The Puckleberry Beth Halloween Special

The Puckleberry Beth Halloween Special

Summary: Puck takes Beth out trick-or-treating. Being Puckerman's, nothing goes smoothly. Beth gets candy, Puck gets a turkey, Brody gets pranked, and Finn always gets the blame.

Rating: K+

*****

Puck leaned over the balcony watching the sun go down, cigarette in hand. It was that time of the year again; dictated by the lengthening of the nights and the coolness of the evenings. A time that heralded a change in the migratory paths of animals and a foolishness in the people that went far beyond the norm.

Even their yard was not unaffected by the taint of madness. There were garish colored orbs, that had been carved up with butcher knives and the entrails scooped out to hold candles. Skeletons made of paper hung from the tree fronds and swung in the late afternoon breeze like twitching corpses. Tombstones made of Styrofoam were on either side of the path that led to the front door where a witch was impaled upon its surface like a bug on a windshield. Whenever someone came near that door, a huge spider dropped from the ceiling of the canopy and screeched like a girl, all eight limbs thrashing. That was the second spider Rachel had to buy. The first had been snapped three days ago when Finn had rigged the damn thing to drop down on him when he entered his bathroom. They were almost twenty-one now but every time the blasted holiday rolled around he acted worse than his baby sister and daughter. At least Beth didn't know about his fear (he refused to say phobia) of spiders.

It was growing dark now and from his vantagepoint, Puck could see the first of little costumed children prowling the streets. They were allowed this night to roam in dangerous packs demanding sustenance from strangers who appeared cowed into submission by offering sacrifices in the way of candy to placate them. It was an unnerving thing to witness and the humans appeared to not only support it but encourage it. The event actually had a name.

Halloween.

"Noah, she's coming down! Ooooh! She's so cute!" came Rachel's voice from the living room.

Hanging his head in defeat, Puck stabbed out his cigarette and reluctantly left his refuge and went back inside. He cast his girlfriend a veiled glance. She was clad in a one piece black dress and a wide-brimmed hat. It was a far cry from the custom-made leather Catwoman suit she had originally intended to wear. She had made the mistake of modeling it in front of him last night and...well, suffice to say there wasn't much left of it after he had ravished her. Just the thought of her in that skintight ensemble brought a flush to his naturally dark features and he could feel the stirrings of a completely useless erection-

-Then Rachel turned to look at him and the sight of that puke-green make-up complete with warts and a long dangling nose brought him quickly back down to earth. He actually took a step backwards when she cackled at him in glee, baring black talons at the end of each finger. "Well, there you are my pretty!" She cackled.

"Rach, I think you've scarred me for life," he responded, staring at her uneasily. She was wearing black lipstick and for no good reason he was thinking of her resemblance to Dr. Frank-N-Furter. He wondered if he would be able to manage an erection ever again.

"Daddy! Here I come!" came a little girl's voice from upstairs and Beth burst from her bedroom and pranced down the stairs in her fairy costume. It was a bright pink disaster that she and her father had made complete with crooked wings that actually fluttered (or tried to) and a glittery dress that dripped sequins all over the place. On her feet was a pair of sneakers that were painted gold.  She had a glittery pink hair band in her hair. Puck could see where some of the glitter had gotten caught in her blond curls. They were going to be a bastard to wash out before taking her back to Shelby.

Finn, who was only visiting for the Holiday, stepped in to see Beth bounce down the stairs. He had obviously been at the candy, he had chocolate smeared over his mouth. "Wow Beth, you look great! What are you supposed to be?"

"I'm a fairy, Uncle Finn!" she announced and did a circle on her tiptoes waving a wand above her head.

Finn blincked. "Oh, yeah, I can see that now." He grinned at the little girl and then leaded over to whisper in Pucks ear, "Next time let Rach or Kurt to it dude."

Puck scrowed and elbowed Finn in the gut. Finn just guffled, stuffed a handful of candy in his gob and left.

Rachel straightened the little girl's attennae on her head and handed her a flashlight and several bags. "I want you to be a good little angel tonight. Don't let your father get into any trouble-"

"Hey!" He objected. "I'm not the one who got arrested last year!"

