Safe & Sound

Being left alone with his thoughts at this point goes better than he expects. Somehow he manages to shut out the insistent voice in his head reminding him of how soft the skin of her arms felt against his and how lovely her hair smelled as it draped over his chest as she slept. With minimal effort and a simple shake of the head, he pushes those images aside for the sake of being her friend. He wouldn't have been able to do this a few weeks ago when his life was dictated completely by thoughts of her day and night. Now, surprisingly, it's not. He simply thinks of Addison instead and how badly he wants to be part of her life, and doing that means being a friend to her mother, and friends don't think those kinds of thoughts about friends, it's as simple as that.

After folding up the blanket that she clumsily let fall to the floor out of her embarrassment, Harry straightens the sunken couch cushions and checks his dying cell phone. Fifteen more missed calls show up, all of them from Miranda except for one from Gemma, probably just checking in with him. She never did brief him on her sudden decision to come down to London and reinstate herself into Kennedy's life, but he didn't pry on the matter.

Soon he hears the shower in the bathroom turn on and, almost simultaneously, a soft voice calls out for her mother from the bedroom. Harry's suddenly eager that he can see her and there's an extra spring in his step as he approaches the room and pokes his head inside.

''Harry!'' the toddler happily exclaims from her spot standing in her bed.

''Addie!'' he mimics her ecstatic greeting in a similar tone, approaching her and lifting her into his arms. ''Did you have a nice sleep?''

She nods even though he knows she routinely wakes up in the middle of the night. She probably hasn't had a nice night's sleep for months.

''Where's Mama?'' she asks curiously.

''She's in the shower, but she'll be out soon.''

Addison nods in understanding but soon after erupts into a giant grin and wraps her arms around his neck.

''I'm happy you're here,'' she tells him, ''I don't like it when you're not.''

''I don't either,'' he answers honestly.

He helps her to take her morning medication, following a chart that Kennedy taped to the wall a few weeks ago for him to learn, and supervises while she brushes her teeth in the kitchen sink. Then he scoops her up once more and runs her back to the living room, landing on the couch with her held in mid air.

She giggles all the while, especially when he pulls her close and tickles her until her cheeks hurt from smiling so much. She tries to tickle him back and it nearly works as he chuckles a few times at her touch.

''How's Charlie doing?'' he asks when both of them catch their breaths and she snuggles up on his lap.

''Good, he plays with Henry sometimes.''

''I'm glad they're friends,'' he tells her with a smile.

She reaches him to tap his nose with her finger. ''I'm glad we're friends, Harry.''

With a grin, he inches closer to her face until his forehead rests against hers. ''Me too, love.''

''Mama doesn't have lots of friends,'' she says, ''But I think you're kind of like her Charlie.''

''Why do you think that?''

''Because you stay with her when she feels bad, just like Charlie and me.''

He knows the child isn't aware of the depth of her words, but they make his heart fall inside his chest over how true he wishes they were.

''You can fix anything,'' she goes on, ''When I asked you to fix Mama, you did. She didn't cry so much anymore. So good job.''

He smiles. ''Thank you.''

Addison gets caught up with drawing tiny invisible patterns on his arm that holds her and doesn't say anything else for a while. He wonders if he should ask the question on the tip of his tongue. He wants to, and there's nothing really wrong with it, so he takes the shot.

''Addie, did your mum have any friends like me before? That were boys?''

She takes a moment to think about it before shaking her head.

''No, just you.''

He bites down on his lip. ''She was never friends with your daddy?''

''I don't have a daddy,'' she tells him nonchalantly.

''Is that what Mama told you?''

''No,'' she says, ''But I've never seen my daddy, so I don't have one. I just have a mummy but that's okay because Mama said some people have one mummy,'' she shows him her fingers to count, ''Or one daddy. Or two mummy's. Or two daddy's. Or lots of other kinds.''

He has to remember to breathe because it's astounding how intelligent she is even at this age.

''Addie, I want to tell you something,'' he says quietly, turning her so that she's facing him directly, ''And it's very important.''

