Unconditional.

My plans to have a lie in the day after my first week at the club weren't carried out the way I wanted them to. My phone rang at ten past nine, and I did my best to ignore it. But the sound sliced through the peaceful silence that had held me subdued me in slumber, and light was bleeding through the gap in the curtains and the wounds on my arm stung. Thoughts flooded my mind, thoughts of Luke and Holly, and I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. I snatched up my phone and held it to my face.

"What?" I snapped, sitting up and stretching grumpily.

"Josh, it's Felix." Oops.

"Oh," I grumbled, "sorry. Um, how's it going?"

"It's okay," he chuckled. "I was just wondering if you're busy tonight?"

My heart plummeted, and Ricky's words echoed in my head. Oh God, Felix wasn't asking me out, was he? I guess my longish hair and tight jeans could be misleading, but really? Was it not obvious that Holly had me wrapped around her finger? And what of Dan?

"Oh," I spluttered, trying to think of an excuse. "I, um..."

"Relax," he laughed, and I felt colour flood my cheeks. "I'm having a party tonight. It's, uh, my birthday, and since we only met properly a few days ago..."

"Oh," I repeated, relieved, feeling like a complete moron. "Happy birthday."

"Thank you. So... Are you free?"

"Uh, yeah," I said tentatively. "I think so."

"Good," said Felix. "I'll text you my address, and for the love of God please just don't get me anything?"

"Money in a card it is," I laughed, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. "That makes my life a whole lot easier."

"It won't be necessary," he insisted. "I'll see you later. Around seven?"

"Sure. Thanks."

He hung up, and thirty seconds later a text popped up bearing his address. It looked like I'd have to borrow Dad's car; it was a good forty five minute drive away. I had my doubts about going, mainly because I probably wouldn't know most of Felix's friends. I figured Aidan would be there, but who else? Aidan and I didn't talk much, and I wasn't sure whether or not Dan would be there because of the friction between him and Ricky. Oh well. A few drinks and a chat with my workmates wouldn't hurt, would it?

I hopped off my bed and flung my wardrobe open, looking longingly at my trackies before grabbing a pair of dark blue jeans, a long sleeved stripy t shirt and a hoodie and throwing them onto my unmade bed, absentmindedly wondering whether or not to wear a hat. After showering, getting dressed and deciding against the hat, I went downstairs.

Mum and Ilona sat in the kitchen, watching Dad carry things through the house from the garden shed. The shed was Dad's studio; it had this big window so he could look out at the pond and the flowers on a sunny day, undisturbed, and just paint. No one but him was allowed in, except on special occasions. Seb carried an easel through the kitchen as I sat down, apparently on his first day of public service, shooting a sweaty grin at me as he went. Mum glared after him and another pang of guilt rocketed through me.

"Morning," said Ilona to me, peering at me over her dieting magazine.

We were all obsessed with dieting in our family. Billie was the only one of us who could eat what she wanted without getting fat, but for some reason she dieted anyway. It wasn't often I missed my morning run, but today I just couldn't be bothered. Ilona didn't take her body issues nearly as seriously as Billie and I did, but she still tried. I think it's probably Mum's fault; she was forever looking down her nose at people she deemed unattractive. Don't get me wrong, she's a great woman and a brilliant mother, but she's just the type of person who cares a little too much about looks.

"You're up early," Mum pointed out, and I shrugged.

"Yeah, well," I grumbled, "I forgot to mute my phone. Felix invited me to his party tonight."

"Oh? What time?"

"Seven," I groaned, pushing my still damp fringe out of my eyes.

"Good," she said, scowling once more as Seb passed through again, my Dad hot on his trail, "because that bedroom of yours looks like a bomb's hit it."

"It's not that bad," I objected, and she raised an eyebrow.

"The only washing of yours I've done this week is your work uniform," she said, "and I'm betting the rest of the washing is on your floor. You can tidy it today, or I won't let you have the car."

