Safe & Sound

It's an early morning as dawn cracks through the sky off in the horizon past the single window in Addison's room. Kennedy's returning from her shower down in the gym bathroom after yet another sleepless night. For hours throughout the night, she sat in her chair, examining the white bear sitting on the bed. She can't touch it anymore. It feels almost too hot against her fingertips because it's come from him and thinking of anything regarding him suddenly seems destructive and makes her want to shout.

Gemma remains asleep uncomfortably in her corner, her cell phone still clutched tightly in her hand. The never ending calls even into the early hours of last night seem to have made her forget that her mother's returning this morning to do her test. Kennedy decides not to wake her though; she'll probably startle awake herself like she did a number of times throughout the night. Apparently Addison isn't the only one having nightmares.

When Anne arrives, she brings changes of clothes for both her daughter and Kennedy as well as painkillers for the headaches and a music player for Addison.

''You can put on those scenic noises to relax her,'' she advises, ''Harry used to love that when he was her age. Saved me from quite a few tantrums.''

Kennedy tries not to cringe again at the sound of his name.

''Thank you,'' she fakes a smile.

When Anne is taken back towards the testing rooms, Gemma finally rises and is back on the phone once more.

''I can't believe he was here, the sneaky little git. I think he picked up the phone at around midnight,'' she tells Kennedy enthusiastically, ''Didn't say anything, of course, but there was ambience. I guess it's progress.''

Kennedy merely nods. She wants him to answer as much as Gemma does, but her faith is beginning to dwindle. She pulls out her own phone from within her pocket and takes a deep breath.

''You're going to try as well?'' Gemma asks.

''No, but honestly I'd rather do that than what I'm about to do.''

''Which is...''

She keeps her eyes down at the keypad. ''Quit my job.''

The three words make Gemma's shoulders stiffen instantly. She suddenly can't imagine the chaos going on in Kennedy's mind at this moment. She makes it look simple and easy to dial the number, but underneath that, having to do this for the sake of being with Addison is one of the most difficult choices she's had to make.

''I'm sorry, Kenn,'' is all Gemma can muster up.

''It's fine,'' Kennedy shrugs it off to keep her true fear hidden, ''I'll take out loans if need be.''

Gemma can only look on, her eyes lingering on how Kennedy looks toward Addison, terrified and obviously unsure if she's making the right decision.

''Hello, Mr. Ackerman?'' Kennedy speaks apprehensively into the receiver.

She thinks no one can tell how nervous she sounds as she tells him her news, but the break in her voice doesn't go unnoticed by Gemma for even a second.

''I'm sorry, sir. Company policy, I know. Yes, I know I shouldn't have ended shift early without informing you, but it was an emergency. Yes. Yes, with Addie. No, we're still here... I know, sir. Of course. Yes, thank you. You as well. Cheers...''

She hangs up without glancing at Gemma to let her see her tears.

''We'll get through this,'' Gemma tries to assure her.

All Kennedy can do is nod as she begins to dial another set of numbers.

''Him again? Might be busy, I'm trying as well.''

Kennedy shakes her head. ''Bank. I have to pay the rent for this month. Somehow.''

Gemma remains quiet with not even a sliver of a sympathetic response. She knows Kennedy well enough to understand that now isn't the time for pity.

Kennedy isn't surprised not to find an actual person on the other line. She converses with an automated message, practically with a robot, pressing buttons here and there and taking far too long just to find out how much money she has saved. Half an hour and a bit of perplexing news later, she hangs up and stares down at the phone in disbelief.

''What's the matter?'' asks Gemma.

''Um,'' Kennedy struggles to bring her head back down to earth, ''My rent was already paid.''

''What?''

''It's an automatic deposit,'' Kennedy explains, ''It's paid by itself when I have enough money in the account.''

''Okay,'' Gemma eyes her suspiciously, ''Then why do you look like you've just seen a ghost?''

She turns to her. ''Because there was no money in that account. I was going to transfer some from my credit card.''

Gemma's confusion only deepens.

''Someone put money into the account.''

A smile grows. ''Harry?''

Kennedy shakes her head. ''He couldn't have. He doesn't have access.''

''Then, who does?''

