Unconditional.

I took the letter from Holly's hands and tossed it away. If I couldn't see it maybe I could convince myself it wasn't real. Holly and I could continue our lives together, undisturbed. But the fear was overwhelming. I could still see the paper in my periphery, mocking me.

Thoughts and memories swirled around in my head like bubbling poison. I remembered the fire, blazing high and bright in the sky as I ran as fast as I could away from the disaster. I remembered the ambush on the club, the night I caught him hurting her and walking home to an empty house and an unlocked door. I imagined being put in handcuffs at the end of the trial and led to a police car, Holly screaming my name from the back of the courtroom. I imagined leaving jail and finding her missing. It all made me want to tear my hair out. I wanted to scream. I wanted to kill Luke.

I buried myself under the duvet, my forehead creased and my eyebrows furrowed. I was scowling so much it hurt, but repressing my anger seemed impossible. Nothing could comfort me. Anything that could've been a comfort to me was just another thing Luke was taking away from me. He was winning and there was nothing I could do. He was the type of person who always got his way, and, well, I wasn't.

"Joshie..."

Much to my shame and disgust, the sound of her voice stung my eyes and it just made me angrier. I didn't want to hear her or see her, knowing that I might not be able to again after those two months. But she didn't understand. She climbed inside the duvet with me, snuggling into me.

I grudgingly put my arm over her, letting out a jagged sigh, blinking the moisture out of my eyes. I hated myself for getting upset in front of her. I was supposed to be strong for her. I was supposed to be her knight.

Her fingers explored my messy hair and she buried her cold feet under mine, making me shiver. I could feel her heart beating faintly against my chest. Just like that my anger melted away, morphing into pain. I didn't want to lose this, especially not to him. He didn't deserve anything close to this. He didn't deserve to win, whether I was guilty or not.

Suddenly Holly sat up, dragging the duvet with her. I groaned as the sunlight returned to my eyes, rolling to face her, the frown back on my face. She was smiling at me, flashing her perfect teeth, and I couldn't help but laugh because she was clearly having one of her crazy ideas again.

"Let's go out," she suggested, tucking the duvet under her chin so it rested like a hood around her face.

"Where?" I grumbled, trying to pull the covers back over myself.

She looked thoughtful for a second before replying, "Swimming."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

She shrugged. "I think it'll be fun. Come on, get dressed."

"You know," I growled, "I think you're the only person in the world who gets out of bed straight after waking up."

"Some of us have to, Joshie," she said, bounding off the bed and hurling my wardrobe doors open. "Not all of us work night shifts."

"You don't even work," I laughed, catching the tracksuit bottoms she threw in my direction.

"No, but I have college," she said, rolling her eyes and throwing a t shirt at me. "Come on!"

"All right," I moaned, rolling off the bed and landing on my hands and knees on the carpet. "I'm up, are you happy?"

The smug look on her face forced a smile onto my face, and I shook my head incredulously. I clambered to my feet and dragged my clothes on as Holly straightened my duvet out. I watched, fondly reminded of the night we first met. I've had those sheets ever since then, and every time since then she's always been straightening them out for me.

I grabbed a beanie hat off the desk and headed for the bathroom, still grumbling sleepily to myself. Why was it Holly made me get out of bed and do stuff when all I wanted was for my bed to swallow me whole? Could she not allow me one day to sulk?

After brushing my teeth and taking a leak I stepped out of the bathroom, only to walk straight into my mother, almost knocking a pile of clean washing out of her hands. I plastered a smile onto my face as she looked me over, her eyes narrowed.

"Are you going out?" she demanded, and I nodded. "I have clean jeans if you want them."

"What are you saying about my trackies, Mum?" I said with a grin.

She rolled her eyes and handed me the washing. "Go out looking like a yob if you want to. Who was that letter from?"

My stomach sank to my feet and I gulped. "No one important."

"It looked important. What was it?"

"Nothing," I growled, turning my back on her and striding to my room. "Just a bank statement."

With that I slammed the door behind me, and it took every effort not to collapse back onto the bed and stay there. Instead I just threw the washing onto my bed, letting the clothes unfold and tumble all over the duvet. Holly raised and eyebrow at me but I said nothing.

There was no way my family were going to find out about the court order. They didn't even know about the fire and hopefully they never would. If push came to shove I'd tell one of my sisters, but I'd have died before even considering telling my parents. They wouldn't be angry as much as they'd be disappointed. They'd give me the same look they'd given me after I was sacked from my other job. They'd be crushed, and they wouldn't hide that from me. They were just another thing Luke was taking away from me. If I went to jail, I'd lose them.

Holly's eyes widened, but I refused to get upset in front of her again. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, reaching behind her to get my jacket. She smiled, relieved, and placed her hands on my chest.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked, and she nodded, picking up two towels off my bed.

The pool was only a few minutes away from my house, but when we left Holly immediately turned in the opposite direction. I didn't have the energy to object. Hopefully we wouldn't run into anyone we knew. As long as that didn't happen, I didn't care. I just reached for her hand and let her lead me wherever she wanted, the towels slung over my shoulder.

