Don't Give Up (On Me)

“I swear to god, if you don’t get your ass out of bed I’ll kick it out.” I hissed, ripping the sheets from the bed, exposing his sleeping form.

“Lei…I don’t wanna take Christmas photos…” he whined, burying his head into his pillow.

“Too bad, you don’t have a choice,” I scoffed, throwing his ugly sweater at him. “Hurry up and get dressed.”

“I need a shower,” he mumbled, sitting up.

“Sweating again?” I asked, stopping to actually observe.

He nodded as he climbed out of bed, taking his sweater with him into the bathroom.

“You feeling okay?” I asked, lingering in the doorway of our bathroom.

He looked over at me, nodding a little and pushing a small smile. He looked exhausted. “Yeah hun, I’m fine.”

“It’s just one of those days?” I mused.

He nodded, wincing slightly. “But I’ll be okay.”

I walked over to him and kissed him softly on the lips. “I love you.” I murmured.

He mouthed a thank you before pulling his shirt over his head, getting undressed for his shower. I watched quietly, the small scars from seven months ago stinging as they pulled remnants from the back of my mind. I can’t believe I let it happen again. Was that his rock bottom? We hadn’t spoken deeply about the incident, even though it happened only a few days ago. He felt guilty, I could sense it. It hung around him like a bad smell. He wasn’t in a good place right now- to the point where he’d started seeing his therapist on Thursday’s now too. I think it was good- especially considering I’d take him to his morning session and then we’d go to some random little café afterwards, and just talk. Not about the incident, though. But about my work, the album- I’d tried to ask him about the incident, but got a dead end.

“I’m talking about it with my therapist-“

“But we need to talk about it, you and me.” I pushed.

“I…I can’t, okay? I know what I put you through the first time so I feel like shit the second time, but I can’t. Not right now. I need to…sort shit out in my head. Drop it, Leighton.”

When he started using my full name I dropped it.

He tugged on the drawstring of his baggy sweat pants, tucking his thumbs inside the waist band and beginning to pull them down. While I wanted to stay and watch, I didn’t- instead I headed back into our bedroom to retrieve my blaring phone.

I picked it up and pressed the green button, taking the call that was said to be from Layla. “Hey Layla, what’s up?” I asked, throwing everything I needed into my bag.

“Leighton? It’s Caleb- we have a crisis.”

***

I rushed into the warehouse, already thinking the worse. What could have gone wrong? Did Dirk miss his flight? Where we short on sweaters? Did the Christmas stock not come in? When I arrived through the doors, I found Tim and my team standing there with a cheap cake from the bakery down the road and a laptop, open to the 8123 store page.

I frowned. “What’s going on?”

“Congrats on selling out in the first fifteen minutes!” Tim cheered, raising the cake that had the exact same wording on top.

My eyes widened as I came closer to look at the screen. “I-I what?”

“Your line sold out.” Caleb explained. “It went live today, remember?”

“Oh my god!” I gasped, covering my mouth. “It’s all sold out?!”

Lennon nodded with a laugh, handing me the flowers he’d been holding. “Congrats Lei.” He chuckled, pulling me in for a hug.

“Oh my god I can’t believe it.” I exclaimed, still in shock as I received hugs from the rest of the team,
Tim last as he handed the cake to Elijah.

“I’m so proud of you, Lei. You deserve this.” He said in my ear.

“You guys didn’t have to get me a cake,” I pouted.

“Hey, I got those flowers too.” Lennon stated, so I wouldn’t forget.

“Oh well I was expecting flowers from you regardless.” I smirked, winking at him.

He let out a laugh. “Of course.”

“Alright guys, it’s about to get really chaotic.” Tim said, clapping his hands together. “Did John come with you?” He asked me.

I shook my head. “He was in the shower when I left. I thought there was something wrong so I came immediately.”

“Okay well we’ll aim to get everything done and set up before everyone gets here. Elijah, you run the cake up to the kitchen, Lennon and Tate, you start sorting the Christmas line, get the right sizes out for the guys that I’ve given you, Layla and Jack, you’ll help me get the set ready and finished, Dirk should be here any minute and Caleb?” Tim ordered, stopping on the youngest.

Caleb looked up. “Yeah?”

“Stick to Leighton like glue, you’re going to be helping her run this thing. Stay focused guys, you know how chaotic it’s going to get- they’re all due in any minute.” Tim nodded.