''Only one other person...'' Her eyes lower to the linoleum floor and stay there as the barely audible word is sounded. ''My father.''



By the time Addison awakens for the little of her breakfast she can ever eat, Anne's test is complete. They won't know the results for about a day, but everyone is optimistic. Even Kennedy's hoping that fate will get over its grudge against her and finally bring her daughter some peace.

''Thanks for the clothes, Mum,'' Gemma sighs, kissing her mother's cheek, ''You're a godsend.''

Anne smiles. ''I'm well aware, love.''

Her eyes linger over to Kennedy in her chair, spooning applesauce into Addison's mouth despite the child's obvious complaints. She's been encouraged to try to eat, even if what's in front of her makes her sick to her stomach. So she's trying and it's not the loveliest of sights. Forcing her to do things she doesn't want to do is tough for them all, even if these things are designed to save her life.

But what surprises Anne is that Kennedy's free hand, the one that is usually between Addie's fingers or clutching onto a pill dispenser is doing neither. It's holding a phone against her ear and the bleak look in her eyes tells her that it's been there for a long while.

The spoon coming towards Addison is abruptly paused when Kennedy notices the child is hiding her face against the pillows.

''Come on, Addie. Just a few more.''

Addison shakes her head, but a few more lingering seconds examining her eyes tells Kennedy that her sudden refusal isn't because of the applesauce---it's because of the new stranger who's just entered the room. Addison's shyness takes over once again, as strong as ever despite the advance of her illness.

Kennedy motions to Gemma to fix the issue while she remains with the phone glued to her ear.

''Oh,'' Gemma suddenly realizes she’s forgotten the introductions. She ceases folding her pile of clothing and stands before her. ''Addie, this is Anne. Can you say hello to Anne?''

Anne smiles warmly and waves at the child but receives no return greeting. Gemma knows that merely telling Addison that Anne is her and Harry's mother would successfully coax her out of her shell, but the first word uttered out of the child's mouth after that would be ''grandma'' and then a whole string of problems will come up, especially with Anne not knowing. So Gemma bites her tongue and simply refers to Anne as ''a new friend.''

Addison relaxes a bit when she finally looks up at her new friend's face. She doesn't say it out loud, but there's something familiar about it that she can't understand. She has Harry's eyes and Gemma's smile, but Addison doesn't see why that is. She simply resumes eating her applesauce with occasional silent glances in Anne's direction.

''Any luck?'' Gemma asks Kennedy when she retakes her seat, folding a pair of old denim jeans on her lap.

Kennedy shakes her head.

''Trying Harry again?'' asks Anne.

''No, her parents,'' Gemma answers.

The phone rings on with nothing in return. Not even Portia the maid picks it up. After some time, it just goes straight to the answering machine and Kennedy gives up, furiously shutting it off.

''It's no use,'' she sighs, ''I just wanted to thank them for the money and they won't even answer. Not even once.''

As if Addison can sense her mother's disappointment, she slowly reaches her hand up to the crease between Kennedy's eyes and relaxes it. Kennedy smiles and kisses her delicate fingers. ''Thank you, sweetheart.''

''Honestly, Kenn, I'm not surprised,'' Gemma points, ''It's rude for them not to answer but it's not unlike them. What I am surprised about though is the money. How did they know you needed it?''

''I called them, but I didn't mention money. I just asked the maid to tell them that I called.''

''Maybe they just had a feeling,'' Anne suggests, ''Parental instinct.''

''Parental instinct my ass,'' Gemma laughs humorlessly, ''Where was that the first seventeen years of Kenn's life?''

Kennedy and Anne both eye her to watch her language around Addison, to which she replies with a subtle apology.

''Well,'' Anne sighs, ''I don't know if it's something you'd want to do, darling, but I'm headed out in a bit and we can go to see them if you'd like. You don't have to, of course. It's just a suggestion.''

Gemma rolls her eyes and is about to clearly object to the entire idea. She thinks Kennedy's on her side of logic until she nods at Anne.

''I'd like that,'' she utters.

Gemma turns to her, puzzled. ''What? You're going to go there and see them? After everything they've done?''

