Unconditional.

I used to think about what my life would've been like if I hadn't met Holly, and I always came to the conclusion that it would be a lot simpler. The moment I met her my life took a sharp, swift turn down Chaos Lane and I knew there would be no going back, not while Luke was alive.

I hadn't spoken to her for a few days, not since I got mad at the beach. We argued on the way home, having missed the last bus and then having to walk for over an hour to get back to my house. Under normal circumstances I would've been a little pleased we'd missed the last bus; it meant spending more time with Holly as the moon began to rise. But I was scared of going to jail and Holly had annoyed me and I just wanted to be in bed, back where I started that horrible day.

Three days had passed and I was still beyond pissed off, but I knew that was how it worked. She'd do something to annoy me, but then somehow she'd manage to twist my words around so it seemed like the whole thing was my fault. Then she'd storm out and wait for me to come find her and apologise, which I always ended up doing because she was so bloody stubborn. Not this time, though. This time I was sure I was in the right and she was in the wrong.

I'd told her that very morning that I was terrified. She'd seen how upset I got, and she held me until I felt better. It was painfully obvious I was worrying about this court date. But then she still let me think she'd drowned and teased me for it afterwards? Okay, maybe I was overreacting, but I was allowed to. It was so hard to be relied on by Holly when I felt so helpless. If I went to jail I'd be leaving her exposed for all kinds of torture from Luke, and the thought was killing me.

I'd been holed up in my room ever since I got home that night, curled up under my duvet with Ella and waiting for the trial date to claim me. I hadn't even thought about getting a lawyer yet. I just wanted to lie there, but eventually even Ella started to get bored of me. I was sleeping with my arm draped over her soft, skinny body when she finally got fed up and sank her fangs into my arm. I yelped and rolled away, letting her bolt out of the room and leave me alone.

Even I was getting annoyed with myself. I was bored of waiting for people to feel sorry for me, I needed a piss and I was really hungry. It was past pathetic. Finally I climbed out of bed and slunk into the shower, receiving an evil glare from Ella as I went.

The alluring smell of pancakes tempted me downstairs in a hungry daze once I was dressed in a fresh pair of jeans and a flannel shirt. I picked Ella up off the top step as I went, kissing her little head and nuzzling into her soft white fur. Her tail swung impatiently from side to side, but she seemed to accept the apology, purring complacently.

"It lives!" Dad exclaimed as I carried my cat into the kitchen. "And it's dressed!"

"It's hungry," I grumbled, putting Ella down on the counter and helping myself to pancakes.

I poured myself a generous cup of coffee before joining him at the table and wolfing down my breakfast. My stomach growled contentedly as the first mouthful hit, and a groan escaped me. Dad chuckled, shaking his head incredulously.

"Billie was going to come over today," he told me as I ripped into my second pancake. "She said she was going to attempt to get you out of bed and into the open."

"Sounds good," I nodded. "I need to get a few things in town, anyway."

"What a transformation," he mused. "Something must have happened to cheer you up so much overnight. Did Holly call?"

I shook my head. "I just realised how disgusting the smell of me was."

"It must have been really bad this time," he said, his voice dripping with concern. "You're usually back together within twenty four hours."

"We haven't broken up, Dad," I growled, helping myself to a third pancake.

There wasn't much I could say to my dad about the argument without telling him about the fire and the court order. It was hard, because I couldn't exactly avoid the subject. My life practically revolved around Holly. There was no making conversation with anyone without her name popping up somewhere. Hopefully she'd step over her pride and talk to me soon. I hated not knowing where she was or what she was doing.

I hated keeping secrets and lying to people. It had been over a year and I still hadn't told anyone about Luke, and it was getting harder by the day. Aidan had been growing curious ever since the night of the fire, but it wasn't like I'd told him. Of course, I'd have to at some point. Maybe he already knew. He'd known Holly forever, he'd probably seen her with Luke when they were together. He had to suspect something.

After three pancakes and a cup of coffee I felt heaps better, I felt ready to go outside for some air. Emotionally I still felt like I was going to explode. I just didn't want to think about Holly or the court date for a while, at least for an afternoon. But Dad did have a point. I'd been away from Holly for long enough. I knew she hadn't meant to upset me. I knew she'd only been trying to distract me from my worries.

I hurried upstairs in search of my phone, unsure of what I'd done with it after I got home three days ago. I'd heard it go off a few times during my hibernation, but I hadn't cared enough to place the sound. Now it seemed it had grown legs and walked off. I looked around and under my bed, under the wardrobe, in pockets, in drawers, but I couldn't find it. Where the hell was it?

I shook my head and returned to the kitchen, grabbing the house phone off its stand and punching in Holly's number. She picked up after a few long rings, and her answer was hesitant. I immediately knew something was wrong.

"What?" she said in a small voice.

"It's me," I said, concerned, "are you okay?"

"Honestly," she laughed humourlessly, "you're really going to ask me that?"