We all took our orders and got to work. I put the flowers in my office with my bag before Caleb and I got to work, organizing the run sheet of the shoot. The group photo would be at the end because we wanted to get through all of the merchandising shots first, which meant the 8123 shirts, then all the band Christmas shirts. It wasn’t easy when we had to get through Lydia, The Maine, This Century, The Cinema and A Rocket to the Moon (who had just been added to the label). It was going to get extremely busy and we couldn’t afford to miss anything out. We only got one shot at this every year and this was it.

When John arrived twenty minutes later, I was in my office with Caleb, making last minute changes to the spread sheet we’d gone over six times already.

“Seriously Lei, that’ll work better,” Caleb groaned, leaning across me and moving my hands from my keyboard and making the change.

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, but if it falls through, you’re to blame-“

“Lei,”

I looked up to see John standing in the doorway in his ugly sweater with two Starbucks cups in hand. “Oh hey babe.” I greeted, sending him a small smile.

“I got you a gingerbread latte.” He mused, holding the cup up.

I pushed my coffee mug behind a stack of files on my desk before getting up and walking over to him with a grateful pout. “Aw thank you, you didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s no issue,” he murmured, kissing me quickly as I took the drink. “Where’s your sweater?”

“Out there, we haven’t changed yet.” I said. “You should see what Kennedy has on,” I scoffed. “It’s hideous.”

“Mine isn’t all that better,” he chuckled.

“Oh John you remember Caleb?” I asked, the sound of the printer reminding me that we weren’t alone. I turned around and pointed to the nineteen year old behind my desk.

“Hey man,” Caleb nodded, not as invitingly as last time.

“Yeah, hey.” John nodded, before turning back to me. “I’m gonna go see the guys.” He said softly, kissing me on the forehead before heading over to them.

“Sorry about that,” I sighed, walking back into my office. “Today is just one of those days for him.”

“Nah don’t sweat it,” Caleb said, waving it off. “I’ve been through those days with my little brother.”

“Well then, are you ready to get this show on the road?” I asked, also grateful for his understanding.

“You’re the boss, lead the way.” He chuckled, following me out into the main area, while I sipped on my latte. Ugh Starbucks was so great around Christmas…

“Lei, Caleb, you two are the last ones who need to change into your ugly sweaters.” Tate teased, handing us both a sweater.

I winced. “Shit that is ugly.”

“Tell me about it,” she scoffed, tugging on her equally as ugly sweater.

Caleb and I got changed quickly before I came out and started grouping everyone off.

“Okay…we’ll start with The Maine!” I called out. “Kennedy, you’re doing the Christmas shirt!”

“I win,” Kennedy smirked, high fiving Jared.

I threw the shirt at him and he changed, before walking onto the set in front of Dirk Mai, the photographer, who I think had the worst sweater of all of us.

“Okay, Nick? Where’s Nick?” I called, moving on to get this done quickly. Boys were so hard to organize as I’d come to learn.

“Over here,” He called, raising his hand.

“This is for Rocket.” Caleb said, handing him his bands’ shirt.

“Clearly, it was rigged.” Eric claimed, as he sat on a table beside John, who sipped on his own latte.

He probably got the peppermint one. He always got that one and I loved it because his kisses tasted like candy canes.

“Joel!” I called over the talk of excited boys. “Caleb, get them in a line to go on set.”

He nodded and headed over to Nick, dragging him into line.

Eventually I got Joel and Leighton (I know, it got confusing) from Lydia and also from The Cinema in their shirts, Leighton doing both of his bands. Caleb did a good job at getting them into line and in an order, collecting the shirts and giving them back their sweaters, and I have to say, for a nineteen year old, he was doing well. Really well.

When the band shirts came to an end I grabbed the two 8123 shirts and searched for Pat and Tim.

“Kirch!” I called, standing on my tip toes. “Kirch’s you’re up!”

Pat and Tim took the shirts before changing and heading onto the set. Their mom would definitely be getting a copy of this.

“We doing the band shoots next?” Caleb asked as approached me, coming in close to look at the run sheet in my hands.

I nodded. “That would be correct. Do The Cinema first, then Lydia second so Leighton can get in and out.”

“Then This Century, which gives Pat time to change and then The Maine?” Caleb nodded.

“Exactly, then Rocket. Get Tate to check the boys for make-up yeah?” I asked.

“Sure thing boss,” he nodded, before gathering the guys together, Tate following behind him.

