Nothings Gunna Change My World

Six

I hate Joshua. I hate him. I hate him so much, you have no idea. "Baby what's wrong??" Daisy leaned closer to me and looked up. "Nothing." I said glaring as Joshua ran off screaming about a whore.

He shouldn't scream about himself like that.

I hugged Daisy's waist and she wrapped her arms around me. "You guys are pretty adorable." Massie said and I laughed. "Thanks baby." I winked and her and then kissed Daisy's forehead. "Daisy, let's go home I have...homework." I said when my body started feeling things again, like the numb-ness from sitting on the grass for so long and the ache in my chest from seeing Joshua and Alec together like that.

"Bye!" Daisy threw everyone a smile and hugged my waist as we walked to my house. "You hungry?" I asked and Daisy nodded. "You're so pretty." She giggled and I kissed her forehead again. She was pretty. She was the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Including Raven, and that's saying something because even gay and insanely in love with her cousin I still had thought Raven was the prettiest girl there was.

"Mom?" We walked in through the back door, no one was home. "I'll be upstairs okay?" I asked and she nodded, getting out everything needed to make some dinner or a snack or whatever she was eating. I went into my bathroom and looked through the cabinet until I found what I was looking for, a clean syringe. I loaded it up and plunged it deep into my arm. It was like magic. I sat there for a few minutes until Daisy walked in with a sandwich. I was getting up and she sat down on top of me. "You don't have to move, you look kind of comfy." I smiled at her and she nibbled on her sandwich. "Are you comfy?" I asked her, resting my head on her shoulder. "No you're like a sack of bones." I shook my head, "I bet." I said before taking a bite of her sandwich.

"How come that Joshua boy is so mean to you?" She asked and I smiled, "He's a mean boy." She nodded and made me take another bite of her sand which. "Who does a girl have to do to get loud music around here?" She asked a minute later and I just looked at her. "How loud," I asked. "Pretty loud."

"Come on, I know a place." I grabbed her hand and stood up, making her get up in the process. I ran out of our house and down to the church. "We can't go in there!" Daisy squealed and I looked at her, "Why not? No one's here!" "I'd rather not have any music then play hardcore music in a church."

"Fine, we'll go back home and play it in my room." She pouted, "Your room isn't big enough to dance in."

"Well then...we'll put my speakers outside and you can dance in the street." She smirked and started running towards my house. "WAIT UP DAISYYYY!" I whined and ran after her, "NOPE IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT YOU SMOKE TOO MUCH CRACK!" She giggled and ran up into my room, pulling the speakings out the windows faster then I thought possible. I sat down on the curb and smiled when music came on so loud the neighbor's curtains opened up a little bit.

The music was heavy rock, I guess, the voice was screaming and Daisy was jumping around waving her arms and kicking her legs, it was pretty amazing to watch. After a few minutes the song ended and she came and lied down on the sidewalk next to me, singing the new song while looking at me. "If you could stay here for just a little bit a little while a little bit with me. And if god could keep you with me, I'd trade just about anything. You're what makes me want to change things. You're what makes me want to change." She didn't sing the screaming parts but what she did sing was amazing. "I love this song." She whispered and I smiled and leaned down close so I could kiss her.

"Dance with me!" She jumped up when the next song came on, "I don't know how." I tried to explain-apparently I wasn't getting off that easy. "It's not hard. Feel the music." She said and started jumping around shaking her head with the song. I closed my eyes and listened to the words, and then the guitar and then slowly the drums. It was almost better then drugs and suddenly I was moving. Jumping around like Daisy was until the music stopped. "HEY!" I turned around and saw my mom standing in my window, "Kevin the neighbors are going to think you're demon possessed." I snorted and pulled Daisy close to me. "Who cares what they think?" I said and walked slowly towards the house.

"Kevin get in this house before I ground you both." She said it sternly but I could tell she was ecstatic about something, even if us dancing had made her mad. "You were good for your first time!" Daisy jumped up onto the steps and smiled at me. She was like an ADHD kid without her riddolin.

Miley and Susan were sitting on the couch, they weren't home when we got here, had we been so wrapped up in ourselves and the music that we didn't notice other people? "Come on." I pulled Daisy to my room because I didn't feel like putting up with Miley and Susan. "You're so un-social." She teased me and I smiled, pushing her on the bed and climbing on top of her. "I needed to be alone with you because you're so irritable." I kissed her neck and she snaked her arms around my neck, locking her fingers around strands of my hair.

