Lumen

7. The Survey

“Thank-you all for coming out today, especially as it is such a horrible day. We’ll be conducting a series of workshops to establish how you have found your time in the Scottish Education System. As you are aware, we are changing to the new curriculum in the coming months and we wish to gather further information for the government to draw comparisons to. It is our hope that this afternoon shall be enjoyable for you all and you may even make some new friends along the way!”

I groaned inwardly, sinking down into my gilt chair.


I quickly sent the text to Noah and Sarah, hoping they would send me back some witty banter to get me through the whole day of crap that was likely to come my way.

The woman standing up front giving us the spiel was Amelia Brown. She was young, annoyingly bubbly with bouncy, bouncy mahogany curls and wide brown eyes. Her clothes suggested she was the high-flying-but-currently-slumming-it-at-the-bottom-until-further-notice type.

Samuel stood behind her, leaning against the pillar next to the projector screen; coolly surveying the room. Despite his seemingly clam demeanour his eyes were flickering from face to face and there were a lot of faces. At least one hundred and fifty 6th year pupils sat in the Hilton’s light and airy function room. Many of them, like me, evidently did not want to be here. Their skin did not have the glow of someone content with their surroundings but it was nothing as serious as the pallid woman on the train that morning. Others were gazing glassily at Ms Brown, who was now yattering on about structure and gesturing at the flow chart on the screen behind her. There was one boy who was glowing brighter than the rest but that was because he was furiously texting someone. I cocked my head trying to decipher if the glow was lust or love. After a moment I decided love. It was a softer light than any lust I’d ever seen in school; the boy was bathed in it, as if sitting watching a sunrise and it lit up the immediate area around him. I couldn’t help but smile as a dopey look covered his face. Looking away my eyes met with Samuel’s. He had been watching me.

I couldn’t hold eye contact for more than a second. There was something about that steady, cool gaze I didn’t like. I felt as though he was assessing me in some unknown test. Squirming slightly on the red cushion of the chair I tried to focus on was Ms Brown was saying but I knew that those piercing eyes were still upon me. Infuriatingly I could feel my cheeks flushing.

“Fuck sake Helena, get a grip of yourself. He’s the creep staring at you. Grow a pair and at least try to pretend it doesn’t faze you,” I mentally berated myself but my cheeks did not cool.
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“So, do you feel you received enough information regarding different faiths?” asked Samuel.

We were sitting in a circle of around twenty by one of the many windows and everyone was quiet. He had made it quite clear that he would be doing this his way and anyone who said otherwise would be ‘dealt’ with and the tone of his voice told us he was not to be messed with. Sitting back in his seat, he motioned to me.

“We’ll start with you this time Helena.”

I cleared my throat. “Well, I go to a Catholic school, so all we ever seem to get is the Catholic point of view on everything concerning religion. To be honest I’d have liked to find out more about other religions because I’ve come six years and know very little outside Catholicism.” I paused to ponder my answer a little further. “I mean, obviously, as a Catholic school they have to do that but everyone saw RE as a skive really so nobody took it seriously. Me? I’d have liked to have found out more about how different cultures regard death.”

There was slight ripple around the circle. Samuel raised an eyebrow and smirked at me.

“Death? Why death Helena?” His face was impassive as he tapped the index finger of his right hand on his pursed, questioning lips.

“Death is the one certain thing in life and one’s mortality comes into focus during adolescence,” I reasoned calmly, barely keeping the edge from my voice. I was beginning to take a dislike to Mr Taylor and his calculating manner. “I take an interest in it because one day we all die and no-one can really tell us what’s on the other side . . . Religious theology tries to give us an explanation and as any person would, I’d like to know about what happens to the soul. Just a thought.”

“I see.” Samuel took a note on the clipboard balanced on his knee. “Thank-you for that insight Helena. Hmm, Christopher, what are your thoughts?”

I slumped slightly as the boy next to me began his answer in a sullen tone.
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Sipping my tea I listened to the chatter of the girls around me.

“Oh my God, did you get a look at that Samuel guy?”

“Uh-huh!”

“What a total babe!”

I rolled my eyes into the polystyrene. Did I see the big deal? No.

“What do you think Helena?” asked one very slight girl with lots of freckles and straight brown hair. She looked all too eager to hear my opinion.

