Don't Give Up (On Me)

The following morning I woke up at six in order to leave for work at seven thirty. Getting out of bed was the hardest thing when I wanted nothing more but to lay beside my boyfriend and run my fingers over the many contours of his slim torso.
Too much information?

I got out of bed and had a quick shower before getting dressed in a pair of light wash boyfriend jeans and a dark washed out Led Zepplin t-shirt. I slipped into my black leather Coltranes and looked around for my leather jacket.

“Take mine baby.” I heard him groan from under the covers.

I looked up at his sleeping form, the comforter slipping as he moved around, trying not to expose himself to the daylight. “Your leather jacket?”

He nodded. “Back of the closet. You’re gonna be late if you don’t hurry.”

“I run the joint, it doesn't matter if I’m late.” I chuckled, although I was the only one with keys to the studio so everyone would probably waiting outside until I arrived. I guess it kind of did matter. I ran a small branch within a label (that label being Action Theory/8123 funnily enough), the merchandise branch. Being the head of the branch, I had the keys to the studio in which we worked, a warehouse down the road from the actual label itself. So basically I sorted through the merch designs and packaging, and orders and what designs would actually make it to shirts and all the rest of it. It was actually quite a fun job, considering I worked there with one of my closest friends (who just so happened to be Tate, Garrett’s girlfriend) so it really was a breeze.

Once I’d gotten dressed, I headed into the bathroom to fix my hair and make up before I made it back into our bedroom. John hadn’t moved from bed so I made my way over to him, climbing on top of what I assumed was his waist.

“Hey sleepyhead,” I cooed, leaning down to his ear, pressing a kiss just below. I felt a grin spread amongst his cheeks and he turned his head so just his eyes and upwards were visible.

“Hey gorgeous,” He chuckled, opening his left eye. “Y’know I really don’t mind this whole ‘wake-up-to-a-goddess’ thing.” He stated, laying it on thick.

“Let me see that gorgeous smile and I might just stay,” I teased, pulling the covers down, exposing his face properly. “Ah, there it is,” I chuckled, kissing him on the lips. “You’re such a babe.”

“Duh, of course I am,” He laughed, pulling his hands out from under the covers and wrapping them around my waist. “Sunday night get together at Ken’s, that okay?” He asked, looking up at me.

“Yeah that sounds good,” I nodded, “I mean, it’s not like you’ve seen the guys every day for four months straight-it’ll be good to catch up.” I joked, poking him in the chest.

He pretended to bite my finger after my smart-ass comment. “Ha ha, my girl’s a comedian.”

“That she is,” I smirked, leaning down to kiss him once more. “I gotta go now, you gonna be okay?”

“I’m gonna be fine.” He nodded.

“Alright, make sure you eat breakfast-if you can, make a breakfast smoothie, crush your pills and put ‘em in, it’ll taste a lot better,” I suggested. “Plus it’s rich in anti-oxidants, and it’s healthy,” I said, poking him in the stomach with a roll of my eyes. “Seeing as you need to go on a ‘diet’ or whatever.”

“I wish you’d understand!” He stated dramatically, rolling over beneath me.

I moved so I was kneeling beside him. I leant down and kissed him on the mouth. “Baby, I understand, but I don’t think it’s necessary. Make sure you eat today, okay?”

“I’ll be fine!” He insisted, rolling his eyes. “You’re driving me insane, Leighton.”

I rolled my eyes. “I care about you, sue me. I’m nervous to leave you alone today-“

“Oh wow, I feel the trust in this relationship, babe,” He scoffed, pushing my knee away from him. “Whatever…I’ll see you later.”

“I love-“

“Don’t forget to shut the door.”

I punched him in the arm before storming out of our bedroom and downstairs, making sure to pick up my handbag from the dining table. We haven’t eaten a meal at that table together in a long time. I missed that. Sometimes I’d have to work over time, so he’d cook something up and bring it to the warehouse, ignoring the teasing from the boys in the studio and we’d eat together in my office. If I had to stay later than that, he’d bring a book and read while I worked just for company, even if we didn’t talk.

It changed after he was diagnosed. There’s this thing called side effects. It’s unwanted and it comes with the medication. You don’t get to choose which ones you get. John got them all. He was unlucky a lot as you could tell.
Pushing the thoughts aside, I headed out, making sure to lock the door behind me as I walked to my car and began the ten minute drive to work. Was it such a bad thing that I was anxious about leaving him home alone? He was still adjusting to being home and I didn’t want him to do anything stupid because there was no supervision. I mean for all I know, he could double his dosage or even triple it and knock himself out cold. Or he could choke, or his side effects could turn ugly on him.
I just worried, okay?

