I Could Write It Better Than You Ever Felt It

The morning after the party was terribly busy. It was a morning filled with cleaning, airport plans, quick last minute packing, and hugs and goodbyes.

Sometime in the night I had come to the conclusion that I could not go on like this. I was stressed out to the max, and I wasn't even sure if my feelings were my own anymore. I'm almost positive that I was becoming a Wentz. I was getting better with my alcohol tolerance, and I was feeling more edgy. I was getting along great with Pete's mom. Jack and I were pretty much best friends at this point. It was both comforting and terrifying.

I had narrowed it down to two options.
One; I could stay here. The guys could fly back to finish the tour and I could stay here with Pete's mom. I'm sure that would be a whole new dose of incredibly awkward, but it couldn't be worse than anything I've already experienced. I'd be closer to Becki, at least. And maybe more time away from the guys would make this whole magic thing...wear off?

Option number two was a bit more complicated. I could go back on tour with the guys and start to embrace this whole 'becoming Alice Wentz' thing. I had been fighting it for so long, and maybe that was the problem. Maybe I really was meant to become this fictional character I created out of boredom. That was the terrifying part.

I didn't know. I continued to feel more and more overwhelmed. I had reached my breaking point.

I was alone upstairs in Pete's mothers spare bedroom. Everyone else was outside trying to take down the huge party tent. I watched them from the window as I dialed the now familiar number into my phone. After one ring I got an answer.

"Hi."

I could hear the smile in his voice. As if on cue, all of my nerves and anxiety began to melt and morph into butterflies. It was getting worse than I thought. I made my decision quickly on the spot.

"I'm not coming back on tour." I blurted into my phone.
There was a short pause, but his reply was still calm.

"What's the matter, Allie?"

"Uh oh, you called me Allie..."

"It's getting hard not to."

"I just...I don't know what to do Alex. I don't know why I called you, but you make me feel better. Whenever I feel lost and confused like this, you make me forget everything for a little. And that scares me because I don't know what my feelings for anyone are anymore. I'm a mess."

"I feel so lucky." Was his short and simple reply.

"Why's that?"

"Because...well because everyone else thinks they already know you. They already know this crazy, edgy, party girl. They know you as Pete's bossy younger sister. And Jack knows you the best. He's absolutely in love with you. He says all the right things and you guys are perfect for each other. Because, well, you have to be. That's how it was written. Everyone's so scripted. You've set up the scenes for all of them and they're just following through. But not me. I was the glitch in the system. At first it pissed me off. I wanted you gone so bad. I couldn't believe that you just appeared here and began manipulating my friends. They all love you, you know. How could they not? You wrote everything so perfect. I think that's part of the reason I was so mad. You all were in this perfect fantasy world and I couldn't understand it. I still don't! But I'm not mad anymore. I don't want you gone. And that's because I got to meet the real you. I got to hear the real stories and I got to see the 'behind the scenes.'
When I think of Alice Wentz I think of this perfectly cool and flawless girl. I think that was the whole idea behind Alice Wentz; getting rid of the 'flaws'. Well, I saw the flaws. I saw the nerves and anxiety. I saw the fear and the genuine laughter. I met Alice Loran. And I wish all my friends had the pleasure of meeting her too. I'm so happy I met you, Alice. I'm afraid your story, or whatever this is, has too much of a hold on us. I don't know how much longer we can fight it. I'll miss you when you turn fully into that flawless girl, Alice. But I'll always consider myself lucky for getting to meet the real you. Goddamn that was a long speech...I hope you didn't hang up..."

"I didn't..." I squeaked out.
I was in awe. I couldn't process everything he had said to me.

"Come back on tour."

I nodded even though he couldn't see me.

"Ok."

Looks like we're going with option number two...