Rachel's green face flushed to a shade of emerald at the reminder. They had taken Beth out trick-or-treating last year together and she had gotten into a screaming match with a Jehovah Witness who had called Puck an unfit father for endorsing such a pagan holiday. The two had practically gone to blows over the issue and Puck had picked her and his bewildered daughter up from the police precinct later that evening, smirking the entire time. It was the year before they had started dating, when Rachel was still with Brody and Puck had started his first year at college.

"Just be good," she grumbled and gave Beth a peck on the cheek and stood up. She poked Puck on the chest. "You, too."

"Yes, mother," Puck and Beth echoed together and whatever irritation Rachel might have had evaporated at the sight of the two with identical mocking glares on their faces. Oh yeah, Beth was his kid all right.

There was the clumping of a multitude of miniature feet at the front door and the responsive screaming of the dummy spider before the chorus started; "Trick-or-treat! Smell our feet! Give us something-"

"Oh no! I'm not ready!" Rachel spouted and rushed downstairs. Puck could hear the front door open and the sound of his girlfriend giving her harried praise, "Oh my, what have we here? What a handsome pirate you are! And you must be a scary ghost! Brr-r-r-r! And you-"

Rolling his eyes, he looked down at his six-year-old daughter. "Ready to go?" he asked, trying to sound chipper.

Her bottom lip went out in a pout. "Daddy, you're not wearing a costume!"

"Sure I am," he said as he pulled on his leather coat in preparation to leave. "I'm masquerading as a biker. It's the most terrifying thing I could come up with."

She crossed her small arms and scowled at him. Puck lasted maybe one minute under that glare and retrieved a baseball cap from Finns' room that had a pair of devil horns on it. "There, that alright princess?"

"...It'll do," she relented.

"Where do you want to start?"

"Where ever the most candy is!" came the expected reply.

Puck picked her up and placed her on his shoulders as they left the house, Beth howled in excitement like a witch on a broom. They decided to go to the outer edge of Central Park and work themselves in with Beth calling the shots like a girl who had her dad completely wrapped around her little pinky. Puck relented only because he wanted the night to be over as quickly and with as little fuss as possible. He remained standing on the curb in a modest sized subdivision watching her protectively as she scampered up to each house.

Adults with children of their own passed him identical looks of torture and grief reserved only for their age group. It wasn't uncommon for a small gathering of parents to linger on the sidewalk while they waited for their own brood to finish up with the begging at the various homes. Puck found himself included among several family units as they moved from house to house. Beth got along with the other children quite well as long as they let her get to the door first.

"I think it's wonderful what you're doing," a young mother said to Puck, who was standing as far away from the other adults as possible, the hat pulled down over his eyes.

His hands in the pockets of his coat, he simply shrugged at the praise.

"I know what you mean," piped up a single dad. "There's not many kids who would take their little sister around trick-or-treating."

Puck fixed him with a glare. "I'm her dad, you moron."

As the stunned group absorbed the news, Puck caught up to his daughter and took her across the street to start a new block over her objections. That became the pattern for the rest of the night whenever he found himself caught up with a group of human adults. Beth really didn't object too long. Running solo meant she had more time to turn up the charm and possibly get some more goodies out of a home owner. Being half-Puckerman, she had her priorities right where food and goodies was concerned.

Beth skipped along in her gaudy sneakers as they moved onto the next house. The girl was clutching the bag she carried in a deathgrip so that he couldn't sneak a candy bar out of her stash and he was getting frustrated as she continued to thwart him. "Just one, that's all I'm asking."

"No."

"One little bar-"

"NO!"

"How about some candy corn then? You hate that crap anyway," Puck was almost whining. Rachel had hid the candy from him and Finn, waiting until they had left the building. Obvious Finn had a better noise for candy than Puck. Besides the sweets were the only part of the annoying holiday that he liked anymore.

Beth seriously thought it over. "'kay, but just one," she said, rummaging in her modestly filled bag and handing him a tiny package of candy. Puck grinned and tore into his prize.