“Meh.” I shrugged. “He’s alright. Bit weird though I thought.”

I couldn’t help recalling that morning when I’d caught him staring at me. That and the controlling manner he’d conducted his discussion workshop. Only speak when spoken to. Only give considered answers. Anyone out of line? You die. It didn’t exactly make me weak at the knees.

“What?”

“Seriously?”

They all looked incredulous at my dismissal of the ‘man candy’ that was walking among us. Shrugging again I went back to my tea. I also took this opportunity to check my phone and saw I had texts from both Noah and Sarah.


I sniggered as I opened Sarah’s second text. She was right; a happy sloth did make me feel a lot better.
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Were they being serious? A psychoanalysis? Apparently they were, as they had us draw a picture of ourselves while talking about our school.

“What bullshit,” I muttered, taking my paper and pencils from the desk.

I sat next to the slight, eager girl from earlier, offering her a smile in greeting I set about drawing my face.

The girl struck up conversation with me which was actually quite pleasant. I found out she was from Larbert, was the youngest of four with three brothers, had a dog and a cat, liked dancing- Highland, Ballet, Modern, Jazz, Tap, Irish- and played the clarinet. All this was gleaned from merely talking about her high school. I offered up a little information about myself in return but mostly kept it to stories about teachers and unruly classmates.

“Wow, that’s a really great picture,” she exclaimed, all wide eyed. I snorted sceptically but relented when I saw the look on the girl’s face.

“Thanks. Yours is lovely too.” And it was; she was obviously an artist as well as everything else. “You didn’t mention you could draw.”

“I want to go to art school,” she said simply, shading in her nose.

“You’ll go far I’m sure.” The girl beamed at me, her whole body lighting up.

The light from her chest was so bright I had to squint. I hadn’t realised just how potent a compliment could be before and she wasn’t dimming down either - she was like a lighthouse. The girl suited it though; it made her hair glossy, her eyes glow and her skin flawless. Seeing her delight made me shine a little brighter.
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At long last, the afternoon drew to a close. After several seemingly pointless workshops Amelia Brown was giving her final spiel of the day.

“As I’m sure you are all aware, you have helped us greatly in finding out how our education system affects those it seeks to educate. I sincerely hope you have enjoyed today, have a safe trip home!”

“Finally,” I muttered, stretching and yawning in my seat. All I wanted was to go home and phone Sarah.

I gathered together my stuff and began to work my way through the throng of people towards the door. It appears that when you want to get somewhere fast people will always, without fail, amble their way along and remain in front of you no matter how hard you try to dodge them. I shifted from foot to foot, hating how slow everyone was.

“Ah! Just the person I wanted to catch. Helena, could I have a word?” I started as Samuel caught me in a firm grip and a piercing stare. There was no way the answer could be no.

“Of course” I felt like a baby bird gazing into the gaping maw of a hungry cat.

“Good,” he purred. His face was the picture of satisfaction.

He led me off, quick march, through the crowd of teenagers. Somehow he found gaps in the ranks and yanked me through them after them. I wished he would let me go because people were starting to stare. Once we broke through he pulled me to into one of the rooms off the corridor. It was a smaller function room but just as plush as the rest of the hotel. It was really only a miniature of the room I’d spent the afternoon in; airy, full of windows and a pillar in between every window. Tables were dotted around with immaculate white linen table cloths and gilt chairs. It was only when we were in there with the door shut that he let my arm go. Samuel rounded on me.

He didn’t speak. He just stared at me coolly. The silence stretched out between us for an age. He kept his eyes locked onto mine in the most disconcerting way. I was again being assessed by those icy eyes. However, as the silence drew on I began to get increasingly annoyed. Was he just going to continue to stare at me like I was some sort of freak show? I narrowed my own eyes at him. Blue to grey. Who did he think he was?

“I’m sorry”- I wasn’t in the slightest-“But can I help you with something? Because I have a train to catch. If you don’t have anything to say, I’m leaving.”

He didn’t even twitch at the razor sharp edge to my voice, just continued to stare me out. I rolled my eyes in exasperation, tutted and made to walk out of the room.

“I know what you are Helena.”

I froze. He smirked, head cocked to the side.

“I know what you see.”