She wants to raise her voice but holds back for Addison's sake, keeping her argument down at a hushed whisper.

''They put enough money in for three months' rent, Gemma. I have to thank them.''

Gemma wants to scream and shout that it's a horrible idea. Even handcuff Kennedy to her chair to save her from going and getting her heart broken by the sorry excuse for parents she has. But she bites her tongue when her mother expresses how great of an idea it is and they should head out as soon as possible if they're going to make it before dinnertime.

''I want to go with you,'' Addison whispers quietly so that nobody but Kennedy can hear her. Anne and Gemma are busy getting their things together and don't notice.

''I know, Addie,'' she sighs, ''But I'll be back in a bit, I promise.''

''Please, Mama. I don't want to stay here.''

The tears building in the child's eyes threaten tears in Kennedy's and she hides them in a kiss on her forehead to keep Addison from seeing them.

''Stay with Gemma,'' she whispers against her cold skin, ''I'll be back before you know it.''

She cups her innocent face gently.

''I love you,'' she reminds her.

''I love you, too, Mama.''

Walking away from Addie is more difficult than she foresaw. With every step she takes down the hall with Anne close beside her, she feels even more like turning and running back towards the room. But she tells herself that she's in good hands. Gemma knows what she's doing. And she won't be gone for long, even though just five minutes away from Addison feels more like hours.

''She's beautiful,'' Anne smiles as they enter the elevator, ''And she'll be just fine, I know it.''



As much as Kennedy wants to shut her eyes and keep them closed as they drive down the streets of her old neighborhood, she doesn't. She keeps them glued to the window, taking in as much of the rows of large, multi-story houses and grand front yards as she can. Everything looks virtually unchanged--same grass freshly mown by workers still being paid minimum wage, same pristine pools with cleansing brands of freshwater, same stuck-up, snooty neighbors walking their miniature prized poodles on the footpath--with the exception of the latest million dollar cars parked in the driveways that weren't there four years ago. Although it looks as green and clean as ever, in Kennedy's eyes it's a dark ghost town. She doesn't want to be here. Not in the slightest.

''We should probably park here, yeah? Don't want to startle them.''

Anne turns the engine off beside the curb about fifty yards from the house on the hill. When Kennedy looks up at it, her body instantly freezes. She's overwhelmed with old memories taking over in a montage in her brain. Memories of her parents locked away in their separate downstairs offices. The long nights she'd spend by herself, even at the raw age of four years old. Even when she was Addison's age with her nannies and her house maids raising her instead of her own family. She remembers dreading the very thought of coming home after school, not because her parents were there but because they weren't. The house would get so silent at night that it would terrify her and the last thing she'd want to be was alone in there.

''You alright?'' Anne asks thoughtfully.

Kennedy tries to nod but she's not sure if it worked.

''Let's get this over with...''

She undoes the seatbelt strapped across her shoulder and exits the car, a bit wobbly on her feet when she stands. It's like déjà vu. It's like stepping back into a nightmare that once lasted seventeen years.

''I'll be right by your side.'' Anne squeezes her hand reassuringly.

They walk down the smooth pavement, free of even the tiniest cracks, and stand before the grand house. Kennedy tries not to linger on her mother's bright begonias planted in the front lawn along the stepping stones. She once tried to help her water them in the garden, but when her mother saw she'd accidentally stepped on one, she screamed at her that she can't do anything right and to get out of her sight. She was only seven years of age. Kennedy can't even imagine doing such a thing to Addison.

When they reach the porch, Kennedy uses a trembling finger to ring the doorbell and then wraps her arms round her torso once more. She revels in the reassuring feeling of Anne's hand at the small of her back.

There is a long bout of silence; Kennedy can hear birds chirping somewhere up in the oak trees behind the house. She imagines the biggest tree right outside one of the windows of her old bedroom and if it still looks the same even after all these years. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a beige colored sedan in the driveway and almost instantly she realizes that this trip has been inane.

“They’re not here,” she states in a monotone, staring down at her boots.

“How do you know?”

Kennedy motions to her findings. “You think the notorious Dr. and Mrs. Richard Ellis would be seen in a Honda? It’s the maid’s, if anyone’s.”

