Still Strung out on You

Hearing the faint sound of my alarm clock, I started to slowly stir from my slumber. I couldn't really sleep much last night. I wasn't able to stop thinking about everything... Everything being Alex. I haven't been this bad in so long. I really miss him so much. All I could do was replay the part where I told Alex that we could no longer be together. I used the whole "it's not you, it's me" thing, because, well, that was the truth. It wasn't his fault. It was actually mine. I got wasted. I fucked some other guy. Everything was my fucking fault, and I haven't been able to live with myself since.

I looked over to my alarm clock to see what time was showing in the bright red LED lighting on the black alarm clock. 10:51am. Wait. 10:51AM?! Shit. Alex is coming over in about an hour and ten minutes.

Upon realising that I had managed to sleep in late even though I had barely slept, I jumped out of bed, raced around my room tidying away any clean clothes laying around and throwing mucky one into the wash basket, went to my wardrobe to pull out the outfit I was gonna wear (I had planned it since the day I asked him to come over...), I jumped into the shower. I think I was about fifteen minutes in the shower. I spent ten minutes getting dressed, drying my hair and styling it.

I found my acoustic guitar and placed it next to the computer desk I had, which had Alex's favourite blink-128 song tabs. You see, I've been learning how to play this particular song on the guitar and I've also been learning how to sing it. I think I have the knack of it now, but heres to hoping he'll like it.

I glanced at the alarm clock in my room again. This time it read 11:29am. Thirty one minutes until Alex arrives. Just enough time to cook pizza rolls which is his favourite food ever. At least, when I knew him it was. He might have changed now. I wouldn't know because I don't have the courage to go up to him and talk to him anymore these days.. Except from the day I invited him over.

I ran downstairs, only to find my mom in the kitchen. I needn't worry about putting pizza rolls in the oven since my mom had already done that, aswell as bake a cake, buy ice cream and just basically made a feast. The things my mom does for me. May and Joe were staying in today for a change, hence why we basically have this huge buffet. My big brother and big sister. They are the coolest siblings ever, seriously. They're always looking out for me.

My mom looked over and smiled. She didn't say anything though because she was busy concentrating on icing the cake she'd baked. I gave her a quick, small smile before rushing to the window. It was 11:53. Alex would be here shortly. No sooner had I thought that I saw Alex's mom's car... Driving straight passed my house... Huh? Has Alex got cold feet and decided he didn't want to co- oh, now they're pulling up outside my house.

Shit. They've pulled up. I can't do this. I don't know if I'm ready for this. Oh my God. What do I do? I turned around to see my mom stood in the door of the kitchen looking at me with sympathy.

"Jack, I know how hard this is for you, but it is for the best. Just act yourself. Be the way you were before everything, ok sweetie?"
"I-I'll try." I gulped.

Looking back out of the window, I saw Alex's mom getting out of the car. I expected Alex to follow suit, but he didn't. He looked through the car window, straight through my window where I was stood. I froze. Alex froze. It felt like time had stopped. The look of pain and sadness instantly swept over Alex's face, although he tried his best to smile at me and pretend he was okay. I could feel that sense of dread and guilt in the pit of my stomach, closely followed by a wave of sadness washing over me.

I don't know if I could do this. But it was already too late. Alex had got out of the car and was walking towards the house with his mom.

*Knock. Knock. Knock*