I Could Write It Better Than You Ever Felt It

"JUST when I start to think you're normal and I can start to trust you, something else fucked up happens!!"

Well...Alex found out about Jack and I. I tried to warn him, I really did. But that was nearly impossible seeing as Jack announced that we were 'married' as soon as we returned on the bus...

"I wanted to tell him no! I really did, but he kind of tricked me! And I can't just tell him now, you know how Jack is-"

A look of rage flashed across Alex's face.

"Yeah, I DO know how Jack is...BECAUSE I ACTUALLY KNOW HIM! I think you're letting this whole act of yours go to your head. You DON'T know how Jack is, you don't know how any of us are! Geeze, I can't wait to find out where the hell you came from so I can send you back."

As harsh as that was, it was true. The whole thing. I nodded at Alex's words, slightly hanging my head in shame.

"Look, I'm trying not to be a prick, but your making it extremely difficult." He added. I shrugged.

"I know. "

"I know this is like a fun little vacation or whatever for you, but this is still real life for Jack. You can't just ' 'pretend' to date him for your own amusement!"

"I wasn't try-" I was cut off by my phone ringing.

"It's Pete." I groaned. Alex let out a laugh.

"This should be good.." He mumbled.

"Out!" I pointed at him to leave. We were both sitting on my bunk bed with our legs hanging off the side. He made a face at me and hopped off the edge.

"This isn't over!" He called back behind him. I rolled my eyes and answered my phone.

"Pete, what?" I took a second to appreciate the fact that I could be a total bitch to Pete Wentz and it was acceptable.

" Alice! You are not dating Jack!"

"Well it's just so nice to talk to you too Pete! Thanks!" I replied sarcastically.

" Cut the nonsense, Al. What's going on with you two?"

"Why are you so anti-Jack, Pete?" I tried not to laugh, because I already knew his response.

"Are you kidding?! The dude wears a shirt everyday that says boner on it. He constantly talks about dicks and shit. He has a collection of bras on stage every night. Always running around naked! The list goes on, Al! That stuff's all funny and cool if he's just a weird friend, but not if he's your boyfriend!"

"Well there was a misunderstanding, and we're not dating. Satisfied?"

"I'll never be satisfied. But good, you shouldn't be dating any of those dudes. You shouldn't date anyone on a band, too many issues. Listen to me young grasshopper. I will show you the ways." I just want to point out that I definitely didn't write that last part of his dialog in my story. That was all Pete...

"You're getting all weird and goofy...can I go now?"

"Yeah...but hey, why don't you sleep on our bus tonight. You need a break from those teenage heart throbs."

I laughed. It was actually not a bad idea. Things were sure to get awkward around here once I spoke to Jack again.

"Yeah, that would be cool, I guess." I said nonchalantly. Pete agreed and hung up. First All Time Low, now Fall Out Boy... I can not handle my own life right now.

I hopped out of my bunk, got a few of my things together in a small bag that I had apparently packed, and went off to go find Jack.

Jacks a nice guy, right? He won't be super pissed if I call this whole thing off?

Wrong.

I don't even remember what I said to him, I was so nervous, but it was something along the lines of "Jack, I think we're making a mistake, and I truly just want to be friend with you. I'm sorry."

When you think of Jack Barakat, you think of a happy, grinning, goofy, funny guy. That's not who stood across from me in that moment. This was a sad, depressing version of that Jack I had known for 3 days. I can't say I know exactly how he was feeling, but I can say this; Everything he had told me those past few days, all that dialog I had written for him- when he spoke those words, he really believed them. He had no idea those weren't his own words or thoughts.
So I can only imagine how he was feeling right in that moment. Because I know this is all 'fake' and this isn't how life usually is, but for some reason, everyone (aside from Alex and I) believes that it is. They believe in this fake life and all these fake situations I've created from my quiet and secluded bedroom back home. Jack believes in our strong friendship and he believes in us. I kept reminding myself that this isn't real, but all I could see in Jacks eyes was how this was all too real for him. I don't know how these things work really, and I don't know how he was feeling, but I do know that in my story, Jack was in love. Absolutely in love with this cool, carefree, party girl.

I just don't understand how this can all happen. The girl I just described is not me. I wished it was, but it's not. But Jack is still falling in love. This story's not matching up, and everyone's lives are, indeed as Alex's has said before, getting all fucked up. I can honestly say I didn't realize how bad this could all end up until I saw Jacks face that night. I guess I did think I was just on a 'little vacation.' But Alex was right. I didn't know any of these people, and I had no right to mess with their lives. I felt... Awful.

I reluctantly left Jack, and wandered over to Fall Out Boys bus. I wasn't excited. I felt so lost.