Unconditional.

"Why didn't you wake me?" demanded Holly as soon as I came home, still wearing my suit, and suddenly my spectacular mood wavered. "I could've come with you."

I frowned, loosening my tie, and dropped my keys in the dish by the front door. "I wasn't aware you wanted to come. You don't even like Aidan."

"Well I like you," she snapped, and I could tell I'd really upset her.

Suddenly anger flared up in me, and I couldn't stop myself scoffing. I'd come home on such a high, excited about telling Holly what the lawyer had said. But I hadn't thought for a second that going without her was going to upset her. But Holly, being Holly, was sulking because she didn't get her way.

"What was that for?" she demanded, frowning, and I shrugged.

"Like I said," I told her, "I didn't know you wanted to come with me."

"I'd have thought you'd want me to come," she shot back.

"Why would I want that?" I said, stomping into the kitchen to pour myself a drink. "What if the lawyer had given me bad news? I wouldn't want you to hear that from her, I'd want you to hear it from me."

"You think I can't handle bad news?"

"That's not what I said, Holly."

"It's what you meant."

"No, it isn't! You're not listening to me."

"Whatever, Josh."

Holly stormed out of the kitchen and I followed her into the hallway, where she paused by the front door, considering. Then she turned to me, scowling, and I tried my hardest not to roll my eyes at her.

"So you don't even want to know how it went?" I snapped, folding my arms.

"If I went with you, I'd know already."

"So you're leaving because I let you sleep in?" I growled. "This may be hard to believe, Holly, but this isn't about you. This is between me, Luke and Aidan. For once, it's actually about me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she yelled, stepping closer to me, her hands balling into fists.

"Come on, Holly," I laughed humourlessly, "as if you haven't noticed that my world revolves entirely around what you want, and if I even think about myself for a second you throw a massive hissy fit."

"So you didn't want me there?"

"No, I suppose I didn't."

Holly huffed and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. I let her go, letting my anger consume me with each second that passed without her returning to me.

It was true; I hadn't wanted her to come with me. I wanted her to know I could handle this myself. It was my mess and I wanted to be the one to clean it up. I didn't want her coming to see Louise with me because if the news had been bad I wouldn't have been able to handle the crushed look on Holly's face. I didn't want her to worry as much as I was worrying.

And since Louise had given me positive news, I'd been so excited to share it with Holly. I wanted more than anything to crawl into bed with her and tell her all about it. I wanted to feel the comforting reassurance of her hands running through my newly trimmed hair, I wanted to hear her squeal in delight at the good news. I wanted her to be as happy as I was.

But now we were both miserable and it was my fault. I'd been insensitive, not bothering asking Holly if she'd wanted to come with me. I should've known she'd have wanted to come; she came everywhere with me. It was like we were joined by some invisible link, and I should've known it would hurt her if I severed it.

But I was still angry. I didn't want to go to her and apologise because she'd been insensitive too. She'd known how scared I was; why would she think I'd want her around when I was terrified? I hated when she saw me like that.

Forgetting my abandoned drink, I stormed upstairs and shrugged out of my suit, chucking it carelessly on the bed. I let out a cry of frustration when I realised all my trackies were in the wash, and I dragged on a pair of jeans instead.

Aidan had promised to throw a party later, but all I wanted to do was sleep. Besides, I wouldn't ever go to a party without Holly on my arm. What was there to celebrate if we weren't together? She was part of me. Plus, I didn't want to get involved in any kind of celebration until I knew for sure that I was in the clear. Louise Kirk had given me good news, but it wasn't exactly definite.

My mood continued to spiral downwards as I flopped down on the bed, wondering if I could muster up the courage to talk to our parents without Holly present. I needed someone to talk to, someone who already knew what was going on. I needed Seb.

With all the effort I could muster, I dragged myself out of bed and rammed a beanie over my newly cut hair. I jammed my feet in my trainers and left the house, walking with my hands stuffed in my pockets because Dad had taken the car for once. I really needed a car of my own.

I headed to the uni halls, figuring he'd be slumming about in Tristan's room waiting for them to come back from their classes. Seb and I hadn't spoken properly since the drive before our gunfight the previous day, but I knew he'd want to know how my meeting with the lawyer went. I just had to hope he wasn't hungover.

I made it to the flat about half an hour later, tired and thirsty. Lucky for me, the door was unlocked, so I just let myself in. Seb sat on the sofa in the living room, playing on Tristan's Xbox. He barely even noticed I was there until I sat next to him and groaned. He paused his game and looked at me.

"All right, Peyton?"

"Ugh," I grunted, slouching so my beanie almost fell off my head.

His eyes widened. "Is it bad?"

I shook my head, but I still couldn't bring myself to speak. Before I'd left to see Seb I was in the worst mood ever, and it hadn't improved since. I just wanted all this to be over. I wanted to be happy again. Didn't I deserve that, after everything I'd been through in the past two years?

"What happened?" Seb pushed, and I groaned again.

"Holly got pissy because I didn't take her to the law firm with me," I grumbled, and Seb raised an eyebrow. "She probably only wanted to go to compare it all to Drop Dead Diva. She probably wanted to meet Jane Fucking Bingum in the flesh."

"Who?"

"Never mind."

"Well, did you ask her if she wanted to go?" asked Seb.