We walked in silence, but it was nice. The air was cool and crisp, the street practically empty. Our hands swung, connected, between us and despite everything I had a smile on my face. And I had to silently admit that I was grateful to Holly for pushing me out of bed when I wanted to sulk. She was so good at cheering me up.

We boarded a bus, ordering two day tickets, and sat at the back, and at that point I was growing curious. Why were we getting a bus to go swimming when there was a pool five minutes from my house?

For a while I just watched houses and cars flit by, Holly's hand loose in mine. Apart from a couple of people it was just us, and it was nice to escape for a little bit. Then suddenly Holly's hand tightened on mine, her nails digging into my flesh, and I looked at her, confused. She was staring out her window, her knuckles pale, and I followed her gaze.

I hadn't realised we were on this street. But now we were passing it, the black patch of dry, dead ground that used to be a house. I felt my heart stop. The bus seemed to move past it in slow motion. The blue and red of police lights flashed in my eyes and my breath caught in my throat. Holly looked up at me and the lights were gone. I'd only imagined them. I breathed out.

"Looks like a big piece of burnt toast," she pointed out, and I laughed.

"You're unbelievable," I told her.

She shrugged. "He never deserved a house anyway."

I laughed again, leaning in to kiss her cheek. I tightened my grip on her hand, my head resting on her shoulder, and she offered me an earphone. I could've sat on that bus forever, just being driven around and around town with Holly, miming along to our favourite songs and laughing at people in stupid outfits in the street. But eventually we arrived just outside the city's borders, and Holly dragged me off the bus.

Although I was growing ever curious, I didn't ask where we were going. Really it didn't matter, because I'd cheered up already and Holly was enjoying the secrecy. I could tell by the little grin playing on her lips that it was more amusing for both of us if I played along.

It was a short walk from the bus stop, across a few roads and five minutes down the street, and finally we heard squealing seagulls and crashing waves. We stopped to take our shoes off, abandoning them on a wall, before we hurried onto the beach and submerged our feet in sand. The cold sea air bit at our faces and the wind threatened to carry us away. The sky was a silvery grey and the sea slammed heavily on the shore, and I looked doubtfully at Holly.

"What are we doing here?" I asked, laughing in disbelief.

"Swimming," she said simply, dragging her hair into a messy ponytail and slipping out of her t shirt.

"Here?" I exclaimed, staring hesitantly at Holly's abandoned shirt, which lay on the ground.

"Yep," she confirmed, dropping her jeans next to her t shirt and beaming at me. "Do you need some help, Joshie?"

"Um..." I tittered nervously as she stepped towards me, took my hat from my head and slipped her hands under my shirt. "Is this weird? It's cold and there are people..."

"They've seen pants before, Joshie," she giggled, pulling my t shirt over my head.

I shivered in the cold. "This is mad, Holly..."

She just grinned devilishly and slid my trackies down my legs, and then we were facing each other in nothing but our underwear. A few strands of hair strayed from her messy ponytail, but she still looked perfect to me. Her confident grin made me feel fearless.

She reached out and took my hand. "Ready?"

"It's going to be cold," I whined, and she raised an eyebrow. I sighed. "Ready."

We ran, me pulling her along because I was a much faster runner than she was, and the cold water hit us like a brick wall. It was freezing. I swore when we surfaced, my voice almost a quiet shriek, and Holly giggled. I felt my muscles tense in the cold, my body shaking violently, my teeth chattering, but Holly just laughed.

"Race you to the end of the pier!" she exclaimed, already swimming off as fast as she could.

"The waves are pretty big!" I called doubtfully after her, but she was already gone.

I sighed, figuring I'd just have to save her. I dived into the shallows, letting my body adjust to the freezing cold as I swam after her. As I got closer to the pier, the waves pushed me back harder. I couldn't see Holly anywhere; I just had to pray she'd reached the pier and hadn't been dragged away by the violent waves.

It seemed to take forever to reach the end. My limbs ached from fighting the waves, and I could barely see two metres in front of me. I tried not to worry. I tried to make myself believe Holly was already there. She was a good enough swimmer, but light as a feather. She could easily have been carried off. I called her name, but I couldn't hear clearly over the roaring of the sea. Was that her laugh I heard, or was I imagining things?

I shouted louder, but I still heard nothing back. I kicked harder, with all the urgency I could muster, desperate to find her at the end of the pier. Finally I reached the end, and there she was, holding onto the foundations, still giggling.

"You took forever," she laughed, her voice almost carried away by the wind.

"You're insane!" I yelled, my heart thumping hard against my chest.

"I've always wanted to try kissing underwater," she said with a mischievous grin.

"We should get back," I insisted, but she shook her head, pulling me to her.

I closed my eyes and let it happen. She pressed her lips against mine and I kissed her back, my pulse still throbbing. The waves rocked us back and forth. I could taste sea salt on her lips, and when she smiled I could feel it aginst my lips. I opened my eyes to look at her and she giggled.

"You were really worried, weren't you, Joshie?"

I scowled. "Can we please just go back now?"

"I'll stay by you if you want," she teased.

We swam back together, taking our time, and I couldn't stop glancing at her because yes, I'd been worried. Why wouldn't I be? We sat in the shallows and said nothing, and when she reached for my hand I snatched it away. I wasn't worried anymore. I wasn't even upset.

I was just angry.