Unconditional.

We'd spent the rest of our weekend away wandering markets, eating in little cafes and running around on the beach with Peanut. There was no doubting our weekend away had been exactly what I'd needed, but now we were home I was starting to feel myself retreat back into depression again. I spent most of my time at home, worrying about the court date. Holly remained by my side, but the worries wouldn't go away no matter what I did and no matter what Holly said.

But I couldn't stay home forever. On Wednesday I had to work, and I really wasn't in the mood. I'd hardly had any sleep and I was just in the foulest of moods. I had a quick shower and pulled on my work clothes, glimpsing myself in the mirror and recoiling. I had dark circles around my eyes, my skin was pale and sunken and my hair was insane, which I suppose was quite an achievement since I didn't have much hair anymore. Really it was just length on the top, but what little hair I did have stuck out in all different directions. I borrowed Ilona's hairdryer and tried to tame it, thinking I'd probably have to have my hair cut or something before the court date.

Holly hopped off the counter and gave me a hand, gesturing for me to sit on the toilet lid. Her hands running through my hair as she dried it made me feel the tiniest bit more relaxed, and I felt the tension ease in my back. Since we got together we'd become closer than I'd ever been in a relationship. I was pretty close to my sisters growing up, but what I had with Holly now was a completely different story. We went everywhere together, and I'm not exaggerating when I say everywhere. We don't even lock bathroom doors anymore. It's like we're bound by invisible string and I can't leave the room without her bounding after me. So naturally she'd been sitting on the counter reading a tattoo magazine while I showered. Well, when I say 'reading' I really mean 'looking at the pictures'.

When the hairdryer hummed to a stop I stood up and scooped Holly into my arms, burying my face in her hair. She snuggled into me, breathing a sigh. We stood there for a while, and I counted seconds in my head. I couldn't help thinking I was hearing my life float past with each second.

"We can take the day off if you want," she offered. "I don't think my dad would mind?"

I shook my head and kissed her temple. "I think he wants to talk to me anyway."

"Why?" she asked, frowning.

"He called the house phone asking if I could come in early," I explained, "which reminds me, I really need to get a new phone."

We walked to the club slowly, our interlocked hands swinging casually between us. If Brewer had asked me in early any other time, I'd be nervous. I'd be fearing for my job. But right now I couldn't find the energy to care. He was probably going to sack me for one reason or another and that'd be it. But I just wanted to curl up with Holly and sleep, so losing my job seemed somewhat appealing to me.

It was cloudy and damp outside, but not cold enough to be wearing a jacket. I hated this kind of weather. I didn't want to wear a jacket because I'd end up sweating, but I'd end up getting wet from the rain anyway.

We reached the club, and when we stepped inside I was immediately reminded of my first day there. It was empty apart from Aidan, and he was mopping the floor. Instinctively I looked over to the corner where Holly used to spent her nights. I could picture her perfectly as she used to be, with her hair tied in a messy ponytail, chewing her jumper sleeve and reading a tatty book. But I much preferred today's reality, where she was wrapped around me instead of ignoring me from across the room.

Aidan grinned as we approached, but Holly didn't even look at him. He raised an eyebrow at me and I shot him an apologetic smile. It seemed Holly hadn't forgiven him yet, but I didn't blame her. If mine and Holly's roles were reversed I'd definitely be mad. I'd be beyond mad. I'd be fuming. Aidan would be beyond bruised if Holly were in my shoes.

I untangled our fingers and draped my arm around her shoulders, glancing around the room for Brewer. As if reading my mind, Aidan nodded towards the staff room door.

"Brewer's in there," he explained, and Holly dragged me in the direction of the door before he could even finish his sentence.

I nodded my thanks over my shoulder and he grinned. Holly led me through the back door and into her dad's office, irritation coming off her in waves. I felt a rush of affection for her. She was being all protective over me and it was kind of adorable. I smiled and kissed the top of her head.

Brewer looked up from his desk as we walked in, the phone between his shoulder and cheek. He smiled and gestured for us to sit down. I sat in a seat across from him, stupidly assuming Holly would take the seat beside me so flinching as she plopped into my lap, leaning her head on my shoulder. I smiled sourly; this was the perfect position for Brewer to sack me in, with his darling daughter sitting snugly and happily between us. Seriously, we might as well be handcuffed together for the rest of our natural lives.

This is why I was so nervous. This is why I couldn't handle going to prison, even for six months. Where most people would call what Holly and I do to each other being smothered, I like spending every waking moment beside her. I like waking up to her face, talking to her over the shower door, dancing with her in the kitchen as I make breakfast and running together an hour after we've eaten. I feel tired and empty when she's not next to me. How would I last in the slammer if she wasn't there?

