Just a Moment

My heart seemed to cringe in pain with every beat it gave. My eyes grew misty with fresh tears for what felt like the millionth time that day. My mind appeared to have abandoned all logic as it tried to sort out the overwhelming emotions inside me. I was, as per usual, an emotional wreck.

I was leaving, heading off to another home, another city, another state altogether. I was leaving him behind, him and everything he stood for.

He made me feel… different, as if I wasn’t myself anymore, but someone better, someone who had something to their name – something of value. I’m not calling him a possession, but I don’t know what I’d do without him. I don’t know what I’d become.

If I couldn’t see his fathomless hazel eyes, I think I’d lose interest in seeing what other wonders the world had to offer. If I couldn’t feel his rough hand grasp my own with such gentle care on occasion, I think I’d lose my sense of touch. If I couldn’t hear that adorably heart-warming chuckle of his, I think I’d go deaf. If I couldn’t sense his warm, inviting aura, I think I’d lose all my sanity.

You’re already insane for thinking like this,

I sat up in my bed, staring at the eerily empty room before me. Boxes were stacked up against one of the walls and my bed was completely bare, save a pillow and two blankets. My hand picked up my cell from the floor, disconnecting it from the charger and checking the clock. It was midnight exactly and I officially had six hours till I left the place I had called home for the past sixteen years of my life. He bombarded my thoughts all the more as I came to this realization.

Again, my heart writhed in pain from my chest, more tears spilling over and cascading down my cheeks at their own leisurely pace. He had been in my mind constantly since I had first heard about the move a few months prior. Ever since then, my heart would pang in agony at the simple thought of his existence, each time the pain worse than before.

I knew why I was hurting so badly. I knew why the tears didn’t seem to stop. I knew why my mind couldn’t figure anything out anymore for the life of me. I was in love – madly, deeply, irrevocably in love with him. And that was what scared me the most.

Love escaped me. I couldn’t understand it. My parents had never set that great an example for me, always fighting or going behind the other’s back, only remaining together for financial support and my own sake. I wasn't knowledgeable about it, and I wasn’t sure on how to approach the subject. Yet my heart yearned for it, lusted for it, needed it, and I was unable to give.

Part of me once believed that the pain would subside; maybe even go away completely one day. Though I ultimately realized that would never be the case, and gave up on that hope entirely. Then I had thought I could hold out on my feelings, ignore my emotions till I left and start fresh in my new home and city, but I couldn’t bring myself to fully store them away so easily.

Why couldn’t love and emotions be easy?—Or better yet, why couldn’t I bring myself to dive in and accept the warmth they carried?

Sniffling, I turned to gaze out my window, the moonlight that came from the large pearl-like object in the sky captivating me almost immediately, leaving unable to look away. If there was anything in the world that could calm me down, it was the stillness and the beauty of the natural light the moon provided. My eyes glimpsed down the block, and a few houses down where the road began to curve, I could see his home sitting quietly at peace like the rest of the neighborhood.

I couldn’t even tell you what happened next even if I wanted to. Within mere seconds I was sneaking past my parent’s room, their snores covering up my soft footsteps down the wooden hallway with ease, and walking out into my dark backyard with nothing but my pajamas, a jacket, and fuzzy slippers. My body walked towards the fence, climbing over it swiftly and venturing through my neighbors’ yards without a care in the world, the moonlight seeming to guide me down a path to his home. As I hopped the last fence, I came to his yard and it struck me as to where I was.

You’re already here; you might as well see him! My heart suggested.

You could get in trouble for sneaking out if your parents notice you’re gone. My brain retaliated.

For once… make the decision that’s worthwhile. I told myself, taking in a shaky breath and approaching the vine ridden wall, climbing it up cautiously.

Soon I was standing on the edge of the roof, standing right at his window and knocking upon the glass softly. I could see his sleeping form rustle slightly in bed, a quiet groan of discomfort or annoyance being made before he sat up and looked about, realizing that someone was beside his window. His eyes seemed to widen as he saw me standing there and I grew nervous and could only think about how childish and stupid this all was now.

“H-hey,” he stuttered out after quickly, and quietly, opening up the window. “What are you doing out on the roof? It’s dangerous,” he said, extending his hand out. “Come in, I don’t want you to fall and get hurt.”

A fiery blush crept upon my cheeks as I was helped inside his room, and he locked up the window once more to stop the chilly night air from entering. I still hadn’t made a sound, unsure of what to say and feeling panicked by what he may ask. It wasn’t until then that I had taken in his appearance. He wore nothing but a pair of black boxer shorts, his dark brown hair askew from being asleep, though his hazel eyes wide awake.

“What’s wrong?—You’re not usually this quiet,” he mused.

“I-I…. I,” words wouldn’t leave my lips and my eyes began to water from embarrassment, from how much of a fool I had made myself out to be. “I’m leaving today,” I finally voiced.

His brows furrowed together and he stared down at the floor. “I know,” he whispered. “I went to bed early so I could say goodbye in the morning.”

It was silent as we sat upon the bed, thinking about how much life would change. “Should I leave so you can get some more rest?”

“No!” He whispered harshly. “No… stay here.”

My heart pounded in excitement as those words were said, and I found myself uttering a few soft words that forever changed everything between us. “Let me lay down with you for a moment, please,” I pleaded. “A moment… just a moment,” I whispered, mentally cursing myself as my eyes began to tear up when my emotions started to unravel.

Unexpectedly, a smile rose upon his lips and he pulled aside the blankets for me. No words were spoken as he set his alarm clock for thirty minutes earlier than normal and I got into his bed beneath the covers. Not a single syllable was uttered as he was wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest, the two of us relaxing into each other’s warmth and finding ourselves at peace.

As we lie in his bed together, I could only think of how perfect that moment was, how I wanted time to stop and for the moonlight to never leave. We made a promise the next morning to come back to one another one day, to spend another night in the other’s arms and escape reality. He was my best friend and my first love. Without the moonlight to have guided my way, I never would have loved him as much as I do now.