Honey, I Love Your Love the Most
Seven.
When I get back to the bus that night, Katherine is sitting on the couch watching tv. I sit down beside her and put my arm over the back of the couch around her shoulders.
"They said you weren't feeling well after the show. That I should just wait for you back here." she looks at me with a worried look in her eyes. "What's wrong?"
"Just had a really bad migraine. Could barely even think straight. Went back to the dressing room and laid on the couch for a while in the dark. I feel a little better now." I lie and I feel terrible for it. Throughout our entire relationship she has never been someone I have to lie to. She's very understanding and just as forgiving. Katherine deserves the best and right now I'm not giving her that.
She rests her head on my shoulder and wraps one arm around my torso as she looks back at the tv and that ends the discussion for the time being. If I don't get my shit together I know she's going to start wondering what's really going on with me and I'm not so sure I could tell her the truth. Not about Savannah. I already feel like Savannah is going to just slip through my fingers if I say the wrong thing. As selfish as it sounds I don't want to lose her a second time. I want to wrap her up in my arms and hold on to her forever. All of the feelings I've kept buried under the surface are slowly starting to rear their ugly heads and it's scaring me because of the feelings I now have for Katherine.
I press a kiss to the top of Katherine's head as her eyes start to flutter closed. I put a finger under her chin and lift her head enough to kiss her lips.
"I'm going to go take a shower. Why don't you go lay down and I'll be in there in a few?" she yawns as she stands up and stretches. I can't help but laugh at how cute she looks as I make my way into the bathroom to shower. Once I'm in there I lean my head against the wall and let the water wash away all of the stress from the past few days. I can't believe I just talked to her. She was just in the same room as me for the first time in three years. My head is swarming with a thousand different scenarios for how tomorrow night might go and I hate the fact that she comes back into my life for five minutes and I want her so badly all over again.
I step out of the shower and pull on a pair of boxers and walk out to my bunk and slip in quietly beside Katherine. I wrap my arms around her tightly and rest my head back on the pillow. Once my eyes are closed I push all thoughts of Savannah far from my mind and try my hardest to fall into a dreamless sleep.
The next day we don't have a show so it's basically a day for us to catch up on sleep and get ready for the drive to the next show in Dallas. I have a feeling the day is going to drag by since I actually have something to look forward to tonight. That is if she even shows up, which part of me doubts she will.
I get dressed in a pair of jeans, boots, and a t-shirt and make my way off the bus and out into the sunshine. The temperature is in the mid 70's so it's pretty close to perfect weather. I see Katherine talking to a few of the road crew members as they are packing up our equipment and when she sees me she grins.
"About time you woke up." she says as she walks over to me and presses a sweet kiss to my lips. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and hold her against me. When she pulls away I kiss her forehead which causes her to smile even bigger.
"What time is it?"
"Almost one."
"Damn. I did sleep in."
"Yeah you did. I tried to wake you up but that didn't work out." she laughs and it causes me to do the same. I know how hard I can be to wake up most of the time and it's funny that after being together this long she still tries.
"I give you credit for even trying, babe." I lace my fingers through hers as we start walking. "You want to get something to eat?"
"Sure." we make our way out of the parking lot where the bus is parked and over to the Waffle House that's right by it. Once we get a booth and order, Katherine looks at me seriously.
"I wish you would tell me what's really going on up in your head, Eric. I'm not stupid and I'm not blind. I'm here for you, you know that and I want you to be honest with me always." she pauses and I can tell by the look on her face that this is really bothering her and that makes me feel three feet tall. "I just don't want to be one of those couples that keeps things from each other. I can feel you distancing yourself from me just like you did last summer. I knew what I was getting into when I took you on, Eric. I knew you weren't completely over her and I wanted to help you get through it but it's years later now and you can't just shut down when she gets inside your head from time to time. I put up with this.. her ghost because I love you and I hope every day there will come a time when you wake up and don't miss her. But if you don't think that day is ever going to come, I need to know that." I lean across the table and take both of her hands in mine and take in the defeated expression on her face.
"You don't know how much I wish I could put all of this behind me and give you the world. If I could figure out how to forget her you bet I would, Katherine. Because you deserve that and I care about you so much. This is just as much a burden for me as it is for you. I hate that she still affects my life like this. My relationship. But I don't want to lose you. That I know for sure. So if you can just put up with me, please, for a little bit longer, I will do whatever I have to to make this right." part of me, deep down, doesn't even know if what I'm telling her is the truth, but right now the thought of losing her breaks my heart.
"Know what I think we need?"
"What's that?"
"A vacation. Just the two of us. Just a week maybe. Go to the beach, forget reality and just try to get back to normal." a small smile makes its way onto my lips and I lean across the table and kiss her.
"I'll see what I can do." the sad look is still in her eyes but now there's a smile on her face and that makes me feel a little bit better. "I love you, baby. I do."
