Safe & Sound

At first, the four small words don't amount to panic in Harry's mind just yet. He doesn't feel the heart pounding going on Kennedy's chest right now. He can't even begin to imagine the horrific thoughts she's thinking. It's too fresh in his mind.

''A fever?'' he tries to clarify, ''Since when? How high?''

Between her breathless gasps, Kennedy has to sort through piles and piles of awful memories repeating themselves to get to an answer.

''I checked about fifteen minutes ago,'' she chokes out, ''She felt warm but kept asking for more blankets, so I had a feeling. I called you. You didn't answer.''

''I'm...God, I'm sorry, I was driving. Did you call the doctor? Come on, let's call her.''

Nervously, Harry takes her around the shoulders and helps her walk back into the bedroom. Immediately, he turns to Addison lying still atop her bed, covered in heaps of quilts and jumpers. She looks as pale as ever and that scares him.

''You alright, Addie? You okay?'' he asks, leaning over her while Kennedy grabs hold of her mobile phone and dials the number for Dr. Holmes with shaky fingers.

''It's cold,'' Addison quietly tells him.

He reaches down to gently press the back of his hand against her forehead and that's all the proof he needs. The child is burning up.

''Harry, they want an emergency contact.'' Kennedy ushers the phone to him and he takes it, leaving her free to start packing a bag. That alone tells him that Dr. Holmes advised her to come in as soon as possible. He gives the nurse on the other line his information as well as his mother's, just in case.

''This doesn't mean anything, right?'' he asks, holding the phone too tightly in his fingers, ''Kids get fevers, yeah? Colds and all that.''

Judging by his sudden quiet, Kennedy knows the answer he receives is about as vague as hers: the nurse can tell them nothing.

Both of them don't want to admit that it's probably because she can't lie to them instead.

''Where are we going?'' Addison is unhappy to be moved from the warmth of her bed. ''I want to sleep.''

''You can sleep in the car, sweetheart,'' Kennedy soothes.

''Why are we going in the car?''

Kennedy straps the tote bag against her shoulder and holds the child upright on the bars. Addison clings to them until she's told where they're going, then she won't let go at all.

''We're going to see the doctor,'' Kennedy tells her.

Immediately, Addison begins to whimper. ''No, I don't want to.''

Kennedy tries not to cry.

''You said I would never have to again.''

''I'm sorry,'' Kennedy frowns deeply, ''I had no right to promise you that.''

Once he realizes that this is all of the strength he'll get out of Kennedy now, Harry turns to the child himself.

''Come with me, love.''

He hooks his hands firmly underneath her arms and even though she grips the bars, it doesn't take much at all for him to pull her off them. She's too weak with fever to fight him.

Throughout the car ride, Addison cries. Each wail is misery to the duo in front, especially Kennedy. The sounds remind her of the screams that once came out of an infant she shared no connection with until she soothed those screams away. This time, she can't do that. This time, she's helpless.

When they enter through the oncology department, the head nurse gives them a temporary room because she's not sure herself what the cause of the child's fever is. Kennedy leads the way but is too restless to take a seat. Harry sits down with Addison glued to his shoulder and arms wrapped tightly around his neck. He can feel her tiny body quivering against him, both with fever and with fear.

Ages pass before another nurse enters the room, holding a clipboard with a piece of notepaper on it. She asks a million questions. Where has Addison been since leaving the hospital? How long has she had a fever? What other symptoms does she have, if any?

Kennedy answers them all quickly, her words flying out a million a minute. When she's asked to lay the child down in the bed, she expects Addison to fight it. Whine about it. Cry and complain and call her mother a liar like she deserves to. But she does none of the above. She simply allows Harry to lay her down, like she's just given up on doing anything else.

Harry can only smile down at her.

She smiles back, but it's the kind of faint and tiny smile that makes his heart ache.

''Dr. Holmes will be in soon,'' the nurse tells them politely but there's graveness in her voice, ''Sit tight.''

Kennedy tries to calm down, but it's difficult. And the short, quiet ''please hurry'' she hears from Harry doesn't help. The time they spend waiting isn't long at all, but to them it feels like ages. Seeing Addison back in this bed gives them big, empty holes in their chests that were only recently beginning to fill again and now only get deeper and deeper.

Harry is convinced it's nothing. He's convinced children get sick. Children just like his daughter get sick every day and then they get better. That has to be the case for them, too.

