Run My Darlings, Run
Chapter 15
The happiness vanished, and a cold, queasy feeling took its place instead. I couldn’t stop the thoughts from invading my head. How was I going to get them out? What would happen to us if the soldiers caught us? Not even Tulpe running around chasing her tail could drive the anxious frown from my face. Mama had noticed the change in my face. She shooed Liesel to the far side of the hut and sat down next to me.
For a long while she said nothing, she just studied the floor, tracing lines in the dirt with her fingers. She cleared her throat awkwardly, and then spoke.
“Hans,” she said quietly, more quietly than I’d ever heard her speak before. It did little to calm my feeling of dread. In fact, it made it worse. The uneasiness spread all throughout my body, until I was shifting nervously on the floor.
“Hans, you can’t get us all out of here,” she said, monotone. This was followed by a short, strangled sob, and then Mama burst into tears. “Take Liesel now and get out of here. You can’t rescue us all. Papa and I will stay here, and cause a distraction so you two can get away. But you have to leave us here.” She sobbed again, struggling to compose herself. I took her arm, alarmed. I had never seen Mama like this before. The words she said were almost familiar, where had I heard them before? Then it came back to me. The train, how Papa had taken me aside and told me they couldn’t escape with us. Now I was hearing it from Mama
“I can’t leave you again!” My voice cracked. I couldn’t cry in front of Mama. Not with her like this. She took a deep breath, to steady herself, and then rushed into an explanation.
“Hans, you must do this. Papa and I…” she hesitated. “This is what we want you to do. Grant us our only wish Hans. We just want you to be safe.” I slumped down, and a few stray tears escaped and slid down my cold cheeks. I noticed Papa watching from the shadows, a dark, brooding look on his face. Mama hugged me, and I hugged her back. I breathed in her scent, I felt her warmth, and I heard her comforting voice. They calmed me down, soothed me.
Tulpe came over and licked my face. She gave a short whine and flopped down on my lap. I stroked her fur self-consciously, my mind lost in thought. I remembered Papa talking to me in the train, telling me that they couldn’t come with us. He told me to take care of Liesel, but all I did was get hurt, and it was she who was looking after me. Then I went and landed her in the camp. It was all my fault. I opened my mouth to say I couldn’t do it, when I saw Mama’s face. She wasn’t about to take no as an answer.
I drew in a deep breath, and let it out with a whoosh. “I drew myself up tall, chin up. I turned to Mama and Liesel, who were watching me. I took a breath to steady my nerves.
“I’ll get Liesel out.” Mama was just about to take a sigh of relief, when I cut her off. “But, I’m not just getting Liesel out. I’m going to get all of you out of here, if it’s the last thing I do,” I promised.
For a long while she said nothing, she just studied the floor, tracing lines in the dirt with her fingers. She cleared her throat awkwardly, and then spoke.
“Hans,” she said quietly, more quietly than I’d ever heard her speak before. It did little to calm my feeling of dread. In fact, it made it worse. The uneasiness spread all throughout my body, until I was shifting nervously on the floor.
“Hans, you can’t get us all out of here,” she said, monotone. This was followed by a short, strangled sob, and then Mama burst into tears. “Take Liesel now and get out of here. You can’t rescue us all. Papa and I will stay here, and cause a distraction so you two can get away. But you have to leave us here.” She sobbed again, struggling to compose herself. I took her arm, alarmed. I had never seen Mama like this before. The words she said were almost familiar, where had I heard them before? Then it came back to me. The train, how Papa had taken me aside and told me they couldn’t escape with us. Now I was hearing it from Mama
“I can’t leave you again!” My voice cracked. I couldn’t cry in front of Mama. Not with her like this. She took a deep breath, to steady herself, and then rushed into an explanation.
“Hans, you must do this. Papa and I…” she hesitated. “This is what we want you to do. Grant us our only wish Hans. We just want you to be safe.” I slumped down, and a few stray tears escaped and slid down my cold cheeks. I noticed Papa watching from the shadows, a dark, brooding look on his face. Mama hugged me, and I hugged her back. I breathed in her scent, I felt her warmth, and I heard her comforting voice. They calmed me down, soothed me.
Tulpe came over and licked my face. She gave a short whine and flopped down on my lap. I stroked her fur self-consciously, my mind lost in thought. I remembered Papa talking to me in the train, telling me that they couldn’t come with us. He told me to take care of Liesel, but all I did was get hurt, and it was she who was looking after me. Then I went and landed her in the camp. It was all my fault. I opened my mouth to say I couldn’t do it, when I saw Mama’s face. She wasn’t about to take no as an answer.
I drew in a deep breath, and let it out with a whoosh. “I drew myself up tall, chin up. I turned to Mama and Liesel, who were watching me. I took a breath to steady my nerves.
“I’ll get Liesel out.” Mama was just about to take a sigh of relief, when I cut her off. “But, I’m not just getting Liesel out. I’m going to get all of you out of here, if it’s the last thing I do,” I promised.