"Why?" I asked, confused. "What's happened?"

"Just do me a favour, Josh," she said coldly. "Leave me alone."

The sound of the line disconnecting was like a hard slap to the face, only it hurt everywhere. I felt my pancakes lurch inside me and my heart punched my chest violently. The breath I let out was staggered and all I could do was stand there, lost for words. Dad looked questioningly at me, but I feared throwing up if I tried to say anything.

Was I being dumped? It sure sounded like it. What the hell happened? I combed through the memories of that day on the beach, trying to find something I could've said to make her hate me, but I found nothing. Was she mad at me for leaving her alone and scared for three days?

Suddenly I wished Billie wasn't coming over. All I wanted to do was go see Holly and try to figure out what happened. I tried calling her back, but it went straight to voicemail.

I was sitting on the stairs with Ella, sulking, when Billie arrived with Flynn. My little nephew's face lit up at the sight of me and I felt a pang of guilt knowing I really wasn't in the mood to pretend to be happy. Despite that I found myself forcing a smile onto my face, lifting Ella off my lap and reaching out to hold Flynn. He wriggled excitedly in my arms, his wavy brown hair bouncing on his head. Billie grinned.

"Somehow his looks managed to take after Uncle Josh," she teased, stroking his thick hair.

"He'll be straightening it one day," I said with a sad smile.

It had been a while since my hair had been that long, though. Now I kept the sides and back short, leaving only an inch or two on the top. It was just so much easier to manage this way.

Billie knew something was wrong, but she didn't say anything. We left without another word. Billie stuck a CD on in the car; nursery rhymes for Flynn. I watched the world go by out the window, wondering where Holly was and what she was doing. She was all I could think about. Above anything else I just felt numb.

Town just didn't seem appealing to me anymore. Why buy a suit if there was no point in trying? Why buy flowers if Holly wasn't going to talk to me? Nevertheless I let Billie drag me around shops. I gave her advice on what shoes to buy for Flynn. I suggested cute little hoodies for him. I let him sit on my shoulders, screaming with delight.

We went to McDonald's for lunch. I didn't waste my breath telling Billie I didn't eat meat or fast food anymore. I just picked half heartedly at my fries, stirring them around in the little ketchup sachet. I didn't even like ketchup, but I could hardly taste anything anyway. Billie didn't seem to notice, because she wasn't eating much either.

"I think I need to start jogging again," she said thoughtfully.

"Same," I agreed. "I haven't gone in like a week."

"Josh," she laughed, "there's barely any of you left. I'm kinda missing my chubby little brother."

I just rolled my eyes and sipped my Diet Coke, pushing my half finished fries away from me and colouring a picture of Ronald McDonald that came with Flynn's Happy Meal. I was still hungry, having not eaten in days, but everything I ate just tasted like cardboard. All I could think about was Holly.

"Ilona said you've been in your room forever," Billie said, raising an eyebrow. "What happened with you and Holly?"

"Nothing," I muttered, taking extra care with the clown's stupid red smile.

"Something," she growled insistently, folding her arms. "You won't tell Mum, Dad or Ilona but you're going to tell me."

"Yeah, and who's going to make me?" I grumbled bitterly.

"Juice!" Flynn demanded, banging his sticky fist on the table.

Billie handed him his cup impatiently before turning her glare on me. "Look, Josh, it's not helping you, keeping everything to yourself. I know you want to tell someone, and I'm right here."

"It's not that simple," I grumbled, slamming a crayon down onto the table and making Flynn jump.

"Why not?"

"I don't know what I've done this time," I say carefully, hating my promise to keep Luke a secret.

What harm could it really inflict at this point? If people knew, they could file a restraining order on him. He could be locked up. All of this could be behind us and we could finally move on. Granted, Holly would be pissed off initially, but once he was locked away she'd have to admit I did the right thing.

Even after thinking this I still couldn't bring myself to betray her trust. I bit my tongue, anger bubbling up in my stomach. Keeping my mouth shut was getting so fucking difficult.

I sighed. "I called her this morning to ask if I could see her, and she completely shut me down."

"And you don't know why?"

I shook my head. "Obviously I must've done something to upset her."

"While you've been in your bed for the past few days?" said Billie disbelievingly. "She's just butthurt because you haven't been the one to apologise for once."

I shrugged. It made sense. It sounded exactly like Holly: petulant, stubborn, dramatic... But on the phone it sounded so much worse than that. I didn't say anything. I didn't trust myself to tell people how I felt without slipping up and mentioning Luke somewhere. As usual I had to keep everything bottled up. As usual my feelings didn't matter. Did she not realise how much I sacrificed to keep her happy?

"Come on," Billie sighed, accepting that she probably wouldn't get anything else out of me.

