Nothings Gunna Change My World

Kevin's Point of View

"Hello?" I answered my cell phone, it was Alec. "Yeah, hey Kevin...I was wondering if you still took customers...?" I giggled and looked at Daisy, she was fast asleep on my bed, because I kept her up all night last night trying to quit taking drugs. I took some when I got home, I was fine now. "Yeah, not here though." I said, glancing at Daisy, I needed money, this would hurt Joshua, and she didn't need to know. "Um okay, do you know where I live?" I told him I didn't and he gave me directions. I wrote a quick note to Daisy and taped it to the lamp by the bed.
I grabbed my jacket and walked over to Alec's house. Why would be need me if he had Joshua? The thought kept coming up that 'He didn't have Joshua.' I shoved it back down into the subconscious of my brain. I didn't have Joshua either. I knocked on the door in front of me, Alec threw it open and smiled at me. He grabbed my shirt and pulled me into his house, his lips crashing down on mine while his hands started taking off my clothes. I moaned and slipped my tongue into his mouth.
Three hours later, yes, three hours and more then one erection, I was cuddled into Alec, who was smoking. "I see now why people pay you." He blew smoke into my face and I blushed.
"Joshua wouldn't even do that with me." I really wished he would stop talking, he was ruining everything. "I have to go." I said, thinking about Daisy, she would probably be worried about me. "Oh yeah, your girlfriend." He smirked at me and I rolled my eyes, "I believe you owe me some money." I said and he laughed, "Oh, of course." He handed me a hundred dollar bill and I slipped it into my back pocket, "See you later." I blew him a kiss and walked out of his room.
As soon as I was out of his house I lit up a cigarette and started walking quickly back home, I missed Daisy, and I almost felt bad for what I had just done.

Almost.

When I got home Raven was sitting in the living room with Daisy and Miley, Susan wasn't here and that was surprising. "Heyyy." I smiled and slid into the empty space next to my girlfriend and the girl I would like to think was my best friend, even though I knew she kind of wasn't, I pushed her away. "Hey yourself." Daisy looked at me, she looked tired still. "You didn't see my note?" I asked, sensing she was mad about waking up all by herself. "Yeah but...I'll be back soon babe doesn't really give off comfort." I frowned, "I'm sorry." I said and she smiled, pushing my hair out of my eyes, "It's okay." She said before pecking my lips.
I wrapped my arms around her and Miley made a noise in her throat that could only be described as disgust. I glared at her. I didn't make noises of disgust when she was all lovey with Susan. They were just mad because I upset Joshua. God, that's all anyone cares about. Joshua. It seems like people just see me as a huge fuck-up and Joshua gets to be the one forever in pain over our breakup. Why do they think I'm a fuck-up?! I wouldn't be like this if I hadn't been so desperate for his approval, to be perfect for him, to have something in common with him, I just want him to really be able to love me. I know he said he loved me, but how could he love something so broken? And in the end, he proved that no one could love something so broken. When I fixed myself for him he just got angry, sure maybe I didn't go through a real healing process but I fixed myself, I didn't cry all the time and think about things like perfection unless I wasn't high.
How come no one saw any of THAT.
Miley turned up the volume on the TV and I glanced over to see a bunch of girl's in school girl costumes dancing around and shaking their asses, "What the hell are you watching?!" I freaked out, it looked like a messed up porno.
"A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila," Raven smiled and turned back to the TV, those bitches were crazy. The show was weird and oddly entertaining. So we sat there, watching TV until the late hours of the night, I got up once to use the bathroom. And by 'us the bathroom' I mean I got high again, Daisy knew what I was doing, and true to her word, she didn't say anything. It was too hard, I was sick and tired of trying to pull off the impossible and it had been decided that I would stop trying.
The next morning when I woke up, I was almost on top of Daisy and somehow we were in Miley's bed and not mine, and Miley was in my bed. Susan wasn't with her, and I couldn't help but wonder where she was. She hadn't been away from Miley this long since she still lived in her parent's house. Had she moved back it? What if they broke up? That would be awkward. I rolled off of Daisy, waking her up, she muttered something like 'God I fucking hate the sun' before rolling over and pulling the pillow over her head.
I went into the bathroom, shot up, and jumped in the shower, ready for anything the day would bring.
What the day brought? The day brought a bunch of shit I didn't need. Let me see if I can explain this so you can be as fucking confused as I am.
"Shower timeeee!" Daisy jumped up when I walked out of the bathroom. I made her give me a kiss before she disappeared into the bathroom and then I started getting dressed. I ended up wearing a blue 'Saosin' shirt and a tight pair of skinny jeans and a bottle cap belt with a large black hoodie over it all. It looked pretty good when Daisy walked out of the bathroom wearing a short black skirt with black leggings that went to her ankles and had rips all over them and a black Nirvana shirt under a ripped up 'The Used' hoodie. She looked perfect. I had to kiss her again. Had to. So I did. I grabbed her wrists, pulled her close to me and pinned them down to her sides and kissed her gently. She giggled on my lips and it made me smile. "School?" She nodded and twisted her wrists away from me, twining our fingers together instead.
I grabbed my sunglasses before we left the house and put my hood up, my hair had grown a bit and the hood pushed it in front of my face. Daisy was swinging our arms and I laughed, she was too cute for words. Joshua, Alec and Raven were sitting across the street waiting for Miley, Susan was walking down the street towards that and I smiled in their direction, Alec was staring at me with an expression I could only really think to describe as a smirk, and it made me feel uneasy. Daisy smiled up at me, "What's wrong babbbbbbbby?" She kind of skipped when she walked and she was dancing to some song she was listening to with her headphones. "Nothing." I smiled and kissed her forehead.
"I can't pretend I'm happy when..." Daisy sang as we walked down the street in the direction of the school. We got there a few minutes later, Daisy still swinging our hands and dancing slowly to the music pounding in her right ear. We sat down against the school building, slightly left to the main entrance and Daisy layed her head on my shoulder, singing softly along with her song. Music made her so happy, seeing her like that made me happy. Joshua, Alec, Raven, Miley, Susan, and Massie came walking onto the school grounds. I didn't see Jason. Massie waved at me and I smiled to her, Alec, I think, thought I was smiling at him and winked at me. It made me uncomfortable because I really liked Daisy she was like all I ever wanted but just never knew.
And he could ruin that very easily.