"How do you know I want the car?"

"You sit up straight whenever your dad walks in the room," she said simply, and I scowled.

"You can't tell me what to do," I muttered. "I'm not a teenager anymore."

"Spoken like a teenager," tittered Ilona, and I kicked her under the table.

"You'll do what I tell you if you want the car," Mum repeated.

I rolled my eyes and grumbled, "Whatever."

I got up and filled the kettle, grabbing three mugs and slamming them moodily on the counter. I stuck my head out the window, squinting at the shed in search of Seb and Dad. Seb staggered out, carrying a heavy box under the watchful glare of my father, and I grinned at him.

"Drinks?" I offered, and Seb glanced back at Dad.

"Coffee!" hollered Dad from the shed.

"Me too," mouthed Seb, and I smirked.

I got two more mugs out of the cupboard, ignoring the disapproving click of Mum's tongue. Maybe tidying my room would be a good idea, I figured. I didn't want to sit around watching my parents seeth at Seb's very existence; it just made me feel so much guiltier. I just wanted them to know the truth, that Seb had nothing to do with it, that it was all my fault. I tried to keep smiling through my guilt, to show my parents nothing could stop me being friends with Seb, but their hostile silence was making me uncomfortable.

I made and handed around the drinks, quietly thanking Seb again, before retiring upstairs. I put my mug on the desk and collapsed onto my bed, unable to summon any energy to tidy my room. Instead I pulled my jacket sleeve up and unrolled the bandages, peeking at my stitches. It still stung when I moved, but nothing looked infected or anything.

For a split second my satisfaction dissipated, and I worried Luke would call the police or something. Brewer could find out and I'd be sacked. Mum and Dad could find out and they'd hate me. But then I reasoned with myself. If he told anyone what I did to his car he could sure as hell count on the truth about what he'd done to my house surfacing.

I lay there for a while, fingering my stitches even though I'd been told not to, wondering what Felix's party would be like. I imagined he had a massive house, with a pool and a long driveway. He just seemed like that type of person. Maybe that's why he didn't want gifts. What could a person possibly want when they worked seventeen hour days and presumably lived in a mansion?

I started violently as my bed sank at the end. I didn't even hear the door open. I yanked my sleeve down over my arm, but by that time it was too late. Ilona didn't say anything, but the width of her eyes confirmed it.

"Can't be bothered to tidy your room?" she guessed, smiling distantly.

"Nah," I muttered, moving so she had more space to sit on the bed.

"She won't let Dad lend you the car if you don't," Ilona warned, and I shrugged.

"I'll get a bus, then."

"Buses take forever," she objected, "and what if you miss the last one home?"

"I'll get a lift from an expectant young lady," I said with a sly grin, and Ilona whacked me in disgust.

"You're awful," she sighed, getting up and putting her mug down beside mine.

She got down to her knees, grumbling quietly, and started digging dirty clothes out from under my bed. I watched her, tempted to go back to sleep, but I was too worried about how much she'd seen and who she'd tell. I didn't know how to ask her without sounding suspicious, but it turned out I didn't need to.

"Josh," she sighed, chucking the washing in a corner ready to throw in the washing basket downstairs and folding her arms. "The threats and the smashed window... That wasn't Seb, was it?"

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. I didn't know what to say. How on earth could I explain this to Ilona if she knew it wasn't Seb? Was I supposed to pin the blame on one of my other friends, or maybe say I didn't know? For a while I was just silent, panic bouncing off the walls of my brain.

"...Josh?"

"It... Wasn't Seb," I confirmed, and Ilona nodded, glancing at my arm.

She was quiet for a while, unenthusiastically sorting through the mess on my floor, before whispering, "It wasn't you, was it Josh?"

"W-what?" I spluttered, sitting up in alarm. "Why would you say that?"

"I saw your arm..."

"I didn't break the window," I assured her through my teeth. "I can't believe you'd think I would do such a thing to my own family. And why on earth would I threaten myself? That's just stupid."

