Don't Give Up (On Me)

“Just leave me the fuck alone!” He screamed, slamming the first floor bathroom door.

I leant against the kitchen bench, dropping my head into my hands. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t handle this. This was the first time I’d witnessed something like this since the diagnosis and I was severely questioning my choice to stay.

I heard loud crashes and other disturbing noises coming from the bathroom. I jumped when I heard a smash. I couldn’t stand the destruction of both the bathroom and himself; I hated seeing him like this.
It broke my heart because I couldn’t see myself lasting more than a few months with this. It was too much.

But then I stopped. I realized how pathetic I was being about it. What, was I going to turn into a mess every time his mood changed? Every time he got mad and locked himself in the bathroom?

No.

I couldn’t live in fear of him. I had to help him deal with this. I loved this guy, and I sure as hell couldn’t give up on him that quickly. If he wasn’t going to openly seek help from his family or friends, it was up to me to be the one person he didn’t push away. I pushed myself up from the kitchen bench and walked down the hall to the bathroom.

“John,” I called lightly, tapping on the door.

“What did I just say?!”

I winced, lowering my hand onto the door handle, gripping it and turning it. “John I’m coming in.” I warned.

“Leighton I swear to god-“

I pushed the door open and crossed my arms, getting ready for a fight. But when he turned around, hair a mess and eyes red, my expression softened and my arms reached out for him. “John…”

He sniffed and looked away, sighing. “Leighton just give me a minute.”

I looked around the bathroom. It was a mess. “I’ll wait in the hall.” I nodded softly, before heading out into the hall, where I waited patiently for him. I understood that he needed the space and time now, time to calm down, but it didn’t stop my hands from shaking- even with the door open between us.

Just under a minute later, he left the bathroom and stepped out into the hallway, pulling me into his arms. “I’m sorry,” He sighed, resting his chin on the top of my head. That wouldn’t have worked if I was still wearing my shoes, making me just as tall as him. “I’m sorry Lei.”

“I understand.” I murmured, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I understand it’s difficult. You’ve only just been diagnosed.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this-“

“You’re my boyfriend, and I love you.” I stated, leaning back to kiss him on the cheek. “I’m going to support you. Always.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

***

Tuesday Night

“How was your appointment today?” I asked as we laid beside one another in bed that night. It was late, but I as too nervous about tomorrow to get any decent sleep, which wasn’t an issue for John, who could never get to sleep anyway.

“The doc was there,” John murmured, playing with my hair as I laid on his chest, his slow breathing soothing me. It wasn’t as comfortable as it used to be, with his collarbones digging into me, but it was something I missed, so I wasn’t about to complain. “He came along so we could discuss how the medication has been. Apparently it’s not too common for patients to jump from so many medications in a short period of time, so he’s paying close attention to my case.” He explained.

I nodded. “Well that’s good. I guess it kind of explains a few things.”

“Like my bad moods,” he chuckled.

“You could say so,” I said, sending him a look. “What else did you talk about?”

“He uh, started talking about the next steps.” John mused.

“What’s that?” I frowned.

“Like, programs and support groups. Group therapy, that kind of thing.” He explained waving his hand
around. “They think I should start doing some of that kind of thing.”

“Do you think you should?” I asked lightly. “I think it sounds like a good idea.”

He shrugged. “It can be expensive, that’s all.”

“It’s not like your family health insurance won’t cover it.” I stated.

“Babe, I’m not on their insurance-“

“You are. There was a bill that came through while you were away,” I lied, covering up my slip. I remembered that Jenny had told me about the insurance when she first called me a few weeks back, telling me that John’s father had signed him back into the family insurance. “Your parents put you back onto it.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t want their money-“

“Don’t be stupid, John,” I sighed, “just take it so you can get better. Don’t think about where the money comes from.”

“It’s not that simple, Lei,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I can’t just accept it.”

“Why not?”

“Because that would be like me forgiving them, and I’m not ready to do that, nor do I want to do that.” He said flatly.