It’s clear that Anne wants to object at first, but Kennedy’s logic makes sense.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she tries to comfort her.

“If I had a pound for every time I’ve heard that the past few weeks…” She chuckles halfheartedly before sighing, defeated. “Gemma was right. I shouldn’t have come. Let’s go back.”

Anne tightens her grip round Kennedy’s waist supportively and prepares to turn with her, but before they can step off the front porch, the door opens.

“Yes?”

The pair meets the eyes of a redheaded woman, plump and dressed in the customary white dress outfit designed for the one and only Ellis maid.

“Portia,” Kennedy infers her identity.

The woman creases her eyebrows together. “Yes?”

“I’m…We spoke on the phone.”

“Oh, that’s right,” she smiles politely, “I was told you might be visiting shortly. Can you hold on for a moment?”

Kennedy nods, wide-eyed. “Of course.”

After pressing the door closed and drawing the lace curtains covering its windows, Portia escapes back into the house and for the first time, Kennedy is forced to wait outside.

“Maybe they are home,” Anne whispers under her breath.

Deep down, Kennedy’s unsure what she’s hoping for. Now that she’s here and the reality that she’s standing in front of her parents’ house is setting in, she has no idea what she’d say to them should they come to the door and greet her. Thank you for the money? It seems rudimentary now that she thinks about it, but there’s nothing else she cares to share with them at this point.

Thankfully, her gyrating thoughts are frozen in space once she spots Portia reappear in the doorway, holding something in her hand.

“They told me to be sure to give this to you,” she says as she hands Kennedy a square shaped envelope as white and neatly folded as the business letters her father used to send out.

“What is it?”

“My apologies, I wasn’t told.”

Kennedy nods, turning the envelope over in her hands multiple times before finally speaking.

“Thank you.” She hooks her arm through Anne’s and beckons her to turn.

“What if they’re in there?” Anne whispers lightly to her as they walk down the path, “She didn’t even say if they’re not.”

“It doesn’t matter. They made it clear this is as much communication with me as they want.”

Anne struggles to accept the fact that this is it. This is all her parents left her with. A few thousands of pounds in her back account and a letter. Their own daughter.

“It’s okay,” Kennedy tries to smile, “At least I got this much, right?”

With a sympathetic kiss pressed to Kennedy’s temple, Anne hugs her shoulders as they walk, knowing that despite Kennedy being a mother herself now, it’s times like these when she still needs one of her own.

They walk side-by-side down the path towards the car parked alongside the edge of the neighborhood and Kennedy is fully prepared to put this godforsaken town and all its godforsaken memories behind her until she glances up and suddenly feels a cold front take her over.

“Wait,” she breathes heavily, pausing in her tracks. Anne tries to look in the direction of her gaze and finds nothing but empty space.

A green, grassy empty space.

“What’s the matter?” she asks.

Kennedy doesn’t answer as she steps off the cement and touches ground with her trainers. Slowly, she approaches the field, fighting the numbness building in her legs.

She walks to the very spot that she remembers and stands still. This is it. This is exactly where Harry fell to his knees before her and begged her not to leave. This field, radiating with the scent of fresh air and leafy grass, is where they shared nearly all of their most precious moments. Where he’d pick her flowers and stick them in her hair. Where he’d snap a photo of her staring up towards the sky and keep it for his collection, using the excuse that she was just so beautiful whenever she asked why he took so many pictures. This was where she marveled over how the rays of sunlight captured the shades of brown in his hair and emerald in his eyes. Where he’d hold her with his back against a tree trunk and whisper sweet nothings into her ear, promising her that one day he’ll take her far away from her parents and far away from this town. This is where they were young and together and happy.

This is where they fell in love.

Kennedy can’t fight the tears that build in her eyes and surface without a warning. Thankfully she’s far away from Anne for her to notice the streams down her cheeks. She wants to fall to the ground and pull at the grass and shut her eyes as tightly as they can go for the chance that somehow, someway it would make the earth turn on its axis and take her back to that time and stay there. Forever. Living through those precious moments day in and day out, not caring about a single thing else because she’d have him and he’d have her. And he’d never hate her as much as he does now or despise her for even existing. She’d never have to see his face twisted in such agony that she’d caused. She’d never have to refuse him like she was forced to or hurt him as deeply as she has.

