Nothings Gunna Change My World

Kevin's point of view;
I sat down next to Joshua, he looked at me slowly, the moonlight spilling across his cheek as he moved. "Kevin..." He whispered and I ran my fingers through his hair, "Joshua," I replied and we sat there for some time, just staring at each other.
He pulled me down next to him after what must have been at least an hour and I started crying, then he started crying and we stayed like that until neither one of us had an tears left. I missed being here, I missed the guarantee of being here, in Joshua's arms, where the world slowed and the sadness was only a dull ache rather than an unbearable, searing pain that I couldn't manage. This was my place in the world, how had I fucked this all up? "Joshua... I'm sorry," I said softly and looked up at him, he looked down at me with the saddest expression I've ever seen him be. "I broke up with you, Kevin... I can understand that you didn't do this to hurt me, I really can, I just it DOES hurt me and I don't know what to do about it."
It was weird, Joshua and I were never this honest and open with each other when we were together. Maybe we were together as friends--but the way Joshua's touch made my skin tingle begged to differ. "She reminds me of you," I admitted and that made him laugh. I missed his laugh. I missed every goddamn thing about him. "Is that why...?" He started to ask but he couldn't finish, which... was understandable. "Yes," I admitted, blushing. That made him laugh even harder, which made me laugh. "Hey Kev," I looked up at him, and he had an odd expression on his face, "Do you want to do a line with me?" He asked and I didn't know what to say. In a million years I didn't expect him to EVER ask me that question. "Uh... yeah, yeah sure," I said and he grinned at me, "Sweet," He said and pulled out a baggie of small white crystals, "Have you done speed, yet?" He asked and I shook my head, I had really stuck to downers, "Than you, my sweet boy, are in for a surprise," He poured the baggie out onto a mirror that he pulled out of his bedside table drawer. He crushed the rocks with the bottle side of a lighter and then offered the mirror and a hollowed out pen to me.
I snorted one of the lines on the mirror and held my head back as the sickly sweet, massively chemical taste hit my mouth. I gulped and coughed as I started to feel it. I felt like a plane taking off, a car going into acceleration, I felt ALIVE. "Oh. My. God." I said and Joshua giggled, "Yeah," He said before snorting his own line. As soon as he put the mirror down I attacked him. Kissing every inch of him that my lips could find, "Kevin--Kevin..." He was resisting somewhat at first but finally gave up and started kissing me back. He kissed my neck and I moaned softly.

Six hours later, the sun was coming up and I was lying in Joshua's arms. We had sex, a lot of sex, and then we talked. I felt like my entire body was on fire, I never wanted to leave this moment. I knew as soon as I did everything in my life would change, I felt it deep inside of me, I felt like a brand new person. Shiny and spiffy and the most amazing I've ever felt in my life. For the first time... I understood myself, for the first time ever I liked myself. "What's your favorite color?" Joshua asked me and I giggled, "Green, but not just any shade green," Joshua started grinning, "What shade, then?" "The same shade as your eyes," I said and we both started laughing. "You're so cute," Joshua said and kissed me, I kissed back, I loved his lips, slightly chapped, tasting of peppermint and tobacco. "Oh shit," Joshua said after staring at the alarm clock next to his bed, "We have to get ready for school," He said sitting up and pulling a shirt on from the floor, "Do we have to?" I whined, sitting up and pouting at him. "Yes, we have to," He threw a shirt at me and I pulled it on. It smelled like him.
"Another line and the school my handsome boy?" He asked me and I nodded enthusiastically. When we were done doing our drugs we got up and went into the kitchen. Raven was making french toast. Just the sight of it made me feel weird. I knew I probably should eat it... I hadn't eaten since... I couldn't even remember. But food seemed stupid. It seemed like a waste of time and I didn't feel hungry. I felt hollow but fine, who needed food when I had Joshua? Or speed? Or both? Who knows, all I knew is that I didn't want to eat. "Kevin, can I talk to you?" Raven asked me after she put the last few slices of french toast on a plate on the counter. "Sure, sweetie," I said and followed her out of the room.
"Are you okay?" She asked me, looking at me. I hated the way she always looked at me, like she could see everything inside of me, things I couldn't even see in myself. Or maybe I just didn't want to see them. Either way, it aggravated me. "I'm better than okay, babe." I said, kissed her cheek, and then tried to walk past her back into the kitchen where Joshua was. "What's wrong with your eyes?" She asked, stopping me and furrowing her brow. "What do you mean?" I asked, and her jaw fell open. "They're.... shining and your pupils are basically fucking gone, Kevin... please... please tell me you didn't." She said it softly, like more to herself than to me. "D... Didn't what?" I asked, even though we both knew the answer to that question. "What the fuck are you still doing here? Why... Why do you let him talk you into doing things you shouldn't do?" A tear fell down her cheek and I wiped it away.
"Raven, I don't do anything that I don't want to do." I said and then brushed her off and went back into the kitchen. Joshua had nibbled a bit of a piece of breakfast food and when I walked into the room he lighted up. "Are you ready to go?" He asked me and I nodded, "Raven are you coming with us to school or is Jason picking you up?" Joshua called into the hall and she called back, "I'm not feeling so well Josh... I'll, uh... I'll meet you there," and with that we left.

We had no idea what she was about to do. We were too caught up in ourselves to notice her pain and frustration. We didn't bother to look at her the way she looked at us. I guess... it's because she's always held us up, we didn't think we would ever have to hold her up.