I Could Write It Better Than You Ever Felt It

Much later that night, I lie awake in my bed. My room was almost pitch black and I was alone. I squinted my eyes slightly to try and make out the few shadows I saw; my dresser, a pile of clothes, my desk.

I could barely make it out, but I took a moment to stare at the beat up journal that I knew laid in the center of my desk. Neither of us know how it got there, just as we don't know how it left in the first place.

It felt weird knowing that Alex was sleeping in a room down the hall. But I couldn't explain why. I think at this point I had finally gotten over the fact that Alex was the lead singer for All Time Low. That was no longer the main 'wow-factor' for me. We were friends. But how close of friends were we?

A million thoughts passed through my mind that night. But the same ones kept reoccurring. How long would this whole thing last? What was going on exactly? Were we crazy? Perhaps Alex and I had really known each other all along and some sort of accident had sent us to this strange limbo. Maybe I was just crazy. I sure felt like it, anyway. Maybe my imagination had finally run away from me completely. Maybe we were soul-mates.

That last thought really stuck out to me. I wasn't sure of that was because it held some significance, or if I just wanted it to. Could two people be so in sync that the universe finds a way for them to be together-no matter how impossible? It seemed so incredibly ridiculous that I began to blush at just the thought.

Regardless of all my unproductive thinking, this still didn't feel right. It felt... unnatural. I was beginning to feel a strong attraction to Alex, and I didn't want to pursue those feelings in this alternate-world. I just wanted every one-all my friends and family, and Alex and his band- all of us to be on the same page for once.

I sat upright in my bed and closed my eyes tight before I switched on the night stand lamp. I re-opened my eyes slowly to adjust them to the light before swinging my legs over the edge of my bed. I knew what I was doing, but at the same time I almost felt like I was in a trance. I tried my best to keep a grip on reality, while I stood out of bed and walked over to the desk in the corner, across the room.

I didn't know whether to stare at the book in resentment or appreciation. It had caused so much to happen and so many emotions. I kept my face blank as I took a seat on the wooden stool before the desk and opened the front cover of the journal.

Everything we had written remained inked on the thin off-white pages. I skimmed what Alex had wrote, smiling thoughtfully as I did so, before turning to the next blank page. I decided not to think before I wrote, so as not to change my mind in mid sentence. As the blue ink of my pen touched paper, I knew this is what I was supposed to be doing. Everything felt a little better already. This was the right track.

I wrote furiously for about twenty minutes before I dropped the pen and sighed. That was it. I couldn't even bring myself to read it back just yet. I closed the journal, and as I did a weight seemed to be lifted from my shoulders. I almost floated back to bed, where I shut off the light and let my head rest against the pillows once more.

Ten more minutes passed, and, although I did feel a bit better about what I had done, I guessed it wasn't quite enough to bring a good nights sleep. I heard a creak of the door and my eyes shot open. Alex's shadow in the doorframe both frightened and calmed me at the same time. Damn him and these strange emotions.

"Alice..." He whispered loudly.

I held up my arm awkwardly, as if to say 'I'm right here!'

He didn't say another word and I put my arm down and he got closer to the edge of my bed. I squinted, trying to make out his facial features, but it was too dark.

"Can I lay down with you? For a minute?"

I nodded although I'm sure he didn't see it, and I moved over a few inches. Alex climbed in beside me and the feeling of his body heat so close to mine made my heart race. He laid on his back, staring at my ceiling, as I laid on my left side, facing him. His hair was a mess, sticking in every direction like when we first met. He smelled faintly like those typical men's body washes, and I wasn't complaining. A few silent minutes passed and I began to shut my eyes. My heart rate was returning to normal and I assumed Alex was about to go back down the hall or fall asleep. Just as sleep started to find me, I felt Alex turn on his side to face me. I had to open my eyes.

I was met with his brown eyes staring back at me. A small smile was on his lips, like he was keeping a good secret or something. I wondered if I should say something, but Alex beat me to it.

"You're beautiful, Alice."

It was said in barely a whisper. I opened my mouth to reply, but stopped abruptly as I felt my cheeks get hot.

"I have a confession to make," He began again, and I fell in love with how sure of himself he always seemed to be.

"I wrote that stuff in the journal because I missed you. I came here because I wanted to see you. I didn't really care about why this was all happening, or how. I mean, I guess a part of me does, but that's not why I came here. I wasn't interested in figuring any of that out right away. I just wanted to see you."

I forgot how to speak. Looking back, I guess I couldn't be too shocked at his words. I knew deep down that I felt the same. But the tone of his voice, and his eyes staring into mine, and the lack of distance between us made it impossible for me to form a proper sentence right away. Alex seemed to understand, and for that I was extremely thankful. He chucked quietly to himself, and finally I built up the nerve to talk to him.

"I...I wrote in the journal tonight. I missed you too Alex, I missed all of you. But I don't feel right with the way things are right now. I don't like living in two worlds at the same time. I wrote in the journal for the last time, but you just have to trust me that we'll see each other again. We can't mess with this magic anymore..."

I hoped what I was saying made at least some sense. Alex looked thoughtful as I spoke, and once I was finished he nodded in agreement.

"So, I won't be here tomorrow?" He asked, almost non-chalantly.

"I don't think so."

"Ok." He took a deep breath.

"I'll just have to trust what you say then, Alice, because...I have such a crush on you."

I had no time to mentally freak out about his words. His lips crashed into mine and every thought and worry that had lingered all night vanished.