Feel This Moment

Let Me Explain

Matt and Ellie walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes, as Ellie didn’t know how to add to the conversation that they had ended. Matt was checking his phone and replying to whatever text or email he got, and Ellie was quietly observing him, walking far enough from him so they didn’t touch, but close enough to be considered ‘walking together’, so strangers wouldn’t brush through them. It was fine; Ellie didn't mind the quiet walk, and Matt didn't seem to mind either. Once or twice they would glance at each other at the same time, and Ellie would be surprised to see Matt duck his head with a sheepish smile. She dug her hands into her pockets of her hoodie, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

She remembered walking like this with her ex-boyfriend…

He was tall, like Matt. Only not covered in tattoos, and didn’t have short hair. Long hair like her’s, with piercing hazel eyes that seemed to peer hard into her soul when she didn’t want him to look there, and… he had a way with his hands. Good and bad. Ellie shivered suddenly, biting her lip as her smile faded. They were getting closer to Front street, and Ellie didn’t want Matt to know where she lived. “Uh… this is me,” Ellie spluttered, stopping in front of a building. Matt stopped, glanced at the building number and gave her a nob. “Alright. Uh. I guess I’m up the street still. See you around?” He offered her his hand, and Ellie shook her head, stepping into the lobby of the building. “Bye.” She waved from a safe distance, and started walking to the lobby desk.

Matt watched her leave – it had been a habit he hadn’t been able to break his whole life thanks to where he and his sister grew up – before he too started walking towards his own building, looking back down at his phone as he read a text from his mother. What he didn’t see was Ellie sneak out once he was a few feet a head, and walk in the same direction. She walked slowly and close to the wall, incase she had to pull a quick turn around and walk in the other direction, something she had sadly mastered since completing high school all those years ago (Well, more like four years ago but shh. We don't talk about it.) She worried her lip between her teeth as she followed him. Ellie came to a dead stop, and groaned silently when he walked into her building.

Yup. Awkward level has risen.

Panic instantly began to rise in her throat as she realized she’d have to either figure out what his schedule was so she could avoid him, or she’d have to find a whole new place. A new apartment sounded easy, but… finding one within her budget here in Toronto, so close to her family and work? Yeah, good luck. Just the thought of having to talk to people and trying to relocate… she could feel the bile rising hotly in her throat, and she had to swallow back her shrill shriek of panic. Within minutes it had passed, and she was free to walk inside the apartment building, making sure to double check around every corner incase Matt was hanging around. Giving a slight wave to the security guard, she booked it for the staircase. The elevator was too much of a risk right now.

Once she reached her floor, Ellie dug her keys out and unlocked her door, opening it and rushing in, shutting the door behind her. Her anxiety rose and quickly began to suffocate her as her brain continued to replay scenarios that she didn’t want to think about. Like, running into Matt in the elevator. Or, running into him at the Tim Horton’s down the street. Or… someone banged on her door, causing her to scream slightly. Clasping her hands over her mouth she took a few sharp breathes before touching her door, opening it slightly. “H-hello?” She whispered, biting her lip. Her neighbor stood there, and he was carrying coffee. He held it up to her eye level, a slight grin on his face. “Ellie? I got an extra coffee, can I come in?”

Ellie nodded, and opened her door, letting Collin in. Collin had lived beside her for the better part for the last three years, and he seemed to know exactly whens he needed a coffee. He came in and toed his shoes off, heading for the living room. “I heard you walk in… I couldn’t help myself.” He apologized. Ellie nodded silently, reaching for the coffee he offered. Collin was an older gentleman; divorced from his marriage of five years. He was silvering slightly along his temples, but his bright brown eyes were still lit with young life, something Ellie had always loved about him. Yes, loved.

“So how are you today?” Collin asked the young blonde. Ellie took another sip of the coffee and shrugged. “I’m okay. I uh… met someone.” She said softly. Collin – since his divorce – had always been interested in other people’s love lives, especially Ellie’s. “Oh?” He asked, an eyebrow raising as he cradled his own coffee. She nodded, nervously tracing a design along the side of the coffee mug. “His name is Matt. He uh, just recently moved here from … somewhere, I didn’t ask.” She took a second, realizing she was talking very fast. “He lives in this building…” Collin whistled lowly, and Ellie blushed, taking a sip of her coffee. She let Collin think through that, before he shifted slightly.

“Does he know you live here?” He asked her, a slight smirk on his face. Collin was the only one she had opened up to about her fears and paranoia’s, and he was the only one who accepted her with them, without question. Ellie shook her head timidly. “He doesn’t? El…” Collin sighed softly, giving her a smile. “I … I told him I lived in the other building. Col, I had only just met him I couldn’t…” Collin held his free hand up, interrupting her. “I know, I know. You just wanted to be safe. I don’t blame you after what Nate – ” Ellie squeaked into her coffee, making Collin look down.

Nate was her ex-boyfriend; not the best of boyfriends but, he could have been worse. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I didn’t mean it,” Collin whispered. The blonde-and-red haired girl simply nodded, and finished her coffee. But even Canada’s very own brewed champion coffee couldn’t get the bitter taste of Nate out of her mouth.
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longer chapter, woo!
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