Ugh, I hate thinking

I got up and pulled Daisy up with me, pulling her to the boys bathroom again, just like yesterday. I found out she would smoke pot with me, so I tried to do it often with her, like now.
I pulled the pipe out of my backpack as soon as we were in the bathroom and she giggled, "Not today mister." I looked at her, pouting, "Why not?"
"We has important stuffs to do today." My pout became more profound, she took a step closer to me, putting her hands on my sides, over my studded belt, "I can't today, you go ahead." I smiled and pecked her lips before running into the handicapped stall and pulling out my weed. I did what I had to do, Daisy sat on the sinks and waited for me, singing along to her song, when I couldn't stand up anymore she was the one thing that I could focus on, "Little soul, your dreams are waiting. Grab them up, hold them closely. Never let go, never let go. Little soul, your finally here to live and breathe. Your every fear to love and hate, smile and touch, hope, despair, loathing and lust. Who we are, what we are, it's nothing but a point of view. Who we are, it's nothing but a point of view. Lives, waiting here for me. But I keep pushing away, and I'm left alone here, wondering 'Is there more to this? More than the stars above, Our heads and Earth beneath our feet.' If you will it there is no change. Who we are, what we are, it's nothing but a point of view. Who we are, it's nothing but a point of view. Who we are, what we are. It's nothing but a point of view. Who we are, it's nothing but a point of view. We all turn back to dust. We all turn back to dust. Little soul your dreams are waiting, grab them up, take them with you. Never let go, nev-," The door opened and Daisy stopped singing, "Hey!" She said eagerly to whoever was now in the bathroom.
"Hi..." It was Joshua. How come he always has the need to use the bathroom when we're in here? "Where's....?" I stumbled out of the bathroom stall before he could say my name and then everything went silent. "Ready, baby?" Daisy jumped off the sink and took my hand, it was a rhetorical question. "Bye!" Daisy waved enthusiastically at Joshua and pulled me out of the bathroom. I put my sunglasses back on, now because I didn't want anyone to see my bloodshot eyes, when we got to Daisy's locker she sprayed me with perfume and planted a kiss on me. That's when the first incident of the day happened, "Kevin?" I pulled my lips away from Daisy to see Mike standing there, I felt kind of bad because I knew he liked me, I knew he wanted to go out with me, and me being the...'gay' one....well he thought he had a chance and now I'm kissing a girl he's never seen.
"Hey Mike." I wrapped my arms around Daisy's tiny waist and pulled her close, making a giggle come from her mouth. "I thought you were, were..." He seemed in shock and I wanted to make sure he didn't say 'gay' so I produced a word FOR HIM, "Single? Nope, not anymore." I shot him what I hoped was a 'don't say it or I'll kill you' look, and it worked, he walked away shaking his head.
"Everyone seems so shocked by our relationship." Daisy whispered and I looked at her, putting my hand on her cheek, "I've been single for a while..." I mumbled, hoping she wouldn't question it further, I don't think I could bring myself to lie to her. "Where did you go yesterday?" Her happy mood was back, I grabbed her hand and squeezed it, "Alec's house." She nodded and we started walking to class. "Did you have fun?" I giggled when she said this. I don't know, would you consider getting laid having fun? "It was...educational..." I said thinking of Alec fucking Joshua like he had me. Did he? Would he? Did I want him too?

