Worth It

"I swear to God," Ellie groaned, she was lying flat in bed, her round stomach protruding as her hands rubbed in small circles, she could feel the baby moving from inside her. The doctors told her he weighed in at almost six pounds. Ellie figured he had to be out of room, "if this baby doesn't come soon I'm going to serve him an eviction notice-"

Zayn walked out of the bathroom, a smile stretched across his face.

Ellie felt her heart speed up at the sight. He was in nothing but a pair of sweat pants which were swung low on his hips, his body had always driven her crazy but that paired with the hormones? She was sure this qualified as some sort of torture.

"Just be patient-" Zayn playfully scolded as he climbed into bed. But instead of laying down he crawled over lifting at Ellie's shirt. He smiled leaning down only to press a soft kiss to Ellie's skin. She smiled as she felt his eyelashes flutter against her, sending shivers over her body. Keeping one hand firm on her belly he laid down, his body close to hers. The tips of their noses touching, "he will be here whenever he is ready, and not a moment sooner."

"but I'm so miserable..." she groaned, rolling so she was flat on her back, looking down she groaned, she never thought she would miss being able to see her feet...

"I know baby..." His voice empathetic, "I wish I could take your pain away. I would do anything, but I promise you, when you are finally holding him, it will all be worth it." she let out a loud sigh

"Come on love bug. Mommy is ready for you..." she nearly whispered thinking maybe her son would take mercy on her tired body. Zayn just smiled pulling her in close.

"What is it you're always telling me? Nothing with having comes easy and nothing easy is worth having?" He pondered before placing a loving kiss on her round cheek.

She knew Zayn was right.
She knew this would all be worth it.
But she had never been a patient person.

She had literally tried every old wives tale and trick in the book.

Spicy food.
Castor oil.
Massage.
Sex.
She had even tried acupuncture.
Nothing had worked.

"I think he's shy like his daddy..." Ellie's voice was low as she laid her hands on her stomach, smiling at her sons every movement. As much as she wanted him here, she would miss holding him within her. She would miss knowing he was safely tucked under her ribs away from the world.

"Or stubborn like his mum..." Zayn countered. Ellie bit her lip as the baby kicked hard just above her belly button.

Ellie smiled as Zayn's eyes went wide. He had felt the baby kick a thousand times, but he was always just as surprised and excited as the first.

"I'm pretty sure he's going to be a footballer..." Zayn spoke softly, his hand flat against her stomach, as his fingers spread wide.

"What are you going to do if he's a Manchester City fan?" Ellie asked, knowing that would really get Zayn going.

"Oh no!" he spoke at the baby, "Not my boy. My boy will be a United fan!"

Ellie smiled, she almost had to fight the tears. She had grown up without a father, so seeing what an amazing father Zayn would surely be tugged at her heart, "so when are you going to tell me his name?" Ellie thought for a moment before quickly placing a kiss on each of his cheeks, and then on the tip of his nose.

"Mmmm, the hospital?" she teased, knowing all too well it was driving him mad.

From the moment they found out she was pregnant they had made a deal, Zayn would name the baby should it be a girl, while Ellie would name the baby should it be a boy. Ellie had picked out the name months ago, but decided she would surprise Zayn.

"I promise you will love it," she remarked, still holding his face in her tiny hands, "I'm hot..." Ellie perked quickly, making Zayn let out a laugh, "will you turn the fan on?"

"The fan? El, its seven degrees out and it's snowing like crazy, and you want the fan on?" she just nodded, sporting a cheeky smile knowing all too well he wouldn't be able to say no. He reached in, pecking at her plump pink lips, "Anything, love..."

He got up, flipping at the switch on the wall, "thank you..." Ellie mumbled before blowing a kiss at Zayn. He held his hand out pretending to catch it.

"Anything else? Are you thirsty? Hungry?" Ellie just shook her head 'no' patting at the spot next to her. He was really too good to her.

"Just for you to come and hold me..."

Zayn smiled flipping off the last of the lights before he fell into bed, wrapping Ellie in his arms.



Ellie sat straight up.

The room was dark, Zayn's breathing was all she could hear.

Her breathing was labored and the bed beneath her was wet.

She grabbed at her stomach as she felt her muscles tense, letting out a low groan she reached over, shaking at Zayn, "Zayn! Zayn! Baby wake up!" he groaned, rolling over he pressed his face deep into the pillow.