I pulled up in the driveway of studio with an attempt at a clear mind and parked somewhere in the parking lot before making my way to the front of the studio doors, where I found the five people I worked with lazing around on the bench to the left of the door, mobiles and Starbucks in hand. Two girls and three guys, so it worked out evenly including myself. There was me, Tate and Layla who had to put up with the likes of Jack, Elijah and Lennon. They were all relatively nice guys, but still, boys were boys.

“I hope one of you bought me one.” I teased as I approached them.

They all looked up, some scowling, some smirking and the politer ones, smiling.
“Bout time you showed up,” Jack smirked, standing and handing me a paper cup that read ‘LeiLei’ on the side in messy writing. “Caramel Latte, boss.”

“Aw, you’re a sweetheart,” I cooed jokingly as I took it from him and unlocked the doors to the warehouse. “Thanks, I owe you one.”

“The rock star didn’t get up and make coffee?” Elijah teased as we all entered the building, heading to our offices (well really they were a bunch of desks split by makeshift walls). I had the privilege of having my own office in it’s own room. Although the walls were completely made of glass, it was a nice privilege

“No, the rock star was sleeping off the past four months of touring,” I responded playfully. That and the medication and depression and what not.

“Mine too.” Tate mused, rolling her eyes as I stepped back out into the main area of the warehouse. The warehouse had a tall ceiling, with plain coloured fairy lights draped all around the walls that were decorated with posters of the bands we did merch for and a few framed sayings and graphic design pieces for inspiration.

Tate, Elijah and Lennon were the designers. Lennon being the head of design because he was the most talented and the most qualified. I was the head of merch altogether, Jack was in charge of shipping, packaging, the online store with Layla helping out under that wing. Together, we all worked as a pretty tight team. Tate, Elijah and Lennon’s offices (well desks, I guess) were to one side and Jack and Layla’s were to the other side, so meetings wouldn’t clash.

I grabbed my iPad from my bag and headed over to the middle of the warehouse where a long board table was set up with just enough chairs around it for the six of us.
“We need to have a quick meeting!” I called out, my voice echoing through the building. It was a pretty nifty place, to be honest. It was almost like a loft, with a small upstairs kitchen and lounging area that over looked the rest of the place. Countless times we’d pulled overnighters and slept in the warehouse for an earlier start. We were a pretty devoted team.

Well of course ever since John had been diagnosed, I’d made sure to be home every night to cater for possible needs. Sometimes (not so much as of recently) he comes in during the day with Garrett to see me and brings lunch. We’d sit on the floor of my office eating and I’d show him the work I’d been doing while he’d tell me what was going on in the studio.
I loved those spontaneous little dates.

I missed them too.

Soon enough, everybody joined me around the table as I brought up the agenda and schedule of what had to be accomplished that week.

“Okay, so by the end of the week, we have to have three new shirt designs for The Cinema," I began, looking over at the design team. “Two for The Maine and another three for The Lost Boys,” I explained, “we also have to design a new shirt for Dirk Mai.”

“So far all we’ve got left is one The Maine, a Cinema shirt and two Lost Boys,” Lennon said, reading off of his own iPad. Snazzy little things they were, and so much handier than a huge freakin’ laptop, that’s for sure. Mine was a gift from John last Christmas, funny enough. He ordered with the cheesy little message inscribed on the back reading ‘you’re so good in bed’ as a joke.

I made sure I had tape over it in professional meetings.

“Okay,” I nodded. “And we needed to get them up in the store by Friday night, ready for sale the following morning,” I said to Jack and Layla, “you’ll need to put them as pre-order and have the designs sent to the printers by the following Monday to get them in on Wednesday, and we’ll really need to get a move on considering we don’t work Thursdays.” I added.

For me, it was a really easy going week, with yesterday’s extra day off.

“We’ll be able to get it done,” Layla nodded, “easily.”

“As long as you’re so confident,” Jack laughed, nodding. “But yeah, we’ll be fine.”

“Right then. Let’s get to work!” I cheered over enthusiastically, sending them all into a chorus of groans and eye rolls. “Oh come on, it’s Wednesday morning and you’re already complaining?” I
scoffed.