''Is it a secret?''

''No, not really. Well, it's between just a few people, so it kind of is.''

''Who?''

''You, me, your mum, my sister Gemma, and my friend Miranda.''

''Oh,'' she sighs, ''The balloon lady.''

''Yes,'' he nods, ''So I want to tell you because you have a right to know, okay?''

''Okay.'' She keeps her eyes on his, alert and prepared for his news.

''Addie,'' he sighs, softening his eyes and unable to hold back the hint of a smile as the words come out, ''I'm your daddy.''

His heart pounds as he awaits her reaction, which is subtle at first while she takes in what he said.

''You are?''

He nods. ''Yes.''

Her voice is gentle and innocent, unaware that it breaks his heart into a million pieces, when she asks her next question.

''Where have you been?''

He can feel his eyebrows crease together in a struggle to keep his emotions under control. It's maddening how heartrending he feels that she has to ask such a question. He takes his free hand, the one not supporting her back, and places it over her heart.

''Always here,'' he tells her.

''Will you stay here?''

''Yes,'' he promises, ''I will. As long as you want me to.''

''I want you to,'' she answers with a smile.

''But I can't always be here in person,'' he reminds her quietly, ''At least for now. I can visit. When I can't, I'll call. I promise.''

''When you can't,'' she says, taking her own tiny hand and placing it on his chest over his heart, ''I'll be here.''

He grins at her and kisses her forehead, letting her hug him with her arms tightly wound around his neck.

''I love you, Daddy,” she whispers.

It brings tears to his eyes to hear such a thing for the first time in his life.

''I love you, too.''

He holds her for a while, the pair of them completely content with each other's company. Addison doesn't yet bother with the finer details of the situation that she doesn't understand and Harry focuses on taking in the moment, convinced that nothing amazing he feels later will ever compare to this.

''Harry!'' Kennedy shouts from the shower, ''I'm coming out! Can you go in the kitchen, please?''

Immediately, he lifts Addison and obeys the command, setting the child on the counter top.

''Not looking, you can go!'' he permits.

She yells back a word of thanks and escapes the steamy bathroom, walking into the bedroom in her towel. Harry tries not to think how redundant that was considering he's seen her naked many, many times. Maybe not her twenty-one-year-old body, but definitely her seventeen-year-old one on many occasions. But once again, as if he can switch off that setting in his brain, he ignores the memories and focuses on Addison.

''Does Mama know?'' she asks.

''Yes, she does.''

''How come she didn't tell me?''

''She wanted to,'' he corrects her, ''But she wasn't sure yet how we should.''

''Even if it's kind of a secret,'' she whispers, ‘‘Can I still tell Charlie and Henry?''

''Of course,'' he laughs.

As if she'd pulled on her jeans and hoodie in record time, Kennedy enters the kitchen, brushing through her wet hair.

“Go on, it’s all yours,'' she tells him, ''I saved you some hot water.''

''Oh, it's alright.'' He takes Addison and gives her to her mother, who sits her on her hip. ''I have to run home and get some clean clothes anyway, so I'll just shower there and meet you at the hospital later.''

''Okay,'' Kennedy nods, ''I'll walk you out.''

''Daddy's coming to the doctor again,'' Addison exclaims more than happily, but Harry turns red at the sound of the word, terrified that Kennedy is going to be upset with him.

She looks taken aback a bit by the term at first, but not nearly as astounded as he expected.

''Yes, he is,'' she confirms, ''Now you stay here for just a second and when I come back, we'll have some breakfast, yeah?''

Addison nods excitedly. ''Bye, Daddy,'' she utters to Harry, kissing his cheek before being set down.

Kennedy leads him into the living room to retrieve his jacket, completely silent until they step outside onto the landing.

''I heard what you talked with her about,'' she tells him, ''Not all of it, but just enough of you telling her. The walls of this flat are thin.''

He sees anxiety in her eyes and not just the kind he always sees in them.

''I wish you would've told me first, so we could do it together.''

Out of habit, he nervously sticks his hands into his pockets.

