Lumen

5. Pip

“Little sister!” Why did he always have to sound so happy all the time? “How the devil are you?”

Well I’m still seeing souls. But you don’t know that. I never see mum’s. You can’t know about her. I saw mine last night, but that’s no biggy. I’m off to do a government survey and I’m still waiting for Universities to accept or reject me. Those thoughts flashed through my head in quick succession.

“I’m just dandy, big brother. Yourself?”

The phone was lodged between my ear and shoulder as I tried to get my stuff ready for school. I couldn’t find my poetry book which had all my notes in it. It had been a good morning. Evidently. The house was empty as Mum had already left for work. Just as well, she would have insisted on talking to her eldest child and made me later than I already was when he had called.

Philip, or just Pip as I called him, was in his second year at Oxford studying Law. Every morning he would call me before I went to school with the cheery greeting of “Little sister!” He did it to annoy me obviously but each time he said it I missed him just that little bit more. For some reason he was late calling me that morning, perhaps he had slept in (God forbid) and meant he didn’t call at 7:45am on the dot. I never understood how my lazy, bum of a brother found the energy to drag himself out of bed every morning at 6:00am (on the dot), go for a run, be back and showered in order to talk to me.

“How’s Mum?” he asked, his cheerful tone faltered slightly. He was guarded, wary of what I might say.

“She misses you. A lot. She mentioned something the other day about a care package: contents yet to be disclosed,” I told him. His chuckle danced on my ears despite the dodgy phone connection. “I suspect the usual supply of Wham bars and homemade tablet will be included as always.”

Pip didn’t have many vices but he had a killer sweet tooth. He could tell a sweetener at one hundred paces and took at least three sugars in his tea, if you could call it that; milk with essence of tea would be more accurate. When mum sent her care packages I would try to send various types of rock I came across. His absolute favourite was rhubarb through and he never touched Edinburgh rock; too soft.

“Mmmm, I look forward to it. Oh, and if you find any of that Irn Bru rock again that would be awesome. I let my mates try some and they were mad for it!” I chuckled as I spotted my poetry book lying next to my bed.

“‘How to Make Friends’ by Philip Irving, Chapter One: Bribery,” I teased. Pip’s laugh filled my ear, far too crackly for my liking as it distorted how full of life it always was.

He paused.

“What about Dad? Heard from him?” Another guarded question.

I froze when he had said this. My hand was resting on the poetry booklet on the floor, I slowly stood. I fiddled with the edges. They were dog-eared, despite living in my folder. Pip was quiet. The flat was quiet. I was quiet.

“No.” A cutting pain swept across my chest. My stomach jolted. “What have you got today? Another international law lecture or a tutorial with the crazy Doctor person?”
________________________________________

I stared hard at my book. Where was he? Why could I not find him? I sighed loudly. I did not like not finding him.

“I know where he is!” laughed Pip from the car seat next to me.

“No fair! S’not you’re book!” I drew the book closer to me. I glared at my big brother.

Pip laughed and stuck his tongue out at me.

“Mu-um, tell him!”

“Philip, let your sister find him.” I squished my face and poked my tongue back.

“Wind changes you’ll stay like that. Then you’ll be uglier.”

I scowled harder and went back to my book. I still could not find him. Too many people at the seaside. That’s where we were going. I closed the book, put it down and peered out the window. Smeared fields whizzed past.

“Are we there yet?” demanded Pip. I brightened. I liked that game!

“Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

“No, now pipe down you two or we go home now,” snapped Daddy from the driver’s seat.

We hushed up. I did not like Daddy being angry. Mummy’s hand patted his arm but Daddy did not respond. The car felt too dark. I shifted myself around on my car seat. We had been driving for hours. It was too cramped in the car. I felt cold but the sun streamed through the window. My bottom lip quivered dangerously.

Pip’s hand appeared and he dropped crackers into my lap. I looked round and he grinned but placed a finger over his lips. I smiled back and we shared the hidden stash of crackers between us.
________________________________________

School had already started to drag. People, having sent away applications, were restless. We wanted to know what our future held and we wanted to know now. I had started checking my emails compulsively, sometimes up to seven or eight times a day. Every time I logged in I was filled trepidation, my heart would speed up and my leg started to bounce. Usually I was met with nothing new but every so often I would almost have an aneurism when there was an email from Aberdeen. These emails were their E-zine, keeping me nicely up-to-date about life in their Uni. Naturally; these were not the sort of emails I wanted.

I started contemptuously at the stupid E-zine, demanding why it was not an acceptance.

“Any luck?” asked Noah from the computer next to mine in the library. I shook my head and deleted the email.

“You?” He made a face which told me no. “Bummer.”