Still Strung out on You

There was still a really awkward atmosphere in the kitchen. We just didn't know what to say to eachother. Or maybe, we just didn't know how to say whatever we wanted to say. There was chatter amongst everyone else around the table, however right where we were was just a deafening, awkward silence. And I can honestly say I hated it. But, I have no idea what to say to him to make it less awkward because he'll only give me quick, short, and snappy answers.

I'd finished eating about five to ten minutes prior to Jack randomly standing up, proding my shoulder to get my attention and say, "Alex, when you're ready come upstairs to my room please." before walking off upstairs.

I felt really uncomfortable sitting at the table with my mom, Jack's mom, Jack's dad, May and Joe. I was looking down at my food trying to process what I wanted to hear from Jack, but what I probably wont hear from him. I could feel five pairs of eyes burning holes straight through my brain. Wouldn't it be weird if they could read my mind?

After about five minutes or so, I scraped the chair back, stood up, then pushed the chair back in under the table. I gave everyone a quick nod of my head and a small smile before heading off upstairs to Jack's room. Now, any normal person would be like "Oh, I have kept them waiting long enough. I had better go straight to them." and then there's me. The guy who thinks "I've left them waiting long enough, best g- wait I remember this room..."

I wandered into his games room, looking around, reliving the flood of happy memories of me and Jack when we were together. This was where we first went all the way. This was also where he broke up with me. I walked out of the room, and walked to the end of the corridor, knocking on Jack's door when I arrived.

He responded to the knock saying, "Come in, tell me the bad news then get out." bad news huh? What was he talking about? I walked in and went straight to Jack's bed and sat down, pulling my legs up with my back against the wall. I remembered to bring my drawstring bag and my acoustic guitar with me, so I could show him yet another song that I've been working on and want his opinion of. I placed it next to the bed, leaning it up against the wall.

"Hey, dick face. What's up with you?" I asked, trying not to make this whole thing super awkward again.
"Look, I've been thinking. Uh, a hell of a lot and, uh.. I just wanted to apologize properly." He replied.
"Oh, uh, okay." Here goes, let's see if I hear what I want..
"Okay, so, uh, you have no idea how much I've wanted to tell you this. I've never had the courage to. But, you're here so I'll tell you now. That day, it was a mistake. I never meant to do it. Hence why I felt so guilty and told you straight away. We could have probably worked things out and we could still be together, but you have to understand that I haven't been able to live with myself since that day. Every night my brain replays the part where you broke down in front of me. I'm not good with words you know that, but.. Ugh. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I mean it when I say I'm fucking sorry okay? I want us to be friends, and maybe something more but I don't wanna push it. Just, I promise I'll never hurt you again. I've learned my lesson."
"Uh- I don't even know what to say to that."

Jack let out a sigh, "You don't have to say anything. You didn't do anything wrong. Just, let me show you what I wanted to show you then you can go if you really don't believe what I've just said. I care about you a lot, you just don't realise it because of what happened."

He got up from his bed and walked over to his desk where his guitar was. He started strumming his guitar. He made a few mistakes, but quickly brushed over it and carried on playing. He started to sing a song that I recognised as my favourite - blink-182 - Sometimes;

"Oh, how I wish that they would last
Moments of peace that just slip through me so fast
Just when I think that they are gonna stay
Everything inside me just starts fading away"

When he'd finished playing, he looked over to me with bright red cheeks making him look adorable. I was staring at him, not saying anything until the cuteness of what just happened exploded inside me and got me rambling.

"Oh my God Jack. That was literally the cutest thing that you have ever done for me. I can't believe that you took your time to learn my favourite song on guitar and sing it. Wow, I never knew you could sing, it was really good. Thank you for doing that just for me. I believe everything that you said, the only problem is that I don't think a relationship will work just yet."
"I know Alex, I don't want to rush things, but I'll settle for friendship. I will do anything to have you back in my
life."
"Well we'll give being friends a shot. I promise. Anyway, i want to show you a new song I've been working on. I need you opinion on it."
"Okay, go ahead. I'm all ears."

I started strumming my guitar to the beat of the song I had in my head and started singing;

"I'm sitting here wishing
for something that's missing
I'm waiting for you to tell me
that time keeps on passing
I'm hoping, I'm asking
to stand by your side
at least for tonight"

I told Jack that I had named the title "hit the lights", and he praised me saying he liked it. I hope now things will eventually get better for us two as friends.