It's All About Stickin' It Out

There were some nights that I still found it hard to sleep and just stay peaceful. I was always thinking and trying to beat myself up for nothing. Finding peace with my mind was harder then any task that I had to endure.

I could call Jack though, what a stupid thought.

Last session, Wendy told us to pick partners, someone that we can call to talk to if we were ever having trouble. It was a trust exercise or something. She wanted all of us to know that we were family and not just people we see once a week.

Jack picked me and I picked him.

But it was weird. I didn't know if calling him at 2 am would result in anything good. We only have known each other for a few weeks.

I've never been confident about letting my feelings out to anyone, so the thought of telling Jack, a person I have only known for less then a month made me dizzy.

I was contemplating on pressing the green call button when I arrived to his number in my contacts list. It would either go really good or he would get annoyed of me and that was the bad scenario. But sometimes I forget that he's not just a normal person that I'm talking to, he's a person that understands what I'm going through.

But I was too shy. And decide that I shouldn't. It was something I might do when I get more confident in our friendship. If it lasted that long.

“why me?” I whisper into the darkness of my room. I let myself toss and turn as I try not to let my mind get the best of me. I resort to staying up and watching a T.V show. If mom and dad catch me, it's not that they would mind. This was one of the only ways to make my mind stop thinking.

I stay on discovery channel, a show about space was on. Space was something I loved and adored, so I fix my attention on to the tv screen as it zooms across the galaxies and stars. Wish I could see something that beautiful in peron.

–---

I did end up sleeping.

I wake up two hours later with the alarm rudely beeping at me in an obnoxious level of volume.

My head was in so much pain. I rub my temples and I wished I was one of those people who could fall asleep just as they closed their eyes. I envied them.

I go to the bathroom and try find some pain killers. There were none. What a surprise. Mom and Dad probably hid them all. It really bummed me out how much they believe that at any moment I would attempt again.

It's not that every moment I live I want to end myself. I have those days where I love living. Where I like to breathe in the air and see the faces of my parents, I wasn't that broken.

I sigh and rub my eyes, feeling myself grow nauseous.

I could take a day off. But that means mom will take a day off too and hang over me like I'm a sick puppy. So I decide against it and besides, I get to see Jack.

I try my hardest to sneak into my parents bedroom without waking them up. But nothing went my way and my mom stirred awake looking at me with squinted eyes.

“Alex, honey. What are you doing?” she asks getting up.

“You can stay asleep mom, I just need some pain killers. My heads killing me.”

Mom gets up to get the bottle.

“I'll take it mom.” I say, I hated being babied.

But she resists. Popping the two needed amount of tablets into my hand. She looked sad, like she wished she wasn't doing this. And I wished she wasn't being so strict.

I took a breathe before leaving the room and slamming the door, which woke up Dad and he heard them whispering. He decided that it was best to get out of here before he started an argument with them again. He didn't need his head ache getting any bigger.