Secondhand

I woke up the next morning with the feeling my head would explode. Austin's arms were wrapped snugly around me, but instead of feeling a usual comfort from the gesture, I felt hot and smothered. I was undoubtedly sick.

I tried to move out of Austin's arms discreetly, but a sudden coughing fit woke him and I mentally kicked myself.

“Are you okay, Alan?”

“I- I think I'm sick,” I rasped.

“I think you're right. Here, lie back down and I'll go get you some Tylenol and food, okay?”

I nodded and did as he told me to. He left the room and I took a few deep breath before coughing maniacally again. This sucks. Austin returned only minutes later with a bottle of pills, a glass of orange juice, and a box of crackers.

“I know it's not really great as far as food goes, but I want to make sure you can keep something down.” he said, handing me the box and opening the lid of the Tylenol. I smiled a little at his concern and bit into a cracker, surprised when it made my throat feel better just to swallow the little bit of food. Austin sat next to me on the bed and pressed the back of his hand to my forehead. He muttered 'fever' under his breath and handed me two pills. I took them from him and he got the glass of juice off of the end table so I could take them.

“Thanks,” I croaked.

“Shh, just don't talk. I want you better,” he smiled a little and I tried to return it before downing the juice and medicine. “Good. Try to go back to sleep. You'll feel better.”

I nodded and shifted so that I was comfortable. Austin smiled lovingly and pulled a thin sheet over me before kissing my temple and leaving his room, closing the door behind him.

~1 Week Later~

I was finally feeling better, but I had stayed at Austin and Shayley's. Austin finally got his cast off. I think Shayley was getting sick of Austin and I. Not too sick of us apparently, or he probably would have made me go home. I had only been back to my apartment once since the incident that brought me back together with Austin.

Today was the day that Shayley and Austin were going to talk to Brady. To say that I was nervous for them would be an understatement. I knew how Brady could get and I didn't want him to flip out and try to hurt Austin or Shay. Part of me wondered what he was still doing here. Last I knew, he left town with whichever guy he had cheated on me with. Guess that didn't work out how he thought it was going to. I also wondered if he missed me. It wasn't like I wanted him back in my life or would take him back if he asked, but I couldn't help it. I had loved Brady a lot and it took a lot of pain and time to move on from him. Now that I had thought about it though, Austin was showing me what love should really be and we weren't even dating. Every time I thought of Austin, I also thought that maybe I was in love with the idea of having Brady, but not Brady himself. What I felt for Austin was love. What I had felt for Brady was fear of loneliness and also fear of him hurting me.

I had reoccurring dreams in which Brady and a faceless other man were attacking me. It was a different way each time and they got increasingly horrid as time went on. At one point, I had had a dream about them locking me in a box underground. It was a form of torture. I had no food or water, but every so often they would open the trap and Brady would ask if I loved him. Every time I told him no and they slammed the door shut again. I went mad, though death would have been preferred. When I was finally rescued by a man who looked vaguely like Shay, I repeated 11:37 for weeks on end before dying because I had not eaten through the haze that took over my brain.

Many nights I had awoken crying and shaking, even screaming sometimes. Somehow, Shayley had never heard, but I had woken Austin countless times, feeling terrible about it every time. I had told
Austin what happened in that dream because that was the first time I had ever screamed in my sleep. He had asked me what I thought 11:37 was a symbol for, but I had no idea. After days of thinking, he asked me if I could remember roughly what time we had met at Uprising all those months ago.

“Juliet and I left her apartment at about 11 and it's a 10 minute walk over there. I was only inside for about 15 minutes before I stepped in beer and that's when I went outside and met you for the first time.”

“So, we could have met at around 11:37, huh?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“What significance could it have with Brady, though?” Austin asked as I helped him get ready for his 'date.' I couldn't get it out of my head that he looked damn good.

Shay entered the bathroom as Austin asked the question and I cringed ever so slightly.

“What does what have to do with Brady?”

“Nothing.”

“Aus, it's fine. I have dreams about Brady and some other guy who I can never identify torturing or attacking me. In one of them, they tortured me until I went crazy. When I finally got free, I have a feeling you saved me like you did from the guys that jumped me but I couldn't tell, I just sat and repeated '11:37' until I died because I was too insane to eat.

“Well... that's insane, for lack of a better term. Did you come up with the significance of 11:37?”

“I thought it might have been the time when we met at Uprising.”

“Of course you did. It's always gotta be about Austin,” Shayley said, attempting to lighten the mood.

Austin stuck his tongue out at his friend and I laughed a little.

“Are you ready to go, my diva? It's almost 6.”

“I'm not a diva, much less your diva, but yes.”

“Riiiiight. Sure you aren't. Let me get shoes and we can go. The sooner this is over with, the better.”

