Status: Currently writing. xo
The American Girl
Three
I sat on Alexandria’s bed, watching her play video games. It had been a day after the ‘incident’, as our principal described it. We were suspended for a week, my mum agreed for me to stay at Alex’s house until the suspension was up. And honestly? I didn’t want to attempt to figure out what she was doing in the run down motel. “Wanna play?” She threw me a controller at me and started the game.
I looked up and realised it was a wrestling game, my hands gripping the controller and pressing the four different colored buttons, not paying attention to what I was doing. “Beginners luck.” She mumbled as the words ‘PLAYER 2 WINS’ flashed across the screen in large yellow print. I smirked at her, “Yeah you’ll see.”, sitting up on the bed and waiting to start the second round. I pressed the buttons quickly, slowly figuring out which button triggered which move. Her player fell to the floor. I stuck my tongue out at her, “Told you.” She shut off the game console and switched to TV, turning on Friends and dragging her mac laptop out. “I love how you can afford that but you couldn’t buy me the five dollar Pierce The Veil shirt I wanted.” I teased at her, remembering when we were at Walmart earlier today.
She sighed, leaning on me. “My therapist gave me this...he said I should write out my feelings, seeming as I loose all of my journals once a week passes, he bought me this.” She bit her pink lips, chewing on it slightly. You could see the hurt in her eyes as she mentioned her therapist. “You didn’t have to tell me ya’ know..I was just kidding.” I all of a sudden felt really bad, nobody liked to talk about their depression. I know from experience. “No, its fine. I feel that since we’re close enough I can tell you. If thats ok?” She closed her laptop and sat up. I nodded, laying back and looking at her, as if telling her to start. “It started when I was ten, my grandma died. I was always one of those kids that grew up too fast. I didn’t mean too...It just happened. I really liked the internet when I was younger, I would be on my computer all the time. I wasn’t like most kids who spent it on Facebook or Twitter, I loved writing. I would just sit with an open Word Document and write everything out.” She paused for a moment, putting her head in my lap and laying down.
I played with her long hair as she continued, “Then my mum literally threw my laptop out. I still went to school, but it was shit. I tried to make friends but nobody liked me. I was always a bit overwieght, since I had no friends I had nobody to work out with. I tried to starve myself, but I couldn’t. So I turned to cutting. No, I knew it wasn’t gonna help my weight problem but it was another release. My mum found out when I was 14, Over the 4 years she didn’t notice I contiued to cut, as if it was addiction. Well it was. I cut vertical allot when I had the courage to. But back to when she did find out. When she did find out she took me to a doctor, who gave me a therapist. The therapist was ok, she gave me my meds and didn’t seem to care. I took my meds like I was supposed to, my mom didn’t treat me any differently. It was almost weird. After a few months of taking the meds I just started feeling numb.”
She sat up again, still leaning on me while pulling up her sleeves. “I didn’t liked it so I stopped taking my meds, my mum noticed so she took me to the therapist again. My therapist couldn’t help anymore, I was honestly so far gone.”, I looked down at her wrists. Scars ran up and down them, vertically and horizontally. Biting my lip and looking down at my wrists, I thought of telling her but decided not to. Letting her contine the story. “They put me in a mental hospital. Hell, it was more like a ward. I started snooping around but regretted it when I got caught. Oh my god it was absolutely horrid, the things they did to the patients that though would ‘fix them’ like they were robots.” Tears slipt from her tear duct. I wiped them away, knowing I would never be able to go through what she has.
“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.” I pressed my lips to her hair, an attempt to comfort her. She sniffled and removed herself from me, wiping her eyes. “No. I have to continue. The needle they used was huge, full of green gooey stuff. It felt like numb, but I knew it was something else. I couldn’t figure out what though. Then they bonded me to the cot. It was as if I was in a horror movie. Those metal things they put on your head to electrocute you? Yeah. It was just like that. 1,000 volts of electricity hurts. I won’t ever forget the feeling. I still have nightmares sometimes. After that I didn’t eat for about 3 weeks. I started working out. I lost all of the fat quickly for some reason, I was surprised. And 2 years later, here I am. Almost healed, sitting on this bed with you and your beautiful self.” I felt my cheeks go red with flush as she complimented me.
“Thats allot to go through, i’m surprised you’ve made it.” I smiled at her, her chocolate brown eyes lit up as I complimented her. “I’ve cut a bit, i’m not saying i’m proud or anything. I just wanted to let you know since you told me all of that. But i’ve stopped and its not happening anytime soon.” She got off of me, looking me in the eyes. “Promise?” She held out her pinkie, “Promise.” I intertwined our two quite small pinkies and looked up at her, taking the chance and pecking her on the lips.
