Still Strung out on You

It has been one year. Almost one year anyway. So, why the hell was I still so strung out on the guy who broke me into tiny little pieces? No matter what he put me through back then, I still love him. There was no way that I could even begin to try and deny it. The way he looks. The way he flips his hair. The way he does that cute half smile whenever he sees me. The way he always smelled like the aftershave I bought him for valentines day - which happened to be just three weeks before he made my life come tumbling down. It still makes my heart ache, and my stomach do flips.

I think we must have talked, like, four times after that? It was something like that anyway. The most recent time was just two days ago, and he left me trying to reel my feelings and emotions back in. Again. It wasn't working, and he knew exactly what he was trying to do. He was trying to worm his way back in, and do you know what the sad part is? I would let him back in with the click of a finger. It's funny how that works, isn't it? No matter how much someone hurts you, you're always eager to give them a second chance. And a third. And a fourth. Because deep down you just wish they would change.

So, let me introduce myself. My name is Alex Gaskarth. I am a sixteen year old male who originally comes from Essex, a place just outside of London. A place that is nothing other than a distant memory to me now. I moved over here to Baltimore, Maryland when I was eight years old. I liked it here. In fact, that was an understatement. I loved it here. There are quite a few great things about living in America, but I'll leave that for now, otherwise I'll be here all day. I like to write songs, and my biggest dream of all time is to start a band and become as big as blink-182 or Green Day.

This is where Jack Barakat, my ex boyfriend, comes in. He is the only person, aswell as mine and his families, who know about my dream. They are the only people who know that I can sing. I'm not shy but, not to be big headed or anything, I'm quite popular and I'm not ready to ruin my reputation by telling everyone I can sing. I would much rather keep my reputation in tact, at least until I leave school.

Anyway, back to Jack. Two days ago, at lunch, he came over to the table that I was sat at in the cafeteria and sat down on the bench across from me. I was way too engrossed in working on a new song idea that I just came up with, so I didn't realise he was even there until I heard a cough. I looked up, seeing him sat with that stupid, cute half smile plastered on his face.

"What do you want, Barakat?" I asked.
"I just wondered if you, um, wanted to, er, um..." He stuttered.
"Spit it out, already."
"Do you want to come over on Saturday?"
"Why? I mean, I'll come over I guess, but why?"
"I just want to show you something that I've been working on. And my mom made me ask you come over for dinner 'cause she misses you."
"Okay. I'll come over about 12?"
"Yeah, that's cool. Hey, whatcha working on?"
"A song."
"Can I look at it?"
"If you must. It's not finished yet though!"

He reached out and took the piece of paper with the song on it from my hands and read it, whilst I sat there wondering why the fuck he's suddenly decided to talk to me again. He handed me the sheet back with a thoughtful look. That wasn't something I, or anybody, was used to... He's changed. Wow.

"That's good. Like, really good. But, I think you should change the chorus a little. I have an idea. Here, give me some paper and a pen."
"Okay..."
"Two minutes!"
...
"Done! Here, read it. I think it fits in well with the verses."

He gave me the sheet back and I read what he had written:
'Lets scream this song,
so tonight we can stay together.
Can't you hear me say,
"Don't wait too long 'cause I won't wait for ever"
Won't you light the way?'

"So, what d'ya think?"
"That actually fits so much better than what I wrote."
"I'm glad you like it. Anyway, I'm gonna head off. Don't forget, saturday my house about 12ish" He grinned at me.
"How could I ever forget, Jack?" I smiled back at him, then off he went.

And that, my dear friends, is why my emotions and feelings are all over the place... Again. Over the same damned boy. Why can I not just get my act together and stop falling even more in love with him every single time he comes around?