''I know,'' he nods, ''I'm sorry. The moment just seemed right. I didn't really think about it beforehand.''

She takes a deep breath and releases some of the tension towards him. ''It's fine, I guess. And sorry for getting so worked up earlier. I don't know what happened, but let's try to be more careful, alright? I don't need the shopping queen coming round my house and yelling at me again.''

''Right,'' he agrees, ''Absolutely. Won't happen again.''

She extends her hand for a handshake once more and he realizes this is as close as she wants him to get as long as they're friends. He takes it, even though it seems a bit unnatural to not be able to hug her or kiss her cheek like before. But he won't complain. This is the deal now.

''See you later,'' he assures her before escaping out into the cold, leaving her to the rest of her morning routine before a hospital visit.

He makes his way down the narrow steps, quick on his feet as the crisp air whips at his neck. It's sunny out with the birds everywhere but still cold. Always cold, it seems. He turns the corner where he parked his car last night and gets in, thankful there's nobody waiting for him this time. Because this time, it looks worse.

Back at his flat, he gets ready in peace, showering and laying out his own choice of clothes to wear, leaving the polo Miranda left on the chair completely untouched. He thinks about what he said to her at the restaurant and what Kennedy said about her on the couch, and for reasons he can't explain it doesn't bother him how harsh they were. In fact, it brings him a strange sense of satisfaction knowing that Miranda got offended. He doesn't understand it in the slightest.

Once he's dressed, he packs up a few extra things, like a deck of cards to play with Addison and a small container of coffee grounds to save the day when the hospital coffee tastes like watery cardboard. He walks out the door and locks it behind him, making his way down the stairs.

But at the bottom, out in the chilly weather, he meets her and nearly rolls her eyes that she's done it again.

He doesn't say anything at first. He merely stares at her twisted expression, knowing that if he mutters her name and asks what she's doing here, she won't give him an answer. So he stops in his tracks, carrying his belongings in his hands and awaiting her explanation.

''I called you,'' her voice sounds small, ''I was so worried. You never answered.''

''Sorry,'' he murmurs.

''I just came to see if you were alright and to bring this back. You left it on your chair.''

He extends an arm to accept the jacket she hands to him.

''I'm sorry about being rude,'' she tells him quietly, ''I shouldn't have said those things about Addison. I was just having a bad day.''

''I don't think a bad day makes it okay, Miranda.''

''It doesn't. You're right. But you understand?''

He shakes his head. ''Not really.''

''Look,'' she sighs, ''I know we have a lot to work on. And by we, I mostly mean me. This is a lot to take in, okay?''

''You said you wanted it. 'Addison and all,' remember?''

''I know,'' she nods, ''I know I said that.''

''So? What changed?''

''I guess I realized what I was agreeing to after I agreed to it...''

He eyes her ambiguous expression for a moment, unsure if she's saying what he thinks she's saying or not.

''I was just so sure I wanted to be with you,'' she tells him, ''That I would've agreed to anything. Because I love you. And I still do. But honestly, in this whole situation, I don't have a place. I'm the awkward fourth wheel. The elephant in the room with you and her.''

''I don't know what to tell you, Ran,'' he sighs. He doesn't want her remind her of the obvious fact that right now she's nothing to Addison. That bit makes him feel guilty because she's right. She is the extra one, the clueless one with no attachment whatsoever to the child, and it's not her fault. He sympathizes with her. ''But things will get better. They'll work out. You'll see.''

''I hope so,'' she nods, ''Soon.''

He nods, accepting that much of her optimism. After noting the fleeting time on his watch, he cuts the truth ceremony short and tells her he has to go.

''She has treatment in a bit,'' he explains, ''I'm meeting them there. We'll talk more about this later or something.''

She nods animatedly. ''Right, yeah.''

Out of pity at first, he lifts her face to meet his by her chin and kisses her, gentle and barely there. But she takes it as his form of forgiveness.

''I love you,'' she repeats softly when he pulls apart.

He swallows, brushing off the statement by kissing her forehead and muttering that he'll see her later.

