Trace Your Shadows

THEN

As expected, hours later when the sun had come up and Fiona was expected to be a functioning human being, she found herself propped up against her locker trying her damn hardest to keep her eyes open and to stop bloody yawning. After Pete’s early morning visit, Fiona had been far too wired to return back to sleep and not for lack of trying. Eventually she grew tired of trying to trick herself into sleep and went for a run instead as a way to process everything and get ready for the day.

Of course, after her run she’d been on an endorphin high and felt better than she had in a while. Yet after three periods of classes, she was about ready to slink off to the nurse’s office to sneak in a nap. Only Lex was in front of her, talking a million miles a minute about… something that was probably very important to her and so Fiona tried her best to listen closely and focus on the words coming out of the other girl’s mouth.

“What’s wrong with you today, Fi? You look like the walking dead,” Lex said finally, peering at her friend and taking in her bugged out eyes and the light shade of purple beneath them. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you had a late night but that can’t be right because you’re super crazy about getting the right amount of sleep each night. So what gives?”

Fiona laughed at this, Lex knew her too well. “Just had a rough night’s sleep I guess. I am dying for a nap though, you reckon the nurse will let me get an hour of shut eye in her office?”

“Yes, yes I do. And even if she doesn’t, nap in the girl’s bathroom or during study period, I don’t care! You just need to be pumped and ready for tonight because I can’t take you to The Grind only to have you falling asleep in between songs,” Lex complained, waving a finger in front of Fiona’s face threateningly while Fiona groaned inwardly, she had completely forgotten about the plans they had.

“Oh right, The Grind, yes of course,” Fiona mumbled and Lex gave an exasperated sigh.

“Yes it’s tonight, how the hell did you forget? This is big stuff, Fi, big big stuff! And do not think I’m going to let you get out of it because there’s no chance. So sleep during your classes, drink twenty buckets of coffee, dunk yourself in freezing water, I don’t care, just get yourself ready for a wicked night, okay?”

“You’re a good friend,” Fiona retorted dryly, and for a moment the two girls stared at each other until they couldn't help but laugh.

Shaking her head through a grin, Lex spoke up again. “Damn straight, now be at mine no later than six, got it?”

“Yes ma’am,” Fiona saluted with a smile before heading off to her next class, anxiety over tonight building up in her stomach but she wouldn’t let it stop her, not now, not when she was so close to living like an actual teenager.

*

“You ready to go bub?”

Fiona had only just managed to shove her evening clothes into her bag when her father appeared at her door, knocking on the frame with his knuckles and giving her a gentle smile. He looked tired, worn down from a week of work, and seeing him looking like that made Fiona feel all the more guilty for lying to him about where she was off to.

“Yeah, all packed. Thanks for dropping me off, dad,” she told him, grabbing her bag and throwing on some flats before following her father out to the car.

“No worries, sweetheart. You know, I was starting to worry that all your track training was maybe getting in the way of your friendship with Lex. She hasn’t been around as much and you haven’t talked much about her, so I thought maybe you’d had a falling out,” her dad prompted carefully, searching for his keys as a way to keep this from appearing to be a fatherly interrogation.

“Nah, she gets how much track means to me and she’s been busy too. We’re fine dad, everything’s good,” Fiona explained, flashing her dad a smile just to be sure while her father nodded, looking pleased.

When he pulled up outside of Lex’s house, Fiona leaned over to kiss his cheek, telling him she loved him, and in her head, that she was sorry for lying. She didn't get much more time than that to reflect on how she was a terrible daughter, because suddenly Lex was running from the house, all full of excitement and too much energy. She only just managed to wait until Fiona’s dad had made it to the end of the road when she began babbling on about dresses and make up and how she couldn’t decide what shoes to wear, and Fiona, despite herself, grinned and felt herself relax. Lex always made things fun, so why the heck was she worrying?

Lex’s older brother Adam drove them over, making them promise that they wouldn’t tell anyone else the location of The Grind, and immediately dropped them the moment he could, but not before telling them what time he’d meet them to drive them home.

“You know, it was almost like he was embarrassed to be seen with us,” Lex muttered, fixing her hair in the car rear-view mirror.

Fiona snorted a laugh at this. “No, really? What gave you that idea? Anyway, how is this place still a secret? You’d think loud music and a gaggle of rebel teens would give it away.”

“Nah, the place is soundproof. And I think if there’s no trouble, nobody cares where the teenagers go on a Friday night as long as they’re out of sight, so I guess it works for everyone,” Lex shrugged before grabbing Fiona’s hand and giving it a tug. “Come on, let’s go inside, this is gonna be awesome!”

Awesome wouldn’t have been the word Fiona would’ve chosen to describe the night, however, it did exceed her expectations (and not just because they were so low). The Grind was basically just a large soundproof basement, filled with a bunch of kids that were considered cool on the scene and all had something to prove. The music itself wasn’t the type Fiona would find herself listening to on her own, it was all very angry and almost desperate but the atmosphere and seeing it live made it all that much better. Not to mention the animosity that came with it, with the lights down so low you could be anybody.