"No!" I all but screamed. "I didn't want her to come with me. Aidan was there, for one thing, and she doesn't like Aidan. And for another, I didn't want her there if it was going to be bad news. I wanted her to think I had it all under control."

"And Holly didn't like that?"

"Holly doesn't like anything I do unless it's under her orders," I scoffed, and Seb grinned.

"That's just women for you, mate," he said, clapping me on the shoulder. "It's why I'm single."

"I thought you were single because you barely leave this flat," I mused, unable to stop myself grinning. "And because Anna rejected you again."

"Anna wants me, okay?"

"Of course she does."

"So," he said, changing the subject, "how did the actual meeting go?"

I shrugged. "It went fine. I mean, Aidan was a bit of a dick, but that's just Aidan."

"So... No jail time?" he asked, but before I could answer Rachel, Tristan and Leo burst into the room, discussing student stuff that Seb and I showed absolutely no interest in.

I painted a smile on my face, suppressing all my anger and sadness because I'm not the type of person to tell every one of my friends what's on my mind. Circle time isn't really my thing. The boys bolted over and piled onto Seb, and I jumped out of the way just in time, dropping my hat. Rachel grinned at me and I approached her, pulling her into a hug.

We hugged for a while, swaying slightly, and I closed my eyes and sighed. In times like these, Rachel really had no idea how much I needed her hugs. I couldn't snuggle Seb, Leo or Tristan the way I could with Rachel.

I follwed her into the kitchen area, grinning at the sounds of my quarrelling friends in the living room and hopping onto the counter while she raided the fridge for Coke cans. She threw me a Diet Coke and opened her own, slamming the fridge shut with her elbow.

"You okay, Josh?" she asked, and I nodded mechanically.

"I'm okay," I said quietly. "You okay?"

"Well..." she sighed. "I guess so."

I raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong, Rach?"

Usually I didn't like people dumping their problems on me, since I'm such a disaster myself, but Rachel was a different story. She barely ever had a problem, which was probably why I loved her so much. She was never unloading her weight on me, never crushing me under her problems as well as mine, and she never pushed me to tell her things. But when she did have a problem she always came to me, and for some reason I could never deny her that.

"I..." she trailed off, staring intently at her can, and I lifted her chin so she'd look at me.

"What is it, Rach?" I repeated.

"It's nothing really," she said with a shrug. "I just..."

"Spit it out!"

"It's hard," she laughed, shoving me playfully.

"Just tell me."

"Okay..." she muttered, glancing over at the fighting boys in the living room. "I think I like Tristan."

"WHAT?"

"Shh!"

"What?" I repeated in a hushed tone.

"I don't know!" she exclaimed, slamming her can down. "What if he doesn't like me back, or what if it gets weird because Leo lives here too, or what if...?"

"Slow down," I snapped, trying to get my head around the whole concept of Rachel and Tristan as a couple.

She'd been our best friend forever. I'd always seen her as one of the boys. She'd never shown any interest in guys or relationships; she'd always told me they were a waste of time. So where was this coming from? And why Tristan? All he did was eat chicken and hold burping competitions. It was completely alien to me that girls would find that attractive.

"When did this happen?" I finally choked out, and Rachel shrugged.

"I don't know, but I need your help!" she squeaked. "How do I get him to stop seeing me as a guy?"

"I... You..." I huffed, completely overwhelmed. "What?"

"Josh!" she whined, hitting me in the shoulder. "Please!"

"Okay, okay!" I said, laughing disbelievingly. "First you need to stop dressing like a guy."

Rachel looked down at her shirt and baggy jeans ensemble, then sheepishly back up at me. Her hair just hung over her face, and I wondered when she'd last had it cut. Honestly, I think I was more in touch with my feminine side than Rachel was.

"And?" she demanded.

"Sort your hair out," I said simply. "Stop burping after drinking fizzy drinks. Stop slouching. Buy matching underwear."

"Okay," she said glowering, "no need to criticise me too much, asshole. And don't talk to me about underwear!"

I shrugged. "You asked."

"Well... Can you help me? Maybe come shopping with me?"

"Sure," I groaned, rolling my eyes. "Maybe the day after tomorrow? I think I have to sort things out with Holly."

"You've argued again?"

"We don't argue that much," I protested.

"It's like World War Three," she insisted. "What happened this time?"

"Nothing," I lied. "It's just a misunderstanding. But I really need to talk to her."

It was all I could think about. I needed to make things right with Holly. I hated not being with her. I hated thinking she could be somewhere else, complaining about what a shit boyfriend I was. I hated thinking she was out there somewhere, without protection from Luke, and I didn't even have a phone she could call if she needed me.

And above everything else, I just really wanted to tell her what the lawyer said. She really needed to know, because since I spoke to Louise Kirk I realised the time for keeping secrets from the people I loved was over. I needed to come clean to everyone.

It was time to come clean about Luke, about the fire and about everything in between, because I could no longer handle this on my own. I needed help, and although I didn't deserve it I hoped to god I was going to get it, because it was either come clean to everyone or go to jail for up to two years.

I knew it wasn't really my responsibility to clean this mess up, that it was Aidan's mess, but I couldn't just abandon him. The fire wasn't my fault, but Luke was definitely my problem, and I had to solve it. I needed to be happy again, and going to jail in someone else's place wasn't going to help me get there.

It was time to apologise to Holly, time to tell her everything.

And then, it was time to talk to our parents.