"...I'll write you up a bill and let you know tomorrow," said Brewer down the phone, smiling apologetically at me and mouthing 'sorry'. "Just to warn you, it'll be pricey."

I glanced nervously at Holly and she smirked. I had no idea what she was thinking or how much she knew, but now that I was in front of Brewer I was pretty damn scared I was going to be fired. I tightened my hold around Holly's waist and fought the urge to bury my face in her hair, deeming it highly unprofessional. Well, Brewer's caught me in my underwear before but not in work. In work I tried my best to remain professional, although Holly liked to make it difficult for me.

"...Okay," continued Brewer. "I'll phone you back tomorrow, Mr Andrews. Thanks, bye."

He put the phone down and leaned back in his chair, sighing heavily.

"Sorry," he laughed, "someone wants to throw a birthday party here and it's going to be a lot of work." He checked his watch. "Felix should be here any minute, so if you don't mind just waiting a minute...?"

"Yeah," I said, "um, what is this about?"

"All in good time, Josh," he said, waggling his finger playfully. "It's nothing bad, don't you worry. How was your weekend away?"

"Fine?" said Holly jadedly, twirling a piece of her hair around her finger.

Brewer looked at me and I chuckled. "We went to Devon with Peanut."

"Of course," teased Brewer. "Can't leave the precious doggy behind, can we?"

"Whatever," muttered Holly. "Where even is Felix?"

Brewer shrugged, and I couldn't help noticing the resemblence in his movements to Holly's. They were similar in so many ways. They were both funny and irresponsible. They had the same ski slope nose and curved lips. Even their laughs sounded similar.

A few minutes later Felix showed up, his hair newly dyed dark brown and cut shorter. It looked fluffy. He never wore work clothes, but today he was dressed a lot scruffier than usual. He'd had the good sense to leave Dan waiting outside, not that I really had any choice with Holly. He took the vacant seat and smiled reassuringly in my direction.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," he said, a little flustered. "Some drunk guy was trying to get me to let him in even though we're not open yet. He was waving his pound coin at me, telling me he wanted drinks." He laughed. "Only thing he's going to get in here for that much is water."

"It's not a problem," Brewer assured him. "Should we get started, now we're all here?"

"Plus one," chuckled Felix, smirking at Holly, who rolled her eyes.

"What's going on?" I demanded, impatient and nervous.

"Like I said," replied Brewer calmly, "nothing bad. I invited you early today to offer you a promotion, Josh."

"...W-what?" I stammered, my eyebrows knitting together.

"Felix is pulling back on some of his nights," explained Brewer, cracking into a grin, "and I was hoping you'd co-manage with him. You know I'm too busy to manage the club most of the time, and with Felix halving his hours I'm going to need someone I trust."

"Um. Um. I-I..."

"Yeah," Felix agreed, ignoring my incoherent babble. "I'm still managing Ricky's shop in the daytime, and the lack of sleep has been getting to me. We think you'd be perfect for the job."

"But..."

"Joshie," snapped Holly, causing me to stop stuttering and focus.

"Why me?" I finally choke out. "I mean I've only been here a year, and Aidan's been here forever."

"Aidan has been here longer," Felix confirmed, nodding, "but he's lazy. He does the bare minimum, and I know you've noticed too. He's not responsible enough to take on a managing job, and we need someone who can take the job seriously. We need you."

"What about Dan...?"

"Joshie," repeated Holly, her forehead creasing. "Stop suggesting other people and take it?"

The three of them looked at me expectantly, and for an agonizing moment my mouth just opened and closed like a fish. Honestly, I was freaked out. I wasn't suited for a managing position. I was angry and tired and confused and worried all the time and those are not qualities you want in your employee, especially one of your most important employees. I hated to admit it, but I was emotionally unstable. And what if I ended up going to jail after this court case? What would they do then?

Dan was perfectly suited for this job. He was kind and cool-headed and charismatic and organised. He was everything that I wasn't. He was just like Felix. Why were they picking me? Why was Holly encouraging this?

But a part of me did want this. I could choose my own hours, I could do what I wanted, I could boss people about, I'd be paid more and I could ban people I didn't like. To a degree, I'd be my own boss. I'd be an idiot to turn this down. But I'd be an even bigger idiot for accepting the job.

Either way, I was an idiot.

"I... I don't know what to say," I mumbled, ducking my head and avoiding any form of eye contact.

"You don't have to be nervous, Josh," said Brewer. "Felix will be here to walk you through everything, and I know you'll catch on quick. We all believe in you, otherwise we wouldn't be offering you this promotion."

