I Want You On My Team

Pardon Me Cause I'm Staring

Halfway through the school week I made it back to New York. A little jet lagged I spent the first day at home alone. But, as Thursday came about it was time for me to man up and head to school where life was a buzz. I wasn't complaining, well I actually was, but I had issues with this because everyone wanted to talk to me more than usual. I like people and all, but there are times when I girl just needs not to be talked to. Such as when she is racing toward a class not to be late or she needs to use a restroom. The latter of which was pretty much impossible now. I didn't want someone posting that I went pee during free period on twitter. That was just awkward. So I took to saying hi and brushing people off because no one seemed to understand I was a person like everyone else. The day I placed my order for a cap and gown I sighed in amazing belief that maybe I could make it to the end of the year. It was nice to see the end of the tunnel. Then I got to thinking about how my life will be like this for quite a while. I smiled at my prom dress hanging on my closet door. I almost couldn’t wait until I was in that dress again. I wanted to feel beautiful. Moving my laptop to the side I clamored off my bed and pinched the fabric between my fingers. Thinking of Nick I dropped the fabric and took a quick seat with my head in my hand.
Suddenly, I realized that after that night I wouldn’t be able to say no. In a week it’ll be him and I wrapped in a tight little cocoon. There would be no escaping for me. Do love Nick with all my heart? Honestly, I do. But, that was love as a best friend. I don’t fully know if I’ll be capable of loving him differently.
With I sudden realization this point had been coming for a while. I had always wanted to live in Texas. I was set to go to Texas A&M, but I wasn’t sure if they had a program that would work for me. Either way I was being lead to Texas where he lived. I deep inside just wanted to be near him. I climbed under my covers and stared at my ceiling.
“Don’t think about the world. Stop blaming yourself. I know you do.” I spoke the lyrics out loud and relaxed into my mattress. Tomorrow will be my day.
♠ ♠ ♠
<3 Kelsey