“You weren’t here yesterday,” Lennon stated, “neither was Tate, so you can’t talk.”

“Oh come on,” Tate scoffed, shoving Lennon who sat beside her. “Your girlfriend actually has a normal job, our other halves are gone nine months out of the year, cut us some slack.” She excused dramatically.

“There is such thing as Skype, Tate, you’re not living in the stone age,” Elijah smirked, winding her up. “And y’know, mobiles, and-“

“Okay Elijah, I get it,” She muttered, “I will throttle you in a minute-“

“Guys!” I intervened quickly. Those two had the most tension and that caused a few problems every now and then considering they worked under the same wing. I was tempted to put them through couple counselling, regardless of the fact that they weren’t a couple. “Let’s just get on with it. I have an absolute fuck load of paperwork and you’re already stressing me out.” I groaned dramatically as I stood from the table, taking my iPad and coffee back to my office, making sure to switch on the stereo as I walked past.

Working for 8123 is actually how John and I met, along with Tate and Garrett. I’ve known Tim for years, and although beauty and cosmetology was always my first choice, he needed a hand and I offered. I mean I did a few make-up jobs, and it was enough to keep me satisfied and I mean, this job wasn’t exactly slavery, it was fun and casual.

Tim introduced us a year and nine months ago. It took John a month to actually ask me to be his girlfriend. We went on about seven dates in one month before he asked. Since then it’s just flown. Tate was actually best friends with Pat before she met Garrett. At the start Pat wouldn’t let Garrett date her, because he was so protective. Then one day he caught them making out and green flagged it, threatening Garrett of course. But hey, a year and a half on and they were fine.

The day surprisingly flew past with no major interruptions. By lunch time, I’d walked across the road to the small café, dialling John’s number as I crossed the road. He hadn’t texted me or called at all, and although that probably indicated he was okay, my thoughts were a tad more negative.
He answered, on the fourth ring, sounding extremely tired.

“Hello?” He croaked.

“Hey baby, it’s me,” I said softly, frowning at the sound of his voice. “Are you okay?”

“I’ve been throwing up since you left,” He groaned painfully. “I think it’s-I don’t know what it is, but I feel like shit.”

I hated when he was like this. When he was sick and I couldn’t do anything to help him. I closed my eyes as I stopped outside the café, quietly reciting his side effects over in my head. “You feel nauseous?” I asked softly, knowing he’d already have a-

“Yeah, my head kills.”

Headache.

“Are you sweating?” I asked. “And are you laying down? What are you wearing, babe?” I asked, knowing I was bombarding him with questions.

“I’m on the couch, it’s so hot in here Lei, I’m only in my boxers,” He groaned. I could feel the pain radiating from his voice. I couldn’t go home though, I had so much work to do and I couldn’t keep taking time off for him.

“Have you had a shower?” I asked. “You should have a shower-“

“I’ve had, like, two,” He informed, his voice beginning to slow down. “My head kills, babe.”

I sighed, knowing he’d just have to sit it out. “Have you been to the bathroom? You might have constipa-“

“Leighton…” He groaned over me.

I rolled my eyes. “Well you might, John. You just need to drink lots of water, and only eat dry foods. There’s painkillers above the fridge but only take one, and then take a sleeping pill if you can’t get back to sleep.”

“I can’t sleep, period.”

“You’re going to have to try,” I sighed, “I know you’re in pain John, but you’re going to have to sit through it, or sleep through it. These are just the side effects of the medication.”

“They fucking suck,” He whimpered, letting out a deep breath. “I’ll let you go.”

“Call me if it gets worse, okay?” I said softly. “Or call Jared or Eric to come look after you.”

“Yeah okay,” He breathed heavily. “I’ll see you later, bub.”

“Take care John, I love you.”

“Love you too.”

He hung up and I slipped my phone into my back pocket before heading into the café. He’d now be on my mind all afternoon, distracting me from my work. So badly I just wanted to pick him up something and head home, playing nurse for the rest of the day. But I couldn’t do that and I knew that. I only had a couple of hours left here before I was finished and if he needed anything else he’d call.
Taking this into consideration, I ordered a chicken Caesar salad wrap and a Vitamin Water before heading back across the road to eat it. I’ll book him an appointment with his doctor for sometime during the week, get the morning off to take him and discuss and alternative medication. This one just wasn’t working, it was only making him sick. Sure, his emotions and mood were a lot more balanced, but it wasn’t worth the physical pain and sleepless nights he was receiving. He deserved a change.