They left one neighborhood and proceeded onto the next. One that was immediately recognizable. "Oh! That's Brody's house!" Beth announced, leaving his side at a sprint and charging up the walkway. The recently recognized actor owned a modest little bungalow on the East Side, which he shared with his Bimbo-Of-The-Month. Miss October answered the door clad in a replica of Princess Leia's slave costume and Puck found himself leaving his usual place at the end of the driveway to get a closer look.

Brody appeared in a Han Solo outfit that didn't quite fit. "Hello Beth! You look some cute in that angel costume-"

"I'M A FAIRY!" Beth wailed, her hazel eyes wide.

"So you are," he quickly corrected himself. He heard a low chuckle and saw Puck standing a few feet away, watching them in amusement. His smile flagged, he had hoped that Rachel would be out tonight. "Hey Puck. Do those horns come with the hat or are you revealing your true form tonight?"

"Har de har har," Puck snorted.

"Speaking of hell-raisers, where's Kurt?"

"He's at a dance at NYADA, which those guys, the Aaron's Apples."

"Yeah, Adam's Apples." Brody dropped a handful of bars and suckers into the bag that Beth held out. "I hope that someone is keeping an eye on Finn tonight. I don't want a repeat of what happened to my house the last time."

Puck folded his arms. "Finn was with me all night last year."

Last Halloween had been pure torture for Brody. Not only had his house, trees and hedge been swathed in toilet paper but also rotten eggs had been pelted at all sides of his house and garage, along with the windows being soaped.

"I figure it was more likely some woman you spurned," Puck added slyly. "I hear there's a club forming."

"What's he mean by that?" Princess Leia asked in a sharp tone.

"Hehhehheh nothing, my love," Brody said with a dopey grin. He flashed Puck a dirty look. "I'll be keeping my eyes open tonight," he promised and closed the door. From behind it, both Beth and her father could hear the start of an argument and they decided to leave.

"What a dork," Beth muttered when they reached the sidewalk.

"You said it, kid," Puck agreed.

A couple of hours later they were only a few blocks from home. Beth was showing absolutely no signs of slowing down as she periodically resorted to her treats for a pick-me-up and was currently cruising along on a sugar high. She was carrying her third bag of goodies, having encapsulated the other two and refused to even trust her father to carry the bags. Puck was getting irritated. He was hungry, thirsty and just wanted this evening to come to an end. The bigger kids were starting to come out and roam the streets in dangerous packs and police cruisers were starting to increase in number. When the eggs started flying he wanted to be back home, in bed, with Rachel.

There was a sudden sharp wail and Beth came running back from the house she had been at, crying her eyes out. "Daddy!"

He stared at her in alarm. It was rare when she pulled the waterworks over something he HADN'T done, or wouldn't do. "What's wrong?"

She pointed at the front door. "Th-that man had no c-candy. He told me to buh-bug off!"

Puck's eyes narrowed. "Oh, he did, did he?"

The homeowner had run out of suckers an hour before but didn't bother turning off his porch light just so he could vent his frustrations at the little begging brats as they continued to knock on his door. He was just getting settled into his chair after telling that stupid little fairy to get lost when there was a bang at the door. "Get lost, ain't got anything!" The banging continued. "I said bug off!"

There was a moment of silence and he settled into his chair.

Then the front door swung open and somebody wearing a devil hat came inside, his hat too low to see his face.

"You the prick who made my kid cry?" Puck snarled at him as he walked into the living room, pocketing the pin he used to unlock the door.

"Ho...ho...holy shit..." the guy wheezed.

"I don't like this damn holiday either but now I've got to put up with her crying thanks to you!" Puck stood menacingly over the cringing man until he noticed the four remaining beers of a six pack on the end table. "I'll take this for myself," he said and went into the kitchen. Too shocked to even get up out of his chair, the man sat immobile when, a few minutes later, Puck came out of the room carrying an armload of cookies, chips and a frozen turkey. "These are for my kid. Smarten up next time, asshole!" he said and walked out of the house.

The home owner sat there for the longest time in open-mouthed shock before he got to his feet and slammed the door shut and turned off the porch light. He sagged to the floor and clutched his chest where his heart was racing. "I hate Halloween," he croaked.