I drew another breath. It seemed I was so used to having bad things happen I couldn't understand a blessing was being offered to me and not a disaster in disguise. So many things could go wrong for me, though. They always did.

"When... When would I start?"

A smile broke out on Brewer's face and he clapped his hands together. It seemed I was being handed this job whether I wanted it or not, and really I guess it couldn't be such a bad thing.

"Felix will work out a rota with you," he explained, gesturing towards Felix, "and you'll start immediately. Obviously he'll need to walk you through some things, but starting now you can officially call yourself assistant manager."

"Wow..." I muttered, finally moving my eyes up to smile nervously at Holly. "Thank you, Brewer."

Holly beamed and planted a tiny kiss on my lips before resting her head on my shoulder, and Brewer took a bottle of champagne from the fridge behind him, handing it over to me so I could uncap it. Despite my promotion I still didn't feel up to celebrating, but I put on a brave face and removed the cork anyway, watching it rocket into the air and land in the corner behind Brewer. After a glass each, Holly, Felix and I marched out of the room to open the club for the night.

Felix stayed for the first few hours, walking me through my new job. I felt kind of awkward with Aidan there, because I got a promotion and he didn't, but he didn't seem to care all that much. In fact he looked kind of apologetic, almost like he pitied me. Maybe the thought that I might go to jail crossed his mind too. I didn't ask.

Holly sat in the corner, chatting to me as I served drinks and kept an eye out for any trouble. To be honest managing wasn't much more work than tending the bar. I had to write down what drinks needed to be restocked, take phone calls, organise events for Brewer's approval and make sure everyone was safe. It was pretty sweet to be in charge. I could take breaks whenever the hell I wanted. I could leave for half an hour and take Holly for chips if I wanted to.

Felix left about halfway through the night, dragging Dan after him. I watched them leave, smiling quietly as Dan tucked his hand in Felix's back pocket and Felix threw his arm around his boyfriend's shoulders. I'd cheered up a tiny bit since the meeting with Brewer, but as soon as Dan and Felix were out of sight I felt the smile melt away from my face. It seemed my thoughts couldn't leave me alone for one night.

I carried on serving drinks, glancing absentmindedly around the club, nervous now Felix was gone. If something went wrong, no one would be there to correct my mistakes. If I screwed up, my days working at the club could be over. This club was everything to Brewer, and he was putting its wellbeing into my hands. It was scary as hell.

It was made even worse when Luke walked into the club.

I spotted him as soon as he walked in, and I swear my heart stopped. But when the initial fear passed, I felt anger surge through me. How dare he have the nerve to show up here, on my first day as assistant manager? How dare he show his face here at all, after all he'd done? For all I knew he could still have my phone in his pocket. We were due in court in under seven weeks, and I was pretty sure we weren't allowed to communicate without lawyers present. Despite that I was beyond tempted to go over there and hand his ass to him.

"Dude," growled Aidan, hurrying over to me and pointing. "What the hell?"

I looked at Holly, who was filing her nails contentedly. It set me on edge that she wasn't afraid of Luke anymore. He'd made it clear he still wanted her back; he made it clear all the bloody time, and I knew he'd do anything to get what he wanted. But now Holly was so used to having me protecting her all the time that fear wasn't a feeling she associated herself with anymore. Did it not occur to her that I'd lost a whole lot of weight since we'd been together, and I'd probably lose in a fair fight with her ex?

"What do we do?" I muttered to Aidan, my unwavering glare never leaving Luke.

"Ban him," said Aidan immediately, but I shook my head.

"What am I going to tell Brewer?" I demanded. "He doesn't know about any of this. He'll just think I'm being the jealous boyfriend and unban him or something."

"Ignore him," sighed Holly, and we both turned to look at her. She held her hands out in front of her to examine her handiwork and reasoned, "He won't do anything if he doesn't want jail time too?"

"Holly..."

"In fact," she said, putting the nail file down and standing up, "I might just go over there and give him a piece of my mind."

I held my arm out, blocking her way. "No."

"Why?" she demanded, trying to crawl underneath me.

"Because," I snapped, pulling her upright and holding her by the shoulders, "if we want the court's favour we're not going to spare him a glance. Now you and I are going to go for a walk and Aidan's going to text me when Luke's gone."

"Oh," said Aidan, his face brightening, "you got a new phone?"

I frowned. "No... I meant you're going to text Holly. Look, just keep an eye on him, okay? We'll be back soon."

It killed me to run from Luke. It wasn't in my nature. I wanted to go over there and show him he didn't scare me. I wanted to ban him from the club permanently. But I was going to win the court case. I was going to be the better person. I had to believe that.

