Trace Your Shadows

So it goes, with Fiona spending most of her summer break with Pete, doing whatever dumb stuff Pete would come up with to occupy themselves, and when they ran out of things to do, they’d sit together, sometimes in silence, sometimes talking, and just be in the most comfortable sense of the word. They had become so familiar with each other now, so attuned to one another, and Fiona had never really known what it was like to have a friend you knew so well that it was almost like they’re apart of you.

“You wanna know something crazy?” Pete asked, breathless after they’d hiked up a steep hill in the dark just to be able to see all of the city’s lights.

Fiona hummed, folding her legs and leaning into Pete. “Why not, enlighten me.”

“I think,” Pete started, hesitant before huffing a laugh. “The thing is Fi, you’re my best fucking friend, you know that? My best.”

“Yeah?” Fiona questioned, surprised but in the best possible way.

Pete nodded seriously. “Yeah, big time. Is that weird? Like is there a set amount of time you have to know someone before you can proclaim that?”

“I don’t think there’s a handbook to best friends sort of thing,” Fiona answered. “I think if you fit, you fit, and sometimes it doesn’t take all that long to realise you’ve found who’s one of your kind.”

“Well fuck, that’s good. Because unfortunately for you, I’ve chosen you,” Pete said apologetically, making Fiona smile.

“I didn’t want to tell you, but I think maybe you’re my best friend too,” Fiona admitted shyly. “Although I can’t imagine how someone like you ended up best friends with someone like me.”

“The world is a fucked up place, little,” Pete stated matter-of-factly. “Shit like this happens all the time.”

“Then I’m glad. I’ve never had a friend like you before,” Fiona whispered to the town below. “I know I said it before, but I’m glad you didn’t die before I met you. I’m glad you didn’t disappear.”

Pete looked over at Fiona, an unreadable emotion written across his face before he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Maybe you’re the best part of me.”

“You’ve got too much faith in me, Peter,” Fiona responded seriously, looking up sharply. “I’m not anyone’s better half, and I’m not anyone’s savior.”

“You sure about that, Fi?” Pete shot back, words full of conviction and Fiona couldn't bring herself to answer, having run out of words to say.

Instead, the two of them sat together and watched the sky grow darker over the town they’d grown up in, no longer needing words to communicate. Fiona couldn’t hide from her own internal fear that maybe Pete was depending on her more than she could handle, but there was this stubborn part of her that believed she could take it, that she could be whatever he needed. Her head felt heavy from the thought and so she shuffled closer to Pete and rested her head on his shoulder, knowing that there were still hours until her parents would be home from their night out, so she could just close her eyes and enjoy the familiar silence.

*

“Okay, look, I’m just going to be straight with you because it’s been on my mind for a while now,” Lex began, her tone more serious than Fiona thought she may have ever heard it and so she stopped her people-watching and focused on her friend sitting across from her at their regular table at their favourite smoothie bar.

“Uh, alright?” Fiona responded dumbly, placing her smoothie down just in case.

Lex sighed, running a hand through her hair in frustration. “I don’t want to sound like that clingy friend but honestly Fi, something’s different about you. For starters, I have barely seen you over this summer break and I’m still confused as to why! It’s not like you’ve got a job or track training or even homework to be occupied with! I know I haven’t been the most attentive friend with everything that’s been going on with Ty…”

Ah, yes, Ty. The boy that Lex had found that night they’d both gone down to The Grind, made out with for five minutes, and promptly fallen into lust with. To be honest, Fiona hadn’t given it much thought because Lex was always falling into lust with anything and everything that caught her attention long enough but Fiona hadn’t expected her to follow it up. Turns out she started dating the guy, hanging off his arm like some pretty little thing, attending all types of secret gigs at The Grind and places god knows where else, and although Fiona did worry because how much did Lex know this guy, she’d been guiltily happy about the fact her friend was preoccupied so that she could spend more time with Pete.

“But I mean, if there’s something going on, you’d tell me right? You wouldn’t just shut me out?” Lex finished, watching her friend with wide, concerned eyes, and Fiona just wanted to wrap her up in a hug, feeling so much love for the girl in front of her.

“Lex,” Fiona started, her smile fond. “Everything’s fine, I promise you. I’m just being a lazy, awful friend who’s become too in love with sleeping in and being a slob that she hasn’t made time for the best girl in her life.”

Lex grinned at this, slurping at her smoothie happily. “Well that I’m glad to hear. You know, I was beginning to worry that maybe you’d gone out and found cooler friends than me! Not that that’s at all possible, but you know, it was a fear! I keep waiting for those damn track friends of yours to just snap you up.”

Fiona rolled her eyes. “You’re my number one, Lex, you don’t need to worry.”

“Yeah?” Lex’s eyes lit up and that helped ease Fiona’s guilt over not being honest just a little. “That’s good, that’s great.”

“So tell me more about your new squeeze, I know you’re dying too,” Fiona asked, easily moving the conversation away from the red zone.

Lex was happy enough to oblige, gushing about her new boy like he’d hung the moon. “He’s so great, Fi, you’d love him. He knows so much about music, and he knows like, everyone who’s anyone in the Chicago scene! He takes me to The Grind and introduces me to everyone and I don’t know, he’s just so knowledgeable about that kind of stuff. Plus he’s a great kisser so, bonus.”

“Classy as always, Lex,” Fiona laughed, but she’s happy her friend is happy, even if it sounded like this guy was a bit of a know it all.

“You know me, I’m a classy gal,” Lex grinned. “You know, he’s pretty good friends with some of the guys from Arma and apparently they’re planning to start touring sometime next year. Like how amazing would that be? Of course it would suck losing them from The Grind’s regular line up but like, they could go places you know? Live their dreams and stuff.”

Fiona felt both her heart and expression fall at this news. Pete hadn’t breathed a word about any tour or even any plans to tour in the near future to her, and wouldn’t that be something she’d be the first to know about? There was very little he kept from her, even the stuff she wished he would, so why would he hide this? Shaking her head slightly, Fiona tries to break away from those thoughts. Ty didn’t know everything and maybe he was only picking up on rumours, he might not even be right. Or maybe Pete didn’t want to tell Fiona until things were set in stone. Regardless, if Pete wanted her to know, he’d tell her, and she just had to trust that.

“Oh wow, that’d be great for them,” Fiona responded, a little less enthusiastically as she would’ve liked.

“So I was thinking, maybe we should go back to The Grind this Friday, you, me, Ty, even Adam if he wants,” Lex pitched, her eyes bright at the suggestion. “I mean, we don’t know how long Arma will be around for us to see before they go out into the big wide world and I still feel super guilty that I’m going to be up country visiting family over your birthday. Let this be your birthday celebration!”

“I don’t know, I mean, it was fun the first time but…”

“Oh please, Fi! Please, please, please! You can meet Ty in person, then grant me your approval! And we can have an awesome night together before I’m forced to suffer the disapproving looks of my two great aunts as they list all my disappointments! Please!”

Fiona sighed, giving in too easily. “You can break me so easily. Fine, alright, just know that I hope your great aunts call you out on your inability to take no for an answer.”

Lex flashed her an easy smile. “Actually, my stubbornness is the one thing they approve of.”

“Of course it is.”