He lets the time go by with his focus solely on Addison. He fetches her more blankets. He gives her his cell phone to play with, even though all it does is sit weakly on her palm. He tries to keep her talking so that she's distracted, but the only thing she'll say is she's cold and the only person she'll say it to is him.

When the doctor walks in, she begins to cry again. Through her thick tears, she can see Harry pleading with her not to do this. To be strong. To be his brave Addie. She almost listens, but it doesn't matter because soon, through those same thick tears, she sees him being forced out of the room. She sees the door shut and she sees that even though Dr. Holmes is here to examine her, she feels alone.

And she feels scared.



''Fuck,'' Harry swears under his breath, holding his head in his hands.

It's been so long since he's seen her. He keeps thinking about the first time he saw her in treatment. The first time he was torn from her and left with the sight of her bursting into tears because she couldn't be with him.

It's agony being put through it all over again.

His eyes are pried away from the floor beneath him and instead glue themselves onto the woman sitting beside him.

She's as quiet as ever.

He doesn't say anything at first. He simply takes his arm and wraps it around her shoulders, pulling her to his chest. Her body is rigid in shock but, if he holds on tightly enough, he can feel her trembling.

''It will be okay,'' he tells her, placing a kiss atop her head. ''It has to be.''

When Kennedy finally speaks, she doesn't sound like herself.

''She hasn't looked at me since we left the house.''

Harry sighs. ''She's not feeling well.''

''She hates me,'' she whimpers.

''She loves you.''

''How could she love me after I swore to her she'd never have to come back here? She trusted me.''

He's silent beside her; he can't think of anything to say that might prove her wrong.

''She trusted me and I let her down.''

''She's not stupid,'' Harry tells her after some time, ''She knows getting better isn't a work of magic. She's just scared right now is all.''

Before she can muster up a good response, Kennedy's interrupted by a nurse who steps out from Addison's room. She recognizes her but can't remember her name.

The nurse greets them politely, but Kennedy hears very little of the small talk. All she wants is to fast-forward to what matters.

''We're still running tests,'' she tells them, ''We're giving her medication to bring down her fever, but until we know what's causing it, we won't be able to treat it completely.''

''Is it the cancer coming back?'' Kennedy bluntly and blandly asks.

The nurse shakes her head. ''We don't know yet.''

''How long until you do?''

''A few hours. We test everything just to be sure. As soon as we have some answers, we'll---''

Her response is cut off by Harry's and Kennedy's attention being misplaced, landing on the toddler being wheeled out of her room by the rest of her team.

''Addie,'' Kennedy calls out to her, ''Addie!''

They notice she's very still and very, very quiet.

''You've sedated her?'' Harry accuses.

''No, she fell asleep,'' the nurse answers casually, ''As I was saying, we'll let you know as soon as we have some answers.''

The woman walks away to join the rest after telling Harry and Kennedy the rule they hate to follow: they can't be with the child as she's being tested. They have to wait.

It's cruel to have to wait so long with nothing to go off but the worst possible fears building up inside. They sit for ages. Sometimes it's Kennedy's head on Harry's lap. Sometimes it's the other way around. Sometimes one of them is crying and sometimes one of them sits as silent and far away from the other as possible.

''I wish I had a painkiller.''

The six words make Harry shiver, remembering seeing her overdose. He knows he isn't nearly as strong enough this time around to handle that again.

He holds on tighter to her shoulder.

''You have me,'' he says.

She closes her eyes against him.

''What happened with my dad?''

''Not now, Kenn.''

Her grip on his hand strengthens reassuringly. ''I need to know.''

Harry sighs. ''He hasn't changed,'' he admits, ''He's still the same. That's all you need to know.''

''What did he say?''

He looks at her uneasily, knowing she's right. She does need to know. ''He said the fact that Addie's mine changes things.''

He doesn't need to see her face now to know she's hurting. He can feel it in the way she suddenly stiffens, her entire body turning hard with cold realization.

''Don't listen to him,'' he tells her when she's too quiet.

''Why doesn't he care? Why does he do this?'' she whispers in confusion mostly to herself, ''He should be happy that I'm happy. That we're happy. He should have been here all this time, like a real father would do. He should be here right now. I should be able to call him to tell him I need him and he should come. Because I do need him.''

Harry remains quiet. There's not much he can say to soothe her right now, mostly because she's right.