We left the club out the back door, holding hands, and I tried not to let my anger consume me. I wanted to be strong for Holly, to let her know I was just as unafraid as she was. I knew he'd only shown up to scare me, and that he wasn't going to do anything, but the sight of him just brought the violence and anger roaring to life inside of me, and I just wanted to go back in there and hit him with a bottle. In that instant I truly wanted him dead. By my hand.

I wanted to kill him.

Holly smiled and squeezed my hand, her small hand linked with mine calming me a little. I stopped walking and pulled her to me, hugging her at the end of the alley where I'd first pulled Luke from her. I wished we were back in Devon, hiding under the duvet in the crummy little hotel.

"Joshie..." she said softly.

I tilted her chin up with my finger and kissed her. I wanted to reassure her I was okay. I wanted to tell her I wasn't scared. But I'd made a promise to her that I'd be honest, and in all honesty I didn't want to lie to her. She was the only person I could tell.

"I shouldn't have accepted the job," I choked out as we ended the kiss. "I'm going to jail and your dad's going to hate me for screwing everything up."

"My dad would never hate you," she murmured, her lips brushing mine and her fists closed tightly around my shirt collar, holding me to her. "He loves you too much? And one day he's going to be your dad too, okay?"

I couldn't stop myself grinning. "One day."

She smiled and took my hand again, leading me out of the alley and onto the street. I just let her take me wherever her feet chose to direct us. We walked through town, looking up at the soft neon lights and the groups of drunk people going from club to club. Holly's hand tightened on mine and I looked at her questioningly.

"I don't want you to go to jail, Joshie," she sniffed, and suddenly tears filled her eyes and I felt my heart shatter.

"Hey," I said softly, pulling her into me and giving her the tightest hug I could without crushing her.

I hated myself for scaring her like that. I hated that I couldn't protect her from this. Her tears were soaking into my shirt and she trembled against my body, and it took all my strength not to sink to the floor and lose it completely. Her heart was breaking at the thought of losing me and my heart was breaking at the thought of losing her and I just wanted to curl up and die. I felt my eyes fill up too, but there was no way I was going to let myself get upset in front of her, not now.

I decided my promise to be honest with her was just made to be broken. I couldn't tell her how sure I was that I was going to jail because it would kill her. I couldn't tell her how scared I was because she'd lose faith in me. The only thing I could do to keep her happy was lie.

"It's going to be okay," I choked out, trying to keep my voice even. I wiped my eyes before any tears could betray me and kissed the side of her head. "I'm not going to jail, okay? We're going to get through this together."

She pulled away and looked up at me, and I forced a smile. "Do you promise?"

I felt my breath catch in my throat. "I-I..." I pulled her close to me again, steadying my breathing. "I promise." I felt one treacherous tear escape, and I held her tight. "I love you so much, Holly," I breathed.

"I love you too."

I don't know how long we stayed there, my heart dissolving painfully in my chest as the guilt settled inside me. I didn't want to get her hopes up by lying to her. I knew it was wrong and she'd hate me for it, but by then it would be too late. I'd be behind bars and she'd be back with Luke.

We went back to the club after half an hour, and by then Luke was gone. But my brief glimpse of him had been enough to drive a wedge between Holly and me, even if Holly didn't feel it yet. I could feel her drifting away from me, and it killed me. Even as we slept in each other's arms that night, I could feel her being taken from me.

The next morning I woke early. I didn't bother putting a shirt on or changing out of my loose-fitting tracksuit bottoms. I let Holly sleep and took Ella downstairs, burying my nose in her fur and letting her dig her claws into my bare shoulder. Somehow the sting her claws dealt numbed the pain inside, and I clung to her tighter. The phone rang as I flicked the kettle on with my free hand, still snuggling the cat.

"Yeah?" I said as I rested the phone between my shoulder and cheek.

"Hello, is this Joshua Peyton?" said a female voice, and my brow furrowed.

"...Yes?" I replied slowly, my hand tightening on Ella, who growled in warning.

"This is Louise Kirk of Robinson and Ford Law Firm," she said ceremoniously, and I felt a gasp clench in my throat. "I'm calling to schedule a meeting with yourself and a Mr... Aidan Didcot. Do you still require our services?"

"Uh..." I couldn't find my voice.

I didn't particularly want to speak to this woman. That made this even more real than the court order made it. I didn't want to face this, not now, not ever. In fact, Holly's idea to move to Devon and live in the woods with Ella and Peanut was becoming increasingly tempting. We could run away and we'd never have to face this. We could be together forever.

"Mr Peyton?" said Ms Kirk impatiently. "Are you there?"

I cleared my throat and slowly put the cat down on the counter, holding the phone to my ear as the kettle finished boiling.

"Yes," I croaked, gripping the phone with white knuckles, "I'm here."