She hides her face behind her sleeve, suddenly very cold. The only thing that brings her back to the present is the loud sound of her phone deriving from her back pocket.

Aggressively, she wipes her eyes and holds her breath to contain herself. If the caller ID didn’t read Gemma, she wouldn’t bother to answer at this moment.

“H-hello?” she speaks shakily into the receiver.

“Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah.” Kennedy bites down on her trembling lip. “I’m fine. Um, what… What’s up?”

“You sound like you’re crying. They weren’t there, were they?”

“Who?”

“Your parents, Kenn. Who else?”

“Oh. No, they weren’t…”

“I’m sorry, love,” Gemma sighs, “Now don’t cry. They don’t deserve your tears, alright? You’re better off without them. You’re the bigger person for even trying to be civil with them.”

“Right. I know, Gemma. Thanks…”

“Listen,” her voice suddenly lowers, “Um, you need to get back here quick. It’s…kind of an emergency.”

Chills get sent down Kennedy’s spine. “What? Why didn’t you say that first? Is Addie alright?”

“Yes, yes, sorry. Should’ve said that first. She’s fine. It’s not that. It’s…”

“What?”

Gemma nervously clears her throat. “Miranda’s here.”



Upon specific instructions not to tell Anne what’s going on, Kennedy allows her to drop her back off at the hospital and return home on her own. There’s no telling what would happen if she were to see Miranda.

“You sure you’re going to be alright?” Anne asks as Kennedy leans against the open driver’s side window outside the car. Kennedy’s unaware of how her pale skin and bloodshot eyes make the fact that she was crying so obvious.

“Yes,” she lies, plastering on yet another smile, “I’ll be fine. Thanks for taking me. It was good closure, in a way.”

Anne wants to insist that she thinks something else is bothering her, but she refrains. “Okay, call me if you need me, okay? I have work but it’s not far at all.”

Kennedy kisses the woman’s cheek graciously. She waves as she drives off, waiting until she’s at a proper distance to set off jogging for the oncology department. She realizes she’s too weak to run when she turns a corner and is already breathless. She makes a mental note to start eating again.

As she walks toward the room, she’s crossing her fingers behind her back that Miranda’s already left just so that she doesn’t have to deal with her. Even now, after all that’s happened, she still despises the woman.

“Addie, hey,” she smiles in relief when the child comes into view. She’s being examined by one of the nurses. Gemma stands from her corner and allows her to kiss her daughter’s forehead.

“The balloon lady’s here,” Addison tells her softly after flinching when the cold stethoscope touches her chest.

Kennedy rolls her eyes but is quick to stop before Addison notices. “Did she bring another balloon?”

“No, not this time…”

Kennedy approaches Gemma and speaks in a quick whisper.

“What’s going on?” she asks.

“She just came storming in,” explains Gemma, “Looking like she was in some major bitch mode, Kenn.”

“Isn’t she always? What did she want?”

“She wanted you. And me. Both of us. She wouldn’t say why until you got here.”

“Wait, she’s still here?”

Gemma nods. “I put her in that room over there. Told her to wait. She just keeps pacing back and forth like a bloody lion in a cage…”

“God… Lovely. Let’s go see what she wants, then.”

“Do we have to?” Gemma groans, “Can’t we just lock her in there?”

Kennedy grips her forearm. “Come on. Addie, we’ll be right back, okay?”

“Okay, Mama,” Addison tries to smile as the nurse continues to take tests and tell her jokes to keep her distracted.

Kennedy pulls reluctant Gemma towards the waiting room. “You had to pick this one?” She notes it’s the same one she last saw Harry inside. Gemma merely mutters an apology, assuring her she didn’t do it on purpose.

When her hand lands on the doorknob and turns, she instantly regrets it. The moment the door is swung open, Miranda lunges for her.

“You bitch, you did lie to him, didn’t you?” she shrieks, reaching for her hair and pulling hard.

“Whoa, Miranda! Stop!” Gemma tries to hook her arms between them but it’s a struggle.

