to hide away the pain in my eyes. I felt weird, I didn't feel like myself. Even though I'm sure I wasn't acting like myself either. Maybe Heather was right. I just need to get out, do something. Instead of being locked up in my room all day. But how can I? How can you just move on with your life when you feel like there's nothing worth living anymore? I was out of my mind. I couldn't bare not being with Billie anymore and now I know that breaking up with him was a huge mistake.

What am I going to do?