"But you know who did."

"...Yes."

"Who was it, Josh? And why are you letting Seb take the blame while the real culprit gets away with it?"

"He's not getting away with it," I told her. "I'm handling it. You just have to trust me."

"What happened to your arm, then?" she demanded. "Was that him too?"

"Trust me," I repeated, lying back down and glaring at the ceiling.

"I want to," she said, sighing, "but I don't want to see my little brother get hurt if there's something I could do to help stop it..."

"There isn't," I assured her. "And I'm not a little brother anymore."

"You'll always be my little brother," she muttered, but she dropped the subject.

It took Ilona just over half an hour to tidy my room, and I offered no help whatsoever. I'd have felt bad if she didn't spend all her time trying to make a music career online. Of course, I supported her in chasing her dream, but it was hardly fair that she was allowed to get away with sitting around all day while I had to work to live here.

We swapped places after, so that I could straighten my hair and she could sit down. In all honesty I really couldn't be bothered to go to this party, but now it had become more than a distraction from how shitty my life had become. It was an escape from Ilona's interrogations. She was too close to the truth for my comfort, and I knew it could get a whole lot more complicated if she found out what really happened.

I left the house at six o'clock, after spending an afternoon helping Seb and Dad load the van ready for his exhibition at the gallery the next day. I stopped at a garage not far from my house to buy a card and shove a fiver in there for Felix. I had no idea how old he was or how much he expected, but I figured it would do.

The drive was long and peaceful. It felt like I was leaving my troubles at home for the night. The buildings melted away with the minutes, and the car waded through fields and trees. It was nice to spend some time alone, singing softly along to the radio and not having to worry about what I looked like to anyone else. I could drop my barriers completely for an hour and just be Josh, the Josh I was before I started work, the Josh I was when I left college two years before. I didn't have a single worry back then. It was just me, Leo, Tristan, Seb and Rachel and we were having a blast. I had a girlfriend I didn't give two shits about and my parents were already pushing me to find a job, but I was happy.

Felix's house stood alone in the middle of nowhere. During the last few minutes of the drive I wondered if I'd gone the wrong way, because there was literally nothing but grass. But then I turned a corner to a dead end, and there was his house. It was a small house, with massive windows overlooking a magnificent lake and waterfall, and behind it was a stable. Cars were parked all over the fields and a few hundred people spilled out of the house, surrounding the lake and cooking meat on a barbeque. There were tables by the house containing food and drinks.

I pulled up not too far from the house, dodging the messily parked cars and parking as straight as I could among the state. I grabbed the card and jumped out, locking the car as I made for the house. It was mayhem. Heavy rock music blared from the balcony, where two massive speakers stood, and people screamed and shouted below. There was already a handful of people swimming in the lake. Most of the guests hardly wore anything. On the opposite side of the road from the house, a gigantic pile of wood sat waiting to be burned for a bonfire.

I went inside, hoping to find Felix somewhere, because there wasn't one face I recognised yet. I found him in the kitchen, hovering over Dan as he iced a magnificent cake. My first thought was that Felix shouldn't really be supervising the creation of his own birthday cake, and the second thought was wondering how the hell that thing fit in the oven. But the smiles on their faces and Dan's laughter as Felix picked at the icing made me understand. They were hiding.

I cleared my throat and Felix jumped backwards, as if burned. He clutched at his chest, his face relaxing as his gaze fell on me.

"Josh," he said, picking up a stray spoon to lick the icing, "you're here."

"Yeah," I said sheepishly, handing him the card. "You, uh, have a lot of friends."

"Thanks," he grinned, ripping into the envelope, the spoon hanging out of his mouth, "I guess I do."

Suddenly I felt awkward. I knew I'd walked in on a moment, and now I didn't know how to excuse myself. I cleared my throat again and took a step back.

"Um, is Aidan here?" I asked, edging towards the door.

"Yeah," said Felix, "last I saw him he was by the lake."

