Nothings Gunna Change My World

Joshua’s POV:

Lots of things happened two weeks ago. The whole saga with Kevin’s girlfriend, shut up I’ve forgotten her name, and then, this part makes me smile, Kevin ended up in my bed, or was it his bed, anyway, we ended up in a bed and it took all my will power not to fuck him senseless. It was fantastic up until the next day, when I saw Kevin and his girlfriend making out. I know I know, I told him that I would wait for him to be ready, but let me tell you it hurt so much. I actually had to look at my shoes for a whole of fifteen minutes until they passed.

It seemed that I would have to wait forever, because they dry hump each other every second that they have. And as a spectator can be disgusting and very very painful. But I could wait. Jesus Christ I could wait. Little stabs of happiness filled my gut every time I passed Kevin in the halls.

Now that it was the present, two weeks after the stabs of happiness, may I say this little saga between me and Kevin is wearing thin? And I would be lying to say I wasn’t jealous or sick and tired of this mess. And slightly irritated at Kevin.

More than irritated. Fuck, I said I would wait, but wait forever?

Two weeks doesn’t seem like a big deal, but damn is it long when you’re in love.

I’m repeating myself I know. Shut up.

Right now, if you zoom your little camera into my world you should see me, Joshua, lounging on a couch next to Susan and Miley talking about Queer as Folk. Now, their argument is that the lesbian couple should be the focus of the show instead of gay guys.

“But like every thing is about Gay Guys,” Susan giggled at Miley and wiggled her eyebrows towards me. “I mean, the world is over all this boy on boy hype…”

I coughed loudly.

“Yes Joshua? Would you like to give your scholarly view on the subject?”

“Yes, yes I would indeed,” I pressed my lips together and pretended to push glasses up the bridge of my nose, “Well you see, had they made it all about women and lesbians their ratings would have gone down. Because… no, no Miley, you aren’t allowed interrupt. Their ratings would go down because straight guys are into the whole girl on girl and not a great deal of straight guys would watch a show called Queer as Folk. Now, girls on the other hand love seeing boys getting down and dirty with each other so for this to work… Lots of gay guys! And plus, the show is called Queer as Folk, does that maybe give you a hint that it is about homosexual people in general?”

Miley glared at me. “But there is an obvious male female ratio difference.”

Susan rolled her eyes.

I shook my head. “Miley, no one cares.”

She grunted like a man and turned to Susan. “Bitch.”

Susan gaped at Miley. “Whaaat?”

I rolled my eyes and lit up a cigarette. Miley narrowed her eyes playfully. “You took his side.” I giggled and Miley threw a pillow at me. I smiled and let the lovers have their spat while I went outside as not to give either of the ladies in the room lung cancer. It was warm outside and the sun was killer. I glared at the sidewalk. I wish I was a vampire.

Actually I don’t. Scrap that. I really wish I wasn’t. It would suck. Ha ha. It would actually. Well I would. Not that I don’t suck already. Queue wink.

Charmed off your pants I bet.

My sexual innuendos just thrill the shit out of me. Cheap entertainment. It’s what America loves. Anyway, I know that you don’t care, and frankly I don’t care that you don’t care but I’m getting bored.

Shit. Kevin. Plus girl hanging off him.

I ruffled my hair and casually sucked from my cancer stick. Kevin smiled brightly at something she said. That’s when I noticed that Kevin had begun to look less like a skeleton. He had started to look like his old beautiful self. He blushed slightly when he saw me watching him. My heart ached. He kissed her on the cheek cutely and she skipped into the house without a look at me. It was just me and Kevin. The Kevin who I could call my Kevin. Not any more though. Fuck you Joshua, you fucked up so bad.

“Hey Joshua.” His voice was quiet. Why was he being shy?

“Hey Kevin.” My gaze flicked to him. I drew another breath of poison.

“I know it’s been a while since we talked…” He was acting like a school girl. God this guy was the most cutest irritating thing in the world. I could eat him up. Mmm. Kevin sandwich. Tasting him, touching him, fuck-

“Joshua, Joshua… JOSHUA!!” I snapped out of my momentary uh, absence and grinned at Kevin.

“Sorry babe, my mind was doing… other things.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Nasty sick boy.” He grinned cheekily.

I slowly drew in another breath of smoke and looked at him through my hair and whispered, “Only for you baby.”

Kevin’s expression turned troubled. Oh dear, here I go again… fucking things up…

Kevin sighed like he was about to go on a massive speech. Did I feel like a massive speech? Why the hell did that question just come up? Well seeing as we are on the topic, no I did not. Frankly I was toasting like a pair of pop tarts in this god damned sun. Soon that creamy shit was going to come out of me. Oh. Oh. That’s right. I’m full of those witty jokes that pedophiles think work on teenage boys who find pleasure in wanking to females with large milk sucking organs.

“Joshua.” I looked at the beauty before me.

“Yeah?” My voice came out really soft. I wanted to be serious with him, without being angry, without holding him, I wanted to be his friend first and first friends then lovers, and then boyfriends, then we could conquer the world once again…

“I’m scared.”

My eyes softened. I smiled. “About what Kevin?”

“Us. Breaking up with her. I don’t know if I’m game enough.”