I looked up and realised it was a wrestling game, my hands gripping the controller and pressing the four different colored buttons, not paying attention to what I was doing. “Beginners luck.” She mumbled as the words ‘PLAYER 2 WINS’ flashed across the screen in large yellow print. I smirked at her, “Yeah you’ll see.”, sitting up on the bed and waiting to start the second round. I pressed the buttons quickly, slowly figuring out which button triggered which move. Her player fell to the floor. I stuck my tongue out at her, “Told you.” She shut off the game console and switched to TV, turning on Friends and dragging her mac laptop out. “I love how you can afford that but you couldn’t buy me the five dollar Pierce The Veil shirt I wanted.” I teased at her, remembering when we were at Walmart earlier today.
She sighed, leaning on me. “My therapist gave me this...he said I should write out my feelings, seeming as I loose all of my journals once a week passes, he bought me this.” She bit her pink lips, chewing on it slightly. You could see the hurt in her eyes as she mentioned her therapist. “You didn’t have to tell me ya’ know..I was just kidding.” I all of a sudden felt really bad, nobody liked to talk about their depression. I know from experience. “No, its fine. I feel that since we’re close enough I can tell you. If thats ok?” She closed her laptop and sat up. I nodded, laying back and looking at her, as if telling her to start. “It started when I was ten, my grandma died. I was always one of those kids that grew up too fast. I didn’t mean too...It just happened. I really liked the internet when I was younger, I would be on my computer all the time. I wasn’t like most kids who spent it on Facebook or Twitter, I loved writing. I would just sit with an open Word Document and write everything out.” She paused for a moment, putting her head in my lap and laying down.
I played with her long hair as she continued, “Then my mum literally threw my laptop out. I still went to school, but it was shit. I tried to make friends but nobody liked me. I was always a bit overwieght, since I had no friends I had nobody to work out with. I tried to starve myself, but I couldn’t. So I turned to cutting. No, I knew it wasn’t gonna help my weight problem but it was another release. My mum found out when I was 14, Over the 4 years she didn’t notice I contiued to cut, as if it was addiction. Well it was. I cut vertical allot when I had the courage to. But back to when she did find out. When she did find out she took me to a doctor, who gave me a therapist. The therapist was ok, she gave me my meds and didn’t seem to care. I took my meds like I was supposed to, my mom didn’t treat me any differently. It was almost weird. After a few months of taking the meds I just started feeling numb.”
She sat up again, still leaning on me while pulling up her sleeves. “I didn’t liked it so I stopped taking my meds, my mum noticed so she took me to the therapist again. My therapist couldn’t help anymore, I was honestly so far gone.”, I looked down at her wrists. Scars ran up and down them, vertically and horizontally. Biting my lip and looking down at my wrists, I thought of telling her but decided not to. Letting her contine the story. “They put me in a mental hospital. Hell, it was more like a ward. I started snooping around but regretted it when I got caught. Oh my god it was absolutely horrid, the things they did to the patients that though would ‘fix them’ like they were robots.” Tears slipt from her tear duct. I wiped them away, knowing I would never be able to go through what she has.
“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.” I pressed my lips to her hair, an attempt to comfort her. She sniffled and removed herself from me, wiping her eyes. “No. I have to continue. The needle they used was huge, full of green gooey stuff. It felt like numb, but I knew it was something else. I couldn’t figure out what though. Then they bonded me to the cot. It was as if I was in a horror movie. Those metal things they put on your head to electrocute you? Yeah. It was just like that. 1,000 volts of electricity hurts. I won’t ever forget the feeling. I still have nightmares sometimes. After that I didn’t eat for about 3 weeks. I started working out. I lost all of the fat quickly for some reason, I was surprised. And 2 years later, here I am. Almost healed, sitting on this bed with you and your beautiful self.” I felt my cheeks go red with flush as she complimented me.
“Thats allot to go through, i’m surprised you’ve made it.” I smiled at her, her chocolate brown eyes lit up as I complimented her. “I’ve cut a bit, i’m not saying i’m proud or anything. I just wanted to let you know since you told me all of that. But i’ve stopped and its not happening anytime soon.” She got off of me, looking me in the eyes. “Promise?” She held out her pinkie, “Promise.” I intertwined our two quite small pinkies and looked up at her, taking the chance and pecking her on the lips.