Blue and Yellow

For the next few days I kept to a pretty simple routine. I got up whenever, ate whatever meals I could catch, read both my books and the ones they offered which actually had a nice selection, and watched a little television. I did a jigsaw puzzle which caught the attention of some of the kids, so I did a few more with them. I took my smoke breaks outside out of curtsey so as not to make the place smell like smoke, and wrote in my journal.

What did I write about? Everything. Nothing. The world. Myself. My lack of self that I was trying to build back up. I wrote about my experience leaving Devin since I wasnt planning on ever telling another living soul. I wrote about how lost I felt. I wrote about how I had no idea what I was going to do. I wrote about how much my wrist and arm hurt. About how much I hated being alone, but didn't know how to go about remedying it. I wrote about how nice Joyce was to me everyday and how she never asked questions about my bruises that had now entered their green and ugly yellow stage. I wrote about the kids and how they didn't shy away from my appearance either, how they never asked questions. I wrote a lot. It felt good to.

Finally I decided to make another trip to the cafe, but only for a small coffee. As nice as the coffee was here, and it was always hot, I wanted real coffee. So I slipped on an Eighteen Visions t-shirt, another pair of tight black jeans, and my studded belt which is the worst thing in the world to try and do one handed. I slipped on my vans since it was easier than trying to tie my converse. I put on some eyeliner once again, stuck on what little jewelry I wore, and I mean little and then made a face at myself in the mirror.

"Loser," I told myself in the mirror, but not in a bad way, though not necessarily in a good way either.

Last I grabbed my hoodie and my bag, slipping my hoodie on before I left my room to hide my bandages. I also remembered to grab my dark gray fingerless gloves. They were a little ratty but I loved them, and they covered up my bandages that showed on my hand nicely as well. Self together I left, waving to Joyce as I left the building that I had been calling home now for a little over a week. Outside I stuck my trademark cigarette between my lips and lit it as I headed towards the little coffee shop.

Once there I put out my cigarette, walked in, ordered my small coffee and sat down at a small table in the back far from people. I sat there and sipped my now caramel flavored coffee, loving the taste of it as it rolled across my tongue and down my throat.

"Hi," I heard someone say all of a sudden.

I jumped and nearly fell out of my little chair and spilled my coffee a little because of my jumping and the fact that it didnt have a lid on.

"Fuck," I swore as the hot coffee came in contact with my exposed fingers.

Then I looked up, and saw. Him. Again. What the hell was doing? Stalking me? I moved to get up, bummed that I had spilt my coffee and creeped out that this guy was sitting in front of me. I got up fully and started to walk off.

"Wait. Eli, wait," the guy said a little louder than I would have liked.

I stopped dead in my tracks. How the hell did he know my name? I spun on my heel quickly and shot him a cold questioning glare. I was not happy.

"Wait, wait. Don't freak out. Just sit for a second," the guy said calmly, patting the table in front of him that I had been recently sitting at.

Since he sounded at least normal at the moment and against my better judgment I slowly, and cautiously, walked back to what used to just be my table. I gingerly sat down in my chair, not because of pain or anything, but mainly because I didnt know what the hell was going on. And I was freaked.

"I promise I won't bite. Unless you ask me to," he said, giving me a cheesy smirk.

I simply stared at him and he eventually let it drop from his face. After a moment he opened his mouth.

"I just wanted to," he started, but I cut him off.

"How the hell do you know my name?" I asked in a dead pan tone, not in the mood to be too friendly till I understood some things.

"Uhh I heard you tell the guy at the gas station that your name was Eli and not Elise. That's how. Honestly," he said, holding his hands up in the defensive position like I was going to attack him or something.

Like I looked like I would attack someone.

"Fine. What do you want?" I asked, tone lightening a bit but not like we were friends, or even acquaintances.

"Well what I had started to tell you before you chewed an opening in my head and spit down my wind pipe was that I came over to say I was sorry. And to buy you a coffee," he said, a smile bouncing around his eyes.

I didn't know if the smile was because of the situation or not, but I felt like it was always there in his eyes and probably on his face as well.

I took a moment to think, and not really about what he had said at first. Mainly I was running his voice through my head and trying to figure out why it struck such a strong familiar chord in my body. Then I realized what he had said.

"Sorry? Coffee?" I asked simply, confused as to what he was talking about.

"Sorry for running into you the other day a few days back. I tend to not watch where I'm going. And buy you a coffee to replace the one I knocked from your hands then," he said, not sounding like it should have been obvious what he was talking about.

"Thanks," I replied, and tried to smile.

"No problem. What kind?" he asked as he jumped up quickly.

"Hazelnut," I said a little taken aback by his sudden energy.