When Puck returned home he was carrying an exhausted Beth in his arms and Rachel greeted him at the door. She was still wearing her witch dress but, mercifully, had washed that green crap off her face.

"How'd it go?" she whispered, taking Pucks daughter into her arms. Beth muttered something and fell back asleep, there was a smear of chocolate on one cheek and she was still gripping one bag of treats in her tiny fist.

"No problem," Puck said with an easy smile. He had downed the four beers in rapid succession and had a nice mellow buzz going. Gently disengaging their daughter's fingers from the bag Rachel was astonished to see what he removed from it. "Who gave you a turkey as a Halloween treat?"

"Just some guy who ran out of treats."

She giggled at the obvious lie but didn't bother pushing her luck. He appeared to actually be in a good mood and she wanted to take advantage of the moment. "Put it in the sink to defrost, I'll cook it tomorrow."

"Bonus." Then he hesitated. "But you won't eat it."

Rachel smiled. "No, but you, Kurt and Finn will."

Puck grinned slowly, and wrapped an arm around Rachel's waist, being careful not to stir his daughter. "Love you, Babe."

Rachel returned with her own smile."Then come upstairs and show me."

That leering grin of his was back. "Even better," he said in a husky growl and quickly left the room to rid himself of the thawing bird.

At half past one in the morning, Brody was still playing sentinel in his living room peering out into the front yard waiting, just waiting for the first sign of trouble.

"Hon? C'mon to bed," Princess Leia pleaded from the hallway. "It's late. No one's going to show up."

"I tell myself that every year," Brody muttered. "But the next day there I am, cleaning up my yard. I know damn well Finn is behind this and Puck wouldn't stop him either-"

"Puck? Was that the guy whose little girl was dressed in the fairy outfit? He was kind of cute-"

"Oh, no you don't!" Brody snapped, pulling himself away from the front window and walking over to her. "I don't want to even hear you bring that guy up ever again. Let's go to bed."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" she said in exasperation. She followed him down the hallway and just had to add, "He WAS cute, y'know-"

"!!DAMMIT!!" Brody bellowed from the bathroom.

The next morning he opened one eye and looked around the room, seeing only blackness. The sun hadn't even risen yet. He snuggled up closer to his current girlfriend and glanced at the clock radio beside the bed before burrowing his head into the pillow. Snapping his head back up he stared at the clock again. The read-out said that it was nine in the morning but the room was as black as midnight.

"Oh no. Nononononono," he chanted as he got out of bed and jogged over to the window. He threw open the curtains and stared at what he saw in complete disbelief.

The window had been painted black.

"!!DAMMIT!!" he screamed leaving the room. The woman, no longer bearing even a remote resemblance to Princess Leia in her disheveled hair and smeared make-up looked around dazedly. "Brody? Come back to bed, it's still dark out," she murmured and fell back asleep.

Running outside wearing only his boxers, Brody discovered that every single window of his house was painted pitch black. The house and trees were heavily swathed in toilet paper and it was starting to rain, transforming the cotton streamers into a soggy mess. He wandered out onto his lawn like a man still in the grips of his greatest nightmare. On their way to school several kids had stopped on the sidewalk to watch him with open-mouthed amazement.

"Wow, mister. Someone really has it in for you," one eight-year-old boy piped up.

"Oh, shut up!" Brody yelled at him before storming back inside of the unnaturally dark house.

The ringing of the telephone beside the bed woke Rachel up out of a sound sleep and she glared at it resentfully, pulling herself up into a sitting position. She'd only gotten into bed at around four in the morning and had been looking forward to sleeping in. Glancing to her right she saw that Puck's side of the bed was unsurprisingly empty. There had been an all-night marathon of spooky movies on the television and Puck thrived on the sickening gore. He was probably asleep on the couch.

Stifling a yawn she picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Rachel!"

"Oh, hi Brody. Listen isn't this a little early-"

"Where the hell was Finn last night!?" came the enraged voice on the other end.

"Finn?" Rachel was blinking the sleep out of her eyes. "He was here all night. He helped with the trick or treaters and watched a movie with Puck, then went to bed. Why?"