''Take care, alright?'' he utters on his walk away from her back towards his car.

He wants this to work with her. Even if it doesn't seem like it, he does. In a way, she's all he has to lean on anymore. Things need to work out with her as proof to himself that he can move on from Kennedy and live life without her in that way. He needs to let Miranda figure all this out and until then, he'll do what he can to help her despite his seeming indifference to her feelings.



Round two of Addison's new advanced stage treatment, much to everyone's surprise, goes much better this time around. She still cries when her hands have to be pulled from around Harry's neck and she still feels tired and lethargic once she returns to her room. But her mood seems to have lifted drastically. She's responding to her medications as well as she possibly can, producing countless wide smiles in Kennedy and Harry. The doctors praise this milestone in her recovery, thankful that after everything they've tried with her, they've finally found something that works.

Sitting comfortably in her bed decked out in stuffed animals, particularly her beloveds Charlie and Henry by her side, Addison slowly shuffles through a hand of cards between her fingers. Harry is doing the same across from her, sitting forward in a chair.

They've been playing Go Fish for ages. Each time a winner is declared (and usually it's Addison), she asks for another game and Harry happily complies, even if it means enduring the pins and needles building in his legs from sitting for so long.

Outside the room, Kennedy has been talking with the doctors, getting as much information as she can regarding the treatment and why it's suddenly proving to work. She doesn't understand most of the finer details of the procedure and the biological aspects of medicine, but she takes solace in knowing that these doctors are so knowledgeable in their field.

Once she returns to the room, she finds Addison giggling with Harry and she has to pause her walk. Never once has she seen the child so happy inside these walls. For months, behind every smile she's shown has been sadness, even when she tries to hide it. But here with Harry, she seems genuinely happy in his presence, and the sight of them laughing together brings an unfamiliar pang to her heart.

She enters their company without a sound, not wanting to disrupt their fun. But Addison acknowledges her presence immediately and greets her.

''Mama, I won again,'' she tells her excitedly, secretly laughing at Harry's pretend offended face.

''You're so much better than me at this,'' he groans playfully, ''Teach me.''

''No,'' Addison laughs, ''It's a secret.''

''You can trust me. I won't tell anyone, I promise.''

''Well,'' she contemplates the idea, ''We already had one secret, right? Right, Mama?''

She turns to Kennedy, who has her hands tucked underneath her thighs in an attempt not to fiddle with them.

''And it's true,'' Addison smiles, ''Harry really is my daddy, right, Mama?''

Kennedy can't ignore the pure longing in the child's eyes. She's staring back at her with an excitement she's never seen. Surely this is the most amazing thing to ever happen to her. A reunion with her father. But Kennedy isn't so optimistic about it all for so many reasons, she can't make sense of any of them.

''Yes,'' she tells her daughter, ''He is.''

''Can I ask something?'' Addison's voice grows curious.

Kennedy slowly nods. She can't deny that Addie's newly ignited inquisition about this whole situation scares her. She doesn't know if she'll have the right answers for her, let alone any answers at all.

''Are you married?'' she asks, ''Because that's what mummies and daddies do, right? They get married?''

Kennedy nervously clears her throat. ''No, sweetheart. Harry and I aren't married.''

''Why not?''

The room is quiet for a long while and Addison doesn't understand why. She waits for an answer that never comes to her.

''Aren't you in love?'' she clarifies, ''Like Cinderella and that prince from the movie?''

Kennedy's throat becomes dry at the fact that none of this is anywhere close to the simplicity and perfection of a fairy tale. Sure, she's a constant damsel in distress. But she sees now that while Harry is a godsend, he's no hero, and this story won't have a happy ending.

''Addie,'' Harry sighs when it becomes obvious that Kennedy can't find the words to say, ''I care about your mum very much. We care about each other. And we care about you. But it's all a very long story, and one day when you're older we're tell you all about it, alright?''

The toddler takes a moment to take in the information before hesitantly nodding, accepting this confusing and complicated answer she didn't expect as the story behind her parents. For now.