‹ Prequel: I Will If You Will
Sequel: From Within ›
Status: Complete
Hope
4 A.M.
Another day, another worry. Another person, another story.
The morning was cold. I got out of bed with that lingering feeling of regret. Only thirty seconds into the day and I was already having second thoughts. I didn’t have much to look forward to. All the days go by like a blur. That charging familiarity filling the hours of my “life” with just…nothing. I sighed and began to get ready for work. Normally, I found myself asking what I had to live for. I’m searching everyday for a sliver of hope, a diminutive ray of light that will give me meaning. So far, I’ve found no such thing. I was tired of playing hide-and-go seek with hope; tired of slow dancing with disparity. Thing is, hope and meaning appear in many forms. I just didn’t expect it to be a teenage girl.
As I boarded the bus I quickly found an empty seat at the back. I sat down and watched as the world outside the window became streams of light. I was soon distracted by a sniffle. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a girl reading a letter. She looked distraught. She had to be about fifteen years old. What was she doing on the bus at 4 A.M.? Suddenly, she looked up at me. I quickly turned my attention straight ahead. I didn’t want to make it obvious I was staring like the other passengers on the bus. From the corner of my eye I saw her petite figure stand and move into the empty seat next to me. Great! Now I have to console a brokenhearted teen whose douche of a boyfriend probably dumped her for the prom queen. To my surprise, she didn’t say anything. Just the roaring sound of the bus engine surrounded us. “Do you believe in love?’ The girl asked. I turned to look at her. She stared straight ahead. Her voice was lower than I expected. “I believe in heartbreak.” I finally answered. She held the letter she was reading earlier between her fingertips as if she were to let go, the paper would shatter. A soft chuckle escaped her followed by a sniffle. “My father died yesterday. Left me this note.” She said lightly.
“I’m sorry to hear.” I mumbled. It fell silent again. She let out a shaky sigh. Steadying herself before speaking again.
“He meant the world to me. He seemed to be the only one who understood. He didn’t deserve to go. He didn’t deserve the sadness. We gave him all the love he could as for and it wasn’t enough. Love didn’t save him. Now tell me, should I believe in love?” I thought it. Why was she telling me this? I was just a stranger on the bus. I didn’t know anything about her or losing a parent. I sighed.
“Don’t know. Did you love your dad?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think he loved you?”
“Yes?”
“Then there’s your love. The band between a father and daughter is unreal. There’s no faking it. From what I understand, you two loved each other.” She fully turned to me now.
“So tell me why he left. Tell me why he took all those pills. If he really loved me, why’d he go?” The way she was looking at me gave me the shivers. The hurt that filled her could easily be seen in her blue pool of eyes. How did she expect me to answer that?
“Look, kid. Sometimes…love isn’t enough. Sometimes people become sad, and feel trapped in that sadness. Sometimes there’s that ray of light, but that person has been in the dark so long they don’t know what to do with it. It’s a…complex thing to understand, but I believe your dad loved you. That’s why he hung on so long. He hung in there for you.” A tear rolled down her cheek. I didn’t know whether to hug her or turn back in my seat.
“I’m gonna be a therapist.” She stated. “I’m going to help people like my dad. I’m going to save a girl like me. I’m gonna do what you did today for me. Thank you so much.” I smiled. For the first time in a long time, I smiled. That girls will to turn her hurt into hope for others inspired me. And in that second I felt this growing heat in my veins. In this, possible, fifteen year old girl I found everything I was ever looking to be. Courageous, inspiring, intelligent, and humble. I don’t know what for, but that girl on the bus at 4 A.M gave me hope.
The morning was cold. I got out of bed with that lingering feeling of regret. Only thirty seconds into the day and I was already having second thoughts. I didn’t have much to look forward to. All the days go by like a blur. That charging familiarity filling the hours of my “life” with just…nothing. I sighed and began to get ready for work. Normally, I found myself asking what I had to live for. I’m searching everyday for a sliver of hope, a diminutive ray of light that will give me meaning. So far, I’ve found no such thing. I was tired of playing hide-and-go seek with hope; tired of slow dancing with disparity. Thing is, hope and meaning appear in many forms. I just didn’t expect it to be a teenage girl.
As I boarded the bus I quickly found an empty seat at the back. I sat down and watched as the world outside the window became streams of light. I was soon distracted by a sniffle. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a girl reading a letter. She looked distraught. She had to be about fifteen years old. What was she doing on the bus at 4 A.M.? Suddenly, she looked up at me. I quickly turned my attention straight ahead. I didn’t want to make it obvious I was staring like the other passengers on the bus. From the corner of my eye I saw her petite figure stand and move into the empty seat next to me. Great! Now I have to console a brokenhearted teen whose douche of a boyfriend probably dumped her for the prom queen. To my surprise, she didn’t say anything. Just the roaring sound of the bus engine surrounded us. “Do you believe in love?’ The girl asked. I turned to look at her. She stared straight ahead. Her voice was lower than I expected. “I believe in heartbreak.” I finally answered. She held the letter she was reading earlier between her fingertips as if she were to let go, the paper would shatter. A soft chuckle escaped her followed by a sniffle. “My father died yesterday. Left me this note.” She said lightly.
“I’m sorry to hear.” I mumbled. It fell silent again. She let out a shaky sigh. Steadying herself before speaking again.
“He meant the world to me. He seemed to be the only one who understood. He didn’t deserve to go. He didn’t deserve the sadness. We gave him all the love he could as for and it wasn’t enough. Love didn’t save him. Now tell me, should I believe in love?” I thought it. Why was she telling me this? I was just a stranger on the bus. I didn’t know anything about her or losing a parent. I sighed.
“Don’t know. Did you love your dad?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think he loved you?”
“Yes?”
“Then there’s your love. The band between a father and daughter is unreal. There’s no faking it. From what I understand, you two loved each other.” She fully turned to me now.
“So tell me why he left. Tell me why he took all those pills. If he really loved me, why’d he go?” The way she was looking at me gave me the shivers. The hurt that filled her could easily be seen in her blue pool of eyes. How did she expect me to answer that?
“Look, kid. Sometimes…love isn’t enough. Sometimes people become sad, and feel trapped in that sadness. Sometimes there’s that ray of light, but that person has been in the dark so long they don’t know what to do with it. It’s a…complex thing to understand, but I believe your dad loved you. That’s why he hung on so long. He hung in there for you.” A tear rolled down her cheek. I didn’t know whether to hug her or turn back in my seat.
“I’m gonna be a therapist.” She stated. “I’m going to help people like my dad. I’m going to save a girl like me. I’m gonna do what you did today for me. Thank you so much.” I smiled. For the first time in a long time, I smiled. That girls will to turn her hurt into hope for others inspired me. And in that second I felt this growing heat in my veins. In this, possible, fifteen year old girl I found everything I was ever looking to be. Courageous, inspiring, intelligent, and humble. I don’t know what for, but that girl on the bus at 4 A.M gave me hope.