"Okay, um, I'm gonna go say hi."

I backed out of the kitchen and hurried out of the house, feeling stupid, hoping Aidan wasn't having a moment too because he was kind of my only hope for having any fun at this party. I made for the lake as directed, but there were so many people I knew it would be a mircale if I found him.

I decided to give up and head to the tables, but as I turned something caught my eye. They were standing at the far end of the lake, by the waterfall, pretty much cut off from everyone else: Ricky and Luke. My uninjured hand immediately flew to my wounded arm. They hadn't spotted me, but it unsettled me that they were here. Well, I wasn't exactly scared of Ricky, but Luke? Seeing him was unsettling. Did he know I was here?

I went and stood by the drinks table, helping myself to a beer from the cooler. The thought that I'd be driving home didn't occur to me. I just needed a little liquid confidence. I wouldn't get through this evening without it.

"How's your arm?"

It was amazing how her voice had such an effect on me, even after I'd decided to get over my little crush. I turned to face Holly, and the sight of her was breathtaking. She wore battered black boots, a pair of tiny denim shorts and a tight purple belly top, showing off her tattoos and belly button piercing. Her hair was sleek and straight, and it had been clipped away from her beautiful face. I took a deep swig from my beer can.

"I didn't know you'd be here," I told her, completely ignoring her question like she always did to me.

She shrugged. "Luke knows you wrecked his car."

"I don't care," I said, taking another gulp. "If he wants me to apologise, he can come over here and be disappointed."

"He's dangerous, Josh," she whispered, and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not scared of him," I lied. "And to be honest, you don't really have any right to be scared for me. You and I, we don't even know each other."

I made for the stable, which seemed to be devoid of any people, as Dan exited the house with the ginormous cake, Felix hurrying out behind him. The music was cut off as the candles on the cake were lit and the singing started. I was tempted to just get in the car and go home, but Dad would be annoyed that I'd wasted his petrol for nothing. So I leaned my back against the stable and finished my beer alone. The singing ended and the music started back up again.

I didn't know why, but I felt angry. I was so confused about what was going on in Holly's head. Why was she so intent on distancing herself from me until I did the same? When I forced myself to lose interest, she suddenly grew interested? What was that? She was playing some sort of childish game with my head, and I didn't want to play anymore. But was it possible to just work at the club and show no interest in Holly when she was there almost every night?

A quiet snort behind me made me jump and spill a little beer, and I turned to face a big, white snout. My face broke into a wide grin and I held out my hand to pet the horse. He was beautiful, with a neat brown coat and a soft white mane. I ran my hand down the length of his face, finding a little peace in the companionship of the calm animal.

"That's Tommy," said a voice behind me, and I turned to see a cheerful looking chubby man with a silver moustache and glasses. "He's Felix's horse."

"Oh," I said stupidly.

"Sorry," he chuckled, holding his hand out, which I shook tentatively. "I'm Adam, Felix's dad. I saw you from the kitchen and wondered if you were all right...?"

"Yeah," I replied, "I'm fine, I was just looking for some peace and quiet for a while."

He nodded in understanding. "Do you ride?"

"No," I admitted, "I don't really know a thing about horses, to be honest."

"Well, the conservatory's relatively quiet if you want to...?"

"It's okay, thank you," I told him. "I think I'll just go find my friend..."

"The offer's still open," he said kindly, and I nodded my thanks and he walked away.

I went searching for Aidan again, walking around the lake and back again, but I still saw no sign of him. Luke and Ricky had disappeared, hopefully from the house, but I knew the odds weren't in my favour. I sighed in frustration. Was Aidan even here? I looped back to the drinks table for another beer, wondering if anyone else I knew was here.

I couldn't help worrying that I'd run into Luke, but I didn't see him anywhere. It seemed he was keeping his distance, maybe to lull me into a fake sense of comfort before he threatened my family again. But it wouldn't work. I wouldn't let him touch them as long as I was still breathing.