I returned back to the warehouse, to find everyone in their stations attacking the work we had to do. There was so much more to it than just designing and shipping, but we had a hardworking team and I was sure we’d be able to get through it easily.

I returned to my office and placed my lunch down, picking up the phone before I ate. I flipped through
the diary on my desk until I found the contacts page, skimming through them until I found Dr. Adams’ number. I punched it into the keypad on the cradle, and sat back as it rang. He answered a few rings later and I sat forward.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Dr. Adams, it’s Leighton Johnson. John O’Callaghan’s-“

“Oh yes, Leighton, what can I do for you?” He greeted. He had a great memory I’ll give him that.

“I was wondering if I could book an appointment for John,” I explained, “he just rang me a few minutes ago, the medication’s really making him sick. And I know that’s normal for the side effects, but he’s throwing up and he’s in a lot of pain.”

“I see…” Dr. Adams hummed. “Stomach cramps and everything along those lines, is it?”

I nodded, then mentally smacked myself when I realised he couldn’t see me. “Yeah, and it’s stopping him from sleeping.”

“Alright, how about I book an appointment for Monday morning-seven thirty, is that okay? I’m all full up this week and that’s the only time I’ll be able to fit him in.” Dr. Adams explained.

“Yeah I guess so,” I replied, “I mean he might be better by then-“

“And that’s completely fine,” Dr. Adams assured. I looked up as I saw Tate standing by my office door with a clipboard. I held my hand up, asking for a minute as I resumed to the conversation. “In the meantime, I’ll scope out an alternative medication, but keep him on bed rest. He can have one painkiller every twelve hours if needs be.”

“Alright, I’ll let him know. Thank you so much, Dr. Adams,” I sighed, “I appreciate it.”

“Just doing my job sweetheart,” Dr. Adams chuckled. “I’ve also found a psychologist suitable for John’s condition, if he’s interested.”

“Yeah, he’s not interested in speaking to a specialist, but I’ll have another talk to him about it,” I promised. John was ever so reluctant about talking to someone about the reasons he was depressed.
“Anyway, I have to go but we’ll see you on Monday.”

“Alright, take care Leighton.”

“You too doc,” I replied before we hung up, and I placed the phone back down to its cradle. I looked up at Tate and waved her in before writing the time of the appointment in my diary. “What’s up?”

“I could ask the same thing,” She mused as she walked into my office, sitting in the chair in front of me. “Everything okay?”

“Not really,” I sighed, dropping my pen down and resting my head in my hands. “John rang me before, he’s in so much pain from the medication,” I explained, “stomach cramps, nausea, he’s throwing up, I had to book him an appointment for Monday to switch the medication.”

“Jesus,” Tate mumbled, “you not going home to see him?” She asked.

I shook my head. “I can’t, I have too much work to get through. I told him to call one of the guys if he needs someone.” I sighed guiltily. Should I have gone home to see him?

“That’s a good idea,” Tate nodded reassuringly. “I’m sure he’ll be okay. He’s a big boy.”

I bit down on my lip, unsure. “I just…he’s on medication, y’know? I want to trust him, but…there’s still that doubt in the back of my mind, y’know?” I admitted. I know how bad it sounded. We’d been together for almost two years and I was treating him like a child. He was turning twenty five in two weeks for gods’ sake.

Twenty five.

I wasn’t turning twenty two until the month after. There was only about three years between us, which didn’t really affect us at all, except for the fact that one of his favourite nicknames’ for me is ‘minor’ because when we got together I was only twenty.

“Yeah, that’s completely understandable,” Tate nodded reassuringly. “I mean I’d be the same way about Pat, or Garrett, y’know?”

I nodded, relieved I wasn’t just being a bad girlfriend. “So what did you need?”

She looked at me for a moment before her eyes widened and she raised her clipboard. “Right! I need you to sign this!” She declared, dropping it on my desk and sliding it over. Tate was sometimes a little forgetful. One time, she forgot the guys were coming home from tour, and she didn’t wait up for Garrett, so when he came home at two in the morning she started attacking him because she thought he was a burglar. Let’s just say he had to go to the emergency room with a bag of frozen peas on his crotch.

I rolled my eyes teasingly at her as I looked down at the clipboard. “What’s this for?”

“Some workplace regulation thing,” She shrugged, “Tim emailed it to me last night, some shit about OHS.”