“I knew it! I was right all along and he never listened to me that you were a lying whore!”

Kennedy’s fuming muscles stop trying to push her off and instead focus on fighting back, finally finding a punching bag she can use to get out the aggression she didn’t know she had.

“I’ve been waiting fucking ages for this!” she yells, gritting her teeth and pushing against her shoulders. Her grin is menacing as she purposely yanks on her designer jacket.

“Kenn, you’re not helping here!” Gemma warns as she continues her attempts to squeeze between them. “Stop! They’re going to kick both of you out!”

Kennedy tightens her grip. “She started it!”

Gemma separates herself from them and turns to shut the door, desperate to prevent any security from discovering their fight. Swiftly, she stands with her feet shoulder-width apart and bellows her final command, shouting at them as loudly as she can to stop.

“You’re both bloody lunatics, I swear to God!” she shrieks loudly.

Her deafening yells echo off the walls of the tiny rooms and momentarily catch Miranda off guard. She pauses in her tracks and loosens her grip on her opponent’s hair. Kennedy takes advantage of the free throw and pushes her hard against the wall.

“Hey! What did I just say? That’s enough!” Gemma stands between them and extends her arms to keep them both at equal distance from each other. They breathe heavily, their hair going in different frizzy directions and clothes disheveled from the friction.

Gemma angrily turns to Miranda.

“Now,” she firmly begins, “There better be a good reason why you’re here other than the obvious fact that you wanted to do that. Start talking.”

“Harry hadn’t called me in days,” she tells her through her teeth.

“Because he knows you’re crazy!”

“Kennedy, shut up!” Gemma’s chest heaves as she scolds her friend.

Miranda contains herself, fighting the urge to push Gemma out of the way and gain on her target.

“We haven’t spoken in a long time since he told me he still loves that insane woman for whatever reason, I don’t know.” She nods in disgust towards Kennedy. “Must’ve hit his head or something to like her.”

“I’m still not hearing a reason,” Gemma warns.

“He called in the middle of the night last night,” Miranda tells her quickly, “He sounded…He was drunk. He said he didn’t have anything to live for anymore. I had to come to see if he was here and if you’d seen him, that’s all…”

Instantly, Gemma’s and Kennedy’s simultaneously widen.

“What?” Kennedy suddenly can’t breathe, “What else did he say?”

“That’s all, I couldn’t get him to say anything else. I couldn’t even understand most of the words. But listen to me,” Miranda’s tone turns fatal, “If anything happens to him because of you, I swear to God, I will---“

Kennedy scoffs. “What’ll you do, huh? You can’t even pull hair right or you’ll break a nail!”

“I always thought you were nothing but a two-timing---“

“I don’t give a flying fuck what you think, obviously!”

“If you two don’t shut it…” Gemma raises her voice to silence them. “Are you sure he didn’t say anything else? Has he called back since then?”

Miranda shakes her head. “He won’t even answer the phone. He just said that…”

“What? What did he say?”

“That he was through. And that as long as he’s alone now, no one will care if he ended it.”

As if her feet begin to move by themselves, Kennedy turns for the door and swings in open, ignoring Gemma’s shouts to stay. She runs to her bag left on the chair in the room, pulls out her phone, and sprints to the vending machines away from Addison.

The rings are slow and she’s impatient. She doesn’t expect him to answer. He would never. He has every right not to. But for the first time, after the memorized beep, Kennedy takes a deep, unsteady breath and begins her pleading.

“Harry, please. God, Harry, please don’t do anything stupid. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I’ve done all this to you but please. Don’t do this. Please, come back. I’ll explain everything, I promise. I’m begging you. I…Harry, I went back to the field today. I remember…everything. I remember you and me and us and how different and amazing everything was. Please, I know you think I’m awful and I am, Harry, I really am. But don’t let me ruin your life. Don’t let me do this to you. I don’t…I don’t deserve you. I never did. Not once, not now, not two months ago, not even back then. You deserve someone so much more than me and you’ll see that. You’ll find that person one day but only if you don’t do this. Please, Harry, I swear if you… God, don’t. I’m begging you. I’m begging you, Harry. Stay with us, if not for me then for Gemma and your mum and…Addison.”