Still Strung out on You

It was time. It was 11:46am. The drive to Jack's is about 10 minutes, so I'll be a little early but whatever. My mom was pestering me to get into the car, beeping every minute that passed. I grabbed my guitar and my drawstring bag. Making sure I didn't forget anything one last time, I walked out and locked the door. I walked up to the car and got in the back.

I did have the choice of sitting in the front but if I did that then I wouldn't have space to strum a few chords. My mom always told me how much of a good singer/guitar player I was, when I actually let her listen that was. It wasn't very often because I am quite secretive when it comes to something that I love. I take pride in my work, so if I think I wont be able to play it perfectly infront of people then I wont play it at all. I don't know why. I guess it's just the way I am.

I started playing the song I had been writing a few days ago. You know, the one where Jack changed the chorus? Yeah. That one.

"Busted plans and cigarettes,
nights and days I wont forget,
sleeping on my best friends floor,
with everything to ask for..."

Before I knew it, I had finished the song and my mom was gushing over how great it was. I told her that Jack rewrote the chorus for me, and how it fitted way better than what I wrote. She was surprised, because she along with the rest of us didn't know that Jack could write lyrics.

"Hey, mom?"
"Yes sweetie?"
"Do you want to hear another song? I just finished writing the music for it today. I've had the lyrics for ages!"
"Of course, I'd love to here it."
"Okay, well it's called 'Last Flight Home'"

I started strumming the guitar in the sound of the song.

"Shut your mouth and listen closely,
'Cause this silence isn't easy,
So I'll break it even harder than before.
'Cause I'm16 going on the end of my days,
And these words aren't gonna cut it then i'll find another way.
'cause I'm leaving what I know behind,
and I'm living out my chance to shine.
Like the stars now faded from your eyes,
and I hope you'll understand."

"Oh, Alex. You're so talented! I just know for certain that you're going to be a big star, and I'm going to be the proudest mom out there on this planet! I love you sweetie."
"Hah, thanks mom. I love you too. By the way, you just drove past Jack's..."
"Oh? Oh, so I have! Oops."

She turned back around and parked outside the house. She got out, getting the cookies and shutting the door expecting me to follow. I couldn't though. I'm scared. I looked through the car window to the front of the house, a thousand memories playing at once. That's when I spotted Jack standing in the window looking straight at me. I froze. He froze. Time froze. Everything froze. I felt a wave of pain and sadness wash over me. I tried to hide it and gave Jack a small smile. I saw different emotions pass on his face. Guilt. Pain. Sadness. A tiny bit of happiness.

I finally stepped out of the car and walked up to the door with my mom.

"Honey, I know you're scared but it will do you and Jack good if you at least try and work things out. You'll understand soon enough."
"But I don't think I'm ready for this yet."
"Alex, it's too late for you to say that now. Anyway, Jack wanted to show you something, did he not?"
"He did."
"And you have something to show him too, don't you?"
"I do."
"Well come on. Suck it up, trust me, things will get better from here on out. Me and your dad did the same thing, and look at us now. It will be okay, sweetie."

My mom knocked on the door. I put on my best fake smile. After a couple of minutes, Joyce answered the door. She was gushing over how much she had missed me comming round all the time, and how she knew Jack misses me too. My mom had wandered off into the living room where Jack was still stood, looking out of the window.

When Joyce had finally let go of me, my eyes were a little damp but my best fake smile was still there. She didn't notice my eyes though, thank God. As she turned to go in the room, I dried my eyes and followed in after her, taking a deep breath before I entered the room.

My mom had let Jack too and was in the kitchen where Jack's family was sitting. With the door closed. So there were just me and Jack. In the room. On our own. This couldn't be anymore awkward if we tried.

"Hi, Jacky. Uh, I mean Jack."

Shit. Why did I just say Jacky??

"Hey Lex."
"So..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"This is awkward, Jack."
"I know. I'm sorry. Lets just go eat."

We went to the kitchen and sat down next to each other since everyone else had already sat down, leaving just two places for me and Jack. Right next to each other. Well. Isn't this going to be great? Not. I want him to know just how much I want him, but I'm scared and when I'm scared I make a fool of myself. I just, I guess I just don't want him to think that he can cheat on me again if we ever did have another chance together. My mind is telling me that if I run back to him now, he'll do what he did last time again because he thinks he'll be able to get me back. Which he probably would. I just need to know that he is really sorry.

Before I get ahead of myself though, I have to be certain that he truly cares about me. We'll need to have friendship, and right now that doesn't look very likely since we can't even have a proper conversation on our own without it getting super awkward.

There was chatter amongst everyone round the table, except me and Jack. In between us was the awkward silence, where we know that we want to talk, and we know what to say, but both of us daren't start the conversation. At least that is how it is for me right now. Who knows what is on Jack's mind now. All I know is that we have to at least try not make this awkward for the time that I am here because I personally don't think I can put up with it.