No.

The thought came from nowhere and it scared me, I was over Joshua. O-V-E-R.
The day went by slowly until lunch. I was standing outside, Daisy was dancing around, she was so happy in just her little world where everything was music and the world was her stage. Raven and Susan walked outside and sat next to me, "I have to admit, I like her." Raven whispered to me and at that moment my heart flew. I didn't even know I had been waiting for someone's...for her approval until I had gotten it. Joshua and Alec walked out next, Alec came to sit with us and Joshua stood with his back against the wall a few yards away, he didn't take his eyes off of Daisy. Finally Miley walked out with food for everyone, I guess that's what took her so long.
When she sat down she whispered to Susan and Raven, "Joshua seems really pissed," And I don't think anyone else was meant to hear it. But I did, so I paid more attention to the boy I used to love. He was standing really still, he didn't move at all as he watched Daisy, the expression on his face getting more and more profound. Finally he walked up to her, grabbed her arm and shoved her to the ground, "Stop." He said and started walking in the direction of the building. "What the hell is your problem?!" Daisy stood back up, ran over to where he was walking away and shoved him, he turned around and slapped her. Daisy clutched her face in shock and Joshua just stared at her for a second, until she screamed out, "I'm going to fucking kill you!" And kicked his crotch area. He bent over in pain for a few seconds, we were all frozen in shock that someone like Daisy, sweet to everyone and enjoys staying in her own music-filled world would fight someone. When Joshua could stand again he was pissed, I got up to go and break it up, since no one else was doing anything. "I can't believe you did that you little fucking whore!" He yelled and tackled her to the ground, throwing a punch to her cheek. "STOP!" I screamed and ran over to pull him off of her. He got up and pushed me now, would he really beat me after everything he's put me through?! Oh that's fucking classy.
"What's your fucking problem! She didn't do anything to you!" I pushed him back, he shook his head, "You don't know anything do you! You're a fucking idiot, Go smoke some more crack." He punch my nose and on contact I felt the adjustment and then the pain, and when I touched it, blood was already pouring out, I fell to the ground and started laughing. I don't know why, I was high, yeah, but somehow this was like the funniest thing ever. My ex-boyfriend just punched me in the face. I'm not one of those people who have photographic memory or anything but didn't he say something along the lines of 'I would never hurt you like everyone else' wasn't that an implied promise when I still came over to his house to see his cousin and when his best friend wanted to fuck me?
This isn't making any sense. "What the fuck Joshua?!" Raven was now slapping Joshua was hard as could, as many times in a row as she could, he pushed her to the ground and walked away. "Come on." Alec was by my side, helping me up. Everyone was in shock. Never has Joshua had shown anybody any reason to make people think he was related to his father, he just proved everyone who thought he was different wrong.
"I don't want to go to the nurse." I whispered when I realized that's where Alec was leading me, "You sure?" He sounded so concerned, it made me giggle, "Yes." He helped me into the bathroom and then I told him to leave, mainly because I didn't want him to see me cry. As soon as he was gone the tears flowed from my eyes. My reflection told me everything, it's because I wasn't perfect.

No, shut up.