"You want a peanut butter and banana sandwich?" his voice was muffled.

"No! Zayn! My water broke!" And that was all it took.

Zayn sat straight up in bed, he quickly flipped the bedside light on, "Okay! Be calm!" Ellie rolled her eyes as she threw her legs over the side of the bed.

"I am calm, Zayn." She groaned watching as Zayn pulled a clean white tee shirt from the clothes basket at the end of the bed. Zayn walked over looking out the window, the snow was coming down so fast he could hardly see the walkway leading up to the door, "I think maybe we can wait a little while before we go to the hospital-" but Zayn just shook his head, pulling at the curtains.

"No El, it's really putting down out there. It could take a while to get to the hospital. We need to go now."

"Okay, just let me put my hair up?" Ellie asked walking into the bathroom.

She quickly threw her hair up into a top knot.

Zayn packed all their things into the car and they were off.

It was a slow drive, but at every stop light Ellie would catch Zayn glancing into the backseat, smiling at the very sight of the car seat.

The nurses would go on to tell Ellie what she already knew.
She was in labor.

"And you're sure you don't want the epidural?" The older woman asked, scribbling frantically at the file that lay open on the tray.

"Positive..."

Zayn just held her hand.
He knew this was something Ellie wanted. But he was dreading every moment he would see her in pain, a pain that without the epidural, would only be more intense.

On January 18th, in one of the worst snowstorms London had seen, Ellie and Zayn welcomed their little boy into the world.

The doctor laid the crying baby on Ellie's chest.
Ellie cried as the newborn took her finger into his hand.
Zayn cried, placing a kiss on her sweaty forehead.

He couldn't help but admire the perfect little boy.
He had big hazel eyes just like his daddy, but he had his momma’s nose and rosebud lips.
And his hair was an impossibly dark color.

"Ellie," the doctor piqued from behind his mask, looking up with fear in his grey eyes, "how are you feeling?"

Zayn felt his heart begin to race as he began to frantically look between Ellie and the older man. He knew something...something he wasn't telling them

"Um..." Ellie began to fumble with her words, her head bobbing as if she had no control, "dizzy...dizzy and- and weak..."

"Get him out of here!" Those were the last words to leave the man’s mouth before a nurse grabbed at Zayn's arm, pulling him from the room.

And just like that they disappeared down to surgery.

"Jesus Christ!" Zayn cried, running his hands roughly through his hair, which was now standing on its end as he paced obsessively around the waiting room, "What is going on?"

Everyone sat strung through the room, silent.

His mother and father. His sisters. His band mates.

"Sweetheart..." Tricia stood walking over to her son, taking his shaking hand into hers.

Zayn took in his mother’s appearance, her eyes were blood shot and swollen and tears stained her pale face.

Tricia reached up with her free hand, wiping at the tears drawing in Zayn's big hazel eyes.

"I just want to see Ellie and my baby..." he mumbled, his bottom lip quivering as the tears washed down his face. Tricia just nodded.

Zayn knew she meant well, and he knew she was upset in her own right, but he had never felt so alone or so helpless. No one surrounding him had ever been in his shoes. They could empathize, but they couldn't understand, and no matter how hard he willed or prayed, it seemed like nothing was happening.

"Zayn Malik?" a nurse which he had recognized from the delivery room –he thought her name was Brittany- walking through the doors, a surgical mask draped from her neck, those little paper booties stretched over her Nike's, and a paper cap fitted over her red hair, her face was tired.

"Yes!" Zayn huffed, nearly running towards the woman. She offered his a weak smile, tucking a chart under her arms, "What's going on? How is she?" he talked fast, it was amazing she was even able to digest what he had said.

"She hemorrhaged..." she answered softly, Zayn's entire body began to quiver, but Brittany reached out her freckled hand, grabbing onto his forearm, "she’s in surgery now, the doctor believes she'll be fine." Zayn shook his head, a dazed look filling his bloodshot eyes, "she should only be in surgery 45 minutes or so...but if you'd like, I can take you to the nursery to see the baby?"

"Really?" Zayn asked, almost daring to smile.

"Absolutely, just follow me..." Zayn followed quickly behind the woman, but he felt someone grab his hand, squeezing it. He looked over to see his mother, who was now clinging to him.

