In a Lawless Love

The following morning Charlotte was surprised to find Matt had risen before her and dressed. He was sitting at the small table were they had breakfast going over sheets of paperwork. Charlotte pulled herself into a sitting position and looked down at her body under the blankets.

“Good morning, darling,” he said without looking up at her. He wrote some things down on a sheet of paper and set it to the side.

“Matt,” she said. She could clearly remember the night before and how frightened she’d been.

“I’d like to apologize for my behavior last night. Of course had I known of your condition prior I never would have dreamed of conducting myself in such a manner.”

“Yes,” she said. “About that…”

“I realized I’ve proven to be…somewhat aggressive at times…I am sorry for that, my darling.”

She looked at the carpeting on the floor and the designing on the baseboards. The floor was clean and the carpeting white. For a moment she wished it were red. She didn’t know why. She couldn’t accept his apology yet.

“Very well, Matt,” she said. “I’ve some things I’d like to say as well.” She looked up at him then. His eyes met hers and for the first time in the months of their marriage he saw something in her he hadn’t before. Strength had sparked and was burning in the depth of her eyes. She was beautiful.

“Yes, darling,” he said in a sincere voice.

“I have told you now you shall have your heir. With that I bring some conditions. I would prefer that you not touch me again during my pregnancy. And I would prefer you stop drinking, I’ve had enough of your violent outbursts,” she snapped. He stood up then and fear crawled up her spine but she held her expression as best she could. She wanted him to see how serious she was.

“Look, Charlotte,” he said, “you think you can just make these…”

“If you lay a hand on me, Matthew Hayes, I will take care to ensure your heir does not come,” she said.

“How do you think you will accomplish that?” he asked. He could feel his hands closing into fists as he fought to control his anger. He didn’t understand how she suddenly thought she could tell him how he would behave.

“I know a way. Do not think I won’t do it, Matt. I’ve had enough of being afraid and being hurt and being tortured by you. You are not going to touch me.”

“Very well, Charlotte. Just know though, if something should happen to the child I can rid myself of you and nobody will ever know where you are,” he said with narrowed eyes. She looked up at him and for the first time he was surprised at her true anger. Her upper lip curled back and she spoke through her teeth.

“It should always be better than living in this hell!”

The drive home was silent and tense but Charlotte didn’t care. She liked it better than his usual desire to hold her hand and force her to drink champagne she didn’t like or want. She hoped her words in their bedroom had meant something. She hoped he would leave her be for the months of pregnancy.

When they arrived at the mansion Matt didn’t say a word to her as he went to his work office. Three days had left him behind on work and it was clear anyways she was angry at him. So he went to his office without anything to say to her or a goodbye kiss. She was surprised in a way when it hurt her.

She made her way into the house without assistance and she was pleased to be greeted with a hug from Amber. The girl was so familiar and sweet and Charlotte loved her so. She returned the hug and held tightly to the maid for a long moment. She wanted to tell her Matt had promised to let her marry Robert and she wanted to tell her of the child she would soon have. But first she wanted only to hold onto her and be happy to have a familiar face.

“Oh Miss Charlotte, I’ve missed you terribly!” Amber cried after some time holding tightly onto her friend. “I have found that I have very little to do without you here.”

“I’ve missed you too, dear,” Charlotte said with excitement. “I have many things to share with you. Come with me to my rooms, Amber. We will talk.”

“Of course, ma’am,” Amber said and walked up the stairs with Charlotte. Once inside the room Charlotte removed her jacket from her shoulders and watched as Amber took it and hung it in its place inside the closet.

“I should call for a fire, it is very cold,” Charlotte said.

“No need to call for one, Miss Charlotte. I can build you a fire.”

“You shouldn’t need to work so much when I only want to see you and speak with you,” Charlotte said.

“Oh but Mr. Hayes will be very upset if he finds out I had another employee start the fires for you, ma’am. I am after all your appointed maid,” Amber reminded as she started at the fire place. Charlotte frowned but she knew it was true. She took a seat in one of the large chairs that sat in front of the fire place and curled her legs under her body. It didn’t take long for Amber to have the fire burning and the room began to warm. “How was your trip, Miss Charlotte? Was it lovely? I’ve been to the vacation home only once, I was sent up with Mr. Hayes not long after I started working for him as his maid. It was beautiful in the summer.”

“It is even more beautiful in the fall,” Charlotte said. “I’ve brought home a portrait of it. It should be hung in here soon.”

“How was your time with Mr. Hayes? Did you enjoy the time you spent with him?”

“But of course,” Charlotte lied. “We rode horses and shared meals and it was all very lovely. I have some news for you, dear. I’ve spoken with Mr. Hayes about your desire to be married.”

Amber’s body tensed at the words Charlotte spoke. She turned to look at Charlotte with a bit of fear showing through in her eyes. “Oh? And what did he…think?” she asked nervously.

“He said you should have Robert speak with him and that he will approve your marriage,” Charlotte said with a reassuring smile on her lips.

Amber’s face lit like the lights on a Christmas tree and she threw herself into the arms of her friend. As she held onto Charlotte she shook with the sobs of joy and excitement. “Oh thank you Miss Charlotte! Oh I shall tell Robert tonight when I see him! I cannot wait to be married, Miss Charlotte. To have love like you have with Mr. Hayes!”

“Yes, you will make a beautiful bride, Amber! I should love to see you on your wedding day. I’m very positive Mr. Hayes will have the wedding held here in the garden.” She hated to carry the lie that she at all loved Matt. In all honesty she hated him in more ways than one. But she could not let his staff be aware of that or it would cause so many problems. “I’ve some other news as well,” she continued.

“Yes, what news is it?” Amber asked, her excitement still glowing on her face.

“I shall soon have a baby,” Charlotte said. The thought of the child that lived inside her made her sick and the anticipation of the day she would give birth to the thing made her head swim. It was frightening to think of being a mother. She’d never considered it when she’d lived on her father’s small farm. She could remember still the day her mother birthed her youngest sister. The screaming from the bedroom her parents shared and the ruined sheets being thrown away. She’d never wanted a child since then and now she would have one.

“A baby!? How wonderful! Oh I should love when your baby comes! I will have the chance to love it and hold it and practice for the day I have my own baby! Oh I do hope it is a little girl! So that she might wear beautiful little gowns…” Amber said with eyes widened with excitement.

“Mr. Hayes would have a boy,” Charlotte said and looked at the fire.

“What is it you want, Miss Charlotte?”

“Why…I don’t know,” Charlotte said and passed her hand over her abdomen. “I suppose I shouldn’t care so long as it’s not sick. I will be its mother either way so I must then love it.” She closed her eyes and for a minute she could imagine the face of a beautiful little girl with brown curls running through the gardens. She hoped it could be a boy so that Matt wouldn’t insist on another pregnancy but she was well aware another pregnancy would come whether this child was a boy or not. Matt would never agree to the medications that would stop it.

“This is so much wonderful news, Miss Charlotte,” Amber said with a gush of emotion. “I am quite overwhelmed with the emotions. We will both be so very happy, Miss Charlotte! I should soon be married and you shall soon be a mother.”

“Yes,” Charlotte said. “I a mother…perhaps I should go home and see my mother before this child is born. I could stand some of her advice.” A flash of her father came to her mind then and she shook her head, knowing she would be unable to go home and see him without many hurtful things being said. She looked down at her hands. “I shall soon be a mother,” she whispered as a tear slipped then from her eye.