“Okay we’re doing band shoots!” I declared. “Stick together so we can get you all done!”

I felt arms around my waist as the boys moved around. I jumped unexpectedly but looked up to see John’s face. “Hey babe, you need to stick with the band.” I repeated.

“I know but I’ve barely held you today.” He murmured.

I turned around. “Relationship isn’t our first priority, remember?” I asked quietly. “Right now work comes first- this shoot is important so go over to the guys.”

He stepped back and nodded, looking a little offended but right now I couldn’t worry about that. “Yeah okay.” He mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets before walking over to the guys.

I watched as Tate and Caleb approached them. She seemed to be ignoring Pat, which didn’t help but was understandable. What I was glad to see, was that she was interacting healthily with Garrett. That was a relief. At least she hadn’t lost both boys.

“The Cinema! You’re on!” Caleb called, waving them on set. The set was basically just a big white backdrop with the 8123 logo at the top, for obvious reasons. We also had a banner for the big company photo, that would include the H&R and A&R guys/girls that worked in Tim’s building, along with admin and management.

I was impressed as I observed Caleb’s leadership skills. I couldn’t take my attention away from it. He had everyone grouped up and ready to go on net for a smooth transition. I’d given him a few pointers of how to run something like this, and it seemed to be paying off with his efforts. Soon enough we’d done all the individual band shots (along with Dirk’s shot) and were now preparing ourselves for the hardest of them all.

The entire company shot.

“Okay I want H&R, A&R, admin and management on the crates because you’re in the back row and you’ll be the highest,” I called, pointing to where I wanted them. “Tim, get in the middle, everyone else will be around you.”

“Sounds about right,” he nodded smugly as he walked onto the set.

“Okay, all the bands need to stay together, but group around Tim! Lydia, stay next to Cinema!” Caleb motioned.

I put an arm around his shoulders. “You’re doing good, kiddo.” I teased.

“What did I say about calling me that?” he laughed, nudging me. “Come on, we have to get in there.”

“Okay merchandising team get on in here!” Tim called.

I dropped my file on the table before making my way to the end, where John was, standing slightly in front of him (he was taller than me so you could still see him).

God I loved those peppermint lattes.

JOHN’S POV

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her tightly against me, away from Caleb. Just for five minutes, I’d like to pretend there was nothing going on with them. I know Jared had been paying close attention to them, and I was curious to know what he thought. He had to have seen her put her arm around him. And him getting all close to her. That was an obvious give away, right?
My head was killing me but I faked a smile for the photos, regretting not mixing a little Jack D into my latte. It would have soothed the pain easily. I know I’d told her I would quit the drinking until I was off the medication, but it was easier said than done. I’d had a drink this morning after she’d left early, just something to get me through this morning, it was nothing really.

The truth is, I was having the bad dreams again. The alcohol seemed to help, even after it almost killed me last Thursday. The dreams were the same as before, with the same demon from my past, clawing at my emotional stability, bringing back all those old memories and catching me at my most vulnerable. I almost passed out in the shower because I had a flashback and it gave me a really bad anxiety attack. Hey, at least me and Lei have something in common. We both have anxiety attacks!

Yeah okay, not funny. She’d probably hit me for saying something like that.

I watched as she looked at him from across the set. He was talking to one of the guys he was standing next to, but her eyes were only on him. Even when she was standing in my arms.

I’m losing her.

***

I was really impressed with the way the shoot went. John and I even got a photo just the two of us to send to our parents- well, my parents. I’d probably send a copy to his parents too anyway. But back on the shoot- I had to commend Caleb for doing such a good job, and on his first shoot too. Tate did well around Pat, I’ll admit. Their cold shoulder was obvious and I know how much it had to have hurt seeing his face and thinking about the other girl he was seeing so soon after what happened between them.

The guys all headed out for lunch and we tied things up at the warehouse, calling it a day after the shoot- it really did take a lot out of you. Tim suggested we go celebrate the new line, but I declined the offer on the count of I couldn’t drink because I’d just started fresh with John. I was impressed with his effort so far, really appreciating his attempt to stay sober on the medication. That didn’t mean things between us were okay, but we were getting there.

“Yo Lei, you sure you don’t wanna come out for a drink?” Tim asked as he stood in my doorway.

I shook my head. “Nah it’s okay, I’m going home with John. You guys go though.”

“It wouldn’t be right celebrating you without you there.” He chuckled.