“Forgive them for what John?” I stressed. “I don’t understand what they’ve done wrong. They love you babe, and they want to support you-“

“They don’t love me,” he scoffed under his breath.

“John-“

“I’m calling therapist, Lei. We’re not talking about it anymore.” He stated firmly. Not aggressively, just
firmly.

I sighed and let it go. It was a dead end once he called therapist. I couldn’t call him out on not being honest with me because I still hadn’t told him about Tate and Pat. I hadn’t told him I’d been seeing his family.

Each to their own, I guess.

***

Wednesday morning at the warehouse was a busy one. We were hurrying to get our work done in order to prepare the warehouse for the launch party that night. Tim was coming around in the afternoon so we could start setting up. He’d invited everyone that we know, then everyone the company knows, so it was safe to say it wasn’t going to be a small gathering.

John was meeting me here tonight, because we were all going to get changed before the party, instead of going home and then coming back- it just made more sense that way. I was somewhat nervous about the amount of people coming and the fact that it was pretty much all about me. Sure it was nice, but it was still nerve wracking. After all, this was my work that was getting shown to a bunch of people, whom I only knew about twenty percent, if that.

I think the others must have felt my nerves, so they spent the day taking turns to come in and see me, bringing me beverages and snacks from the kitchen upstairs to calm me down. To be honest it just made my nerves worse.

“But what if it just flops?” I asked, biting my nails as I laid on Lennon’s couch. His office was similar to mine, set out almost identically. “What if nobody likes it?”

“Oh shut up, I would have said something if your line was shit and you know it.” Lennon scoffed, resting his feet on his desk and sitting back. “You know you’ve got talent, and you know you’ve done a great job.”

I sighed. “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks Len.”

“No worries babe,” he nodded, looking over at his computer screen. “Just relax tonight, okay? Hang out with your friends, take advantage of the catering, and have a good time. It’s going to be just fine.”

Lennon’s words managed to calm me down for the next two hours, as I migrated around the office, checking up on everyone and making sure they were finishing their work like we’d discussed in our meeting on Monday. It was about to get a whole lot busier as we neared the middle of November. In just two weeks, we had to shoot the major 8123 Christmas campaign with all of the artists and personnel associated with the company. Just getting that underway as it is, was going to be a difficult task. The day that the card was released and sent electronically, was the day the Christmas specials went up and we had to change prices for the Christmas sales.

It’s fair to say I was definitely feeling the heat the next few weeks would bring as the year came to an end.

The rest of the afternoon was spent preparing the warehouse and clearing any work. It also included moving the work desks to the side and covering them with a sheet. Tim had also dropped by yesterday with clothing racks for samples of my work.

Tim himself came down around four, helping out- which we really needed. “You ready for tonight?” He asked me as we went through boxes in my office.

“I think so,” I nodded, sending him a look. “No stupid speeches, you got it?”

“Can’t promise that,” he laughed, patting me on the back. “You deserve this, you’ve done a lot for the company and you deserve to be recognized for it.”

I shot him a pout before giving him a hug. “It all started with you giving me the job.”

“That goes for you and John too. Make sure I’m mentioned in the wedding speeches, alright?”

I let out a laugh but nodded. “Sure thing.”

Y’know, if we ever got married.

***

By the time people had started arriving, myself and Tate were still in the bathroom getting changed and fixing ourselves up for the night. I’d gone with a casual but formal pale blue body-con dress with my navy blazer. Thankfully Tate let me borrow her navy heels for the night, or I’d be wearing boring nude pumps. I pulled my hair back in a messy bun, letting a few strands fall to the front, before fixing my make-up. You see, back in my beauty days, I had a thing for crazy lip colors, so I had quite the collection of different colored lip creams, such as a pastel blue that matched the dress I was wearing.

I looked over at Tate and instantly felt intimidated. It was frustrating how good she made ‘simple’ look.

She looked hot, like, Garrett eat your heart out hot. “That stupid boy better freaking lay you.” I scoffed.

She rolled her eyes at me. “He better speak to me first.”