''I should've expected that he wouldn't change,'' she says softly, ''It's fine, I don't care. I...I have better things to worry about.''

He watches the subtle strained glance she makes in Addison's direction.

''She's going to be fine.''

Much too slowly, Kennedy nods. ''I know.''

''Do you? Because I think you've lost faith.''

''My daughter has cancer,'' she reminds him, ''Faith is all I've had to go on for months.''

''Our daughter had cancer. It's gone now. You heard what they all said.''

''Then why is she still here?''

''It doesn't have to be that, okay? Kids get sick. It happens.''

Kennedy sighs. ''I know she'll be fine,'' she admits, ''But I hate what we'll have to do to get her there. Another test, another surgery, another month in the hospital. She's spent all this time under a microscope. Will it really be worth it?''

''Yes,'' Harry tells her in confidence. ''Trust me.''

Nervously, she sighs. ''I trust you.''

Something about the way she says it makes him suddenly want to look away. He stares down at his laces and she notices.

''What?'' she asks.

He shakes his head, ''I'm sorry I lied to you this morning.''

''I would say we're even now, but what I lied about was much worse.''

''I just wanted to surprise you.'' That's when he realizes the tiny box still sits in his pocket.

Swiftly, he pulls it out, weighing it in his hands. It seems so much smaller now. He hands it to her gently and likes the way it sits in her palm.

''I got it from my mum, but it wasn't hers.''

It feels strange to Kennedy to open the box here and lay eyes on her engagement ring for the first time in a hospital. But her curiosity is getting the best of her.

''If you don't like it, it's alright. Just tell me. I can get something else and let you pick it out.''

She doesn't hear any of Harry's rushed words as she opens the lid and sees the beautifully cut diamonds before her. It's unlike anything she's ever seen. It draws her in not just because it catches the light in the most flawless way but because upon first sight, it doesn't look like an engagement ring at all and there's something intriguing about that.

''It was my great-grandmother's,'' he tells her almost apologetically. He doesn't think she likes it at all. ''The center is decades old, but the band is new. My mum's had it for years and she told me she has a feeling that it's meant for you.''

Suddenly it dawns on Kennedy how much history must be behind this tiny piece of jewelry sitting in her lap and how she's done nothing to deserve it.

''I had her put in two more stones on either side,'' he says, nodding towards them, ''That way, there's three: one for the past, the present,'' he pauses, saying his last word very quietly, ''and the future.''

''Wow,'' Kennedy sighs.

''Is that a good wow or a 'wow, he really screwed up this time'?''

She laughs, looking up at him. Even underneath his worried eyes, she can see his smirk. ''The first one. It's beautiful.''

''You're just saying that.''

''Why would you think I wouldn't like it? It's so different. So special.'' Kennedy's smile fades a bit at her next thought. ''I hope I can show Addie soon.''

''You will.''

She nods, but still there's doubt in her heart.

''Why did your mum think this was meant for me?'' she asks quickly, mostly to change the subject before she starts getting upset.

Harry smiles, lowering his gaze to the restless fingers in his lap.

''My great-grandparents did things differently,'' he tells her, ''Especially for their time. So I've heard. They didn't meet and get married and have kids and live happily ever after. For them, things just...happened.''

It takes her a moment, but Kennedy finally understands by the way he says it. Things happen.

Harry turns back to her. ''She was sixteen. They were married for three years before he could finally afford to buy her this.''

''So, this is the teen pregnancy ring,'' Kennedy laughs at the irony.

He laughs with her.

''No, this is the I Can Handle Any Bullshit Life Throws My Way ring,'' he corrects, reaching for the box and holding the piece between his fingers. ''Life was never easy for her. It was a struggle every day. But without her pushing through all of that, I wouldn't be sitting here.''

She watches as he takes her left hand and gingerly slips it onto her finger. It's difficult for either of them not to smile.

''It fits,'' he notes, relieved. He takes a moment to memorize the way it looks against her skin before intertwining his fingers with hers.

''I love you,'' she reminds him.

Harry meets her eyes and he can tell she wants to cry for more reasons than one right now, but she's fighting it with everything she has. And that's exactly why he knows this ring is for her.

He pulls her head closer to him, fitting just beside his chest, before kissing it. He wishes he could do more for her. He wishes he could do more for both of them right now, but he can't. And that's the hardest part.