As the second to last band of the night finished their set, Fiona was about to go find her friend who’d disappeared earlier to get them more drinks when suddenly, said friend came crashing into her with wide, excited eyes and no drinks to be seen.

“Fi, you’ll never believe who is here tonight!” she gushed, practically shaking the other girl. “Guess, guess!”

“I, uh, honestly, I have no clue. I don’t know anything about this,” Fiona reminded her, grinning at her friend’s enthusiasm as Lex just laughed and shook her friend a little more.

“Pete freaking Wentz, like, can you believe it? This is insane, I thought for sure he wouldn’t be playing tonight especially after everything that has happened but he and his band are up next and we get to see them! This is amazing!”

Fiona was silent for a moment, in some sort of shock. After the so-called accident and properly meeting Pete, she’d forgotten all about the fact that he was meant to be some sort of demi-god, a legend on the scene, someone that no one messes with and everyone idolizes. She hadn’t even thought about him being here and now the prospect of seeing him, outside of the places they normally saw each other, had her feeling a little sickly.

“Wow, that’s great,” Fiona tried, going for a smile but feeling it came out as a grimace while Lex just sighed.

“Oh come on, Fi, not all of us are lucky enough to be neighbors with one of Chicago’s best underground band’s front man, are we?” Lex said with a grin before grabbing at Fiona’s arm and pulling her to the front of the crowd as the band on stage began to head off stage to be replaced with the last band of the night.

It didn't take long before Fiona spotted him, stepping out onto the stage and fiddling with his microphone, laughing and heckling with the other guys on stage. He looked happy, but not completely, like he was trying just a little too hard to sell it and that concerned Fiona. She wasn’t worried about him seeing her, the room was so dark even with the lights on the stage and so she let herself stare without the fear of being caught.

Pete tapped the microphone, capturing the attention of everyone inside the building. “We’re Arma Angelus, and this is for everybody in the fucking building, fucking let loose!”

At that, the crowd seemed to come to life, going insane for the band on stage to the point where Fiona tugged herself away from Lex to get away from the constant pushing and shoving of the crowd. Standing to the side, she could watch without fear of being flung around and also without losing her hearing at the loud music. The band didn’t play long, with only five songs in their set, but it was long enough for Fiona to see Pete in his element, doing the thing he loved most. It was an interesting side to see, another puzzle piece to put into place, and she was almost memorized by him.

The moment the band finished, the crowd began to thin almost immediately, probably off somewhere else to finish off the night and Fiona found herself looking around for Lex. She knew her friend wouldn’t leave her here, it was just a matter of making her way through the people and haze to find her.

After minutes of looking, Fiona gave up and decided it was probably best to just go wait by Adam’s car and find her that way when she heard her name being called and a hand on her shoulder. She turned quickly to see the surprised expression of a sweaty, half naked Pete.

“Fiona, what’re you doing here?” Pete asked, sounding shocked and Fiona wasn’t sure whether she should take offense to this.

Instead, she grinned, giving a little shrug. “Came to see what all the fuss was about, really. So you’re in a band, huh?”

Pete couldn’t hide how proud he was of this fact. “Yeah, yeah I am. What did you think? Come on, you can be honest, you won’t hurt my feelings.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s the type of music I’d usually find myself interested in, but I like the passion put into it,” Fiona answered, being as truthful as possible without sounding like a bitch.

“Ah, I see,” Pete said, light-hearted. “It was the screaming, wasn’t it? Don’t worry, it’s an acquired taste.”

Fiona couldn’t help but laugh at this. “Acquired taste? You moron,” she teased playfully, “but hey, even if the music wasn’t really my thing, I really liked watching you perform. You look really happy when you’re blissed out on the music, you know? It’s cool to see.”

Pete was about to answer this when a guy appeared next to him, throwing an arm around his neck and jostling him about. “Peteyyyy! Awesome show, bro, it’s good to have you back. You’re coming back to mine for drinks, right? Oh shit, who’s your lady friend?”

Fiona shifted uncomfortably under the stare of this stranger and under the unsure expectation of her, was she meant to answer? Or was Pete? And if she was, what would she even say? She wasn't even sure what she was to Pete.

Pete’s eyes ducked from her face awkwardly and it was unnerving to see Pete so uncertain of himself. “Thanks man, glad you could make it. This is, ah, um, she’s just, uh - hey, I’ll see you at yours, yeah? Mix me a drink of something lethal.”

The man seemed satisfied by this answer, letting out a long cheer. “Yeah man, the Wentz is back!”

With that, the man disappeared, leaving Pete and Fiona alone again but so much more different than they were before. Pete opened his mouth, words dying on the end of his tongue when Fiona nodded slightly before giving him a tight smile.

“Well, I’ve got to get going, I’ve got friends waiting for me,” she said quickly, needing to get out. “Goodbye Pete, see ya round.”

Pete watched as she left, hating himself for letting her go.