Thankfully, Dan and Felix remained by the cake, chatting to people I didn't recognise. I figured if I wanted a chance to mingle this would be it. I made for them, and, seeing me coming, Dan grinned at me.

"How's your arm?" he asked, and I smiled sheepishly.

"It's okay," I replied, shrugging. "Thanks. I had to get stitches, though."

"Glad you're okay."

"This cake is so good!" yelled Felix, cutting himself another piece. "You, Daniel, are a culinary genius, have I ever told you that?"

"You tell me through your actions," Dan laughed humbly. "That is your third piece, after all."

"I'm a growing boy!" he growled through a mouthful of cake.

"You're 23," scolded Dan playfully, "and possibly a little drunk."

"Drunk," Felix scoffed, and I grinned.

I spent a good few hours with Dan and Felix. Well, mostly Dan. Felix, being definitely more than a little drunk, abandoned most of his clothes and decided to join his friends in the lake. Dan spent a lot of the time glancing around, paranoid, obviously keeping an eye out for Ricky, but he was good company nonetheless. He seemed like the type of person to be nice to other people no matter how they treated him, and it made me like him effortlessly.

I tried the cake, which I can confirm was delicious, and we talked about work and cooking and Felix. They seemed to really like each other, and I couldn't help feeling a little envious. I mean, I didn't want a boyfriend, but a loving girlfriend wouldn't be out of the question.

It grew dark and the lake started to empty. People began crowding around the stack of wood, waiting for the bonfire to start, and Dan excused himself to go find Felix. I stood alone, watching flames consume the wood pile sparks floating around in the air for a few seconds before disappearing. The music still blared from the balcony, but the orange glow of the fire made everything seem more peaceful. I sat on the ground with a can of Diet Coke, watching people dancing around the fire like some sort of tribal sacrifice.

Someone approached me, her long hair billowing lightly behind her, silhouetted by the fire, and I hooded my eyes with my hand, trying to get a good look at her. She sat beside me and her face lit up in the firelight.

"Mind if I sit here?" Holly said.

"Why?" I demanded, my tone automatically bitter.

"Why not?" she shot back, taking my can and sipping the cool liquid before handing it back. "You're nice, Josh. You're... I like you."

"You have a funny way of showing it," I snorted, spinning the ringpull on my can.

"I thought if you knew how dangerous Luke was you'd stay away," she said in a small voice. "You'd be safe. And you did stay away, for a while. But then you wrecked his car."

"It hasn't stopped me staying away from you," I pointed out. "That's what you meant, right?"

"I meant both of us," she sighed. "But I can't make you leave him alone, can I?"

"I stayed away from you," I repeated, frustrated. "That's what he wanted. That's what you wanted."

"But it makes no difference if you don't stay away from Luke," she sighed. "You've asked for it now. He's going to come for you whether you're seen with me or not."

"I'm not scared of him," I repeated.

"Josh," she said quietly, tucking her hair behind her ear in a way that made me want to pull her face to mine and kiss her. "Could we be friends? I mean, can we stop ignoring each other and, I don't know, hang out or something?"

I looked at her, at the orange light dancing across her flawless face. "Really?"

She smiled and nodded. "I'd really like that. It's nice to finally have someone who knows what I'm going through... You know?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

We lost eye contact, both of us looking back at the fire and watching the partygoers dance and laugh and drink. I caught sight of Dan and Felix with their arms around each other, singing loudly and dancing together. And finally I saw Aidan, who danced shirtless with a cluster of drunken men. I grinned and shook my head incredulously.

I didn't see Holly move beside me until I felt her hand brush against mine. I stiffened, my instincts fighting to snatch my hand away. Her fingers slipped between mine and curled around my hand, and I felt my body relax. I didn't look at her, but I could see her smiling up at me in my periphery.

I couldn't help myself. My fingers closed around her hand, my thumb stroking it gently, and a smile grew on my lips.