Two lengthy hours pass before they finally get word on Addison. A nurse different from the one before comes to find them and they spring up from their seats to hear what she has to say, hanging on her every word.

She tells them the tests have finished and they're waiting for the results. Until then, they're allowed to come and be with her.

They practically sprint to the room.

Their first sight of the child is a mixture of relief and disappointment. They're happy to see her, but they can't see much past the tubes and machines they'd thought they'd said goodbye to.

''Hey, you.''

Harry is the first to greet her and he does it in such a cheerful way that it even makes her smile.

''Hi,'' Addison responds.

Both of them take a seat on either side of the bed, but for a long while, Kennedy is silent. Harry peeps at her from the corner of his eye every once in a while, knowing even after all this time, she can't bear to look at the IV in Addison's arm or the monitor displaying her barely-there vitals.

''I'm not tired anymore,'' the child tells Harry.

He grins perhaps too largely just to encourage her. ''That's good. You had a nap.''

''I missed you.''

His hand moves away some of the thin hair from her face. ''I'm always here.''

Slowly, Addison's face turns toward her mother and it's clear she's wondering why she's not speaking to her.

''Mama?''

Quickly, as if she's been snapped out of a trance, Kennedy looks up from her lap and slaps on a fake smile. ''Yes, sweetie?''

Just looking into the child's helpless eyes is painful.

''I'm sorry I was mean to you,'' Addison apologizes.

''No, you weren't mean to me,'' Kennedy rushes to correct her mindset, ''Not at all.''

She reaches for the child's hand and tries not to wince when she feels how cold it is.

''We'll go home soon, okay?'' she smiles.

Addison's attention turns to the unknown object rubbing against her skin and Kennedy sees she's spotted the ring. Slowly, Addison turns her mother's hand right side up and traces over the stone with her fingertips. She does it for quite some time, intrigued by the way it feels and looks. It's the first time she's ever seen her mother wear such a thing.

''Daddy gave this to me,'' Kennedy proudly tells her, ''Do you like it?''

Addison smiles, still staring. ''It's looks like a bunch of little lights in there. It's pretty, like you.''

Kennedy can almost cry. She stares down in amazement at the toddler and wonders how she got so lucky to have her in her life. ''I love you, Addie,'' she reminds her.

''I love you, too, Mama.''

They stay together for a short time. Addison is enthralled in her father's cell phone for a while, but her interest in it is cut short when her eyelids start drooping. Kennedy encourages her to sleep because her new medicine is supposed to make her sleepy, but she objects, saying she doesn't want any nightmares.

''You won't have any bad dreams, not while we're here,'' Harry tells her before placing the sweetest kiss atop her tiny forehead.

''And you'll stay here?'' she asks.

''Yes.''

''Promise?''

Addison tries to hold out her pinky finger for him to take, but her arm gives out and he has to hold it up for her.

''I promise. We'll always be here when you wake up.'' He smiles encouraging.

The subtle nod of her head as she nestles against her pillow tells him she believes him. She'll always believe him.

So the two of them are left to their thoughts, left to wait impatiently until they hear even a sliver of a word of news. Harry claims the biggest chair and pulls Kennedy onto his lap, forced to remind her that everything will be alright every few minutes just so that she can hold herself together.

''Do you think we should call Gemma?'' Kennedy asks softly.

''We don't need to. She'll be fine. Besides, Gemma's at school now.''

''Oh,'' she sighs, ''That's right, I forgot.''

Among all of the things she's had to worry about today, it slipped her mind that Gemma has already moved to her new campus, and yet again, sooner than expected, actually, the two best friends are miles from each other.

''Do you miss her?'' she asks.

''Uhh...''

Kennedy looks up to see him glancing at the ceiling with the cheekiest smirk on his face. ''Yes, you do. Don't lie,'' she smiles.

With a laugh, he says, ''Yeah, I'll admit it. I miss her. We'll call her when we get home, safe and sound. That way she won't worry about stuff she doesn't need to worry about.''

''Okay.''

As her eyes drift down toward her lap, she focuses on the sight of her hand in Harry's and she can practically feel herself relaxing, the tension in her neck and shoulders beginning to soften.

''I'm so glad you're here,'' she tells him, ''I wouldn't be able to do this without you.''

''You did for months.''

''And it destroyed me.''

Instinctively, his grip tightens, telling her she'll never have to feel that way again.