I signed after my name and slid it back to her. “Anything else?”
“Nah it’s all good, I’ll let you get back to work. Let me know how John goes,” She offered as she headed for the door. “He’ll be fine, babe.”

“I sure hope so.”

*
The rest of the day dragged on, now knowing that I wanted to get home to John. I got worried when he didn’t call back to let me know how he was going. I tried to convince myself that he’d just fallen asleep, but it wasn’t easy to believe when I knew about his insomnia. Yes, another side effect to the lovely medication it felt like I was also on. His side effects never went unnoticed, thanks to the extensive study session myself and Jared had when John was first diagnosed. We knew them inside out that it was now unable to forget about them. Sometimes I’d be sitting in a café by myself on my lunch break, and I’d just see someone and start analyzing them, unaware that I was silently diagnosing them at the same time.

Sometimes it was too hard not to.
But eventually I finished up at work, being the last one to leave as usual before I locked up the warehouse and headed to my car, getting in and beginning the drive home. My fingers danced nervously across the steering wheel as I headed home, not really knowing what to expect.

I got home a few minutes later, stepping out of the car and closing the door behind me. I tightened his jacket around my body as I walked up to our front door. It’d gotten cooler, which didn’t surprise me, considering it was getting close to Christmas. I noticed the extra car on the curb as I unlocked the door. It was Eric’s car so I figured John had called him over. I unlocked the front door and closed it behind me, hearing not Eric’s voice, but his girlfriend’s.

I stepped into the living room to find John laying on the couch, looking worse than he sounded this morning. “Hey.”

Jac looked up, offering me a small smile. “Hey,” She greeted softly, placing the glass of water on the coffee table and standing. She’d been sitting on the chair next to the couch John was laying on. “He called me round earlier, said he wasn’t feeling-“

“I feel like shit, babe.” John croaked, his eyes straight ahead. He was still only in boxer shorts, which hung below his protruding hips. Although he’d put on weight, it was hardly noticeable due to how thin he already was. Being so thin probably didn’t help with the side effects. It made the puking part so much more painful for him.

I walked over, dropping my bag by the door and kneeling beside him. I ran my fingers through his hair, which was damp with sweat. “You don’t look too flash, bub,” I sighed, before turning to Jac. “What time did you come round?”

“About one,” She responded, “he’s thrown up a few times, he fell asleep in the bathroom because he kept vomiting.”

I winced, turning back to John. His ribs were extremely evident and it was beginning to worry me. His hips and collarbones had never been that sharp. This was probably the thinnest I’d ever seen him. “I booked an appointment for you on Monday,” I explained, brushing his hair back off of his face. It was getting long and he needed to get it cut. I’d probably do that for him, considering I usually did anyway. “I’ll run you a bath babe, then we’ll eat and go to bed, huh?”

He nodded, closing his eyes slowly as a pout grew across his thin lips. “Only if you carry me.”

A small smile found it’s way to my lips as I let out a chuckle. I stood and turned to Jac. “Thank you so much for looking after him.”

“Yeah no problem,” She said casually, waving it off. “Call me whenever, although now I gotta go home and cook food for my dork.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“Say hi to dork.” John croaked, his voice breaking.

“Will do, O’Callaghan. Take care of yourself,” She chuckled, “seeya babe.”

“Seeya, I’ll catch you later,” I called as she headed out, closing the front door behind her. I turned back to John, making him my first priority. “Come on, I’ll run you a bath.”

“I can sleep here-“

“You probably could, but you stink,” I said bluntly. “I’d also prefer you to sleep with me.”

“Oh well that doesn’t sound too bad-“

“In our bed, you know what I mean.” I laughed, helping him sit up slowly, taking into consideration his throbbing head.

“I know,” He groaned, standing and putting most of his weight onto me as I guided him to the stairs. “Partly my fault, huh?”

I sent him a look as we slowly ascended the stairs. “It’s the medication, John.”

“God I can’t believe I got all of the side effects, y’know?” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “It sucks.”

“I know,” I nodded, “I hate seeing you like this. The intense stomach cramps are the worse.”

“God don’t remind me,” He groaned once more, clutching his stomach. “I know they’re going to start up again tonight.”

I let out a sigh. “We’ll get some food in you, okay? I’ll look after you, I promise.”