"Why do you think? My house was vandalized! Again! Some little bastard painted my windows black!" There was a long, considering pause on the other end. "Could Finn have slipped out?"

"No, Brody, of course not. Finn wouldn't do that, and after getting burgled we had motion detectors installed."

 Brody went silent again. Rachel could practically hear the actors' thoughts grinding together. As well as his teeth. "What about Puck-"

"Uh-uh," she interrupted, knowing where that question was going. "He came home in a really good mood and we ended up going upstairs to-"

-click-

 Rachel stared at the receiver with one arched eyebrow of amusement and hung up. She grabbed her robe and left the bedroom to go down-stairs, Puck was on the couch as she predicted but he wasn't asleep. He had finally found where Kurt had hidden his own stash of goodies and had opened one right after he had left for college. There was an enormous litter of chocolate bar wrappers and empty chip bags on the coffee table.

"Kurt will never talk to you again if he discovers you eating his stash," she said, sitting beside him.

"Ah, dare to dream for some quiet in this house..." he said with a slanted smile. He unwrapped a sucker and popped it into his mouth. "No worries, I'll just plant the bag in Finns' room before he comes back."

Rachel burst out laughing. "Poor Finn! If you're not trying to get him in trouble then Brody is!"

"Brody?" The mere mention of her ex-lover was always something of a sore spot for the Mckindlys' badboy. "What's he bitching about now?"

"The usual," she said, snuggling close beside him.

He put an arm around her shoulders. "You don't sound very sympathetic."

"Why should I? I never forgot the fact that he cheated on me." She went silent for a time and then confided, "He's my friend but sometimes he needs to be reminded of that." With that off her chest she pulled a bag of chips out of Kurt's sweet bag and proceeded to help herself. Beside her, Puck scanned through the channels on the TV and stopped at a local station. A news cruiser had been driving around the local area reporting on the acts of vandalism that had occurred the night before and it wasn't long before they pulled up to a familiar house.

"OhmiGOD!" Rachel almost choked on a mouthful of chips and a flurry of crumbs flew out of her mouth as she started laughing.

"Local celebrity Brody," the reporter was saying into the mike, "Of the newly released film Gaga For You had his own home vandalized every single Halloween for the last three years." The camera panned to Brody standing out on his yard still in his boxers as he was arguing with his girlfriend on the porch. He caught sight of the cruiser and began yelling muffled threats. Ignoring him, the reporter droned on, "Authorities have absolutely no leads and the actor himself appears unable to catch the guilty parties in the act despite his best efforts to-"

Brody's face was suddenly in the camera. "Finn! I know it's you! You and Puck! I swear to God I'm gonna-"

"Sir, you're going to have to step back," the reporter told him.

  Brody pushed him backward and put his hand over the lens, bellowing; "-bleep- you! Get the -bleep- off of my -bleep-ing yard before I -bleep-ing throw you off! You heard me, you -bleepedybleepbleep bleep-ers!"

From their comfy position on the couch, Puck and Rachel watched the frenzied tousle in complete amazement. They observed Brody as he apparently gave up on the news team and stormed back inside of his defaced house, dragging his reluctant girlfriend with him and slamming the door so hard that the glass broke.

"!!DAMMIT!!" came the enraged roar from inside.

"There you have it, ladies and gentleman," the reporter was saying when the excitement died down, "Not even our local heroes are capable of keeping vigil at all hours of the night-"

 Puck reclaimed the remote and resumed his aimless channel surfing. After several minutes of relaxed quiet he said in a smug voice, "So...what should we do to him next year?"

"I'm envisioning lots of silly-string and dogshit in a paper baggie. What do you think?" Rachel shot back.

"I think that I never want to have you as an enemy," he responded sincerely.

  Rachel pulled the sucker out of his mouth and put it into her own adding a slow, conspiring wink. "Bet on it Mister."

There was a moment of silence as the pair glanced at one another and then burst out laughing over the fact that they had gotten away with yet another year of making Brody's Halloween one to remember. Before they dozed off together on the sofa Puck confessed to her in a contented voice;

"I think Halloween is fast becoming my favorite holiday."