They walked down a pastel colored hallway before finding themselves standing in the nursery, the room was full of beautiful babies. Light skinned, dark skinned, blonde babies, brunette babies, and red headed babies.

But Zayn felt his heart swell at the most beautiful baby of all, his.

The nurse motioned for Zayn to take a seat in the nearby rocking chair, he did so, his body barely touching the seat before the nurse was standing before him holding out the squirming baby.

Zayn smiled, curling his arms.

But the very moment she lay him in Zayn's arms, he began to cry.

"hi buddy..." he mumbled, stroking at the tiny hand, but he began to breath heavily as the baby reached up, taking hold of his finger, "hi baby boy..."

"He's perfect love," Tricia mumbled, reaching down, kissing the tip of his tiny button nose.

"He is, yeah?" Zayn asked, his smile swollen with pride, "I..." he fumbled, but then it hit him, "I don't even know his name, El was going to surprise me-" but Zayn's father stepped forward, a proud smile beaming from his bearded face.

"I do, but I want Ellie to tell you..." he mumbled, stroking at the hair on the baby's head.

"Ellie told you?" Zayn asked, making his dad nod.

"She wanted a traditional Arabic name, to honor your poppa..." he mumbled, Zayn didn't even hesitate as he let out a low sob.

Ellie just had to make it...

Zayn sat in the silence, his family watching from across the nursery, letting him enjoy his baby boy-- memorizing every detail. Zayn never wanted to forget this moment.

The way his son looked.
His tiny ink stained feet.
His chocolate eyes and the way they searched the room.
The tiny pink and blue hospital bracelet wrapped around his wrist.
Or the bracelet wrapped around his ankle, the one that read Baby Malik, Mother: Ellie Ford, D.O.B: 1/18/2014.
And the soft blue Carter's blanket that encompassed his tiny body.
How restless his son was, almost as if he knew his mother was absent.
But mostly, he never wanted to forget how awful it felt to be without Ellie.
Because he never wanted to feel this way again.

"Zayn?" the voice pulled him from his thoughts, he looked up to spot Brittany who was sporting a genuine smile this time, "Ellie is in recovery, usually, we don’t let family back but I spoke to the doctor and he pulled some strings. If you’d like to see her-“

Zayn didn’t even give her a chance to finish before answer with a desperate ‘yes’.

She couldn’t hide her smile, as she nodded. “If you'd like I can push the baby in his bassinet or-"

"I'll carry him..." Zayn spoke, pulling his exhausted body from the chair.

He followed closely behind Brittany, clutching the baby close to his chest, at Zayn's every movement the tiny baby would fuss.

"Shhh..." Zayn cooed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

But as Zayn walked through the door, he spotted Ellie laying in her hospital bed. She was awake, and at the sight of Zayn, tears began to stream down her sleepy face.

"Zayn..." she cried, but he just smiled, taking a seat on her bed. He didn't even hesitate before laying the baby on her chest. Her hands began to instinctively rub at the fussy infant who at the simple touch of his mother, instantly fell quiet, his alert eyes closing.

Zayn had to choke back a sob as the baby’s tiny fist peeked out from behind the blanket before clutching at the neck of Ellie’s hospital gown.

"Baby," Zayn muttered, before leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead.

“He’s so perfect…” Ellie croaked, her voice hoarse from the breathing tube. “yes, you are…” she hummed, her finger stroking at his tiny fist. But the baby had been desperate for her, because at the touch of her finger his fist opened wide, clutching helplessly at her finger.

“He needed you-“ Zayn whispered, stroking at the baby’s hair, “we needed you.” he spoke, just a bit quieter this time.

Ellie just nodded, swallowing a sob. “Do you want to know his name?” Zayn swallowed hard, his head nodding profusely. "This..." she muttered through small tears, "is Ashar Caleb Malik..." Zayn smiled as his father began to hum the child's name in his native language, "in honor of poppa Malik..." Ellie smiled wider, her eyes exhausted as she beamed at the baby, "Ashar is a blessed, Caleb is whole-hearted..."

Zayn laid his hands on her round cheeks, before he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her pink lips. His smile stretching wide as he pulled away, admiring the tiny being he and Ellie had created.

"Didn't I tell you it would be worth it?"