“I know you will, darlin’,” He mumbled, pressing a kiss to my temple as we entered the bathroom. I let go of him and bent down beside the bath, turning the taps on and placing the plug in. We haven’t used the bath in a long time, for probably a good eight months.

I sat on the edge of the bath as I waited for it to fill, adding different shower gels so he’d come out smelling a whole lot better than stenchy-boy. Coming off stage he didn’t smell this bad. I guess that’s because he never puked on stage, though. I looked over at him as he came to sit in front of me on the bath. “So how was the rest of your day?” I asked, taking his hand in mine. “Before you felt sick?”

“I uh mainly watched TV,” He shrugged, “still trying to unwind from tour, y’know?”

I nodded, understanding. Usually it took a few days for him to fall back into routine after getting so used to being away and having such a tight tour schedule. “You brought in a lot this tour, huh?”

He nodded, smiling a little. They’d done impeccably well this tour, selling out every date on tour, and coming home with absolutely no merch left. I was proud of them, for sure. It was their highest grossing tour to date, making almost double what their last tour had made. “Yeah, which is awesome, cause we worked our asses off, y’know? It feels good to know it’s paid off.”

“I’m proud of you, baby,” I smiled, leaning in to kiss him. “So proud.”

“I missed this,” He murmured, closing his eyes like he usually did. His hands rested on my hips and it occurred to me he’d brushed his teeth earlier after puking because all I could taste was mint. Unless he begged Jac to get him mint ice cream from the store, an attempt to really milk out the whole ‘patient’ thing. “Four months is such a long time.”

“It is,” I groaned, as his hands sat under my shirt, squeezing my hips. His hands were good more than just musically, in case you’re wondering. “I’m not letting you leave again, sorry.”

“Babe I gotta make a living,” He smirked, biting down on my lip.

I shook my head gently. “Nope, you don’t.”

“You’re cute,” He mumbled, kissing me with a lot more force than earlier. He kept getting stronger, and I let go of myself and let him take over, holding me tightly with his strong arms. He could do that sort of thing to me, and I’d melt.

“You are-“ Before I could finish my endearing response, his kiss was a little too strong, as matters proved, and I leant too far back, slipping off the edge of the bath and…well, into the bath, with John crashing down on top of me. I screamed as we landed in the bath, water splashing over the edges. He groaned as he fell on top of me, his body covering mine.

“Fuck,” He chuckled, opening his eyes and looking at me, the smile growing before we burst out laughing.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” I laughed, kicking my shoes off, which thankfully hadn’t gotten wet because our legs were still hanging over the edge of the bath. “We’re so clumsy.”

“You are,” He laughed, kissing me once more. “Falling for me as usual,”

My eyes widened and I shoved him playfully. “Ass,”

“Yes please,” He smirked, kissing my forehead. “Look at that, you made me feel better without doing anything at all.” John murmured softly.

“Well y’know,” I smirked, “I’m good like that.”

*
After John had his bath and I showered, I cooked us a simple mac n’ cheese dish that we ate together before we headed upstairs to bed, flicking on the TV as we got in, sit against the headboard instead of laying down.

“You want me to fix your nails?” I asked, looking over at him as he sat beside me in almost the same attire as this morning except he was wearing a baseball t-shirt too. His hair was damp and hanging around his face, a constant reminder that he needed it cut.

“Not tonight,” He shook his head gently, as if going too fast would cause an unwanted headache. “My stomach hurts too much.”

I sighed sympathetically, running my hand through his hair and the other one down the front of his shirt. “My poor baby,” I cooed.

“It hurts so bad, Lei,” He whined, sinking down under the covers, his eyes clenching shut. Neither of us were paying attention to the TV, but it calmed the room as background noise. “Make it stop.”

I hated that I couldn’t. I hated watching him suffer.

“You know I can’t, babe,” I sighed, my eyes glazing his form. “You want me to grab you a heat pack?”

“No, I just want you here,” He murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Don’t leave me baby.”

“Never,” I scoffed, brushing his hair back. “Tomorrow’s a Thursday so I can look after you all day tomorrow as well.” I said, reminding him of my day off. I was actually kind of looking forward to it, to be honest. I looked forward to any day with him, something I learnt not to take for granted since he started touring.

“Whole day with you don’t sound too bad,” He murmured, his country roots slipping in his sentence. Sometimes he could sound like a country love song without even realizing it.
I slipped my hands under his shirt, letting them rest on his chest as I usually did. His body was cold, although I could feel him sweating slightly as his body began to heat up.