"I love you, too."
"They said you weren't feeling well after the show. That I should just wait for you back here." she looks at me with a worried look in her eyes. "What's wrong?"
"Just had a really bad migraine. Could barely even think straight. Went back to the dressing room and laid on the couch for a while in the dark. I feel a little better now." I lie and I feel terrible for it. Throughout our entire relationship she has never been someone I have to lie to. She's very understanding and just as forgiving. Katherine deserves the best and right now I'm not giving her that.
She rests her head on my shoulder and wraps one arm around my torso as she looks back at the tv and that ends the discussion for the time being. If I don't get my shit together I know she's going to start wondering what's really going on with me and I'm not so sure I could tell her the truth. Not about Savannah. I already feel like Savannah is going to just slip through my fingers if I say the wrong thing. As selfish as it sounds I don't want to lose her a second time. I want to wrap her up in my arms and hold on to her forever. All of the feelings I've kept buried under the surface are slowly starting to rear their ugly heads and it's scaring me because of the feelings I now have for Katherine.
I press a kiss to the top of Katherine's head as her eyes start to flutter closed. I put a finger under her chin and lift her head enough to kiss her lips.
"I'm going to go take a shower. Why don't you go lay down and I'll be in there in a few?" she yawns as she stands up and stretches. I can't help but laugh at how cute she looks as I make my way into the bathroom to shower. Once I'm in there I lean my head against the wall and let the water wash away all of the stress from the past few days. I can't believe I just talked to her. She was just in the same room as me for the first time in three years. My head is swarming with a thousand different scenarios for how tomorrow night might go and I hate the fact that she comes back into my life for five minutes and I want her so badly all over again.
I step out of the shower and pull on a pair of boxers and walk out to my bunk and slip in quietly beside Katherine. I wrap my arms around her tightly and rest my head back on the pillow. Once my eyes are closed I push all thoughts of Savannah far from my mind and try my hardest to fall into a dreamless sleep.
The next day we don't have a show so it's basically a day for us to catch up on sleep and get ready for the drive to the next show in Dallas. I have a feeling the day is going to drag by since I actually have something to look forward to tonight. That is if she even shows up, which part of me doubts she will.
I get dressed in a pair of jeans, boots, and a t-shirt and make my way off the bus and out into the sunshine. The temperature is in the mid 70's so it's pretty close to perfect weather. I see Katherine talking to a few of the road crew members as they are packing up our equipment and when she sees me she grins.
"About time you woke up." she says as she walks over to me and presses a sweet kiss to my lips. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and hold her against me. When she pulls away I kiss her forehead which causes her to smile even bigger.
"What time is it?"
"Almost one."
"Damn. I did sleep in."
"Yeah you did. I tried to wake you up but that didn't work out." she laughs and it causes me to do the same. I know how hard I can be to wake up most of the time and it's funny that after being together this long she still tries.
"I give you credit for even trying, babe." I lace my fingers through hers as we start walking. "You want to get something to eat?"
"Sure." we make our way out of the parking lot where the bus is parked and over to the Waffle House that's right by it. Once we get a booth and order, Katherine looks at me seriously.
"I wish you would tell me what's really going on up in your head, Eric. I'm not stupid and I'm not blind. I'm here for you, you know that and I want you to be honest with me always." she pauses and I can tell by the look on her face that this is really bothering her and that makes me feel three feet tall. "I just don't want to be one of those couples that keeps things from each other. I can feel you distancing yourself from me just like you did last summer. I knew what I was getting into when I took you on, Eric. I knew you weren't completely over her and I wanted to help you get through it but it's years later now and you can't just shut down when she gets inside your head from time to time. I put up with this.. her ghost because I love you and I hope every day there will come a time when you wake up and don't miss her. But if you don't think that day is ever going to come, I need to know that." I lean across the table and take both of her hands in mine and take in the defeated expression on her face.
"You don't know how much I wish I could put all of this behind me and give you the world. If I could figure out how to forget her you bet I would, Katherine. Because you deserve that and I care about you so much. This is just as much a burden for me as it is for you. I hate that she still affects my life like this. My relationship. But I don't want to lose you. That I know for sure. So if you can just put up with me, please, for a little bit longer, I will do whatever I have to to make this right." part of me, deep down, doesn't even know if what I'm telling her is the truth, but right now the thought of losing her breaks my heart.
"Know what I think we need?"
"What's that?"
"A vacation. Just the two of us. Just a week maybe. Go to the beach, forget reality and just try to get back to normal." a small smile makes its way onto my lips and I lean across the table and kiss her.
"I'll see what I can do." the sad look is still in her eyes but now there's a smile on her face and that makes me feel a little bit better. "I love you, baby. I do."
"I love you, too."
♠ ♠ ♠
favorite GIF ever <3