“You got yourself into this.”

“Yeah, before I realized exactly what I was getting into. If I had known it would involve going on any sort of date with you, I wouldn't have talked to him in the first place.”

“This isn't a date because you couldn't even pay me to date you.”

“You don't want to date me? Man, and here I was thinking I'm irresistible. Guess not! ” Shayley feigned hurt.

“No, I don't want to date you. I never have and never will. We established this a while ago.”

“Ah, right. I remember. You want to date Alan.”

I blushed and Austin punched Shayley's arm before he ran from the bathroom. Austin and I followed him, but not before I stopped Austin briefly by grabbing at the hem of his shirt in a burst of confidence. I leaned up to whisper in his ear.

“You look really fucking hot,” I whispered before pushing him out the door with a look of shock on his face.

“Ready? Alan, will you be okay here?” Shayley asked.

“No. He's not staying here alone.”

“Austin, I am 26 years old.”

“I don't care. What if someone tries to get in here and hurt you again? I can't let that happen.”

“Fine, fine. We just need to go. Get this over with. Make sure Brady doesn't see you in the car, Alan.”

“I know. Austin's windows are tinted anyways, so I think I should be fine.”

“Okay.”

With that, we all went out to the car and made the trip to the restaurant Brady had said to go to. My heart hurt a little, because it was an Italian restaurant, a place he used to take me when we first started dating. I had to second guess everything and wonder if this was a place he frequented when he was courting a new boyfriend.

“Just keep your head down back there. Hopefully we won't be long,” Austin demanded.

I slid down slightly in the back seat, obscuring myself from anyone outside's view and Austin and Shayley stepped out of the car. Shayley came around to the driver's side and Austin took Shayley's hand in his own.

“This is so weird.”

“Shut up, Austin. He just has to think we're together long enough that it's believable, then you can go back to putting your hands all over Alan.”

They shut the door and walked off towards the entrance. I giggled a little. There was just no easy way with them.

~

Not twenty minutes later, a very pissed looking Brady stormed out of the restaurant and got into his car on the opposite side of the parking lot. Austin and Shayley followed soon after, Austin's arm around Shayley's waist until they were both sure Brady had driven off. As soon as his car was out of sight, Austin removed his arm and shoved Shayley a little. Shayley flipped him off as they reached Austin's car.

“So?”

“Well, if you couldn't tell, he was pissed. He just asked why I didn't think I should tell him I had a boyfriend already and I told him that I just enjoyed talking to him, thought he was a nice guy. So, yeah. He's mad, but everything's taken care of.”

“He won't stay mad for long. He'll be at some bar tomorrow, after someone else. I'm sure of it.”

“He really does that? Some people.”

The rest of the ride was filled with small talk and complaints from Austin and Shayley about having to pretend to date each other.

“It's just more conformation for me that we will never be a thing. It's way too weird.”

“I hope you're not expecting an argument, Shay, because I'm not going to.”

We arrived back at the apartment building and went up the single flight of stairs that led to Austin and Shayley's home. It probably wasn't a good thing, but it was starting to feel a little like my home, too. What we didn't expect was to find Brady leaning up against the door, with a look of pure hatred on his face that only increased when he saw me. Fear rushed over me and I knew I couldn't hide behind Austin because not only would that make me seem weak, but it would also ruin the entire plan. We certainly never planned for this, though.

“Alan?”

“Brady,” I replied flatly.

“What are you doing here? You don't live here.”

“I could ask you the same thing. And how would you know where I live?”

“You may have forgotten, but we were together for quite some time.”

“Ah, well, you may have forgotten, but people can move.”

“So you moved here?”

“No, and where he went is none of your business. What are you doing here and how did you know that this was my apartment?”

“I know more than you seem to think I do about you, Shayley. So you two don't live with my Alan?”

“I am not yours.”

“No, Brady. He doesn't live here.”

“You should consider letting him.”

“And why would that be?”

“I'll let you in on a little secret. Little Mr. Alan Ashby here, is great in bed.”

“Shut up, Brady. Get out of here.”

“Aw, is wittle Alan embarrassed?”

“Fuck you. I hate you and I never want to see you around here ever again,” I spat.

He raised his hand in defeat and backed away.

“Fine, fine. We can act like I was never even here.”

“And we will. Now get the fuck away from them.”

Brady rolled his eyes at me but walked down the stairs and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded at Austin, keeping my head down as Shayley unlocked the door. Over the railing, from the parking lot, I heard Brady yell up at me.

“I still love you, Alan! I fucked up and I know that, but I'll always love you!”

Austin wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me inside, slamming the door behind him. I fell into his arms as a first tear came to my eyes. What do I do?