“Honestly, I’m exhausted. I feel like I’ve been hit by a red eye.” I joked as I packed my things into my bag.

He rolled his eyes playfully but waved me off. “I’ll see you soon Lei, probably this Friday for the launch of the Christmas line.”

I nodded. “Will do boss man. Take care.”

“You too,” he nodded firmly before saying goodbye and heading out.

I continued to pack my things up when John came in, looking awkward and out of place. “Hey babe you ready to go?” He asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

I nodded. “Almost- y’know, you could have gone with the guys to lunch-“

“They were going to a bar.”

“Oh.”

He nodded awkwardly, looking away.

I bit my lip and lifted my bag onto my shoulder before walking over to him, greeting him with an awkward kiss. He took my hand and pulled me to the door of the warehouse and out to my car. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Tate, the last one in the warehouse.

Why were things so awkward between us now? I would say it’s like how we were when we first started dating, but things never got this awkward- ever. We’d never acted like this around each other and it was killing me. To be honest, all I felt like doing was going to the O’Callaghan’s and seeing his family.

That’s what pushed me to bring it up with him.

“Has your therapist said anything about talking to your family?” I asked softly and gently, taking into consideration he was the one driving.

I watched as his grip tightened on the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white. “No.”

I bit my lip. “Have you spoken about them to her?”

He shook his head again as made a left turn. “No.”

“I think you should-“

“I think you should mind your own business.” He threw back simply. It was hardly venomous and that’s what hurt the most. It still stung like a bitch.

“You have to talk to them sometime, John. You’re missing out on so much.” I sighed.

He frowned. “How the fuck would you know what I’m missing out on?’

Oh shit.

“I-“

“What the fuck are you talking about, Leighton?” He snapped, glancing over at me.

I shook my head. No. Shit.

I watched the anger become evident in his face. He looked beyond mad- I couldn’t even describe it.

He veered off of the road and pulled over to the emergency lane, shutting off the engine and turning to me. My stomach felt like it was going to jump through my throat as I thought of what to say.

“You’ve been seeing them, haven’t you?” He snarled.

“No-“

“Don’t lie to me!” He yelled, spit flying from his mouth. “Don’t fucking lie to me!”

“John I-“

“I take a lot of shit, but I won’t take you lying to me about this!” He exclaimed.
Tears filled my eyes because I was fucking scared of him right now.

“Yes,” I whimpered, a shaking hand covering my mouth. “I saw them. I saw your mom once before I saw your brothers and your dad.”

He looked at me incredulously. “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”

Should I even bother lying to him?

“Your mom is worried about you, John.” I sighed, knowing it wasn’t going to help me in any way.

“She wants to know how you’re doing. I mean come on- they got a bill from the paramedics. Do you really think they’d just ignore it?”

“You were supposed to ignore them.” He hissed, shaking his head at me. “I can’t believe this.”

“I missed them.”

Wrong choice.

He went off at me for that. “You miss them?! They ruined my life! They betrayed me! How could you miss the people that are supposed to be my family?! They don’t even love me!” He screamed, undoing his seat belt and getting out of the car, not bothering to close his door. I got scared as he made his way to my door, seething mad.

I whimpered, clutching the door handle as he tried to open it, to get closer to me. I’d never seen him so mad. I put my feet against the door and pulled, screaming at him to stop. But of course he was stronger than me. He ripped the door open and grabbed me by the arms, pulling me out of the car and slamming me against it, forcing me to stand and look at him. I whimpered at the pain that coursed my body. “Let me go!”

“They are not my family!” He screamed at me, coming in close. “You will not betray me like they did! I can’t live without you and if that means keeping you from them so be it! You can’t have them and me!”

“Ross’ engaged,” I whimpered weakly.

“Lei-“

“Shane’s graduated.” I sniffed, a tear rolling down my cheek.

“They are not my family!” He repeated firmly, the anger in his eyes burning holes straight into my own eyes.

“Your mom and dad-“

He slammed me against the car, making me shut up. “I swear to god Lei if you speak another word about them I’m going to leave you here.” He threatened.

I whimpered but didn’t say another word, too scared to speak. I winced as he kissed where that single tear fell, pulling me into his arms and rubbing my back. It didn’t feel loving at all. I hated it. I hated him. I didn’t want him to touch me- I wanted Jared to hug me, or Eric. Or Jac. Or Tate- his mom for fucks’ sake. This? This was too much on my mental health.

Way too much.