“Oh he will, I’ll make sure of it.” I nodded firmly. “Plus, he won’t be able to take his eyes off of you.”

“What about you? That tight fitting dress does wonders for your-“

“Rack, I know,” I mused, aware of my ‘assets’.

“Well I was gonna see ass, but yeah they look good too.” She smirked, packing everything back up into her bag. “You need to be my wingman!”

“We both have boyfriends!” I stressed, groaning. “They may not be the best right now but we still have ‘em.”

“Ugh you’re right,” she muttered, rolling her eyes as we left the bathroom and headed into my office to leave our stuff there. “I just hope he doesn’t-“

“Hey girls.”

We turned around to see said boyfriends standing by the door, John smiling at me and Garrett attempting a smile for Tate. A smile broke my lips and I walked over to John, greeting him with a kiss, while Tate slowly walked over and did the same.

“You look gorgeous.” John murmured.

“Me? Look at you, all fancy.” I teased, tugging on his own blazer jacket that he’d paired with a pair of dark jeans, boots and a white button up. Oh, and those typical suspenders. “You two scrub up well.” I said, looking at him and Garrett. “Oh and you even shaved.” I said, teasing Garrett.

“Hey, I sacrificed a lot for that beard.” Garrett threw back jokingly, his arm awkwardly around Tate’s waist.

“You want to get a drink?” John asked, pulling me out of the office. “Things are awkward with those two.” He mumbled once we left.

“Tell me about it.” I scoffed, letting him pull me over to the table. “Wait John, we can’t drink-“

“C’mon hun, just one won’t hurt,” he insisted, “you deserve it. I won’t drink, but you should. To celebrate at least.”

I bit my lip, pondering over the thought. “You know what, we both deserve it.” I nodded, grabbing two beers and handing him one. “You’ve worked hard to stop drinking and cut down on your smoking and I’m proud. Just one, and that’s it.” I nodded.

He leant down and kissed me. “It’s because of you darlin’.”

I poked my tongue at him before taking a sip. It felt good to feel this again.

“I’m really proud of you,” he stated after taking a sip of his own drink. He took my hand in his and pulled me closer to kiss my cheek. “Like, a lot proud.”

“I’m glad you’re here with me,” I commented, looking into those grey, grey eyes.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” he scoffed, pulling me in for a hug. “Of course I wouldn’t.”

The party was going well as it hit nine, a lot of people had shown up interested in the line. We even had a few representatives from stores such as Urban Outfitters and Pac Sun that were interested in stocking my line, which was amazing to hear. I made sure to keep my eye on John throughout the night, as he nursed what looked like the same beer for quite a while. I could only hope he’d kept to his promise about only having one beer.

But what sparked my interest the most, was when Pat showed up.

With some girl.

My eyes darted across the room to find Tate, who stood beside Garrett as he spoke to some guy from 8123. Her eyes soon found Pat and she looked away immediately, looking more than upset and a little pissed off. It didn’t help that Pat had his arm low on this girls’ waist, his lips to her cheek.

I left John to mingle with the guys and grabbed Jac, dragging her into my office. We’d made up a few days ago, coming to terms and just agreeing to disagree.

“What?” She frowned, confused at my actions.

“Look!” I hissed, nodding towards Pat.

Subtly she looked through the glass windows in my office and he eyes found what I was pointing at.

“No shit,” she gasped, her eyes narrowing. “Seriously?!”

“I know right?” I scoffed. “How could he do that to her?”

“What an asshole!” She muttered, sending me a look. “How could he get a girlfriend that fast?”

“You really think that’s his ‘girlfriend’?” I mused, raising an eyebrow. “Really?”

Her eyes widened. “You think he’s using her for tonight? To get back at Tate?”

“Get back at her for what? Not sleeping around with him?” I frowned.

“You said she broke everything off with him,” Jac stated, “she went back to Garrett regardless of his feelings.”

“She doesn’t know about his feelings.” I pointed out.

Jac sent me an ‘are you serious’ look. “Seriously? You honestly think she doesn’t know that he has feelings for her? It is so obvious, Lei.”