''She'll get through this,'' he repeats for the umpteenth time today, although it's a bit softer now, ''She has to.''



Staring at his face like this brings back memories. Her eyes stay hooked to his eyes closed in sleep, his features clean and gentle, without a hint of the pain or fear she knows he must be feeling inside. She hopes he's dreaming of something beautiful. Something calming and reassuring like he deserves.

It makes her happy to see him like this. To know that even in his sleep, the muscles in his arms still know to hold on to her, as if they've been taught. To feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest. It's peaceful to her knowing that even though sleep won't come anywhere near her, at least it's come to him and at least he's spared a few hours of worry.

Her attention then turns to the child before her, also fast asleep in her bed, covered in layer upon layer of thick blanket. She can see so much of Harry in her that it amazes her how she could have ever possibly thought she wasn't truly his. She sees the same sleeping face and the same strength radiating from her tiny, fighting body.

Deep down, Kennedy can feel it. Addison will be alright. She just knows she will.

She doesn't know how long they've been waiting now; she certainly didn't miss the absence of time in the hospital. All she can hope for is that they're told what's going on soon. The sooner they know, the sooner they can treat, and the sooner they can go home.

From underneath her, slowly she can feel Harry begin to stir. His arms tighten unconsciously around her and she knows he's waking up. She turns back to him just in time to see the green eyes she loves open and greet her.

''Hi,'' she smiles at his groggy face.

''I fell asleep,'' he realizes with wide eyes, ''I'm sorry. Did I miss anything?''

Kennedy shakes her head.

''Nothing yet.''

''Mama?''

Their attentions turn toward the little voice beside them and Kennedy untangles herself from Harry's arms.

''What's the matter?'' Harry asks, walking around her to the other side. He doesn't fail to notice her watery eyes.

''I-I don't know.''

At the first sound, Kennedy rushes to join them.

''She's breathless,'' she tells Harry quietly on her way over, ''Don't worry, sweetheart, you're okay.''

Harry turns on his heel even though the child tells him to stay. ''I'll get the doctor.''

''Shh, it's alright.'' Kennedy soothes her whimpers with a gentle hand running through her hair. Addison can breathe, but very little of it goes through, and that's what scares her.

When Harry comes back with a nurse, he holds Addison's hand as the woman examines her. It surprises him how quickly she does it before telling them she needs a word with them outside.

Instantly, his heart speeds up, and Kennedy's isn't far behind at all.

They're reluctant to leave the sick child alone, but they have to as they step out into the waiting area. They notice that the nurse shuts Addison's door, and that's all it takes for Kennedy to know exactly what she's about to say.

Her words are distant, like they originate from a million miles away, and Kennedy feels them before she hears them. She feels her legs nearly give out. Her heart nearly cease. Her mouth gape open for a deafening scream.

No.

Hurriedly, she begs for a reevaluation. Maybe the tests were mistaken. Maybe they have the wrong patient. Maybe it's someone else, not her child. Not her Addie.

Not her sunshine.

Harry's the one who doesn't accept it. He's the one who asks a thousand questions to clarify. He stays standing in front of the nurse as Kennedy struggles to find the nearest chair instead of falling to the floor. He's blind to her right now. He sees her, but he doesn't see her. He doesn't know why or how it's happening and what the hell he's supposed to do.

The first thing she does is the one thing that makes sense right now.

From within her jean pocket, she pulls out her phone after nearly dropping it twice. She dials the number and can't fully understand if she's doing the right thing just yet.

''Hey!'' Gemma's voice is high and bright and unknowing. ''How are you, mate? I was just going to call you. How's Haz? And Addie?''

Even at the mere sound of her name, she sobs.

''Kenn? Are you crying?''

She wants to say something and answer Gemma's suddenly terrified question, and yet physically she can't. Her body denies her.

''What's happened? What's going on?''

Aggressively, she smacks a hand across her mouth to mask some of these cries. But Gemma's heard more than enough.

''Kennedy, tell me what's going on. Why are you crying? Please don't cry. Is Harry there? Put him on.''

Through her squinted, horrified eyes, she glances over at him and sees the news has set in. He's staring back at her, his eyes glassy and his hands pulling violently at his hair.

''God, Kennedy! Just tell me if I need to worry!'' Gemma yells now. She can practically hear the chaos of her heartbeat from here.

Her silenced sobs fight their way through and she can't hold it in any longer.

''Yes.''