I was straddling her and biting on her neck. "Kevin?" She whispered a second later. I stopped sucking on her neck and looked at her, my hair falling in my eyes as I moved my head. "Yes?"

"Can we talk about...important stuff?" I nodded and she continued, "Because I don't want to like bother you or make you mad or make you think I'm mad but...I'm worried about you." I rolled off of her and leaned against the wall. "Why?"

"You do so many drugs baby." She pushed the hair that had fallen into my face away. Not to mention when she said baby my stomach flipped over. When I didn't offer a response she went on, "I just don't want you to hurt yourself, in two days you've become this person I want to be with all the time and you're scaring me." Her voice was so small, she was more worried about me getting mad at her for being scared for me then anything else. A minute later she whispered, "Are you mad at me?"

I shook my head and touched her cheek gently, "Everyone yells, and you didn't. That's a new approach, I can tell you for sure it made me pay more attention to what you were saying instead of being mad about your concerns...and as much as I don't want to hurt you Daisy I would be a lot worse off if I stopped taking the drugs."

"And why do you think that? Nothing could be worse then making yourself into this fake person so that you can go out of your house and live."

"I used to...I was expected to be this perfect boy. I just wasn't though, and I got punished severely for it...I was always worried about what people were thinking and what people were going to say and God!" I threw my hands up in the air when I said God, my voice raised, "God! What a joke Daisy! I had so many beliefs that if I just tried hard enough and if I kept letting those things, those terrible, terrible, horrible things, happen to me then God would reward me. You know what God did Daisy?!" The tears flowed over the brim of my eyes, "God made me too much to handle for the people I loved, the person I loved. I was too much and they left, they left me forever. What do you expect me to do??" I searched her eyes, I wanted her to understand.

"It can't be worse then this Kevin! Look at you, I don't understand." She stood up and looked at me, she looked so sad, it hurt a lot that I was the one who put that sad expression on her face. No, it wasn't even a sad expression, it was broken. I broke her. "I don't understand either." I whispered after a second when we had both calmed down a little bit.

She sat back down on my bed and scooted close to me, "I'm here for you Kevin, I don't want to make you do anything I want you to want to do it for yourself. I'm just scarred." I wrapped my arms around Daisy and pulled her into my chest. "I don't want to scare you." I whispered and kissed her cheek. "Does that mean you'll stop?" She asked and I nodded, "I'll try my hardest." I whispered and hugged her close hoping that my last hit was enough to last well...let's see...forever.

-------------------

Ow.

I rolled off my bed and hit the floor hard, had it always been hot like this? I tried to crawl to the bathroom to throw up. I didn't think I was going to make it but I did. My body shook with each wretch. How could it be this bad?? This soon?! "Oh god!" I puked more, I felt the stomach acid coming up. "Baby?" Daisy walked in and turned the lights on. "Oh my gosh!" She was next to me in a second rubbing my back and keeping my hair away from my face as I threw up the contents of my stomach: nothing.

I lied against the cool tile, it helped a little and Daisy rubbed my head, I just lied there and cried. "It's okay baby." She whispered over and over again until I was so exhausted from crying I fell asleep again.

"Kevin?" I opened my eyes and then realized a few things at once.

Ow. (that about sums up one realization)

I was laying on the bathroom floor.

I wanted to puke my guts up.

Daisy looks like she hasn't sleep.

It's really fucking hot.

"Owieeee!" I rolled over and wrapped my arms around Daisy, hugging her close and needing the support her body gave me, My head was in her lap, and I realized she smelled like coffee. "Please give me just a little bit!" I begged and Daisy looked down at me, she was rubbing my head, pushing my hair away from my sweaty skin. "Baby this is your decision. I didn't hide anything, I didn't move anything, and I'll be here no matter what you do." I was about to roll over and get a hit ready when Daisy grabbed my face. "But think about what's worth more." She whispered before getting up and walking out of the bathroom.

Why did she have to make me fucking feel bad?? She's not the one in severe pain!

Instead of getting a needle I grabbed my pipe and took a few drags off of it until I was pretty baked. At least I wasn't in that much pain anymore. I took a quick shower, got dressed and then took another few hits and threw my pipe in a baggy and then into my backpack. Without it it would be a longgggg day.