Brains Against Blue Walls

Jack Barakat walked along the narrow dirt path along the busy road from the bus stop, listening to the beautiful sounds of Bring Me The Horizon's 'Don't Go' playing through is green earbuds. He watched a couple of small brown birds as they bounced and hopped around, one going through a hole at the bottom of a chain link fence, and the other flapped it's delicate wings and flew away. Jack had watched and observed things before, but he definitely did not notice the change in his best friend's behavior before it was too late.

You see, about a year and a half ago Alex Gaskarth, Jack's best friend and boyfriend, had taken his own life. Jack felt so stupid that he didn't realize something was wrong. No more of Alex's touching, no more of Alex's voice, no more of Alex's smile, no more this, no more that. His thoughts were enough to drive him off the edge just to be with his beautiful Alexander again.

And that was exactly his reason for suicide. Is there life after death? Is it what's described in books and movies? Is there actually reincarnation? Is there a heaven? Is there a hell? Are the angels? What does it feel like to be dead? Is there just nothing?

Jack had, in fact, wondered these things before. And he felt so guilty that he was the one who brought these ideas to the dead boy. If he had just kept his thoughts to himself, like Alex did, maybe he wouldn't be having these thoughts to try to be with him again.

*~*~*

It was last December. A cold, grey, snowy, sad looking day. Everything was still. Everything but the mind of a young teenage boy named Alexander Gaskarth. His mind was racing. Why? Because he was holding his father's shotgun to the spot on his chest where the heart is located. 'You can do it, Alex' he encouraged himself. 'C'mon, it'll only take on pull, then it's over. Everything will be over.' After shouting to try to make his brain shut up, and failing to do so, he ended his screaming thoughts by listening to them.

One of Jack and Alex's close friends, Zack was the unfortunate one to find the bloody dead body on the floor loosely crumpled against the baby blue sheeted bed.

He came up to the red front door to Alex's house, hoping to study a bit before the science chapter test they had the next day. He first knocked, when there was no 'coming' or 'hold the fuck up' he then rang the door bell and knocked a bit louder, still no sign of movement inside. He decided to call him. He got a recording of, 'Hey, it's Alex. I'm not here right now, so yeah'. 'Fucking alex, answer the damn phone' the thought when a recording came on. After trying to be a little polite, he decided to just let himself in, he did know where they kept the spare key. He located the plastic rock, took the silver colored house key out, and turned it in the door knob. "Alex!" He shouted into the house. "Alex?" He tried again. With no reply Zack closed the door and made his way up to Alex's bedroom. "Alex, you turd, are you here?" he said into the empty hallway, then opening the bedroom door, revealing the fragile corpse.

At first, he didn't know what to do. He didn't drop his books, he didn't make a sound, he didn't cry he didn't move. The only thing that did happen was the day felt a whole lot heavier, like the air got denser and it was hard to breathe. He stood there, staring at Alex for about a good five minutes before going into action. He suddenly took off. This time, his books did drop. He ran down the street yelling. He ran and ran and ran.

If you saw him, you would've thought he was mentally ill, or on drugs. You would've never guessed that he just found his dead best friend.

He turned down the road and stopped at Jack's house. "JACK! JACK!" he howled. "JACK! FUCK JACK!" he was bawling by now, banging his arms and legs against his other friend's door.

"Zack, honey! Oh my God!" It was Jack's mom. "Zack, Zack, calm down. Breathe." The boy just kept trying to run to Jack, but couldn't against the struggle of Mrs. Barakat's hold.

"Let me go! Where is Jack?" He yelled again. The woman gave up.

"He's in the backyard." But Jack had already come inside, after hearing his friend's calls from all the way down the street.

Now Jack was the one holding onto Zack, telling him to calm down. "Slow down, what is going on?" He said, trying to be as calm as he could, even though Zack was obviously not okay.

"Alex is dead." It was barely even a whisper, but it was all the dark haired boy needed to hear before dashing out the door to the house Zack had just been.