Sleep? Yeah right.

*
All through the night last night, John was whimpering and groaning, the stomach cramps keeping the both of us up all night. He couldn’t ignore them, and neither could I. Countless times he’d kicked me by accident, grimacing at the pain that travelled throughout his abdomen. At around eleven, he was in the bathroom for half an hour, puking. He came back and I got him a heat pack for his stomach, and made him take another pain killer, as the cramps were beginning to travel through his body.

By three, he woke me up almost screaming in pain as his entire body apparently felt paralyzed. I honestly felt like crying, mainly because I hadn’t slept for a full hour, and because I honestly couldn’t do anything to help him, or make the pain stop. Sometimes seeing him in pain was too much for me.
You never want to see that, but I had to face it usually on a daily basis.

Eventually the pain began to decrease, and he was sleeping by six am. I however, couldn’t even try to get to sleep, with too many thought racing around in my mind. At nine thirty, I quit trying and just got up, leaving our bedroom and closing the door behind me because I knew John wouldn’t be awake for a few hours due to the lack of sleep he’d had the night before.

I made my way downstairs, flicking the TV on and lowering the volume before walking into the kitchen to make myself a coffee. I opened up blinds and windows as the coffee machine came to life before me. I played with the hem of my night dress as I waited for the coffee to brew. Of course, my peaceful morning was disrupted by someone knocking on the front door.

I groaned inwardly, walking through the living room to grab my robe that I shrugged on over my pajamas (if it was one of the guys I don’t think John would appreciate me wearing something this…exposing around them) before opening the front door. A small smile grew on my lips as I saw my oldest friend (and John’s) standing on the other side of the wire door, which I opened to greet him in a hug.

“God you’re still tiny.” Jared chuckled, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Shut up,” I laughed, once we pulled away and I poked him in the chest. “What do I owe the pleasure of today, Monaco?”

“Just thought I’d see if John was up,” Jared shrugged. “We were gonna hit the record store today.”
I nodded, letting him into the kitchen. “He’s still asleep, actually. He didn’t get to sleep until six this morning.”

Jared frowned. “Shit, really?”

I nodded again. “Coffee?”

“No I’m good thanks,” He said, shaking his head. “Is he okay now, or was it serious?”

“Uh he was throwing up all yesterday,” I explained, “he had stomach cramps and it just got really bad, Jay.” I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “Last night he was almost in tears because his whole body was just cramping and he was in the bathroom for half an hour puking-it just got really bad.” I said as I made a coffee. “Worst he’s been.”

“And these are all side effects, right?” Jared asked, leaning against the bench across from me.
I nodded sadly. “We’re going to the doctors on Monday to swap the medication. It’s just making him sick.”

“God, sounds horrible,” Jared sighed, “On tour, there was only one night, where he was puking for about two hours straight. Tim slept in the bathroom with him because there was no point on going back to his bunk. That’s how much he was in there.”

I frowned at this new information. “He never told me about that.”

Jared sent me a look. “You really think he would?” He let out a sigh. “Like he’d want you to know when he’s not doing well. He doesn’t want to worry you-“

“But he knows I’d worry regardless.” I stated. “He knows how I am.”

“Yeah, and he hates worrying you,” Jared explained. “The guy is always supposed to be the one who protects and looks after the girl. Not the other way ‘round. You think I’d want Hilary worrying about me? Or thinking that I’m too weak to protect her?”

“He’s…he’s not weak, Jay…” I pouted quietly.

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel weak,” Jared pointed out, “trust me Leighton, it’s a guy thing.”

“Sounds more like a pride thing,” I mused, raising my coffee mug to my lips. Ah, good coffee is needed to survive the morning.

“Well it could be that too,” Jared chuckled, “Anyway, I should get going. Call me if you need anything alright?” He said, kissing me on the cheek as he left the kitchen.

“Will do, thanks Jared!” I called out from the kitchen as I followed him to the door.

“No prob, take care.” He called back, before heading down the drive.

“You too!”

I closed the door and looked at the stairs with a frown. I’ve never thought of John as weak, or unable to do all those things Jared talk about. I mean…we didn’t have that type of relationship, where one person wore the pants and the other tied their shoes. It wasn’t like that, we treated each other fairly, and yeah, a lot of the time I let John baby me, and do the manly things around the house, but that’s just because that’s how guys were.

Not once did I stop to think that his condition was slowly eating away at that.