I closed my eyes and got a paper towel wet and started cleaning up my face. When I got my nose to stop bleeding I gave up on fixing everything else. I slumped to the ground and let the sobs take over my body. Why did he have to do something like that? Daisy didn't do anything to him, if he wanted to be with me all he would have to do was say something. My world still, after all this time, revolved around him.
I started crying harder at this realization and the door opened, I ignored it, they would either ignore me or leave. "Oh god, oh god." I mumbled and hugged my knees to my chest, someone grabbed my hand and my eyes shot open. "What are you doing?! Please leave me alone." I whispered and Joshua shook his head. "Baby I'm so sorry." He whispered and my stomach did flips, his voice was still my source of happiness, the one and only drug I needed. "You don't need to apologize..." I mumbled and he took my face in his hands. "Baby don't close yourself up again, you're amazing, you're kind of fucked up," He was smiling as the words came out of his mouth so I didn't take it as an insult, "But it's why I love you." I stopped breathing without notice and stared into his eyes. "You love me?" He nodded and I couldn't hold anything back. My arms shot out to be around him, my lips searched for his, kissing everything else in the process, he chuckled and kissed me slowly and then pressed his lips against mine harder, in a desperation I've never felt in one of his kisses.
His tongue searched my mouth and I had to pull away after a second, I was crying again, but this time from happiness. How many nights had I dreamed this moment? Maybe not exactly like this. "I'm sorry." He hugged me into his chest and kissed the top of my head. Is that was this is? An apology? Nothing more. I pushed him away, "Are you just trying to say sorry for hitting me? Because if you are that will hurt so much more."
"Baby...baby...baby." He hugged me close to him again and for the first time I saw he was crying too. "Why are we playing these games?" He asked me and I just hugged him, I never wanted to let go. "I love you so much." I whispered and my lips found his again, his piercings against my lips, his warm breath on my face when we took a moment so not to pass out, his tongue against mine, the way he tasted like tobacco and mint gum, these were all the things I didn't want to forget. Things that I wanted back into my life.
"You're perfect." He whispered, running his hand down my side. He knew the words I needed to hear. "Let's get the fuck out of here." I smiled and Joshua kissed my cheek, "Where do you want to go?" I bit my lip, "Anywhere where you love me." He kissed me again, "I love you everywhere."

"I'm sorry I hit your girlfriend." Joshua ran his fingers through my hair, we were laying in my bed and every once in a while we would get into a small make out session but I just wanted to be near him, I wanted to touch him, to talk to him, to have him love me like it should be. Like nothing had ever happened, like I hadn't been too much for him to handle. "You should probably say that to Daisy." I muttered and looked at his face, "Yes...I will...I don't know what happened. I was so mad because she was just so happy with you and with her life and she didn't care about people looking at her while she was happy, I didn't want her to have everything and I just, I was so mad at that one second that I couldn't see anything but her pain." I climbed on top of Joshua, putting the palms of my hands on his chest and looking down into his eyes, "You were jealous?" He wrapped his arms around me, slipping them into my back pockets and squeezing my butt. "I'm jealous of everyone who get to touch you." He whispered, I bent my arms and slowly came down closer to his face. "Raven?" He nodded, I bent a little lower, "Miley?" "She gets to sleep in the same room with you, of course I'm jealous of her." A little closer, "Mike?" Joshua sighed, "Probably him more than anyone else." I took the little centimeter between our lips and closed it. With a moan Joshua rolled me over and took control of the situation.
"I love you." He said in between kisses and slid his hands under my shirt, rubbing my stomach and chest, I sat up a little so he could take it off completely. "Baby, we're not going to have sex." He kissed my neck, sucking on the sensitive skin and making me moan and grind my hips against his, I wanted his to feel the problem he was creating. He let out a small laugh, "We're not having sex." He said matter of fact and climbed off of me. "You don't want to have sex with me?" I was almost offended. He gasped and grabbed my face, "That's what I want more then anything but I don't want it under these circumstances." I looked at his face, searching, what circumstances?
"You have a girlfriend." I sighed, "I don't care." I love Daisy and she's amazing and I would do anything for her but...this is Joshua, he's like my soul-mate. "I do care. Baby, I don't want to be sneaking around and hiding everything." Was he asking me to break up with Daisy? Because I would, I would do anything for him. "I'm not asking you to break up with her," Oh, "Just...do what you want. I'll always be here for you whenever you're ready. I'm not going anywhere without you." He kissed my cheek and hugged me close to him, this was like a dream come true but underneath all dreams there's an event that can turn it into a nightmare.