I felt Kevin returning. The one that did various amounts of drugs twenty four seven would have never admitted to not being game enough for anything let alone admitting to being scared.

“Take your time love.” I meant it too. It broke my heart to mean it as well. A spark of anger flared up at me but I dampened it with reassurance that Kevin and I would be together. “I don’t want to rush you; I want you to be-”

“- I love you Joshua. It isn’t fair to either of us.”

I grinned, lifting the mood. “Fuck, this is cliche.”

Kevin frowned slightly but shook it off with a grin. That grin could never pass with me and god would he know it. I knew that he was pissed off that I mocked our situation. I knew that he wanted to make me happy so I wouldn’t stop loving him. I loved him, but god was he clueless. Wasn’t part of the reason I didn’t want him back in the beginning was because he was changing for me?

“Kev, don’t pretend that didn’t piss you off.”

“I- that didn’t…” His voice trailed off at the skeptical expression that my face was holding. I smirked cynically.

“I love you Kevin. But for fucks sake! Please for the sake of me, if you won’t do this for you, be yourself. I don’t give a flying fuck if you get angry at me for cracking stupid jokes at the wrong time.” His eyes narrowed slightly, yet he remained passive. “See, that’s what I’m talking about. Yell at me. I can see it in you. And don’t yell at me about the shit that you used to. That wasn’t you talking that was always your crippling depression talking. I love you for you. But I’ve been realizing something… I never really knew you. I still don’t really know you. Sure we were together. But when did we actually have a conversation about nothing? When did we talk about movies, TV shows, candy or swirly Popsicle? When did we have kinky conversations? When did we talk about what you felt, not what was happening? When Kevin? And now even while I’m talking to you, ranting towards you, you’re standing there, saying nothing, praying I’ll shut the fuck up, because your depression is creeping ba-”

“Stop Joshua. Shut the fuck up. Please.” He actually looked angry. His voice was an angry hiss. I was happy. Finally. Fucking finally. I had been waiting for this even if the things I said were kinda true.

He stepped a step closer to me. I could hear him breathing. “You think you’re the only one who watches and thinks Joshua. You aren’t. I know you joke because you get uncomfortable in situations like that. I know you drink. I know you avoid things. I know you shove things away when they get hard. And it really pisses me off. So it’s all my fault we broke up in the first place?? Yeah, I was in bad shape, yeah I needed a reality check, but so do you. You’re not tough. Not at all. You’re in love with a guy that you don’t ‘know’.” He stepped closer. I could feel his breath.

“Don’t do this to us Joshua. You want everything solved. Everything perfect. A trait you picked up from your dad, everything has to be neat and tidy, in its place. Loves not like that sweetie. It’s messy. It’s imperfect. And loving you makes me realize that. You want all of the skeletons in my closet packed up and swept away before I decide to crawl back to you? It makes me not want to be with you.” He stepped closer. I could smell his breath.

“I’m scared you idiot, I’m scared that we won’t work. That this all has gone to waste. That you’re not ready, just as I’m not ready. And do you know what? You’re too immature to ever be ready. You’re-”

I stopped listening. I know it proved his point but fuck that. I watched his lips move. He got more flustered and his breathing became harsher. He smelt like candy. I wanted to taste him. I know what he was saying was true and that I didn’t know shit… But I wasn’t about to break my cool. His eyes did this crazy twitch thing. He was so close. So close I could… My mouth parted. I licked my lips. His mouth stopped moving. We stared at each other, an inch apart. Green to grey. Sour to sweet. Love to love. Heat to warmth.

My mouth twitched. “Fuck Kevin, you’re sexy when you’re angry.” With that we both moved at the same time. Our lips connected, swirling together in a hurry. Two weeks should never go by without touching this pretty thing again. Our bodies pressed together and I knew I wanted him and that he wanted me. I could feel it. He could feel it. We could feel it. His tongue was wet and soft. I raked my teeth across his lip and I could feel him press himself against me. Our lips connected with even more passion and desire that one man could muster. I let my hand travel down to his lower back. I pressed his erection closer to mine. He groaned into my mouth; not stopping the furious movements we had started. His small soft hands slipped up the back of my shirt and he raked his fingernails against my taught skin. I hissed and pulled away slowly opening my eyes to find him truly smiling.

“Can’t take a bit of roughness?”

I grinned and kissed him softly. “Love it babe.” I kissed his cheek and moved to nibble his earlobe. I licked him and felt him shudder. I grinned against his ear and whispered, “It just felt so good… I love it when you take control…”

He pulled his ear away from my mouth. His eyes sparkled. “In that case…”

His lips began to caress my neck. Biting and licking in a loving fury. I groaned through my teeth and closed my eyes giving him more access to my neck. Just as he pulled back we heard another voice.

“What the fuck Joshua?!”

We both turned.

To find his girlfriend.

Oh shit.

“I thought you were fucking straight?!”

He breathed in.

And out.

I moved his arms off of me and pushed him gently towards her. I took out a cigarette and placed it between my lips without lighting it. It dangled there as I left the stream of obscenities aimed towards Kevin from his dear girlfriend. I stepped into the house and shook my head with a careless grin on my face.

As if the lesbians could be the focus of Queer as Folk.