I watch as Tate held onto Garrett’s arm, trying to ignore Pat as he kissed that girl I’d never seen before, talking to her and putting all his attention on her. How could he be so insensitive? “He’s such a jerk.”

“I don’t blame him, to be honest,” Jac shrugged.

I looked at her in shock. “Seriously?”

She nodded. “Tate left him to go back to Garrett. Why can’t he find someone else? If she’s with Garrett, she shouldn’t have a problem with who Pat fucks.”

“Dates,” I corrected, sending her a look. Some of the girls could be so blunt and rough when they spoke, and it was a little unclassy.

“Right, sorry,” she nodded. “But honestly she shouldn’t give two shits about Pat if she’s back with Garrett.”

I rolled my eyes at her language but nodded anyway. “I guess you have a point. But still, it’s a little tasteless.”

“Alright we’ll settle for tasteless,” Jac agreed, “of course it would have some kind of effect on Tate, and he knew that. Hey has she talked about telling Garrett-“

“Leighton! Where is Leighton?!” I heard Tim call from outside my office, cutting our spying session short.

I groaned as I remembered Tim’s promise of a speech.

“Come on,” Jac smirked, pulling me out of my office. “It’s your time to shine.”

I sent Tim glares as I made my way over to him, as he stood on a chair. “I said no stupid speeches,” I hissed.

He let out a laugh and pulled me up on the chair beside his. “Designer, creator and owner of Wanderlust Girls, everyone, Leighton Johnson!” Tim cheered, raising his glass.

“To Leighton!” They cheered back, raising their drinks. My eyes found John’s from his position in the middle of the crowd. He sent me a small smile, winking at me as he raised his beer bottle.

I would have enjoyed the moment had my mind not be stuck on the same fact;
That was a different beer.

He’d broken his promise.

****

“There you are!” Caleb exclaimed, coming up behind me and greeting me in a hug. “I’ve been looking all over for you since this afternoon but you’ve been talking to so many people.” He complained.

“Yeah, turns out they want the line in stores,” I mused, sending him a look before returning to look around for John. I’d been looking for him for the past twenty minutes since Tim had finished his speech and was having no luck whatsoever.

“Wow Lei, that’s awesome! Congrats!” He gasped, a little too animatedly.

I raised an eyebrow and turned to him. “Are you drunk?”

He sent me a funny look. “Drunk? Me?”

I rolled my eyes and continued to look for my missing boyfriend. I didn’t think it was so hard considering a lot of people had gone home by now. “Go find a girl your age to take home, Caleb.”

“That sounds like a fantastic idea,” he said to himself, patting me on the back. “I’m going in.”

“Good luck.” I laughed, shaking my head as he stumbled over to Layla and Jack. The lighter mood didn’t last very long when I spotted Jared and Kennedy standing in front of the back door, sharing a conversation that didn’t look inviting, to say the least. Jared looked pissed beyond words while Kennedy looked guilty and sorry.

I made my way over to them, managing to dodge conversation with sales executives and important merchandising professionals in order to catch the end of Jared and Kennedy’s conversation.

“How could you not know that?” Jared hissed towards Kennedy, who ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

“I wasn’t told!” He shot back in defense.

I quickened my pace and they both looked up. “Guys, what’s going on?” I asked.

The two looked alarmed which triggered a bad feeling from deep within my stomach.

“What’s going on?” I repeated, a whole lot firmer. “Where is he?”

They looked between each other before Jared sighed and opened the back door, pulling me outside the warehouse, where I found John puking down the drain pipe.

I bit down hard on my lip as I noticed the opened six pack by his feet, four empty bottles on the ground and a half empty one in his hand. Those five plus the one that started off our night.

Six beers when he promised me one.

“I honestly didn’t know he couldn’t drink,” Kennedy said from behind me, his usually soft and calm voice completely distraught and broken. “I’m so sorry Lei.”

I shook my head with a sigh. “It’s not your fault. He promised me one. It’s his fault. How drunk is he?” I asked, not wanting to approach him.