She lifted Flynn up out of his high chair and waited for me to get up. I didn't ask where we were going as she led me back to the car park and I slumped in the passenger seat. She drove slowly, giving me a heap of chances to tell her how I felt. I wanted to. I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to explain what happened with my first job. I wanted to tell her about the first time I met Holly, about the time I found out about Luke. I wanted to reveal who really trashed our house a year ago. But I didn't. I remained silent until we pulled up in front of the big, white three storey house I knew so well.

I didn't get out of the car right away. I considered making Billie restart the engine and take me away. I considered running away to the coast to live in a shitty apartment and fall in love with a pretty blonde neighbour. My life could be so much easier than this. And in those minutes I seriously considered setting Holly free.

But if I loved her I wouldn't leave her to face her psychotic ex boyfriend alone. I wouldn't let someone try to get between us and break us apart. If I loved her I'd stay and fight with her.

I reached for the door handle.

"Josh," said Billie suddenly, and I hesitated. "If you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here. Any time, okay? I'll never stop being here for you, remember that."

"I know," I said softly. "Thanks, sis."

"If she doesn't take you back, let me know and I'll knock some sense into her empty head, okay?"

I didn't even reply to that. I opened the door and stepped out of the car, turning back to wave goodbye as I slammed it shut behind me. With that I walked up the little stone steps leading to the Brewers' red front door and knocked. It was a pretty house, decorated with rose bushes and a cute little fence. It was pretty much my second home.

I had to knock a few times before I realised no one was coming to the door. I fished in my pocket for my keys and let myself in, kicking the door shut behind me. Already I knew Holly was home. The theme song from her favourite cartoon floated down the stairs and I followed it to her room. The door was firmly closed, so I knocked.

"Go away, Dad," she yelled from inside.

I shrugged and turned the handle, pushing the door open tentatively. She was lying on her stomach wearing a pair of cotton shorts and a vest that only covered the top half of her torso, her eyes glued to the TV. Her hair was tied in a ponytail on top of her head, and I could clearly see my name tattooed behind her right ear. I felt behind my left ear, where Holly's name was tattooed in her swirly handwriting, as she looked up at me in horror.

She sat up abruptly, switching the TV off and glaring at me, holding the duvet over her flat stomach as if I hadn't seen it before. She looked completely vulnerable in that second, with stray curls falling around her face and one bare foot hanging out of the pink blanket. But as she opened her mouth to speak, it was clear she didn't feel vulnerable.

"You have five seconds to leave," she hissed, "before I call for my dad to escort you out."

"Holly," I said, confused, "what the hell is going on?"

"I may still be scared of Luke, but I'm not going to let you intimidate me too!" she yelled, throwing the remote at me. "Get out of my house, Josh!"

"What on earth are you talking about?" I snapped, batting the remote out of the way with ease. "How have I even tried to intimidate you? I haven't spoken to you since that day at the beach, I haven't even left my bed..."

"Stop playing dumb," she bit back. "You're an asshole."

"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about!"

"The texts!" she shrieked, throwing her phone at me. "What else would I be talking about?"

I caught her phone and opened her messages, my brow furrowed and my heart hammering painfully. Immediately I found the texts from me, dated yesterday. I frowned and opened them, skimming them briefly before my jaw dropped.

"Holly, I..."

"You don't have to apologise," she snarled, "I get it. I'm an attention seeking, waste of space, piece of shit slut. I've been spreading diseases and I brought all this abuse on myself."

She was crying now, and I tossed her phone aside and made for her, but she backed away, sniffling, her eyes still filled with fire. But she didn't understand. I'd been in bed all day yesterday. I'd only left my room once to use the bathroom. I hadn't even seen my phone, and I still couldn't find it anywhere.

"You have to believe me," I begged, tentatively taking her hand. "I didn't send these texts. I don't even know where my phone is."

"What a coincidence," she spat, snatching her hand away. "But I've heard it all before. You sound exactly like Luke after he sank his fist into my face!"

"Holly, listen to me!" I shouted, suddenly angry. "All I've ever done is try to protect you from that bastard. I've been waiting for the day he's locked up so we can finally move on and be happy together. Why would I do all of that just to push you away?"

"Well," she said, confusion settling in her eyes, "someone sent those texts. If it wasn't you, who was it?"

I sat on her bed and pulled her into me, and after weakly resisting she sank into my embrace, her tears melting into my shirt. I stroked her hair gently, reassuring her wordlessly that I'd always be there to keep her safe. But my head was working at a million miles per hour, moving the puzzle pieces around and coming up with only one solution.

"Who wants to split us up more than anything else?" I whispered, my knuckles pale. "Who's been sabotaging our relationship since day one?"

Him. It was always him. But that meant he'd been in my house. He'd broken into my house, into my bedroom, where I was sleeping under my duvet, presuming I was safe. He'd stolen my phone and who knew what else. The very thought of Luke lurking around my house made me feel dirty, made my skin crawl. I was horrified. This was how easily he could get to me without me even noticing. This was how easily he could make cracks in Holly's trust for me and pull us apart.

"...Luke," she breathed.