He simply nodded and bounced over to the counter. Well more like skipped. Yes he actually skipped over to the counter and placed my order. It was odd, yet oddly reassuring somehow. Like he was carefree. Sort of how I use to be and what I was trying to get back to. But it was so familiar and yet not. Everything was. His face, his actions, well his antics really and especially his voice. It was so familiar yet it wasn't like I knew him like a close friend or family or something. It was odd. And complexing. So complexing in fact that I didn't pay attention nor see him approach the table till he set my coffee down in front of me. It was a large.

"One hazelnut coffee, one regular coffee and two giant sugar cookies with even more sugar on top in the form of toxic looking blue and yellow frosting," he said in an almost hyper sounding voice.

"You only spilled a small, and I didn't ask you for a cookie," I said as I looked at my large coffee and the large cookie.

I was still in the place of mind that if someone, especially a male, bought something for me that I didn't ask for it was a control issue. Like they were trying to control the situation, and there for me. Even though I knew it wasn't the case I still slipped back into that mode quickly.

"So I ad-libbed a bit, so sue me. No wait, don't. My boss might not like it. But I figured you looked like a coffee kind of person and a large would be fine. And the cookie? Well they looked good and I figured if I got you one too then I wouldn't feel like such a pig eating one as well. So eat up and be happy. Smile. I promise it doesn't hurt," the guy said as he took a sip of his coffee.

I simply took a sip of coffee, turning his words around in my head. I was about to say something about leaving when he opened his mouth and took a giant bite of his cookie, getting crumbs all over himself. He grinned a giant grin and chewed his cookie, some of the crumbs falling from the scruff on his face. I couldnt help it. I smiled.

"See I told you it wouldn't hurt," he said with his mouth partially full.

"Ugh gross," I said at the exposure of his mashed cookie.

I instinctively threw a napkin at his face, my smile only getting bigger. He picked it up with only two fingers and looked at it like it was an alien object. Taking all the precaution one would when dealing with a rabid animal or a toxic spill he tossed the napkin onto another table. Then he proceeded to wipe his face off. On his sleeve. And then grin at me before taking a sip of his coffee.

I couldn't help it. It was contagious. My smile grew till I thought my face was going to hurt. I took another sip of my fantastic coffee and then a bite of my cookie to take a break from all the smiling. I felt retarded for grinning so much around a guy I didnt even know but yet felt like I did.

"So," the guy said as put down his coffee after a minute or so of silence.

"What's your name?" I asked suddenly, wondering if his name would help me clear this jumble in my head.

"B," he said.

"B? Isn't that a letter?" I asked.

"It's what my friends call me from time to time. It makes my life easier when we're out believe me," he said as if it really did make a difference being called B instead of his full name.

"Whatever works I guess." I said shrugging my shoulders.

"You new here?" he asked.

Oh god the questions. I hated questions. And had avoided them. Now I had to think of good believable answers that wouldnt draw suspicion. I guess it was only fair since I had asked some. But I still felt my eye twitch at the question.

"Nope," I answered shortly taking another sip of my coffee.

"Huh. I haven't ever seen you around," he said furrowing his brow, looking like he was trying to remember seeing me before.

Which he wouldn't of. Devin never really ever let me out of the house except to grocery shop and that was only with him, or at odd hours. Or with one of his buddies.

"I don't get out much," I said, which was the truth.

So far so good, I didn't have to lie. Just keep my answers short, simple and vague as all hell.

"But you do now since I've seen you three times in the past week or so. Did you move?" he asked.

Fuck.

"Kind of," I replied evasively.

I hated questions.

"Uh huh. Where?" he asked as he stuck the remainder of his cookie into his mouth.

Fuck. Fuck! I didn't want to answer, but he was so genuine and had bought me the giant coffee and cookie that I felt I had to, even if it was a half truth. Besides he seemed generally interested and not like he was digging for anything information wise, or had an ulterior motive.

"Nearby," I answered and finished my cookie as well, and then took a big gulp of the still very hot coffee.

"Wow, you don't like to answer questions much do you? Why you got a boyfriend at home who doesn't like you talking to other guys?" he asked.

And he I knew he was joking, just playing. But that was all I could do.

"I've got to get going," I said hurriedly as I stood up quickly and made to take a step away from the table.

"Hold on wait. I didn't mean to say anything wrong. Stay," he said and made a grab for my arm.

Unfortunately it was the wrong arm. My bad arm. And he grabbed it.

"Ahh ahhh ahhh owww. No I gotta go," I said, my knees buckling a bit at the pressure and almost falling from the pain.

At my cry of pain he let go of my wrist as if his hand had suddenly caught fire. I ran out of there as fast as I could, not looking back. I cradled my arm against my chest as I ran all the way back to the Haven. I was crying. But I wasn't completely sure it was only for one thing. I was running away and crying. I was twenty four for crying out loud. I was so worthless.