“Pretty drunk,” Jared responded with a nod. “He hasn’t stopped throwing up.”

“I have to take him home,” I mumbled, looking at the time on my watch. It was half past eleven. We’d be finishing up in half an hour anyway. I’m sure Tim would understand.

“No we’ll get him home,” Jared insisted. “You should stay, this is your party.”

“And this is my boyfriend I sighed. “I have to get him home.”

“Leighton, Jared’s right.” Kennedy pushed. “People will be wanting to talk to you.”

“Well they can talk to me another time,” I snapped. “I’m taking him home and if you two want to help you can help me get him into the car.”

Jared looked at Kennedy before looking back at John. “I’ll help you get him to the car. Ken, you tell Tim and grab Lei’s stuff.”

“It’s in my office,” I piped up, feeling bad for snapping at them. I didn’t mean to be rude, I was just tired with this self-destruction. It wasn’t just bringing me down, it was bringing the guys down too. I can’t have him go back to where he was when he had that episode- and this was beginning to look a whole lot like the beginning of what happened all those months back.

Kennedy nodded and headed inside, leaving the three of us behind the wall.

“John?” I sighed, walking over to him.

“Hey b-baby!” He cooed, still in his drunken slur.

I bit my lip to stop the tears. “Hey bub I’m gonna take you home now, okay?”

He nodded with a smile that looked painful more than anything else. “Okay! Can I take you to b-bed too?” He asked curiously, whispering too loudly for my liking.

I blushed as Jared stood behind me, hearing every word from the drunken idiot’s mouth.

“Come on man, we’re gonna get you to your car.” Jared said, walking over and attempting to take the bottle from him.

John grew mad. “Fuck off it’s mine!” He snapped, stumbling backwards until his back hit the wall.

Patients on anti-depressants that were also drunk were a dangerous type, in case you were wondering.

“Calm down, man,” Jared said gently, holding his hands up in defense. “We’re not going to hurt you-“

“I know she won’t,” John hissed, “I never said she’d hurt me!”

“John,” I murmured, reaching out to take his hand.

“What are you trying to say?!” John yelled at Jared, getting all up in his face. “That she doesn’t love me?!”

“Babe nobody is saying that,” I interjected, standing between the two. “Let’s just get you to the car okay?”

“No!” John spat, “he’s always right, so what huh? She doesn’t love me anymore?”

“Dude, I never-“

“You think you’re all perfect and Parker’s so perfect oh wow,” John scoffed, shoving Jared weakly. So weak Jared didn’t even blink.

“Hey man, stop it.” Jared said firmly, growing defensive over his girlfriends’ honor.

“She ran over your fucking dog and you’re worried about Lei hurting me? Your girlfriend is Satan!” John screamed.

“John!” I gasped. I know he didn’t think that way about Parker, and so did Jared. Parker running over their small puppy last year was an honest accident and she was distraught over it for so long. But hearing someone shit talk your other half hurt, especially when that someone was supposed to be your best friend.

“I’m not worried about Leighton hurting you,” Jared threw back in the heat of the moment. “I’m worried about you hurting her.” He snapped.

And then John did. Snap, that is.

It was a bitch slap but both Jared and myself were both stunned that John had taken physical action against his best friend, drunk and medicated or not. John wasn’t the violent type- and I know, that sounded incredibly hypocritical coming from me, but he really wasn’t.

But I never expected Jared to retaliate. There was something burning in his eyes that I’d never seen before and to be honest, it scared me. So much that I jumped out of the way in fear when he swung a hit towards John’s stomach.

I covered my mouth in shock as John doubled over, puking once again.

Jared stood there, staring at the wall behind John, probably just as shocked as I was.

“Guys what the hell is going on?!”

I looked behind me to see Tim standing in the door way with Kennedy.

Jared looked down at John before shaking out his red hand. “Be careful, Leighton.” Jared said quietly, sending me a look before making his way inside, ignoring any further questions.

I wiped my eyes and looked at Tim and Kennedy. “Can you just help me get him into the car?”

This was not how I wanted to end the night.

At all.